Newbies Nest

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just wanted to thank you all for these thoughtful posts.
Sounds like me & my life experiences - I will not have one drink. Because what is the point......Even if I did at the time, I know in my soul that the door would be opened. I never, never want to feel that badly about myself again.
Life is so much better. It's not hard not to drink anymore. It's just a fact of life. But, I try to always be aware. I keep connected here. I read sober blogs. I pay attention when I begin to feel unsettled......self care. I try to avoid drinking situations and always have a plan if I'm around alcohol. Too easy to let my resolve slip in a moment of bad judgement.
:heartbeat:

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Nora, i immediately locked onto your words above - 'i never want to feel badly about myself again'. This is the core of my quit i believe. Self care, self respect. I'm enjoying my daily sadhana (self care practice). I'm growing to really like the idea of looking after myself and also liking that feeling. Not sure if everyone's like this, but for me boozing was an act of self abuse. I'd beat myself up with an attitude of - 'F it! who gives a F?' 'What's the fkn point?' Now i have NO idea why my default mental/emotional internal wiring is like this, but it is. Glad to say i recognise this thought pattern and know it to be false and based on zero, and/or very flimsy evidence!

Now nesters, come closer, closer still, closer...........It's new years eve. NYE don't mean no freakin ticket to no freakin' boozeville K?! K! Let's crush, smash, caress, fly a magic carpet into 2018. Let's git it pilgrims. :heartbeat:

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesties,
Just a quick fly-by...feeling better today. It lifts me to read the posts here...and as lifechange quoted Ava that every day not drinking is a "good day"...and Byrdie's "you just gotta get through this day"...it's things like that that get me through the down times and know that staying away from AL is without a doubt the best thing I can do for myself and my family.
That said...husband is on the road with mother-in-law...on the way to stay at our house for a week or so until her stuff arrives at the assisted living facility. It isn't going to be fun, and I will have to double up my resolve not to find some way to retreat to the booze.

Take care, all.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, neaters.
Nora, your post says it all for me, too. Thank you for putting that into words. I gotta be aware, too. I am never completely on auto-pilot when it comes to booze. It gets considerably easier, but when Im around it I am acutely aware its there. I guess its like the oeanut allergy people.

Great posts, all.
Londoner, hope you are hanging in with us! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We had a bit of snow today - goes nicely with the freezing cold weather we've had all week, ha ha!!

G, you are not alone in the drinking to beat yourself up mentality - I did the same damn thing. I am so grateful that is over & I never want to go there again either

Wags, congrats on the new work coming your way. You did an awesome job negotiating the $$ too - good for you!
I have been kind of worried about someone gifting me a bottle of wine too but it actually has not happened. If it ever does I know I won't open it & will make sure it disappears out of here asap!

Great to see the nest hopping during the holidays. It's safe & cozy here so be sure to stick around everyone
Wishing a nice night for all!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

New years eve here and i was out golfing with the SO early which i so didnt want to do but once out i enjoyed the sun and the time together. as i said to him that there is no way in hell i would be playing golf at 8am during my drinking career. i am very lucky he is so supportive and will never see that side of me.

Wags congrats on the job with the money you deserve. Its amazing what we can achieve with sobriety up our sleeve. I never envisaged that i would get a promotion at work and leave the village idiots behind but i am a hard worker and for that to be seen made me one proud woman. We are not stuck in that drinking rut that we called a life anymore. I get wine for xmas off my patients and they used to always tell me i deserved it after the work i did, a smile and a thank you was what i gave. the wine is in the cupboard and away from my eyes. It is sad though that everyone gives wine and assumes we drink. chocolates i say and more chocolates.

Oh Roobs each year just gets better and better doesnt it. I never ever want to be back at the beginning, giving up al was the hardest achievement of my life but by far the most rewarding now. I am happy.

LC you are sounding so content with life. I had a chuckle with "some days suck" and yep they so do and some days i used to think was it worth it but yes is so was. the choice was to go back to drinking and that awful life or keep plodding along knowing it can only get better. I used to read Lav, Byrd and NS's posts and see how calm/happy and content they were and hope that that could be me one day. suprise suprise it happened.

Im with you Pav, why mess with something that works. A healthy awareness of relapse is essential i think, it doesnt rule my life but i know i cant have one and one would not be enough, none is way better for this alcoholic.

Hi Nora and G. G i lived with a case of the f#ck its and at the end of my drinking career i really didnt care if i was here or not. I did care about my children though and they gave me a damn good reason to live. They still do but i also want to be here now for the life that i can and am enjoying.

Belle good luck with the MIL. i have a mother to end all mothers so i get the stress but she is not worth drinking AT. my mother has decided not to talk to me again. still wondering what i have done but i am learning to just turn off with her. it still upsets me with her behaviour but i refuse to let her upset my life anymore. Satans sister is my mother! sad to say but she is not going to change and i am moving forward. Keep on here and keep posting.

Well we are off to visit the SO's aunts today but i am going to drag him to the wool shop as i finally looked at my learn to crochet class online (only took 6 months). why do they have to waffle on so, maybe so i can learn to do this properly. A quiet night at home for us, roast dinner, a few af drinks and early to bed.

take care x

[Hypernova]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey everyone!l I agree, some really great posts. Makes me wonder why I even consider a drink. But truthfully I do. Off on Monday for a bit of a vacation and the previous posts made me decide to bring my laptop and stay connected. I am very afraid of this b/c usually when I am out of my element where I can not escape physically and am 'trapped' it makes the urges so much more powerful and I have no where to run and I do just say f**k it what's the point and I can quit when I get back. I am not looking for a reason to drink. But w/ all the stress of this caregiver for a parent w/ dementia stress I am scared of myself. I have help in place to care for my mother and have provided everything possible I can think of but the stress rides w/me wherever I am. Stuck right now with no more words to say. I am going to bed and say a few prayers. Tomorrow is another day and all I can promise is I will not drink today. ODAT. Safe & sober New Year to everyone ~ hyper

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I feel like drinking was a death sentence.

Exactly! Sometimes I felt like I didn't really care whether I lived or died.

And the very sad thing is that sometimes, drinking literally does result in death. And a person never knows what drinking episode could kill him/her or perhaps worse yet, someone else. At this point, I think we have the responsibility not to drink and endanger ourselves or others.

All of us here have been lucky - anything could have happened back in the addicted drinking days. It's a good thing to remember as we head into the biggest drinking night of the year :distress:.

. Tomorrow is another day and all I can promise is I will not drink today. ODAT.

Say that to yourself every night, [MENTION=11645]Hypernova[/MENTION], and you'll be ok :hug:. I bet you'll enjoy this vacation so much as a non-drinker. You'll be contacted if there is a problem at home, right? Worrying about potential problems doesn't prevent them (a trap I easily fall into) so please don't ruin your trip - you don't have to bring the stress with you. Just like "I don't drink", "My parent is safe" can stop those thoughts and free you from all the worry.

Happy 2018!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters!
Happy New Year's Eve!

Dill posted a great quote in the Café this morning..""Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored."" ~Earl Nightingale
It isn't always easy, but I think we all can learn to live like this.. at least that's what I'm betting on.!:happy2:
Let's all continue to do (or begin to do) what we need to to make 2018 a wonderful year.. A lot of things are out of our control, for sure! But this one, choosing not to drink no matter what and no matter who IS completely within our control. That does feel good.

Love and strength and hugs to all of you..

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest, and Happy NYE!

I used to get stressed on this night - the expectation for fabulous fun are SO high, and the night never lived up to it. Even before I quit drinking, I quit searching on NYE for the best party of the century. Now I am content to have a nice dinner, hang out with friends, watch a movie, or just do nothing. Sometimes we watch the ball drop in Times Square (9pm our time) and hit the hay. We'll see how tonight plays out.

Hyper - I like NoSugar's advice (as I always do). That idea that thoughts are just thoughts is a hard one for me, a lifelong worrier. However, it really helps me to at least remember that and to try to change my self talk. I hope you enjoy your vacation and don't waste time worrying. Maybe plan something special for yourself - a massage, a moonlight swim (not sure where you're headed), something to help you take care of you. You need your oxygen mask firmly in place so that you can take good care of your mom, and taking some time for yourself is an important part of taking care of her.

Nora, Lav, G - I, too, used to spend a lot of time in a cycle of self deprecation. The cycle of drinking and being hungover, thinking about drinking, worrying about drinking, etc. was brutal, and a good way for me to express how much I didn't like myself. I like my sober self a lot better, that's for sure.

LC, thanks for reposting that. Hiya, Roobs. And Londoner?

I'm off to have lunch with even more visiting family. I am excited to see them and look forward to a calm, peaceful day.

And, G, most certainly no ticket to boozeville here, either.

xo
Pav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good afternoon, Nesters!
Hyper, Ive lived an awful lot of my life stressed out about one thing or another. As bad as I am, my hubs is 1000 times worse. He always looks for the worst possible outcome. I canr imagine being that way, I like to think of the best possible outcome. One of the ways I can do that is by preparation. Im far from the best salesperaon I know, but you’d have to go a long way to beat me on preparation. That’s why having a strong PLAN is so important in sobriety. What steps are you taking to ensure you keep your quit intact? You can always text or call me if you need to. Do whatever it takes to keep your quit going. This site has 9 + years of history, if you need to, just go back to early January of any given year and see the outcomes of those who kept their quits, and more importantly, those who didnt. Stick close! We will do whatever we can to help.
Wishing everyone a safe and happy 2018!!
Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi. Thought I'd start over with my post.

Wagmore, way to go with the fees; we really do get paid what we believe we are worth. Good for you!

Nora, thanks for the reminder about self-care. I've not been great with that lately.

Belle, sorry you are not looking forward to your week ahead. Are there other incremental rewards you can offer yourself to get through the days? Like a dessert one night and a bath another, or a massage at the end of the week?

Lav, glad you got some snow to complete your winter picture. If it's going to be cold, it may as well snow!

Ava, you ARE lucky you have a supportive SO. And I love the chocolate idea! In fact, I am bringing chocolate fondue to a get together tonight. I may hoard it! Also, thanks for the encouragement that life gets better and better. I need to hear that right now. Enjoy your yarn - one of my favorite things to shop for! So many lovely options.

Hypernova, sorry for your stress. My grandmother had it and it was hard on my mom. Good words from NS - one day at a time indeed.

I'm headed out to buy chocolate. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook but I'm feeling pretty down. Hopefully tomorrow will be better

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Happy New Year from Ausland. 2018 will be a great year for me with my new job and kind of new SO. The only reason it will be bad is if i drink and that is so NOT going to be a choice i make. There is nothing in my life that i need to drink AT. I had my af drink last night in my wine glass and the SO had 1 and a half bourbons and coke. who the heck leaves half is beyond me. that would be a normal drinker i am thinking. I am an all or nothing girl so nothing it is and i am so happy about that decision.

Hyper, look for the positives in life. as hard as it seems at the moment adding al to the equation will not make life better. Believe us oldies when we say that and believe us when we say it gets better with time. I was speaking to a friend today and i told her that honestly the first year not drinking was just totally and utterly hard and at times just awful. all the emotions that we covered with drinking were allowed to come to the fore and we had to try and deal with them without a crutch. I remember thinking that my life was no better than it was when i drank and it probably wasnt and i couldnt see it getting any better but it did, it so did. I never would have met my SO, i never would have completed my certificate in drug and al counselling, i never would have gotten a new job, i never would have been present and accountable to myself and anyone. Never ever if had of drank. No one understands what you are going through except another alkie and we get it and we hope you dont relapse. Those day 1's are hard to start again as you know, getting the strength to start again is so hard. its hard now but keep posting and keep strong, you will never ever regret not drinking Hyper.

Kensho, i have worked to get this SO supportive lol. He still needs a few reminders of when he gets complacent but he is very lucky that i am rational now and not a blubbering idiot due to al. i have my faults also (very few i must say) but we are a work in progress. I think i am going to have to start buying wool online, there is not much around atm but it is summer here. i have learnt to chain and do something else crochet wise but damn the woman teacher just goes on and on and on. ha ha. listening is not a great skill of mine.

Well another cup of coffee for me and off to enjoy the day. Happy new year everyone. take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hyper, look for the positives in life. as hard as it seems at the moment adding al to the equation will not make life better. Believe us oldies when we say that and believe us when we say it gets better with time. I was speaking to a friend today and i told her that honestly the first year not drinking was just totally and utterly hard and at times just awful. all the emotions that we covered with drinking were allowed to come to the fore and we had to try and deal with them without a crutch. I remember thinking that my life was no better than it was when i drank and it probably wasnt and i couldnt see it getting any better but it did, it so did. I never would have met my SO, i never would have completed my certificate in drug and al counselling, i never would have gotten a new job, i never would have been present and accountable to myself and anyone. Never ever if had of drank. No one understands what you are going through except another alkie and we get it and we hope you dont relapse. Those day 1's are hard to start again as you know, getting the strength to start again is so hard. its hard now but keep posting and keep strong, you will never ever regret not drinking Hyper.

This is brilliant Ava. Spot on right here in these words.

Good luck with the crocheting. The teacher rambles on and on???......isn't that what crocheting and knitting is all about? Gossip!? haha

Happy new year all from Oz. Think positive. :heartbeat:

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

A quick check in to say Happy New Year!! I am looking forward to a sober night and will post more tomorrow.

Xo