Newbies Nest

[Soft Focus]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi J-vo,

I’m glad you’ve found your way back home.

How have things been for you?

SFx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back J-Vo!! You've been missed

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy New Year Old Nest Friends. I'm ready to rip the bandaid off, stop the madness, and start to heal. I suspect that a roller coaster of emotions will ensue, but I'm ready for the ride. Here we go! Day 1 - ��

Alrrrright!! :thumbsup:

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy New Year Old Nest Friends. I'm ready to rip the bandaid off, stop the madness, and start to heal. I suspect that a roller coaster of emotions will ensue, but I'm ready for the ride. Here we go! Day 1 - ��

I'm so glad you took the plunge, J-vo!!! All you have to do now is not drink. There are no other 'rules'. As you know, there are plenty of good ways to support your decision not to drink but please don't overwhelm yourself with other made-up "requirements". It is great to have you here :hug:

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey nesters!

Kensho - great job on 20(+) days and getting through your migraine! And I’m sorry you get migraines. I’ve never experienced them (although I know my mom has) and she used to hide in the closet with ear plugs, a bucket to puke in and a cold rag for her head. So awful. I think she eventually went on some prescription meds and I also think that’s why she drank so much coffee!

Awesome job, wags! Standing up for yourself and getting what you deserve for work. I feel I’ve lost out on too many opportunities when I was drinking because I couldn’t do just that. Feels good to have self confidence back. I used to send wine as thank yous as well and have stopped, because you just never know. Even when you see someone drinking and “assume” everything is OK - there were too many times I had decided to quit and then was gifted alcohol and figured, “well, it’s in the house I must drink it.” I’m partial to gift cards now. Hope your cold is getting better.

Belle - sorry you are struggling, I can understand how subsequent quits would get harder and harder.

Pav - I’ve learned I suck at being honest with myself and I figure there can’t be any harm in being honest with you all, too? I remember looking at that 5th when it was about 1/5 full and thinking: “There’s no way I drank all that, I don’t even feel that drunk.” Yeah, should have been obvious at that point my tolerance and whatnot was out of control.

Hyper - sorry you are dealing with a family member with dementia. We went through about 10-12 years of my grandmother being in a facility for dementia and it was absolutely awful. She used to tell me every time I visited how much she just wanted to die. It broke my heart to see her so confused and unhappy. I know the guilt consumed my mom as well. She was either feeling guilty that she wasn’t spending time with her ailing mother or that she was missing out on her kids’ activities. I wish I would have been there for both of them more, but I was a selfish teenager at the time. I don’t have any good advice, just that you are doing what you can and that’s amazing. You are a good child.

I woke up 1/1/18 and couldn’t have been happier. We truly had just an amazing day. We opted to skip parties the night before and were in bed by 10. I think hubby had some wine, but I truly wasn’t paying that much attention as I sipped my hot chocolate. We were awoken at about 6:30am by a dog, who just wanted to climb in bed and snuggle. I didn’t think I’d be able to go back to sleep, but ended up sleeping until 8:30am. Went downstairs and hubby had a fire going. Got some hot tea and enjoyed the morning news without a headache. Daughter woke up around 9:30 and we made breakfast. The rest of the day was just spent in our pajamas - crafting (terribly, by the way but we were trying to make paper snowflakes. Epic fail, but tons of fun), watching movies, watching the dogs play in the snow, I took the hottest and longest shower in the longest time, and I made chicken and dumplings (not great, not terrible. Hubby was not a fan and that’s OK.) But I got to experience all this WITHOUT a pounding headache - waiting for Tylenol to kick in, wondering if I was going to throw up and how to hide that, telling myself I was “so done” with drinking and ultimately reaching for the wine at 5pm to start the cycle all over again.

I’m so happy this happened as I had so many thoughts lately that I would go back to drinking. While I’m not convinced that the door is shut tight yet - this was another step in the right direction. I think I’m coming to realize that the amount of alcohol I could drink and not feel like shit in the morning is never going to be “enough” in my brain (so what’s the point?) and the amount that WILL make me feel like shit has not once, ever been better than waking up how I felt on Jan 1, 2018.

I also said “no” to something for the first time and oddly enough had relatively little guilt about it. My mom’s birthday is coming up and there is a surprise dinner for her. Her significant other is taking care of it (and I adore him - he is so good for my mom) and told me that it would mean a lot if we would spend the night. I know it would mean a lot to my mom, but the stress would be too much on my family. The dinner is late anyway, so we wouldn’t be getting back to her house until late - 10 or 11pm. It would mean sharing a bed with hubby and a toddler and having to worry about dogs in subzero temperatures in a garage. We would need to leave extra early to beat traffic (bad construction right now on our main highway - a normal 45 minute drive on a good day is now about 2 hours and with students coming back to our university town, you’re talking more like 4 or 5.) I know it’s her birthday, but I feel like it wouldn’t be quality time. So, instead, as a birthday gift I’m offering to come up a different weekend with my daughter, we’ll take her out to lunch/dinner, spend the night and then go do something fun the next day just us three girls. Normally that would have taken 2-3 glasses of wine to come up with the courage to explain, with lots of “I’m so sorry” or “I feel terrible” OR I would have just done it and it would have ended up being a terrible weekend for everyone. But sober, it was easy. A simple, “No, I’m sorry this weekend won’t work out for spending the night” was said and I went on my way.

In other news, I’m just tired of being pregnant and ready for this baby (although I know he needs to cook as long as possible!) It’s like being in limbo. I’m in a good place mentally at the moment, but I’m chomping at the bit to get started on projects that I’m not comfortable doing when pregnant, I’m ready to get my body back and really want to run again - all things that must be put on hold. A good lesson in patience. I think the biggest is just the comments from other people. I don’t like attention from others (hence that awesome mask I’m so good putting on) and everyone just seems to gravitate and make comments to the pregnant lady. Can’t believe I have until May - seems so far away! Catch 22 with the below zero temps, here. For one, means the electric bill is higher, but it also means no guilt in just snuggling in the house because it is too cold to go outside. But then we get cabin fever. But, also means that it’ll kill off a lot of the bugs and we won’t have such horrendous issues with mosquitos and ticks this summer. For those of us that spend a lot of time walking in the woods and can’t remove ticks from their own skin without freaking out this is a very good thing!

Holy moly that was long. Jeez. Shout out to everyone else!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi JVO! Nice to see you! I hope you have been doing ok, fill us in. I took the plunge 21 days ago, and have hit a couple very difficult nights, but otherwise don't miss the crap that goes with drinking at all. Really glad to see you back here.

I spent some time looking at my past posts and saw the summary in one screen where I went from "Day 275" to "Day 1". That hurts. I had made so much progress. It amazes me how fast my progress flipped back to the old disfunction. I knew the next step was to deal with my work choices and my relationship with my husband and I just didn't want to do it. 6 months later, I am still in the same boat - but starting over. The thing is that those "issues" we all have never go away. We just cover them up with alcohol. 6 months later and those things didn't leave, they are still here staring me in the face. These demons are mine to face, now or later. I'm not getting anywhere drinking, so I might as well keep moving forward without alcohol and so I say - bring it on. I'm not feeling strong or cheerful or energetic, but forward I march.

On a lighter note, we have a mouse in the house. He was aside the refrigerator watching us eat our Cheerios this morning. Poor fella, cold and nothing to eat on ground level of our house. I have to go buy traps today, unfortunately. Can't have he (or she) in the house to have a family!

Otherwise, trying to decide whether to clean my office and feel a fresh, new start to the year, or get moving on the clients I neglected over break. Leaning toward the first - it would feel really good to have a tidy space to work that I can breathe in.

Best to everyone. Now or never - it will never feel like a "good" time to stop drinking, but it feels wrong now every time I drink. SO adios to AL. We can do this!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Welcome back, J-Vo! I have been thinking about you and am very glad you're taking the plunge. You won't regret it.

Kensho: "I'm not feeling strong or energetic, but forward I march." That matches with the line in NS's post that says we need to have faith that something that feels bad will ultimately be the best for us. Or not even to have faith, just press on anyway. For me, this looked like looking ahead and having the willingness to do what others suggested I do in order to get and stay sober. There were things that I thought sounded ridiculous or new agey (gratitude? meditation?) that I did anyway due to suggestions from long timers here, in blogs, on podcasts, etc. Turns out they were right. FYI, I am choosing to go in a day early to clean my office - I think it will set my 2018 off with a better feeling.

NS - where did you find that gem? I really appreciate it.

Moon - Sounds like a great day, and congratulations on being firm with your mom and her SO.

LC - I keep saying "I'm going to eat better soon..." Soon better happen soon! I have been a bit sloppy with my sugar intake and it is definitely affecting how I feel. I go back to work tomorrow, so I think some more structured time will help.

Off to have fun my last day of vacation. I "should" be doing stuff around the house, but I'm not going to!

Happy New Year!

Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

NS - where did you find that gem? I really appreciate it.

Hi, Pav. The link to the blog is (not obvious, I guess) above the quote but here it is again: Day 1,651: Start Stopping – Off-Dry

The thing is that those "issues" we all have never go away. We just cover them up with alcohol. 6 months later and those things didn't leave, they are still here staring me in the face. These demons are mine to face, now or later. I'm not getting anywhere drinking, so I might as well keep moving forward without alcohol and so I say - bring it on. I'm not feeling strong or cheerful or energetic, but forward I march.

Try not to judge yourself or how you're feeling, Kensho. You'll probably feel different tomorrow or even this afternoon. It is amazing to me how nothing about me or my life can really change yet how I think/feel about it is all over the map sometimes. Like I said to Jvo, the only thing you have to do is not drink, no matter what you're thinking or feeling.

Some of the buried issues might resolve themselves as your time AF goes on. For example, I thought I was working efficiently even when I was drinking. What a joke - I do much higher quality work now in much less time. Regarding your relationship with your husband, I think the AA advice not to make any big decisions for at least a year has merit. Frustrating as it may be, healing the damage due to chronic alcohol exposure/poisoning takes that much time. I really felt like my ability to evaluate situations and come up with creative solutions was much better during the second and later years AF compared with during the first.

The beginning weeks and months of quitting need to be all about you, even when that seems selfish. This is an opportunity to create the life you want and deserve but that will sometimes mean not meeting the desires and expectations of others. That's just how it has to be and in the long run, everyone in your life will benefit from the amazing changes that will happen because you don't drink. xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

J-Vo, I'm so happy to see you! What a great quit date! Should be easy to remember, altho mine is nothing special, it was a whole new beginning for me. So glad you have made the decision to let go of the awful thing that plagues us all. Hugs to you.

I thought I had today off! I noticed I was getting quite a few emails this morning as I was trying to sleep in. When I got up and checked, they were all work emails (not sales and coupons!) UGG! So I am throwing as much effort as I can at it, but it isn't much!

Hope everyone has a warm and easy day. Byrdie

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

well i am loving waking up at 7am instead of 5am and then finding all the nothings i can do in a day. Back to work next monday which i am so looking forward to and thats such a positive compared to the years i spent with the village idiots. i do miss my patients though.

J, so so happy to have you back. Just listen and learn and keep plodding along. The oldies so seem to know what they are talking about or else they would not be oldies!

Finally started my online crochet course and yep good ole Kim is so boring but i have learnt a few stitches. i have a feeling this is going to take forever but thats okay. Least i am sober to remember so that is always a bonus.

Been playing some golf with the SO and i am so not a golfer but makes him happy and it is rather beautiful on the green/course (whatever its called) early in the morning. Makes you appreciate the small things in life

Kensho, i just dealt with life for a year sober, tried not to kill anyone and got my head around the fact i didnt drink, the second year i sorted myself out emotionally and focused on those issues. there is no hurry in being sober, each and every day we learn along the way and as long as we dont drink its always a great day.

Well today i am going to do this pantry cupboard, i have become a very adept procrastinator over this time off.

take care x

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=21745]jvo[/MENTION] - SO glad to see you back!!! I was just thinking about you and about to reach out thru a PM. And then there you appeared in the nest! Yes, a very good quit date. Of course any day is a good quit date.

Kensho - yep, marching forward is sometimes all we can muster. Fortunately, it's also all we need to do at least on some levels. Yes, there is other work to be done for sure, but when it feels like too much, it boils back down to the recent reminder: all you have to do is not drink Happy Road to 275+ and beyond for you!


Well, let's see what's new in Wag-land... Still haven't gotten totally sick with the cold, but also not totally well either. Kinda weird semi-sick limbo. By and large, I'll take it as a victory! Also, my interview went well and I got the contract teaching gig. Sadly, the interview was rather pathetic and gave me a poor impression of the company, so I'm not sure I really want any work from them, but it's a feather in my cap and something I can add to a resume. But now I'm ESPECIALLY glad I held my ground on my hourly rate!

One of my cousins is coming to visit this coming weekend. Not sure if she's a drinker or not - and the best part is it doesn't even matter! We've keep in touch but haven't seen each other since high school! I won't say how long ago that was, but it's been more than 25 years so we'll just say "awhile" ok? I think it'll be fun to catch up in real life and not just via email and facebook stuff.


Ok nesters, have good AF days and eves and I'll catch up with you more later this pm or tomorrow. :heartbeat:

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters, and than you for the lovely welcome-backs.

Right now, I feel exhausted on day 2, and was first day back to work. It was a decent day, although a few kids had to throw out for constant disrespect and disruptions. This past year, I decided to move from 8th grade to 7th as the team I was on felt as though they were so lax and I needed a fresh and new change after being in that position for too long. It was a great move, as the teachers want to do more for the kids and they hold them accountable. Soooooo much like me.

And on the other side of my life, booze has taken over my life again. Well, I let it. I chose booze. Being honest with you all and myself, I'm not able to drink in safe amounts, and yes, I feel like crap. I will follow your lead, keep it simple, and just not drink. I wish I hadn't let my life spiral out of control, but I did. I chose to be unhealthy. Now I can choose to turn it around. Truth, I don't like myself. The times in the past that I quit, rather short increments, I don't remember liking life then, but I did like myself more. Now, to get to like myself and like my life is what I'm shooting for. I don't expect perfection for me or anything, just to like me and life.

A few things I'd like to do besides listen and follow is begin a journal - not on a computer, but a real paper/book journal. Typing doesn't feel as aunthentic to me and something about writing with a pen on paper, I don't know...more therapeutic? When I was reading back last week on here, I think it was Nar that talked about having her stories on her phon so if she got shaky, she could go back to read. That's what I want to write about, because if I ever think I could keep drinking, there are a thousand stories that tell me I shouldn't. Also, I wanna keep an ongoing gratitude list daily. So keeping it simple, that's my plan on day 2. I'm so grateful you are all still here and doing well.

Jvo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to see the nest booming today

Welcome back J-vo!
Stick close to the nest, you know what you need to do

Moonking, you do sound happy & grateful & that's wonderful. Why don't you take a few minutes to write that out & keep it close......in case you ever need a reminder why you started this AF journey

Not much happening in Lav-land & I am happy about that. Way too cold to be out for more than a few minutes. We may be getting snow again on Thursday - swell, ha ha!
Grateful for a warm house & plenty of firewood & mostly a clear head, yay!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[PanhandleKim]

Re: Newbies Nest

I haven't posted in many months because I haven't been sober in many months. Looking back, the most success I have had with sobriety was when I was active on this site. I miss sobriety. I miss not trying to hide my drinking. I miss waking up with a clear head. Most of all though, I miss not being "present" for God, my husband and my children. I want to try this again - day one again - Jan 2nd, 2018.

[Marylou123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Jvo - I’m so glad you’re back. :hug: