Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,
Yes, of course I am so glad that I stuck by myself. Deep inside I know what I want and it seems like that side of myself is strengthening. Last night was very close and in the end what worked the most was being completely honest with myself about what the consequences would be and then convincing myself that it wasn't worth it..then coming here to read cemented it. Every little line that is written here can/does help.
So this morning when I asked my Dad how he'd slept he said well, except that he'd been up a few times to pee. that it's normal after a couple of days not drinking alcohol that the body releases more water. (don't know if that's true?) I said, so do you have to stop drinking before your upcoming surgery (feb.1)? he said, naw, I just decided to dry out for a while beginning on the 1st.. see if I could do it.. I said, good for you! He went on to an appt. so we didn't talk more. I had noticed last night that he wasn't drinking but was so wrapped up with myself that I didn't ask. Another really big and fat thank goodness I didn't cave..and now I get to be on/enjoy my very last day 62.

Kensho, like you said, it is weathering a storm sometimes.. and coming through it does feel good. You said you're doing the Whole30 again.. wishing you all the best with it. I will definitely be pulling in the reins on sugar (and getting on an excercise plan!) when I'm home next week. Looking forward to it.
Byrdie, how are you feeling now after a couple of days?

I hope everyone is doing well and has nice (or no) plans for the weekend.:hug:

[PanhandleKim]

Re: Newbies Nest

I missed posting last night due to a really busy day and evening but glad to say I did not drink. Yesterday was day three and I did feel cranky and irritable. I'm sure that was largely due to alcohol withdrawal. Lifechange so glad you made it through the night without caving. I know none of us here will ever regret NOT drinking. I'm really trying to focus on the fact that uncomfortable feelings (anxiety, boredom, frustration, fear, insecurity) won't kill me but that alcohol will. I realize that so much of why I drink is linked to these five feelings. The reality is that when I drink, it only makes them go away for a very short time and then exacerbates them adding shame to the mix. Praying for an AF day for all here. Happy Friday.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

That scares me and makes me insecure. On the other hand, if what all of you say is true, getting through an intense craving/urge/whatever builds up our resolve and strength.
What bothers me though is that I didn't sign on to ask for support during.. I really "wanted" to drink. So I didn't allow myself to rely on my number one tool. I worked through it on my own and I did sign on and read here.. but I didn't ask for help.

I read this earlier, LC, and signed on now to respond but Jude pretty much beat me to the punch:

I think that ultimately we have to turn to ourselves for support and strength, which is exactly what you did. (it's also important to have outside support such as this forum, but sometimes you are just on your own.)

In the end, it is all up to us - whether we drink is totally in our own control. And that is good news! After 60+ days AF, your brain is working just fine and you can make rationale decisions in your own interest.

That said, why not get some help? A support group can live up to its name. It's like having 3 heavy suitcases to carry. You can do it but it's a struggle, it hurts, and it takes a long time. Posting here - just the act of typing out what you're going through - might have lifted some of the burden and shortened the uncomfortable period. I know that happened to me when I texted a pal from the restroom of a fancy restaurant where everyone else was drinking and pressuring me to join in a toast. Her quick response lifted the weight off my chest and made me feel so much less alone (and weird). I don't think I would have caved in but it was really nice to be able to share the load.

You do have stronger AF muscles today! When you feel again like you did last night, you'll have the memory of last night's challenge and more importantly, of this morning's gratitude and relief, to remind you why we don't drink. xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

I'm sorry I'm posting so much - I just figured something out that I thought I'd share. One of my obstacles on this journey is giving myself permission to do what is best for me. Even if it's not what others do. I have been worried about raining on others' party or seeming "holier than thou". But if they are going to do what they feel is best for them, why can't I do what feels best for me? Without shame or feeling like I'm a drag? If I'm constantly changing what I want to do (sit in front of the fire with a cup of tea and a good book) to attend margarita bars and concerts until 2am - just so I feel like I'm not causing others grief - what's the point of attempting to listen to myself in the first place? This will be a big lesson for me, as I've always felt that if I'm going down an atypical path, I should take care not to get in other people's way of their good time. Time to do what I need to do for me. I don't need to neglect myself to support others. There. Done.

Kensho! I felt that same way. When I quit, the first thing on my mind was a vacation with party friends that I had planned that was 8 months away! I was so worried about my being sober causing awkwardness for them, or that my friends wouldn't be able to have fun because I wasn't drinking! I got some good advice which was to take it one day at a time (while also knowing I would never drink again), so I didn't focus the WHOLE time on that vacation. It turns out that when the trip came around, we all had a great time. We played a game and I got as silly as they did and stayed up late with them because I was having fun. I went to bed when I wanted to, and felt all smug when I was up and feeling great the next day and they were all dragging. It turns out that sometimes I still want to attend margarita bars and concerts until 2am, and sometimes I don't, and they still love me anyway! What a revelation. And now I know that if my not drinking causes someone else to feel awkward, that's on them.

Lav - those poor chickens! I know they're well taken care of, but brrrrr.

Glad you made it through, LC. That is for sure your AL brain talking you into not seeking help. I'm glad you made it through! One minute at a time sometimes...

Off to work. I love this three day week. Wish it could be like that all the time!

Happy Friday. Just another sober day.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning! Taking it slow today. I did get work done yesterday, which made me feel good. I have an interview this afternoon - and I need to tie up some loose ends this morning and finish my workout. It's funny - sometimes it feels so hard to "force" myself to do the workout and eat right, but for some reason, I feel up for the energy output because I know that it will make me happy in the long run. My mindset has switched from "now" to "long term". Alcohol allowed me to indulge in my impulses for immediate gratification. Three terrible "I's" for me. I appreciate the rewards so much more when I have the discipline to do what might not feel great - for the greater good of tomorrow.

That said, I passed the donut isle in the grocery store last night and about fell over at the smell. THAT took some discipline. Haven't been craving alcohol lately - but prepared for the moment to strike. It is my utmost priority right now - I feel I'm healing and getting back to myself. And if we can't be with ourselves, what are we doing here??

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you all for the great posts. It's what I truly need right now.

LC, good for you on getting past that huge f-it moment. That's where I fall. I'm going strong, then the next second it's, "screw this" and I don't even give it time, talk to anyone, I just go and drink. That scares me. How will I control that when it comes. I have to make a plan for when that happens. But what is MY best plan. Everyone is different. Everyone needs something different. Or maybe I had a plan but didn't follow thru. I need to think more about that.

What causes people the F-it's? Kim, you named some good ones. Anxiety, fear, boredom, frustration, insecurity. I'll add getting overly tired, pushing myself too hard, thinking I'm not that bad, which is completely irrational.

Jude, for 9 years you were sober. Did you start off in AA or a support group? I can see the daily importance of this support because eventually, being on one's own we can easily slip into those old thoughts that we really can drink normally and really, whose gonna help to stop us?

I know one thing. When I did stop before and got the f- it's, I didn't make attempts to get healthy in other ways. Or maybe I did half ass. I want to feel better, incorporate the exercise, and eat better, but will take baby steps. Rome wasn't built in one day!

Oh, I slept like a baby last night. Feels so good. Day 5.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

How will I control that when it comes. I have to make a plan for when that happens. But what is MY best plan. Everyone is different. Everyone needs something different. Or maybe I had a plan but didn't follow thru.

This is going to sound obvious and maybe like I don't understand how it feels (I do) but step 1 of your plan has to be the very concrete, No matter what, I don't drink. And that is true for all of us. What differs are the support structures we put in place to make step 1 less miserable.

Sometimes that F-it moment where you manage not to drink is going to be among the worst moments of your life. To want something so desperately, to know you could have it, but not to succumb is TOUGH. But we're talking moments. If you don't slug it down, you might still wish you could drink and might feel sorry for yourself but that's different to that out-of-control desperation. In that slightly calmer state you can contact a friend, sign on and read and post here, eat, exercise or maybe my personal favorite, take a long hot bath and go to bed. Put into effect any or all of your tools that support your commitment not to drink.

I doesn't matter how many tools and supports you have unless you've committed yourself to not drinking under any circumstances. Support and tools make it so that isn't tough to do.

What everyone has said about it being "normal" not to drink is true. And believe it or not, it really isn't that big of a deal. Lots of people don't drink and never question themselves nor does anyone else question them about it. The question we should ask is why drinking a poison ever became normal in the first place!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Here's a very inspirational thread by a great guy (and fabulous writer) who on 1 Jan 17 decided that no matter what, he wasn't drinking anymore. And he hasn't:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/general-discussion/93584-six-half-time-coming.html

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

NS, that was a great thread. I am at work but will come back and post later.
Glad to see you JVo

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Great posts to wake up to and glad to see that you made it through a tough situation LC. In some situations we can rely on ourselves to get us through and in others not so much, you will find out what works for you. When i had my really stressful time at work and taking valium just to get there i knew the safest place for me was the nest, i know i can vent and be totally honest and to voice it means im being heard and listened to and who better than my friends on here who totally get it. If i had of kept those thoughts and feelings inside me then god knows where i would have ended up. MWO is a huge tool in my arsenal of tools, i use it each and every day, this site has gotten me to my happy place and keeps me grounded and accountable.

J, think before you drink. You have tools, utilise them, there is nothing to be afraid of if you ask for help. no one is going to think less of you if you are struggling, no one is going to judge you, we are hear to listen and to help. just talking takes your mind off those drinking thoughts sometimes and sometimes nothing takes those thoughts away in the early days. We need to fight that al voice with all we have and as exhausting as it is, the feeling once through is a good feeling and builds up those af muscles.

well a scorcher of 41 degrees here today and i am not venturing out anywhere. The SO suggested something and i said goodbye and have fun.

Day 3 for me not smoking and i have taken on the same approach of giving up drinking. I hate everyone, i am cranky, i want to kill, maim and destroy and i want to eat till i gain 90kgs and why me, i wasnt that bad. But i am going to take it day by day and as long as i dont smoke for this minute, hour, day then life is good. I dont want to relapse but its shaky ground, i cant have just one, i get that bit so i plod along and apologise for my behaviour to the SO every hour or so. i could not open my vape this morning and he told me to google it, wel if i f@cking wanted to google it i would have, all he had to do was look at it. i could feel a big case of the feck its but i eventually opened it and he went for a walk. Another long day by myelf it seems!

take care x

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

So far today, I've read on MWO, star near my fireplace, snuggled with my pooch, drained my iPad battery, took a nap, and now draining iPad again. I'm so grateful I have this chance to sleep and heal.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters!

Ava, giving up smoking was one of the best things i ever did. Like youse old timers say here, you don't notice it after awhile. It does become normal not to smoke. Gr8 decision. I always reckon when we stop the smokes, from my observations over the years, it puts back another 10-15 years of life we wouldn't have had. Keep it going and i hope your fella has hidden the golf clubs!

Hey Jvo. As a past serial relapser and 2-3 month AF then cave to day 1 veteran, i've observed that in the early days and weeks our mind and body/tastebuds are linked when the cravings hit. They are powerful because our mind/body is used to living on booze (and sugar in booze) as its fuel source. Don't forget, in the early days our mind/body is looking for the fuel we've trained it to function and survive on. This is why them cravings are so strong. Our body thinks it needs booze to survive and function. Or at least the known, proven, researched science out there is very close to what i'm explaining. Soooooo, if i know what my body is going through, maybe this helps explain why my mind is also craving booze and sugar and driving me crazy!

Starving the body of AL is the way. Remember it takes awhile for our mind/body to relearn how to function again as it is designed to (molto efficient senorita!) and heal itself. This is why we have cravings and struggle so much with mind/body in the early days. I know u probably know this, but i reckon it's worth repeating and reminding ourselves. Top job on 5 days my friend. Glad you're here taking back your precious life.

As for me.................totz raaaawkin it. Living sober is the only way i will have any chance to live my life fully and achieve my dreams. I am so grateful i am still fit and healthy enough to be pain free generally and to know where happiness is within me.

Go git it pilgrims.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Way to go all of you! Keep up the good work being sober. It is hard work, frick, I know it. We all have a different journey right? Remember it is persistence not perfection, that is what will get us there.

Ava, your post cracked me up. 41C? Holy crapsky. Here it is colder than hell. We had some -50C wind chill days last week.

G, yes, you are raaawkin it as usual! JVo, I am so glad you have time to rest. Sleep is so healing. I love sleeping

I am going out tonight for my MIL's 80th birthday party dinner. It should be good. I am looking forward to having some soda water with lime.

I never ever thought I would be able to 'Not drink' AL. Now it seems just normal for me not to- you will get there too.

xo
Don't drink today.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still below freezing wind chills - it's -15 or something ridiculous like that
I'm happy the chickens are cozy & they even gave me 1 egg today, ha ha!

I smile reading everyone's posts & watching your AF days pile up. That's exactly why we are here, to make progress one day at a time. Honestly, the longer you are AF the less you will think about AL, I promise. Be grateful for every AF day you give yourself, they add up quickly

Have a cozy & safe night in the nest for everyone!

Lav

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=21745]jvo[/MENTION] The first time I quit my only support was me, myself and I. I did however read a book call How to quit drinking without AA. I have nothing against the group, and they have helped many people but I know that it's not for me. This quit is a little different as I now have MWO, which is a huge source of help and support for me. I feel that I can come here and read about other peoples troubles, triumphs and ask for advice. It makes a difference communicating with others who are going through the same thing that I am. Everyone's quit is unique, and what works for one person, might not work for another. To some degree, we all have to find our own path, stick with it as best we can, and be open to advice and suggestions from others.
[MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] I too, quit smoking 3 days ago, and you're right in taking the same approach as being a non drinker. Don't even take that first one! I had previously given up the smoggers several weeks ago and was using a nicotine patch. I relapsed about a month ago, and have hated myself ever since. I did some research on books about how to quit smoking. I bought one on Amazon called 'Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking.' I looked at title and said "yeah right..." The reviews however sang praises for the book, and I said what the hell. For the price of a pack of smokes I'll give it a shot. I read it in one day, and quit cold turkey on Wednesday. I expected everything that you described in your last post, the crankiness, restlessness, and overpowering cravings, but I have had nothing but a few minor urges to smoke, no big deal. No one was more surprised than I was; it seems too good to be true, and sometimes I think that one morning I will wake up from this dream and reality will set in. The ideas are very similar to those of quitting drinking, only instead you are a non smoker! (in our case we are both non smokers and non drinkers) I've tried patches and gum, but failed with both....it's like trying to quit drinking by just having a small glass of wine every day. I think that after reading the book, my whole psychological attitude was turned around, and that's what made a huge difference in my quit. I think that for the book to work, you have to really, really want to quit smoking. I can't recommend the book enough; find it on Amazon and check out the reviews. I'm also on a quit smoking forum which can be found at Forums - Quit Train(R), A Quit Smoking Support Group One of their acronyms is N.O.P.E which stands for Not One Puff Ever! Check out their website and see if it's something that might help you. I apologize to the members here for this little jog off to the side of the path, just bonding with available, as we are both on day 3 of our smoking quit. Next time I'll be good and only post stuff about non drinking. :happy2: