Newbies Nest

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Welcome April, lovely to have you and congrats on day 7. A great bunch of wise people here to help you along the way.

Kensho great work on 30 days, keep it up and dont listen to yourself that you can moderate and be normal. shots at 4pm is not normal. 2 bottles of wine a day for me was not normal. we are just not normal drinkers and never ever will be.

great post Pav, when i had my attempts at moderating i told myself i was not as bad as i used to be. oh god the only person i was kidding was myself. i was doing my head in by trying not to drink as much with justifying, bargaining, reasoning, telling myself i was not as bad as i used to be, i had it under control and i think i forgot how to count also.

Moon, you are an alcoholic, as we all are on here, end of story. I have no control over al and all the people who touch base on here have no control either thus why they come here. My number one source of accountability is mwo and everyone will tell you to close that door on al now or you will drink when bubs is born. doesnt matter how good you feel now unless that happens you will probably drink. we would all like to be proven wrong but we have seen it on here a lot over the years. For me, listening to what the oldies said and acting on what they said has gotten me to 4+ years. I could romanticise about how a drink now and again would be ok after four years surely and i can guarantee as the sun rises that in a month or two i would be back to my old ways, no if's, butts or whatevers i am an alcoholic pure and simple and so is everyone on this site. for us it has to be none.

Well i had the most god awful day yesterday (yes lav you were so right). day 10 not smoking and i had every single thought go through my brain about buying a packet, having one, being able to smoke every now and then, one wont hurt, f#ck it i dont care, f#ck it no one will know, i hate everyone, why me, i wasnt that bad when i smoked, its only harming me, i dont care if it takes a few years off my life, i gave up drinking so i dont need to give up smoking really, if i only smoke for today i will stop tomorrow. Poor poor me. Thank god i had a fellow mwoer who tried to rationalise with me and who i wanted to just say f#ck you lovely, im done with this crap. BUT i kept my shite together, i stayed inside, i ate like there was no tomorow (frankfurts of all things) and just hated the world in general. A pure and utter case of the who gives a F#cks. I even kept away from my SO as for some reason he was the most hated person in my life (bless him). Today i feel a lot calmer and sane. It reminded me of my early quitting al days and i knew it would be like giving up al and it was as bad as bad can get for me. But today is another day and i feel ok and grateful that i listened to myself and others that i cant have one, ever ever again. Will i give up smoking, today yes i will but tomorrow who knows. I accept i cannot smoke, the rational me, the irrational me on occasions like yesterday wanted to fight tooth and nail to just have one. What addict can ever have one and have any control?

So today sane Ava is going to visit the SO, i have told him he is not to let me go out by myself and to be patient and i do love him even if i am a cow.

Take care xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava, you may be a cow, but you are OUR cow! Bahahaha, you are a dear! Im sorry its such a tough go, but each day will get better, I know you know all that. Funny, you say you forgot how to count when you were drinking, I lost my sense of volume. I may have been only having two glasses but they were Viking Goblets! Two glasses actually equalled one bottle! It is nuts how we justify our drinking when we are in active addiction. Getting all that chaos out of my heqd was worth the price of admission.
Pav, I also planned business trip airline connections so I could go thru a concourse that had a wine store that I coukd grab a bottle and put it in my carry on. What a slave I was to getting my fix.
Ava, I agree with your assessment about everyone here...we are all alcoholics. But we had the good sense to know something’s not right and took steps to learn what to do. I stuck my head in the sand for a lot of years until that fateful night I finally googled ‘How to stop drinking’. It was a beginning.....and a very good one.
Hope everyone has an easy day!!
Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

It's currently 25 degrees (yesterday was near 60) & heading down to 13 tonight. My chickens are so pissed off they have stop laying, ha ha!!
I am up to my eyeballs in golden retriever breath too, LOL. Fortunately they will be leaving in about 24 hours!

Ava, sometime during my first week after I quit smoking I had a moment where I thought I was coming out of my skin
I got into my car & thought screw this, I'm going to go buy some smokes. Fortunately the closest store is about 7 miles away & as I drove on these long winding country roads I started to feel better. When I got to the store I simply did a U turn & went straight home with no smokes. So that 10-15 min. ride was just long enough for me to calm down & come to my senses. I wish you continued success

So let's just continue to wait out the thoughts & urges - that's how we find success

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest.

Lav

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well my body finally gave in to the insomnia yesterday....fell asleep, finally at 5 am and woke up at 7pm ... as someone said on another thread , that's one way to get through a day AF ... now in to day 8... Sunday and got to go back and see Mrs T to get my stuff and my dog.....not gonna be an easy day!

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] Congrats on hanging in there and being smoke free! It's funny that you had a rough day yesterday, as I had the exact same feelings that you did, and yesterday was my day 10 as well. It's unbelievable how similar alcohol and nicotine addiction is..... One minute you feel totally in control, the next your telling yourself just one smoke or just one drink won't hurt. I know this will pass as I had quit smoking for over 20 years, and after awhile the thought of having a cigarette was disgusting. Amazing how we can talk ourselves into wanting something that we know we're not supposed to have, and most of the time, don't even want. Just looked at what I just wrote and not even sure that it makes sense. Anyway ava, glad that we both have made it this far....I just keep saying not today. There is a web site that helps smokers quit, and they have what's called the daily NOPE pledge. NOPE stands for Not one puff ever. I've used it many times and it does help.

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

I just want to say thank you all for the great posts. I want to quote everyone but I'll just say thank you. I had a day of 'thinking about drinking' yesterday. For some reason "a drink sounds nice" played thru my head 2 or 3 times. But, each time I stopped and really thought about it........played it all the way to the end. It was not such a rosy picture after all.

I kept a post that Wags made.......just to remind me:

But today I pause and look back to remind myself how quickly things went from pretty fantastic to being back in the toilet. I cannot and will not go back there again. Absolutely nothing is worth risking that "just one" drink.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone

Oh Ava, I feel your pain! I felt like I was going nuts when I quit smoking. It does get easier. The great part of quitting that one, is once you kick it... it is easier to stay stopped. (At least for me). Especially becasue smoking isn't as common anymore. And it's totally encouraged to quit. Not like quitting drinking! (Except for here of course!)

We are both days 7 today April! I'm happier for it.

Al didn't come into my mind too much today. A few times though. Yes, Jvo, one day at a time! It surely is the best to remember that when our minds play bargain games.

Well, cold weather sounds great to me, to be honest. It is SO blooming hot here the past few days (NZ). This is the hottest summer I have ever experience here! The thought of being drunk or hungover in this heat sounds painful. And, all I can think of is heartburn!

I'm excited to have the house back to myself tomorrow (it will be Monday here) My daughter off to school and husband to work. It's strange not to be studying for an exam at the moment. I better enjoy it, as soon enough my school will start and I will be in the thick of it.

I'm feeling happy, but odd. It's an unsettled feeling about if I'm really serious this time. I guess it is one day at a time. I do like that I am seven days, it will feel good to be 14 days this time next week.

All the best everyone.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nora - glad you were able to ride out the pesky thoughts of a drink, and glad my post was able to help you!

Pav - hope your hike was wonderful. I was able to get a great bike ride in, and I'm sooooooo glad I did. I really find that exercise, movement, especially outdoors but even in a gym or my living room if necessary, really helps me. If I'm being honest with myself, I, too, was ALWAYS a problem drinker. I had my first few drinks around the age of 13, but really started drinking in high school - so around 15 or 16. When I think back to those days, I was in a horrible environment for someone like me. I went to a high school where LOTS of kids drank, and lots of kids had access to liquor cabinets. Neither of my parents drank at all, so I was in way over my head with regard to knowledge about how al affects people. I know this isn't necessarily how everyone starts - some folks with disordered drinking start off differently, but things change over time. In my case, nope - I've had the personality and/or biochemistry that probably makes controlled drinking impossible.

Tony - hugs to you friend. I hope things went as well as possible going home to get your dog and your belongings. :hug:

Ava - sorry to hear things were so rough on day 10 of nf living, but you made it and now have another day under your belt. I've never been a smoker, but from what you and others have described, it does sound like many of the same thought patterns and other cravings come into play when trying to get a solid quit going. You know all those tricks the cigs will try to play on you - don't fall for any of them! Strength to you sister - you've got this!


Happy days and eves everyone!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Welcome, April and well done on 7 days AF! You, too, Choices! Try to stay in the day. You don't need to worry now so much about the future. For now, we just need to focus on now. this day.. As all the wise people say, Today is all we have. This moment, really, is all we have. At times much easier said than lived..:happy2:
Ava and Jude! Well done on 10 days NF! Ava, thank you for spelling it out once again. It seems one goes through exactly the same things while quitting nicotine. So it definitely helps all of us newbies to hear again how intense the cravings can be and how to get through them. Glad your SO is so understanding and on your side!

Pav, you're one of my greatest role models for living a fun life without alcohol. I was quite disappointed in all of the pictures I saw of myself this past month.. I felt quite content, but didn't have a lot of pure joy, didn't smile and laugh from my gut and you can see it. Then my stupid Dad has to post them on FB. I am looking forward to the day when I am really and truly happy.. for me it isn't just about not drinking (I guess for most of us it isn't that simple) but about figuring out how to really let go of the past and move on. It's getting better and it is a process.. and now of course I'm in my jet-lagged state which always throws me off.

Tony, good luck with picking things up.. I'm so sorry that you're going through a break up now. You said it was for the best and a long time coming, but still, it's so difficult. Hold tight! And thank goodness you got some sleep.

Lav, that's one of the things I love the most about not drinking.. that I can be there for people when needed. That I can be there for the unexpected in general. During my drinking days I missed out on so much. Cringe worthy to think of all the "little" things, especially with regards to the girls.. all the things I didn't even notice. I try not to think about it too much these days.. just concentrate on what I can and am doing now.

Now that I'm home, I'm making some plans to eat better and exercise more.. I'm with all of you who tend to replace one addiction with another. For me sugar has been kicking my ass for some time, making me feel yucky, affecting my energy levely and wreaking havoc on my poor innards (yes, I eat that much!) which is showing up in my complexion. Usually when I begin an exercise plan/"diet" I go overboard and at some point quit because it becomes too much. So I'm not quite sure how to approach it this time. I'm also someone who is terrible with moderation.. like many of you said, an all or nothing type.. so it's hard for me to have just a little but at the same time, I don't want to be so strict that I drive myself crazy. I'm fairly certain (from past experience) once I get into it for a couple of weeks, I'll feel so much better and my skin will clear up so that I want to stick with it.
Anyway.. I already began to wean myself today.

Big hugs to all of you Nesters!! Great posts these past days, as always! Hope everyone is having a nice Sunday.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

X-Post Wags!!:heartbeat:
Awesome that you got the bike ride in!! Good for you and your body and mind..

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Wags - same for me, but alcohol was also in my house. It was EVERYWHERE, and there was no such thing as having a good time without it, basically from high school on. The first time I went to a party I drank too much and threw up there at the party, swearing to myself I'd never touch the stuff again... Hah. I now live in one of those towns where the parents bemoan the teenaged drinking, but then bring their Thermos bottles filled with wine to little league games. Crazy, crazy stuff. I feel very good about being a sober role model for my kids in having fun without the booze. LC, you're in a big transition in your life. You'll get there.

Ava - sounds miserable, but I'm glad you made it through.

TJAF - thanks for popping in. I always consider you such a rock solid sober person - in a way it is good for me to hear that you hear those thoughts, too. Not for your sake, but as a reminder that we ALL need to stay vigilant.

Off to get some things done and see some old friends I haven't seen in a while. Looking forward to a lovely day.

Pav

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good unhung Sunday morning,

Last night was a success with potluck dinner at my house. I love to entertain, and it's so much easier and relaxing when I'm not worried about counting drinks or the possibility of making an ass out of myself because all of a sudden, I start slurring my words. I could never stop before going over that line.

Wags, interesting that you said that normal drinkerswould admit that al rarely delivers the promises we hear in ads and other anecdotes. Because I didn't drink last night, I had the opportunity to watch my guests drink. Most of them just had a few drinks while we ate appetizers. By the time we had main course, no one really drank with dinner. After dinner some people continued. But no one got sloppy, no one slurred their words, and over half didn't have more than a few drinks. Had I been drinking, I'd probably been the before and after dinner drinker, then when they all left, would have continued to get obliterated. No doubt in my mind. Because I wanted that high. It's never safe for me to drink.

Pav, I loved your family reunion story. What a great example that we can have fun without a drug in our system. I had a lot of laughs last night, and it felt good, deep into my soul it felt good.

Ava, so glad you're feeling better. TBH, I was concerned!! Pay attention to the good physical changes that'll be happening. You.l be able to breathe so much better, the cough will let up, mucous will decrease, you won't wake up coughing in the middle of the night which keeps you awake and so much more. It's worth it and you're worth it.

Lav, I think about being able to do what you're doing. That's being in my grandchildren lives. My sister is doing it right now, gets to watch her beautiful grandson twice a week, and she's in heaven when she's with him. NS I know you are a grandma and also enjoying the precious little humans in your life. That's a huge blessing. And if you both were active in your addictions, that would not be the same. Grandmas rock!

Tony, glad you slept thru a day. Your body got what it needed. I've been sleeping like a champ and it feels so good. I'm sleeping a lot more, and I think my body needs it as it's healing. Just a guess.

Jude, yes. With addictions, it's such a roller coaster of emotions. One minute we feel on top of the world, next minute, we wanna throw bricks at anyone and everything. That's early sobriety and why we need to take it one day at a time.

Hi Nora, so I guess we'll continue to get those thoughts. That's good you're hear to talk it out and a good example and reason why staying with a support group is so necessary in recovery.

Choices, I have that unsettled feeling as well. As I said above, I think it's just that roller coaster of emotions that makes that unsettled feeling occur.

Off to do my Sunday stuff, completely unhung and with no GSRs. Amen!!

Jvo

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Well Monday here and at work. Feeling a lot saner (i cant say calm at the moment as someone may look at me the wrong way).

Gives me a good feeling Jude to know you had an awful day too. I remember giving up drining with Pav and we went through much the same stages at the same time. Addiction sucks but today i am happier than i have been. the urges for smoking first thing in the morning are taking longer to hit so i know that is a good sign and i am starting to feel better in myself.

Oh Lav that is exactly how i felt on Saturday but there is no way on earth i was going out that door. the shops are a 2minute drive for me. Since i hang on to your shirt tails and listen to you avidly i am again realising you are very very right and i just have to do this.

LC glad you are home now even with jetlag. The past is the past and it does take time for us to move on from that. The second year was more of a healing from the past for me, i just worked on staying sober the first year and dealt with the little issues that kept popping up. just learning to deal with stress and no al was enough of a challenge. You will learn to forgive and love yourself in time.

Oh J yes it was touch and go on Saturday but you were a wonderful help listening to my shite. So glad your night went well and a first done without drinking, a great achievement.

Well i had better go and do some work or make a cup of tea and do some work.

Hi to all nesters

take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great work Ava and Jude! I gave up the smokes 25 years ago, after a few attempts. Same strategies and tools as giving up the sauce. After awhile, i don't notice i dont smoke. It's so good and freeing not to be chained to something. I remember in my 20's when i first gave up cigs (18 mths) i also found i had to give up booze too (to think clearly and not be tempted to smoke), and stay away from bars and parties etc. I found after a few attempts that the 3 month mark was always a turning point where my mind wasn't noticing not smoking (or boozing) much at all. I remember thinking to myself - Wow! No smokes, no booze for 3 months. I felt soooo great and the power i felt within was so huge that it actually frightened me a little. I thought it was just too much power and possibility to handle/deal with. Ain't that a pity. Anyway, i obviously wasn't ready to be totally alive. I still needed some sort of numbing agent/crutch to access. I still kicked some ass and had a full life, but i was lucky being a reasonably talented musician as my skill carried me along numb or not. Time now to reclaim what i can of the rest of my time on the planet. Lot's to do. Lot's of possibilities and opportunities, even for an older fella. I think ya gotta be a bit of a self starter though, or life just passes by.

Welcome home LC! Big waves to all. Keep up the gr8 work everyone. Think positive and git some self lovin' in today.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just was messaging a friend that on a Sunday around 5ish, I'd have several in me already. I'd start around three. Then I'd want to go to bed around 7:00 and I did. I thought, if I go to bed now I'll get enough sleep that I'll be fine on Monday morning. Well, that wasn't what I felt like. Far from fine. No matter how much or little I slept, I woke up feeling like poop. So I am happy to be doing Sunday stuff (I cooked three things today) gonna exercise in a bit, around the time I used to go to sleep, and maybe watch a movie. Sundays are so much longer now!

I was thinking and trying to determine what was worse...having urges, pity parties at times. Pangs of jealousy seeing others drink at times OR being hungover most of the time, dehydrated, depressed, anxious, GSRs, inflamation, crappy thoughts. I'll take the former and leave the latter. It's so much easier.

Off I go. Have a good night.

Jvo