Newbies Nest

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Way to go Seeker, day 30, oh yeah!!! Keep it up and Don't drink today.

Just a quick hello everyone.

Kensho, that story about your daughter..ugh...that is an awful feeling. I am sure she will forget in time but like you said- you won't. I hope I didn't scar my kids too much with my drinking when they were young. It is an awful thought. WE wiil get through this Ken, together. So glad you are here.

LC, thanks for the audio link. That was good.

Have a great day everyone. It is +8C today here in Calgary. WOWZA! It was in the -10C when I walked to work this morning, talk about crazy weather! How does a girl dress? No wonder I have about 20 coats... Better to spend money on a nice coat rather than a bunch of AL.

don't drink today
xo

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest,

Seeker, well done on 30! That's some good stuff. What's the best thing that you've noticed in your 30 days? Top three?

Choices, that's great you've returned and are working toward something that really interests you. I've been to a naturopath. Actually she's husband's aunt. I loved going but it got to be so expensive. I do believe that they are very instrumental in treating people. Good for you!

Kensho, that recoiling thought is tough. I've had many that I am so ashamed of and when your son finally is saying, "mom, you're an alcoholic and you need help," well, that's the point where I got to and I hate that I've let it get that far. Ashamed. Failure as a mother. I know he still loves me, but it's gonna take a long time for him to believe that I'm ok, that I'm not active in my addiction. The people you don't want to fail the most, your children. It can't get any worse than that. So I can feel your pain when you have that thought. You can be grateful it didn't go further than that. :hug:

Nora. And LC, I just listened to Belle, and I loved it. Makes so much sense!! The analogy of driving from Maine to San Fran, you're only 14 minutes in, and you say, I can't see the Golden Gate Bridge so it must not be there. Powerful, short audio. Our perspective on sobriety at 14 days is so different from what it'll be at 100 days and different 400 days. So she said to ask those that have long term sobriety what they see, feel...because we don't know yet. We will know. But we must trust and have faith in those who have been to San Fran.

Very treacherous drive home from work. We've had 14 inches of snow this month. So over it, but I do love the hibernation, still.

Night all.

Jvo

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Two questions:

Who is Belle
What is this chat thing above? How do you do it.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Woke up to a light coating of snow that melted away pretty quickly. Supposed to get more tonight, we’ll see.
I’m supposed to meet my grandsons at their bustop tomorrow & bring them here for a few hours - mid week fun

Congrats Seeker on 30 days AF :welldone:
Keep moving forward & have no regrets!

Jvo, you have gotten much more snow out uour way. Hard to travel in all that.
Belle is a recent returnee to the nest. The chat feature is someth8ng we used yo use years ago until it stopped working. Sounds like they’ve gotten it fixed.

I’m still in my shop getting some work done. Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Seeker, congrats on your 30 days! So proud of you! Here is your hat from your fellow nesters! :guy: well done!

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

Two questions:

Who is Belle
What is this chat thing above? How do you do it.

Belle - is Belle - Tired of Thinking about Drinking She is a blogger and she has really helped me. You can sign up for e-mails and there are the little audio bits too. I think she's really worth checking it out. One of my sobriety tools. [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] - I'm so glad that it hit home with you. :hug:

Chat - just type in the window of the chat and if people are around, they can answer right back. It used to be a popular feature years ago. But, it sort of fell by the way side. I spent many an evening in the chat room instead of drinking.
If you click on the white words 'ChatBox', it will come up with a menu and you can select view chat box full. that opens it up bigger.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Afternoon nesters

Congrats Seeker on 30 days, i know i was as proud as punch to hit that milestone. god i could not give up drinking for a day let alone 30. Time flies now and its a great feeling to live each and every day sober.

it hurts Jvo when our loved ones tell us brutal honesty, something we dont want to hear or admit to. I know 90% of why i gave up was due to my children and 10% for me as i didnt like myself at all and didnt care but now i am living sober 100% for me so i can give 100% to others. There is no shame in that.

LC i always thought i would hang around the nest for a year and move on as i would be ok. well 4 years later and i am still here and still accountable each and every day. i just dont post as much but it is still the first page i open up in the morning and the last one i close at night. This place is my home, i am accepted and i belong. I can bitch, whinge, whine and vent and i feel 100% better and i know i wont be judged and i get to tell everyone about the great things now in my life that i never had before so the nest will always be a place for me to fell safe.

Happy birthday Tony and congrats on the new job. Its funny how we take al out of the equation and anything in this life is possible.

Well my great news is i made it to day 14 of no smoking. (See i could go to a smoking site but nope i have to tell everyone here). i am pretty proud of myself as it has not been easy at all. i dont want to smoke but i still feel a tad deprived and sad but grateful to be at 2 weeks and plod on to 3 weeks. that is all i can do, take it day by day. I am starting to feel better but sleep is eluding me yet again although i did speak to a dr here about that and she recommended something. i am trying to be accountable by telling everyone and it seems to be helping. My son got a new job and he has given up smoking with me also. Life is damn good really.

well i had better go and do some work at my great new job that is getting busier by the day.

Take care x

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Thanks everyone for your support on my going back to school!! I was a distance student last year, but we had intensives where I was with my classmates for 7-10 days straight. We were also in a live classroom, so could ask questions with the face to face students. This had it's pros and cons. This next year I will be online but 3/4 of us have switched schools so I still will have friends doing the same degree at the same time online.

I'm really excited I'm meeting up this weekend with three of my classmates to pick blueberries and go to a lavender farm to catch up for coffee before the next semester starts. I'm very excited to not have a hangover when I see them. They live in a different city then I do, but the same one as my inlaws.

We will be staying at my Inlaws that night and I have decided to tell my inlaws I am officially on the wagon. There may be a few hums and haws.. but I'm ok with that. Most of my drinking was always alone anyway. And I can't stand the guilt of having a glass of wine with my MIL and then me finishing off the bottle when she goes to bed. Ewww.

Speaking of children. After I picked up my 5-year-old from school I was driving to the grocery store and decided to tell her I wouldn't be drinking wine anymore. She asked why and I said it was because wine actually really isn't good for our bodies and I wanted to be healthy. She said she just thought it wasn't good for childrens bodies. I then asked her if she noticed if wine made me act differently. She said it did, it made me act like a kid and she liked it when I drank wine, but she didn't like it that I had to be in bed for a day after I drank because I couldn't play with her. She also said that drinking wine made me look fancy, and she wanted to be fancy when she grew up.

Ok- so I'm not totally cringing- but it's enough to want to shut the door. I explained that it was just the glass that made it look fancy, that I could play better with her if I didn't have the wine and asked if she would like that. She is five, so that sounds good to her. It all is just really good motivation to be a good role model, and debunk the fancy image she has of me with a wine glass. I guess my tea cups need to get fancier for the time being and I can actualy drink the herbal ones with her.

I just stumbled onto Belle blog today! That's funny. I was buying my books online for school and saw the book The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. I imediatly downloaded it in autio and have been listening to it all day. My resolve is getting stronger and stronger. I'm getting excited.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Picking berries, a lavender farm and coffee with friends Choices?? That sounds like MY kind of afternoon!! We gotta hang out! I love berry picking. And farms. And coffee. Hard conversation with your 5 yr old - good for you for having it!

As much as that earlier memory hurt, I was just mad tonight. Mad that I had a headache, especially after all I've done with eating clean. And mad that I can't just get away with wine. I know it contradicts all I've been saying and feeling, but it's how I felt tonight. Why can't I just have this in my life and have it all be ok?

I know the answers, but I was still mad. So I had a piece of candy and told my no-sugar diet to go to he!!. Better than drinking.

Hope everyone's night was better.

Great job on 14 Ava

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

We do gotta hang out KENSHO- It would be amazing to have a get-together and talk face to face doing something like that and talking about sobriety.

Headaches are not fun! Mad is ok, but not the easiest way to feel. Good for you for having a bit of candy, it is as you say, much better than drinking. I know what you mean about wondering why, and knowing why. It's that nagging depravation feeling. Very uncomfortable!!! Luckily it can go out of mind just as sneeky as it comes in!

Tonight was interesting. I felt a lot more present with my daughter. I was walking around with a coffee cup of a coffee substitute dehydrated dandelion tea. (Good for a liver cleanser). After I tucked her into bed I thought.. wow, I have been slinging a "fancy" wine glass around the house like it was an accessory, not aware of how this might look to my girl. I don't want her to glamorise alcohol. I'm glad I've quit.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

I want to go to a lavender farm, pick berries and drink coffee substitutes, too!!:happy2: I just drank a delicious cup of miso (homemade from a friend) 'cause I'm trying to cut down on the coffee. It feels so much better in my stomach, at least first thing in the morning.

Kensho, I think it's great that you're naming what you're feeling and getting it out here. My problems in the past have been at least partially due to not taking what I'm feeling seriously, trying to push it down, ignoring it, feeling like I wished I could be different, not owning up to who I really am. I try now to accept and validate that everything I'm feeling is normal and ok.. but I'm amazed sometimes at how my thoughts can change on the spin of a dime (do we say that?).. and I HATE headaches more than anything.. I hope yours will be gone soon.

Choice, I'm also so happy to be walking around with coffee cups. Not worrying about my kids drinking from my glass.. preparing delicious drinks for all of us. I feel so free. Have a wonderful weekend with your friends/classmates!

Ava, I am sure I will be here for the rest of my life.:happy2: I am so thankful to have found this place and it has been instrumental in changing/saving my life! I just always have a year set in my mind as a time when I will be able to make some bigger decisions. Leaving here surely won't be one of them.. Well done on 14 days NF!! You're rockin' it.

ok. I've got to make some real food now. Happy to be feeling better both physically and emotionally and tomorrow I'll head back to work.
Hugs to all of you and a good Wednesday..

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] Congrats on day 14 NF free! I'm still hanging in there as well, although I do have a lot of urges to smoke, they are much easier to squash than at the beginning. I just keep trying to tell myself, one day at a time, and soon the desire to smoke will vanish completely. What scares me a little is that sometimes when I push away those smoking thoughts, I start to think about alcohol....like maybe I could have just one drink. I guess that I'm just feeling a little deprived.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I think it is perfectly normal to feel like you are being deprived, afterall, we are trying to break the cycle of addiction, not just trying to stop chewing gum. I still get that feeling sometimes, but I turn my thinking around right quick with this little nugget....the most deprived I ever felt when it came to AL was when I tried to moderate! So SOME is NOT better than none! At least not for me, I ALWAYS wanted more. So that helps me with those feelings, then I change the subject in my head. Speaking of....I usually GIVE headaches, rare that I get one since I stopped drinking. Oddly enough, I thought it was just normal to wake up with a headache....who knew? I always thought it was just dehydration......(translation....hungover). I hope you feel better soon!! Your mood will pass and I'm happy to say that those feelings will dwindle with time. This is a merciful phenonamon. If it stayed as hard as it is in the beginning, NOBODY would ever stay sober! This time next year you'll be going..." Booze? HELL NO!" (not just NO). Time is our friend when it comes to sobriety. Take it from one of the more resistant cases on MWO (just ask Lav).

Ava/Jude, congrats on being NF! That is just awesome.

Hope everyone has a happy hump day! Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Way to go, Ava and Jude! Keep the focus - you got this.

Congratulations, Seeker! Honesty with yourself and others will serve you well.

I felt deprived, lonely, sad, angry, sorry for myself, you name it. I was so pissed that I "had" to quit drinking. But that didn't change the fact that I had to quit drinking. I was headed no place good with drinking. So I tried very hard not to dwell in that deprived feeling, but instead to list the things that were better in my life because I wasn't drinking. That list is longer than the things I miss for sure, and now I rarely feel that anger and deprivation. On the road to California from Maine I reckon I'm about in Ohio. I'll report back as I can...

I really don't think I'd go back to drinking, even if I could. I really like having my wits about me all of the time, and being present with my teenagers has been amazing. I actually CAN (and have) be the driver, even at midnight. I can also speak to them about drinking without it being with a drink in my hand. After about a year of my quit, my then 11 year old asked me how long I was going to not drink. I told him forever and then asked him why and he said, "I want you to be my role model." Felt GREAT.

Off to the salt mines. Have a great SOBER day.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi! I'm here and not mad today! I would be feeling really upset if I had drank last night - so all the discussion about weathering the now and trusting that it will be much, much better in the long run is sticking with me. Thanks for all your thoughts. I was just feeling like I wanted a "release" or "out". Sometimes there are alternatives, and sometimes there is nothing except to just feel that way.

Anyway, working against some harsh deadlines at the moment. It's hard being under the gun, but good to be productive - and it means billable hours. So on I go to slay the day.

Happy mid-week everyone!