Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations Wags, on 18 big months! Im so happy for you! :llama: your very own llama! Kkep up the great work!

Jvo, hugs dear lady, and prayers for you. Yep, no fooling our genes. Please give our best to your son.

Wishing everyone an easy evening. Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I actually truly loathe the idea of one drink, as it feels far worse than zero

We must have cross posted earlier, Wags. I missed your 18 mo milestone. Congratulations! And I agree with you -One measly glass would be totally irritating!!

It seems like you chose to quit for the last time at exactly the right time, [MENTION=21745]jvo[/MENTION]. Your son is really going to need you to help him and show him better, healthier ways to cope. xx

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I can feel the pain in your post JVO. I can also feel such love from you. We hurt so much for our children. I'm so glad you have your wits about you and are able to be there for him. Thoughts to you both. :hug:

Quiet in the Kensho house tonight. Laundry and dishes ahead of me, and an early bedtime.

Hang in there everyone. The downs come in life. But the ups always follow.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you all. Yes, I will be here for him totally sober.

Wags, congrats on your very impressive achievement of 18 months. So awesome! Yes, one would be annoying and one would lead to two, three, then 10. Let's stick with zero.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations Wags! I'm aiming for that day

Jvo, I am really sorry to hear about your son. You are right to go this sober. I can relate to that feeling of looking in your babies eyes when there is something wrong. It is so primal. You sound like a really good mom.

I'm good. I saw my counselor today and she is such a good fit for me, so I feel really lucky. And drum roll... I got my two essays back 95% and 90%!! I am stoked. I needed that for my confidence for sure.

I finished the audiobook The Unexpected joy of being sober by Catherine Gray which I found really good and now I'm halfway into Drinking A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. It is great listening in autio so I can get a bunch of stuff done while I'm listening. I highly recommend both books. I'm feeling very sure about my quit and that is giving me a ton of relief. I've also starting following Catherine Gray on instagram which led to me following a bunch of sober people on instagram. Like, Hip sobriety, Happy life sober life, The naked Mind, Sober up Buttercup. It's all so positive and I love how my feed is full of sober alternatives and afirmations. It is really normalizing sobriety for me and feels like a long lost tribe.

I'm never sure what to say when asked about why did I slip? relapse? go back to drinking? All I can ever come up with is a simple: Don't do it. I think what took so long for me to get back to this headspace (to be serious in my heart) was the fact that it was so hard to quit the first time. Once alcohol was in my life again, it was hard to say goodbye again. I knew I would have to eventually, and time slipped though my fingers. It really is like a rotton boyfriend I knew to stay away from but got back together with him and regret wasting time with him. I know what a major a$$ he is now (again) and he really creaps me out. I don't regret my entire life drinking over these years, but alcohol definately holds me back from a lot of other things that are more important to me. These past 16 days I am really understanding the concept you have to want to quit more then you want to drink. This time I do feel lucky not to be filled with fear or anxiety I got really bored of drinking, and sick of being sick and tired. The things I missed were there, but non of that wonderful long term sobriety deep feel good deep down inside was there. It's like half living in comparison to sobriety.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Peeps. Just saw an ad on Facebook for a pill that you take before drinking that lessons the so called negative effects. My feelings about this are so loaded. I actually caught myself getting excited for a milisecond. Ugh! Is that like offering a pill to take before you drink cyanide so it doesn’t poison you as much? Why not just skip the cyanide, I mean if you have to take an antidote first...

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, 18 months AF :welldone:
You will soon be an oldbie like me, ha ha! Great job

That's the plan Lav! It might be the only way in which I'm looking forward to being older - and "oldbie" - love that! Very cool about the fox walking along! I know you don't want them to get your chickens for sure, and neither do I, but foxes are usually pretty reclusive - one of the less frequently spotted critters. So cool in that regard.

Jvo - big hugs and positive thoughts for you and your son. I hope that the supplements you ordered bring him some comfort, and that eventually a Dr is able to provide further guidance. Great job to you on choosing not to drink and being sober & available for your son. :hug:

Kiwi - you got this! As Lav said, definitely put a plan together. Even one day at a time becomes a lot easier if you have tools at the ready.

Moon - I'm sure it was a shock to see your hubs pour out a drink and talk about pouring out the whole bottle! That would've floored me too - while drinking I never could've done this, and then when I decided to quit it was my very first step in my quit. I was camping and poured out my last few cans as a way to douse our campfire and symbolically say adios to al.

Choices - glad to hear your counselor is such a great fit. And even better - awesome grades/marks on your essays!!! :congrats: Keep up your great work all the way around and 18 mos will be yours faster than you think. The time really does start to add up and it feels amazing.

Kensho - I have mixed feelings about the pill you mentioned as well. Mostly negative though. Alcohol is already so pervasive and so dangerous - I fear that the main people who would use such a pill are the ones for whom al is already a big problem. And/or I can see this causing more people problems in the future. I know for me, those negative effects were part of what scared the bleep out of me and forced me to be honest with myself that I had a problem. Yep, if you need an antidote to drink the poison, then it's probably best to skip the poison entirely.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening, work's over and I'm home but I can't say I'm in a good place. I really had to force myself to go straight home, not to the liquor shop - I've been home for 45 minutes and have anxiously been pacing around going back & forth about whether I should drink. I decide one thing, then immediately decide the opposite and as a result my anxiety levels are high and I can't relax. I'm now quickly cooking some food to fill me up hoping that that'll help avert the drinking urge.
Lavande - good suggestion on writing down a plan. I'm going to look through the tool box now and write down some ideas.
When I was arguing with myself about whether or not to drink tonight, I did think that if I do drink tonight I'm just going to have to put up with this anxious situation again next time I decide to quit. I know the first few days will be the hardest but there's no way to avoid them, so I did figure to get on with it and get those horrible first few days out the way...

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi K Bro.

Distraction distraction distraction can really help in such times. reading the toolbox is a great idea. Making a plan a great idea too. Let us know what your plan is when you have one. Get yourself through tonight. Watch a non boozy movie, ring a non drinking friend, go for a nature walk? You tube video's on alcoholism and it's effects. How are you going there now?

Kensho, i wouldn't take that stupid pill anyway. I don't want booze on my breath or in my system.

Jvo, you're a great mum. Take it easy out there pilgrims.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi K Bro.

Distraction distraction distraction can really help in such times. reading the toolbox is a great idea. Making a plan a great idea too. Let us know what your plan is when you have one. Get yourself through tonight. Watch a non boozy movie, ring a non drinking friend, go for a nature walk? You tube video's on alcoholism and it's effects. How are you going there now?

Been reading the toolbox - there's a lot of good info there that I'm going to use. The main thing I have to get into my head is that I don't and can't drink anymore. My problem is I think about it and go back and forth, I've got to start learning how to just say NO! I don't do that anymore! and move on, pushing the thought away or ignoring it.
I'm glad I made it through tonight- ate a big meal to fill myself up, it would be good if I have a decent sleep now.....

I'll check in again tomorrow morning when I'm hopefully not running late for work again!

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=22540]Choices[/MENTION] " I got really bored of drinking, and sick of being sick and tired. " Those words from your last post really hit home for me, and says it all in one sentence. I too was really bored with drinking, and reached for the wine because I had to, not because I wanted to. I didn't truly realize how sick I was until I quit drinking. I had been drinking for so many years, that feeling ill was just a normal state for me. When I quit I felt sooo much better, and that alone helps to keep me from taking that first drink. Thank you, it was a good reminder for me. :happy2:

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kiwi - Sorry to hear of your anxious struggles last night. I think you hit the nail on the head in your most recent post though - most of us were fantastic bargainers with ourselves and/or with al. Or maybe it's that al is the fantastic bargainer if we give it a toehold.

You have to make drinking non-negotiable, or you're potentially gonna find al winning in that bargaining process. For me, and I know others have mentioned it, really shifting al to the status of absolutely not an option ("I Don't Drink.") was key. Especially at the beginning, but even now on occasion. Those situations will still come up in life where you would have reached for a drink or 3 during the past year or so. You have to face them with, well, I don't drink, so what am I going to do instead to cope, to comfort myself, to deal with this situation or these feelings, etc.

What that shift to the non-negotiable looks like will be personal. For me it was a real conversation with myself. I really had to think through the whole process I described above, and then start to build a list of those other ways of coping or responding when al tried to insinuate itself back into my life.

Great job on sticking to your quit and getting through that first night. Eating and hopping on MWO are two of the best ways to distract and otherwise self-care. Please check in and let us know how you're doing today. I'm hoping to hear that waking up and realizing you didn't drink felt amazing!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm really starting to see this quitting business as somewhat of an upward spiral. What I mean by that is, there is definitely a sense of progress (that's the upward part), but it isn't linear - at least not for me. I find that I have to and/or should keep circling back around and checking in on the elements of my quit to make sure they're still solid. I think the spiral is getting broader in diameter as I move upward - the check-ins and shoring up of my quit are less intense, less frequent, but I still need to make sure I periodically come back around and purposefully check to be sure everything is still intact, or to add new knowledge ideas (often gleaned from you nesters!). The beauty of it is, each day is another step upward. I am really proud of my climb over the past 18 months. I was really in a deep dark pit. It was so bad I couldn't imagine how I'd ever get out, and it looked like such a huge amount of work to simply reach the top of the pit, let alone climb high and free of this addiction. Again.

Now, from step number 549, the view is incredible! Thank you to every single newbie and oldbie for being part of my personal journey and for sharing yours as well.

I love this nest :heartbeat:

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Last post for now...

I don't remember who it was, but somebody recently posted a link to the article by William Leith entitled, "How I Let Drinking Take Over My Life." He talks about many things that sound oh-so familiar, but related to the current topic of I don't drink/al is non-negotiable, Leith describes it this way:

Marc Lewis, a neuroscientist and addiction expert, told me it was the same thing as when you put a piece of meat in the fridge, and your dog paws at the door, whining and trying to force the door open. But if you convince the dog the door is locked, it will stop whining and walk away.

If you haven't already checked out the article, hop on over - it's a good read!

How I Let Drinking Take Over My Life

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm really starting to see this quitting business as somewhat of an upward spiral.

That is exactly how I see it too, Wags. A spiral infinitely going up and out :smile:. That is one reason I never use the words recovered, recovering, or in recovery. Those imply a circle, going back to where we were.

Getting through an addiction is so much more than that and makes us into people we may never have had the opportunity to become without having had the experience. I have no doubt that I'm a better spouse, mother, grandmother, and friend than I was or would have been after having been humbled and forced to grow my way out of addiction.