Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un-hung Morning Nesters!

Congrats to G-Man and Moon on 5 AF months!! Very well done. Hope you did something nice to celebrate.:sohappy:

Lav, what you said was groundingly perfect.. that we don't ever HAVE to drink again. That (now this) frame of mind is such a relief to be in. As soon as I let the idea back into my mind and then decided to drink, it was a battleground. Torture. So difficult to get back, so much wasted energy. I really want to get through to the other side. I want to get through more difficult situations, grow my sober voice/person and learn more from that side of the fence. Not anymore from falling backwards. I'm sure I don't have anymore to learn from that.

Wags, that image is very useful to me.. one I'll go over and over. Thanks.
and NS, what a great video.. that sweet pony really knows how to tell my (our) story! The joy he shows in his freedom!

Kensho, you're sounding great! I'm so happy you have a close friend that you were able to share with.. Isn't it a huge relief to be able to tell it to someone you love and trust and have them understand? I'm about to tell the 3 of my close co-workers who don't yet know.. we are heading to a conference in the beginning of March and I want to be sure it's completely out. I'm scared to do it, but I think it's necessary.. Hope you have a lovely night's sleep/sleep in!

Choices recommended The Unexpected Joy of being Sober by Catherine Gray and I am really enjoying it.. for any of you looking for a good read about getting/being/staying sober.. I like her style of writing.. there's a lot of humour, memoir mixed with facts/statistics.. she's younger than me with a very different lifestyle.. but that doesn't matter! As we all know, regardless of who we are in our every day lives, our similarities as addicts are MANY! I would love any other book recs along the lines.. I have, Drinking a Love Story to read again.. and Deathwish.. both I liked a lot but read so long ago.

I hope everyone has nice plans (or no plans!) this weekend. I'm looking forward to really relaxing and rejuvinating.. getting ready for a busy next week.
I'll be checking in here often..

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nest,

I had a rough day yesterday. I went to work like normal on a Friday morning. I have a.m. Duty and I was standing there checking backpacks and I had this overwhelming sadness come over me and started to cry. I told my coworker that I needed to go to the bathroom. Went and cried more. I didn't figure out what had happened just then, but later I assumed it was from being so worried about my son and what he'd told me earlier this week. I've been worried sick over it, as I don't want him to suffer for decades as I did. I ended up going home. I slept most of the day, then I watched tv and didn't move from the couch. This would have been a reason to drink, as I didn't care about dying at this point. But I didn't. I slept a lot last night, and I'm hoping I can work on myself a bit this week, worrying less. I need to use the meditation G was showing us. I need to quiet my mind down. I'm no good if I continue like this, and if I continue on this nonstop worrying, there's a huge chance I will drink. I will not drink and I will take care of myself.

Congrats [MENTION=3793]Guitar[/MENTION]tista and [MENTION=23999]moonking[/MENTION] on your five months!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nest!

Moonking - I really appreciate how you are putting your honest thoughts and feelings out there - it is brave, and helpful to those of us in your sober community. It is also the way you're going to work them through. This part caught my attention:

I think my words were confusing, sorry about that. When I said ‘can’, I was equating it to right now when I absolutely CANNOT. Alcohol is not even an option, not on the table at all. What I guess I was trying to get at was quitting right now is relatively easy. It’s easy to push away thoughts of having wine because it’s not acceptable to drink while pregnant. There’s no real internal struggle of saying ‘no’ because it’s just not an option. Yes, I often still think about drinking (as is evident in my past posts) and am working on shutting those thoughts down…but that’s all future right now. When those thoughts pop in my head, I can say: “No, you don’t drink. One is not worth it.” But it’s a lot easier to say: “You can’t drink when pregnant.” But after baby is born, I it WILL be an option. The consequences will be different, yes, but in my still messed up neural pathways, aren’t as great. I know I’m not making much sense…it makes sense in my head, I guess. I know I need to continue to work on getting my brain to understand that even after the baby is here, it’s still NOT an option. Because I might be able to do 1-2 a night for awhile, but it will escalate.

The fact is, it IS an option to drink while pregnant, and plenty of people do. I have students with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and all you have to do is troll through YouTube to see babies born addicted to all sorts of things. So, basically, you are saying that in your life and in your mind, you have made drinking while pregnant NOT an option for you. You don't want to harm your unborn baby more than you want to drink, so daily you don't have to make that choice.

For me, the only thing that has kept me sober is declaring that drinking is actually not an option for me at all. I look at my husband, kids, family, job, health; I look myself and my drinking squarely in the face; and I realize - drinking is not an option. I can't possibly drink and protect all that I love, therefore I can't possibly drink. That way, when the s%^t hits the fan, I'm depressed, anxious, tired, hungry, scared - I do not have the option of reaching for alcohol as a coping mechanism. I can cry, reach for chocolate, go for a walk, curl up on the couch - I have many other healthy and unhealthy options, but I have taken alcohol off the table. I hope that makes sense, and I know you are working hard to get there. Keep it up, and congratulations on your 150 day milestone!

Didn't say hi, Kiwi. Glad you came back, and keep up the hard work.

Congratulations on all of the milestones - keep it up!

J-Vo - I am jealous of people who can nap! I can't fall asleep unless I'm really, really tired, and then if I do I wake up even feeling more out of sorts. I hope you find a sleep pattern that works for you.

Lav - I got a call when my dad was in the hospital that they were missing one of his medications, and we had to go in at 11pm to straighten it out. I was with my mom and siblings, and I was the only one who hadn't been drinking. I was so glad that I could be there to drive and make hard decisions. I'm glad for you that you could be there for your grandson!

I am off to work this morning and then get together with friends I haven't seen in a long time. I am looking forward to it, and will feel smug when I wake up without a hangover...

Happy SOBER Saturday, everyone.

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Jvo - first off, :hug:

Second, great job protecting your quit and staying away from al when faced with such challenging feelings.

It sounds like a very difficult day for you yesterday. My heart goes out to you. I'm hoping that having an idea of what is stressing you out, making you worry, gives you a foothold for addressing it. Quieting the mind - such a helpful and healthful skill to have, and probably a key to your toolkit (for life, not just for al).

Even if meditation isn't your thing, there are numerous similar methods using breathing and cognitive tools that might be a good fit for you. Visualization, self-talk - those are a few ideas that come to mind.

I apologize for jumping to problem solving, and I'll stop. For now, please know that I heard you and I'm sending you sympathy and empathy :hug: Please update us when you can. Protect your quit - in the long run it will be far more helpful to stay away from al, and the short run temptation of what it offers is nothing but a mirage.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

J-vo, I'm sorry you were so sad yesterday and hope you are feeling a bit better now. I'm really glad you didn't drink..
sending love, dear J-vo.:hug:

this is great, Pav.. ""For me, the only thing that has kept me sober is declaring that drinking is actually not an option for me at all. I look at my husband, kids, family, job, health; I look myself and my drinking squarely in the face; and I realize - drinking is not an option. I can't possibly drink and protect all that I love, therefore I can't possibly drink. That way, when the s%^t hits the fan, I'm depressed, anxious, tired, hungry, scared - I do not have the option of reaching for alcohol as a coping mechanism. I can cry, reach for chocolate, go for a walk, curl up on the couch - I have many other healthy and unhealthy options, but I have taken alcohol off the table""

A quiet day here.. reading, sitting next to my younger daughter. I was feeling very restless earlier but after a tea and just sitting, it's better.

How are you doing this weekend, Kiwi?

Ok. see you all in a bit... xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

For me, the only thing that has kept me sober is declaring that drinking is actually not an option for me at all. I look at my husband, kids, family, job, health; I look myself and my drinking squarely in the face; and I realize - drinking is not an option. I can't possibly drink and protect all that I love, therefore I can't possibly drink. That way, when the s%^t hits the fan, I'm depressed, anxious, tired, hungry, scared - I do not have the option of reaching for alcohol as a coping mechanism. I can cry, reach for chocolate, go for a walk, curl up on the couch - I have many other healthy and unhealthy options, but I have taken alcohol off the table.

Hola Nesters!

I second LC. I love the way you put this Pav. Just take the damn option off the table, no negotiation, end of story. The other thing where many of us can stumble is not strengthening our resilience. The inside love and strength job. This has been my kryptonite. My emotional reactions and fly off the handle thinking, feeling reactions to situations i dont like and feel uncomfortable with. Today i will get cosy with uncomfortable.

Just do your best friends.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!
Yesterday was a busy day hence why I didn't post. I think I'm making up for last year's booze-filled long weekend by making this year's one very active. Spent all of yesterday at the beach, swimming and reading and getting burnt in the process! (It's scorching here at the moment!). There was a light display on the harbour bridge last night so I headed down there at 9.30 to get some photos then spent another hour in traffic trying to get back home! I got in around 11pm and went straight to bed exhausted. Normally I would have missed out on all this just sitting at home drinking - what a waste. I'm still working on ignoring any thoughts that come into my head re: drinking. Normally I would have entertained those thoughts, gone back & forward over it and it would usually have led me to drinking, now I just think 'no' and move on - it seems to be working so far...
Hope everyone else is having a nice, sober weekend.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

G and Moonking!! 5 months!! That's a gold star for you both!!

star.gif

G! Sorry "uncomfortable" is visiting you today. He will leave soon enough, hopefully.

JVO, sorry you were so sad yesterday. Hope you are feeling better today.

I second the "option off the table" notion. I am going out with good friends tonight for a reggae concert. I like the band, and the company. I hate the 1am and the drunkenness that ensues after about 9pm. Anyway, husband said yesterday, "Maybe I should start going to concerts like this myself." He meant it a little as a jab, but I said, "Yes, maybe that would be good. I like music and friends, but I'm over the lateness, and to be honest, it's not fun being around drunk people." Anyway, I am not feeling wobbly - but I know the thoughts can creep in at any point - so I'm shoring up my plan. Memories of the bad keep me in tune with the reality that I can't be a drinker. I will go right back to 3-4 a night, craving, obsessing, lying, not being present, not liking myself. None of that is worth the short term pleasure of drinking poison. I'll focus on the friends and the music. PAV, I do like music sober!!

In rough times, it helps to just put one foot in front of the other.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! I haven't read every post, almost there though. This happened to me yesterday and I had to run so I want to post before I have to run again.

LC- I was bummed because the book had finished

G-man and Moon, Huge congrats on 5 months Yay!

Kensho- I'm really happy for you that you were able to open up to a friend face to face, and that you got love and respect coming back at you. You deserve that so much.

NS- I love the pony

Well done K-man! I hope this weekend is still going well for you. You are going to have so much cash! I hope you treat yourself with some of it for staying on course.

Ok- I got to run! I'll hopefully be able to reflect on where I'm at later. But I'm really happy I'm so glad to be back in the sober life. It is truly better. Also thanks for all the support. I wasn't able to post yesterday, busy bee over here, reading helped heaps, but I also need to get back and post. It helps me so much.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening,

Not a great feeling day today. I feel as tho I let myself fall into a depression over my personal issues, namely my son. I need to have a good chat with him, hopefully tomorrow. He's been busy which is good, although i need to touch base for my peace of mind.

Thank you all for your thoughts. [MENTION=23208]wagmor[/MENTION], I appreciate any and all suggestions. I think I think too much all the time. That's why I was 'thinking' about the meditation instead!! Oh, my thinking gets me in some deep Crap.

Just like going to the grocery store on an empty stomach isn't good because you buy too much, it's not good for al urges. We were at our first stop, and a few stores away was a watering hole we frequented so often. I still wasn't feeling like myself, and having that little hunger brought on a strong urge and a bit of a pity party. I didn't fight it. We got what we needed and moved onto the next store about a half hour away. We also ate while we were there. I felt ok after I ate and now I'm safely back on my couch. That's all I seem to be doing lately, but I'm going to try and be a bit more productive tomorrow.

Have a good night.

Jvo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Jvo, please keep in mind that you need to take care of yourself first & foremost before you can help your son. He very well may be able to process anxiety differently than you expect.
Find yourself some positive affirmations online & listen to them over & over until you truly believe them. I've done it & can tell you it helps :hug:

G & Moon, Congrats on your 5 moths AF :welldone:

LC, I am taking my freedom from AL VERY seriously. I am so grateful that I don't ever have to wrestle with that bast*rd ever again That's why I say we can all make the choice to do no more battle with AL - the war is over!!!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
I am sad to report that I failed to keep my chickens safe - lost another one to that sneaky fox today

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Happy Un-hung Sunday! I went to a Refuge Reovery meeting this morning.. it's just across the park and takes place in the same room as the AA meditation meeting I've been to. It was ok and good to know that it exists. I haven't yet found a meeting that really clicks with me though. I would love to have a regular group of people here that I could meet with. But I don't feel it with the programs.?

Yeah, Lav, that's exactly what I just read in this book.. Our brain likes definite decisions and we endanger ourselves any time we open up to other possibilities! My biggest problem has been not being ready for the sneak attacks of the AV..
Two things I'm doing differently this time are, 1. I am giving my AV a character name, setting him up as a distinct entity, completely detached from my rational mind. I KNOW that I don't ever want to drink again, that my life is a million times better without, that I am fortunate in so many ways and that I can't keep all the people I love, the life I love AND drink (thanks, Pav!). So I am beginning today to train my brain to keep these two separate. And jotting down the ways he's trying to catch me off guard. 2. is doing the simple practices I've chosen on a DAILY basis. Here, I think you've been right on, G-man! To be in practice ahead of time and hopefully more prepared for the sneak attacks. Also, the (almost) daily exercise is so important for repairing the messed up neural pathways and for producing new brain cells.. is that true, NS? Seems too good to be true, but I think I'll choose to believe it.

Ok. Having said all that, the girls are getting on my nerves, talking my ears off!:happy2: So I'm going to sign off and pay them some attention.
Be back later.. xx

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Happy Un-hung Sunday!
NS, Happy 5Year soberversary!! As everyone else has already said here, Thank you for being a guiding light in the nest. There is always some nugget of wisdom I take away from your words.

Happy 5 months Gman and Moon. Keep on rocking it or is it Rawking it!

I started coming down with what I thought was a bad cold on Thursday but the way my body has been aching, I think it's the flu. I believe last night was the worst of it. I'm going to try to get some fresh air today. A thought crossed my mind last night while I was sitting in my misery. In the past, I would have drank through this illness. How's that for a reminder that tha is not what any sane normal drinker would even consider. That reminder was the bright side of being sick if there is one.
Happy sober Sunday everyone.
Roobs

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sorry you're feeling yucky Roobs!

I like your thingking LC. You sound determined and strong. Go get 'em girl!

Moonking, where are you? We miss you. Please tell us how you are doing and feeling. This ain't easy alone.

I watched many people get stupid drunk last night. Like couldn't stand up. (Not the people I was with, the people at the concert). I felt sad for them. I saw shells of people who seemed poisoned and I saw people who were worth more than what they were doing to themselves. My husband also went outside for a breather late in the night (he had had several) and we talked about random stuff. Because I was sober, I was able to be patient and rational. He mentioned something about wanting to just go out to party to have fun and feel happy. I asked him if alcohol was doing that? Helping with happiness? He said no. I told him I have been really enjoying being sober. It helped that one of the brothers who came didn't drink either. I felt bonded and we both ordered coffee. I didn't want a drink last night, which was really enjoyable. Seeing people wrecked was not enjoyable. I'm reevaluating my desire to continue going to these types of events - not that into it any more. I like good voices, great instrumentals - not party slosh strobe light base through the chest.

I'm learning. And feeling happy to be sober today. Keep up the good work everyone.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,

Thanks for the congrat's on 5 months everyone. I'm glad i decided to become a bit of a regular in the nest these last couple of years, and so part of a great bunch of people. It has no doubt really helped me being part of this gang.

Yo LC. AA say to try 5 meetings before you decide if it's for you, as the inevitable different mix of people means different vibes even though program's the same. I like the concept of refuge recovery having read a bit about it and listened to the founder Noah. Interested to hear how you go finding a group.

Roobs. You are rocking it AND raaawkin it no matter which way ya look at it!

Self care, self care, self care. I am seeing the essential value of a daily self care practice. The inside job is where it's at. The Inside job rules. Oxygen mask.

28 days 'till 6 months AF. I'm counting down i am to be sure. Hope all have had a beaut weekend.