Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola Nesters,

Yep LC, this has been my experience. No matter how much sober time i have, if i resume drinking again, my cravings are back and my mind and body calls out for it's old familiar fuel source - booze. I don't believe this applies if we accidentally have a swig or taste AL in a cake etc. and don't continue.

Lil bit was a strong woman. Funny and smart. She was a writer too. An incredible human really, who as mentioned, we/i for one am lucky to have met. Another reminder of just how precious this life is, and how fleeting it can be. Here one minute, gone the next. Sheesh. I look at myself and all that time spent abusing myself with lazy days boozing away my time, self and dreams. The way we spend our time is something to be mindful of. Whether that be quality time being present with a loved one NS style, or quality time with ourselves fostering self respect and self confidence.

Day 160. Sadhana done this morning as usual in an act of self care and self love. Off for a run, then back to make some music. If i die today, at least i'll be able to see i was taking care of me first, in order to then maybe contribute something useful to humankind. #takingaction

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Here's a beautifully written cautionary tale: The search for Jackie Wallace | NOLA.com
It is LONG but worth it, especially for us, to read it all the way through.
(You might think you're done b/c of ads in the online version but keep scrolling. You'll know for sure when it really is over).

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening,

NS, glad you had some quality time with Mom. Gosh, how I miss that so much. It still hurts but I have so many precious memories of my beautiful mom. When I talk to her in my morning prayers, I tell her "I know you're proud of me now, Ma." everytime I drank, she would say " honey, you're drinking too much. I'm worried about you. Please stop." Or it would usually be the next day when she would bring it up. She was always right. Then when I'd quit, do my short term quits, she'd be so happy and relieved. She's looking down on me and smiling.

I love being able to stay up until 9:30 or 10:00. On weekends, if I'd start at 3 ish, I'd be in bed by 7 or 8. Not much fun for my husband. He would be so annoyed with me. Every right to be annoyed.

It was a rough day at work. I didn't watch the Super Bowl but tried to do catch up school work. Still need to do more, but not tonight.

More snow tonight, so no hiking for me! And wags, I haven't gotten my book yet either and I'm getting impatient.

Have a peaceful night.

Jvo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I still can't believe the Eagles won yesterday! I never thought that was possible, good for them.

Chilly here today but dry. Apparently there's some snow & rain on the way for Wednesday that I didn't order, ha ha!
At least it looks like the day will be decent Thursday for the big victory parade in Philly - I won't be there, can't take those crowded events. I hear Budweiser is planning to hand out free beer along the parade route - really. Can't wait to see how that turns out.

NS, thanks for the link, I'll go back to read the article.
My mom passed away almost 32 years ago, long before my drinking career started. I was with her every day during her final year & with her when she passed. I am grateful that I had that time with her even though it was really difficult. Treasure the time with your mom as long as you have her :hug:

I hope everyone had a good Monday & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Life, thanks for clearing that up. I guess that’s why we need to be vigilant and just not start up again. I am glad you have 12 days, it’s better than one thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s a good reminder for all of us.

GMan, that’s so cool you met lil. I vaguely remember that. She used to send me Christmas Cards, this year I didn’t get one, now I know why. That’s really sad.

NS, I will read that article, thank you.
I see my mom everyday. She is 83 now and I treasure the time I can spend with her. I am dreading losing her and just don’t think about it.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,

it's been a public holiday here which should've been good, but turned out to be a pretty sh*t day - my plans fell apart and I wasted a lot of time and money. The depression and dark feelings I had on Sunday are still around, and today just made them worse. My mind did turn to having a drink and writing off the day for good, but the one thing that stopped me funnily enough (besides the fact that it would kick start another week-long binge in all probability) was that I didn't want to have to start all over again from day 1! I'm home now and thankfully didn't give in to the temptation - going to fix some dinner, go for a walk then bed - I've had enough of today!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

All this talk about moms has made me a bit teary-eyed, but in an ok way. Yesterday was the date my beautiful mom passed away 10 years ago. I cannot really believe it's been ten years - feels more like 4 or 5. Same as you, Lav, I was with her every day during her last year and when she passed. I was her caregiver through terminal cancer. It was the hardest and simultaneously most precious time of my life. Fortunately, I wasn't drinking at all during that year - it was about 7 years into my ten-year quit actually. I didn't even drink when she passed away, but that's probably because my quit was solid. I couldn't have given her the care, attention and love that I did if I'd been drinking. Looking back, this is one of the times I'm MOST grateful for and proud of being sober.

Jvo - my book finally arrived today. I hope to begin reading it tonight but I'm pretty tired and might only make it through a few pages.

NS - hugs to you as you spend time with your mom.

Kiwi - good job getting past that urge! The desire to not start over again at Day One has always helped me a lot too. I hope your blues pass soon! Could it be anything related to diet, like sugar or grain that's contributing to your dark feelings?

LC - I'm really glad you're on day 12 too!

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone!

Just checking in I’m having a flat day but really glad booze is off the table. I was thinking about my mood and my drinking pattern. My mood does dip and it’s normal but that is when I have drank typically.. then a hangover .... then I would be sober for 4-6 days ...then happy a good mood so I would drink to ride a happy wave, Happy my mood was good... then hungover.. then bad mood.. repeat.

The hungover period I have no idea what that moood is aside from totally being masked by physical pain. I was kind of feeling disorientated today being sober this long. Is that strange? Nothing was blurry or intense either. It was an odd feeling and I felt a little insecure. I think I’m fine though. I know I will be anyway with more time sober.

Sorry you had a bad day kiwi. Tomorrow at least you won’t be hung over and hopefully it will be better.

I really miss my mom now. She is 73 and I haven’t been back to the States for almost two years. We are close so talk on the phone a lot, but she has been traveling with my aunt so I haven’t touched base in too long. She was so sad when I started drinking again. I’ll tell her I quit again once I have some more time. My Christmas present from my husband is a trip home to see her. I don’t have the ticket yet but was thinking I’d see her for her birthday in June.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Rang my mum today!

Narilly, my apologies. I meant i met Lil here in the nest, unfortunately not personally. That would've been a blast.

Great work K bro. Cool present re the air ticket Choices. My mood is generally very good, but this morning i awoke in a funk. I tried to work it out and identified i'd been worrying about money for travelling and airfares. Small stuff. Solution - sit down and work out a plan forward to make that happen in the way you want G fella. Job done.

[actiongirl46]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great article NS, thank you!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

I had a dream that I decided to take a shot of whiskey. After it was over, I was SO bummed that I'd have to start from Day 1 again. Bummed doesn't even accurately portray my feelings. Devastated?

Kiwi - That's the power of community. In addition to starting on Day 1 again, you'd have to come tell us. INSTEAD, if you need, come tell us before you drink so we can talk you down. I know that I always had Ava in the back of my mind (good to have a quit buddy), and I knew that in addition to disappointing myself I'd let everyone down here; and I also knew that I could get support from anyone here any time. Sorry you had a down day, but glad you got through.

It is good to hear all of the tributes to moms. Mine is still alive and well, and I do love her. When she gets to be a pain in my a$$ it is good to remember that the other option would be not to have her at all. NS - glad you can be there for your mom.

Off to work. This is a challenging week. I got this.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Right [MENTION=22540]Choices[/MENTION], booze is off the table.

G - two scenarios: 1. Wake up and feel like shit. Try to push the feeling away and keep feeling awful so finally drink and forget, sort of. Wake up feeling physically terrible, and the worry is STILL there. 2. Wake up feeling like shit. Honor that feeling and get to the bottom of it. Address the worry and work to solve it or realize its just a worry and the feeling starts to dissipate. Wake up feeling stronger than you did the day before, and possibly solving an issue. It's a better day because two bad days don't usually happen in a row, right [MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION]?

Simplified - but time and time again you illustrate how simply listening to ourselves, acknowledging whatever feelings we have and accepting them leads to very positive things. Way to go G!

Sorry for those of you who have lost your moms. I think every day how I should be spending more time with mind. I might call to schedule lunch with her today.

Feeling generally good. Worked late last night, but not too late. I have to get a bunch done today to meet deadlines. So off I go. No desire to drink.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone I’m just waking up, well I’ve been up... sorting everyone’s food for the day.

I am feeling good. I am so grateful to be sober again. It’s been a long time coming. I can’t believe I choose to live in that unhealthy drinking cycle again for so long. It is not worth it at all. The cost is imence.

I’m nervous for school to start again, I have been a real nerd and began reading for my course yesterday. I really don’t want to get behind like I did last year. I’m having some anxiety over that, but it makes since. Last year I was in over my head. This year will be different. I’m repeating courses I failed so the information won’t be new. I’m also positive I’ll like my new program better. It is much more flexible and I need that with my small family. My goal is not to let the stress build up and learning to cope when I’m overwhelmed in a healthier way.

I hope everyone is well. I can’t express enough how much support I feel in this nest. Thank you!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters,

Late check in for me today.
I've also had a bit of a funky day.. mostly because I'm having some sort of weird skin problems and I feel very self conscious. I would have liked to have hidden in a cave but I couldn't.. and this is a busy week at work, so.. I'm just trying not to stress as that makes everything worse!

All the talk about Moms made me miss mine very much. Choices, like you, we live far apart so we only see eachother every couple years.. but I'm very fortunate and grateful for the fact that we are so close in the heart and keep in touch over the phone. Big hugs to all of you missing yours. :hug:

G-Man, that sounds like a great plan.. write it down! I find I can find solutions for most of my problems on paper.. then my lack of discipline (which I am improving!) kicks in and I have to write a new plan..:happy2: You mentioned you were wanting to travel sometime in the near future.. have you made a decision as to where that will be?

At the moment I can't think of anything worse than drinking.. passing out and then waking up having disappointed myself yet again.. Pav, I think devastation is the right word!

Wishing everyone a good MAE.. see you all tomorrow. xx

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nest

Pav i always have you in the back of my mind. i cant imagine losing my quit buddy this far along. Scotch used to be my drink of choice with spirits and i cant imagine even sniffing it now let alone drinking it.

It was lovely to read about all of you with your mums, makes me wish i had a better relationship with mine. After reading about this i was driving to work and my phone rang and it was mum. i thought oh dear its either her or my son that is not well. No one rings at 6.15am to say good morning! my son is in hospital, he had a wisdom tooth out yesterday and collapsed so they are running tests. i am telling myself everything is fine but he is my 29 year old baby so i am ready to drive a few hours to see him to settle myself down. my anxiety came visiting as soon as i knew but the great thing is that now i dont wish for a drink to make things better and i didnt even think of a smoke. life is improving and i know none of those two crutches that i had will help with what is happening.

So i am off to some meetings which will take my mind of my boy and wait for mum to call.

take care x