Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Reborn here and recognizing the new me Jvo! I think, anyway! There it is right there in your post for me and maybe a few of us. Low self esteem, a feeling of not being good enough, am i good enough? I always thought i was an ugly kid (in high school/adolecence when self image stuff hits). I was suprised when a student told me a teacher said i'd be a good lookin fella when i grow up. Made me feel good, but i didn't believe i could be a handsome dude in any way. I remember hanging onto that teachers words throughout my teens as a sort of lifeline when i felt bad about my looks. As it turned out, i've a few interesting angles and bumps and lumps on me head, but came out ok lol.

Building resilience is my mission. Building self knowledge, self awareness and developing and practicing the tools i need to keep me balanced and resilient. For me i've learnt that i need to understand my thought processes, body chemistry, and how it connects. What are my triggers? What are my early warning signals? I know what they are, and i understand this stuff. Being able to put it into practice when things go crazy is another matter. Like myself, Wags, Jackie Wallace, Ellie and countless others who've snapped and gone back to getting numb, my question is sometimes why? Why do i go back to drinking when i know full well where it leads, and i have the knowledge and strategies to combat it? I don't know the complete answer to that, except to say i know where boozing will lead me. That i do know the answer to, and that's all i need to know at this point. So - my thinking is if i keep working on building inner resilience and self worth, self love through self care evry day, then i reckon i've got a better than even chance of keeping the life i want. I am building and living the life i want now, today. I'm not waiting to get sober, i am sober. Go git it!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

I am building and living the life i want now, today. I'm not waiting to get sober, i am sober. Go git it!

Good one G, you go GIT IT!!

Some great posts everyone.
Yeah, Kiwi- maybe you can find new friends and start doing new things in an old place. I think that is the hardest thing especially when you are used to moving around. I am sure there are other sober minded people where you are doing fun things, check them out!

I loved your stories about dad's everyone. My dad was amazing. He has been gone for 10 years now and I miss him everyday but he is here in my heart. I know that sounds cliche but it is so true. No one loved me like my dad and no one ever will. He had a few kids before me and they all passed away from 'blue baby' syndrome where the ventricle in the heart is not fully developed. So when I came along and was healthy he was SO crazy happy. He loved me very much and I appreciated that, I know I was very lucky. He encouraged me to do my best in my career, school and marriage. He loved all of us- his grandchildren and my husband. I really could not have asked for a better dad. He was a teacher and then a realtor, he loved the news and current events, we had great talks about politics and the economy. I have nothing to complain about in the dad department. He drank a bit but not very much and I never saw him drunk. I did not talk to him about drinking either, that was an off limits subject.

So what was my excuse for drinking? I am not sure but I really think it is a brain thing for me. I just can't handle drinking AL.

Hey- on another note, we have a snow fall warning here. They are saying 25 to 30 cms of snow overnight which is quite a bit in a short time. Tomorrow it is going down to the -20's so we will see what tomorrow brings. At least I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed so I can deal with it.

CER- where are you? I hope you are ok.

I can't go back to the last page but there were some great posts- Choices, JVo, Lav in Lav Land, Kensho, Pav, Ava, Life,

Thanks for all your support everyone.
Don't drink today.
xo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories & personal struggles with family, life, work, etc.
We all deal with so much each & every day. It’s no wonder we make mistakes every now & then. Who makes the right choice about everything every single time? No one!
It is such a blessing to finally accept that we are nothing but human, we have faults, make mistakes but we also can improve ourselves. All it really takes is the desire,a good working plan & the tender support of one another here.

Wags, I am so grateful you found your way back after all that grief :hugs:

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest. If you live anywhere near me look out for icy roads, goodness it’s nasty out there!

Lav

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone!

Really good posts. I've been listening to the bubble hour again today and the guest was a lady who was 3 months sober after a relapse where she had been 2 years sober. It's all so interesting to hear what peoples reflections are on the subject. All of them are personal and also have similarities aswell.

I got my hair done today. Yippee! I also bought myself new shoes yesterday and a new pair of pants from an op-shop. I am feeling pretty spiffy. It is night and day how much better I am taking care of myself with drinking out of the picture. Self care is key.

I am in the same city as you kiwi and I moved here when I was 35. I found it really hard to meet people! I kinda got on with my then boyfriend now husbands friends but I couldn't relate to their girlfriends. I felt so lonely and to be honest bored. It's such a beautiful place to be in NZ so that thankfully got me through- It actually wasn't until I had my child that a whole new world opened up as far as meeting other mums. It's tough meeting people when your older and everyone is settling down!!

I'm not sure what your interests are, but a few years ago, I just started taking night classes, (cooking, sewing..French.. whatever tickled my fancy) got myself permaculture certified. That was the most rewarding and I met the most amazing people. There were a lot of blokes taking the course as well so that was good. I'm not sure if you like yoga? I see more and more men in my classes.

I'm really glad you are out of the blues. It's great you like your job! Not a lot of people can say that.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

850 miles the last two days. Just got home and glad to be here! This would not have been possible if I were stll chained to a bottle. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters,

Wags, thank you for sharing your story. It frightens me that things can change so quickly and easily. It's a good reminder to spend time everyday reflecting orn our progress and nurturing our souls. I can't say I'm always good about taking care of myself without feeling guilty. Lately I've been trying to find my joy. I've just been kind of heavy hearted and a little anxious and I tend to isolate. Thank for the reminder to reach out and connect.
Happy sober hump day Ava,Byrdie,Pav,LC, narilly Gman, NS, Jvo, Kensho, Lav,and anyone I may have missed.
Roobs

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh, I forgot to mention that I was a bit smug about waking up after the Super Bowl without a hangover. I don't even follow football that closely but I did enjoy watching the Super Bowl. In the past it was just another "legitimate" reason to drink all day long. most of the time I was too buzzed to even focus on the game or enjoy the halftime show.. The Monday following was always full of regret. Bleck, I sure don't mss that. Btw, I was not impressed with JT s performance.
Roobs

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening,

Had day off work because of snow/ice. It was a good mix of relaxation and got my hair colored and highlighted, gave myself a mani/pedi, cooked a bit, and read a lot. Was reading on hip sobriety and something occurred to me. I do lots of reading, but I haven't put a lot of things into real practice. [MENTION=3793]Guitar[/MENTION]tista, you do this. You have a set of tools and things you practice daily that keep you grounded physically, spiritually, mentally. I need to start being more accountable for my sobriety. First, I'd like to make a list of my go to tools when I'm feeling shaky. I don't wanna just think about feeling "off" and hope it goes away. I think that's too risky for me as I believe a f-it would be right around the corner. I know I'd benefit from short meditations, exercise, and some other things I've read about. I know I've been down about this crappy weather and it makes me not want to do anything after I put a day's work in. But maybe I need to push myself and add one new thing each week or even one new thing every two weeks. I'll be going to Florida next week with my husband, and I'm going to not just relax, but start thinking about what will aid my long term sobriety. I want this to last forever, so I'm going to start digging deep into what I think will help me to get to that next milestone. I don't want this to feel like a struggle, and maybe my mind is telling me otherwise. I was reading on hip sobriety and liked these two points she made:

.11. You're free from drinking. Instead of focusing on the fact that you can never drink again, focus on the fact that you never HAVE TO drink again. Focusing on can't leads to a feeling of deprivation, which sets us up to want it - this has been proven in countless studies. If we replace "I can never" with "I don't have to ever!", and focus on the liberation from the groundhog day that was our drinking life, we instead promote a feeling of relief. If this sounds crazy and like you can't even, I urge you to try it anyway - your subconscious doesn't know the difference between the two thoughts, and after a while, this will be your reality. I have been forceful with myself in not romanticizing what is no longer, and focus intently on the amount of freedom I have gained.
“There is nothing as unstoppable as a freight train full of fuck-yeah.”
— Jen Sincero
12. You find out who you are. And you are awesome. Drinking perpetually keeps us from understanding Who. We. Are. It is culprit in developing a false sense of self and a divide between who we really are, and the person we think we have to be. Until we remove alcohol from our lives, we never get to experience the true capacity and depth of self. Removing alcohol allowed me to finally get to the bottom of who I was, and finally give her the fighting chance she deserved. We are all gems, all of us with gifts, all of us perfect little stories to unfold. Removing alcohol allows our real journey to finally begin.
[MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION], you've said #11 a lot. Focus on "I never have to drink again" instead of "I can't drink again." Turn those negatives into a positive and say them out loud. "Thank God I never have to drink again!" I get to live and not be afraid to lose life, hate myself, ruin my health, and I get to be a true grown up! I get to mentally mature. Hope that one works out...

And as I said this morning. About wanting to learn who I am, being reborn. See #12. I want that. Wouldn't that be cool.

I love my Dad so much. He had a drinking problem off and on throughout his life, but I never saw him sloppy drunk. The booze made him angry at times, if he drank whiskey. He is on the wagon since this past summer. After mom passed, he had what I think was a breakdown. He was hallucinating at night, and it could have been from the alcohol or when he quit. He reads some sobriety books and I'm glad that when I visit him, he won't have any al in the house. He told me he gave it away to his neighbors.

Time for bed.

Jvo

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
quick fly by on my way to work.. didn't have time to read all the way back this morning, but wanted to check in for accountability.
I'm still feeling off and that can be a warning sign.. so I will not drink today! No matter what and no matter who!
Back later to catch up on everyone..
Thank you all for posting your cautionary tales.. I appreciate it a lot.

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Some good reading here the past few days. Thank you all for sharing. Feeling a little in no-mans land here, 8+ months in. Maybe PAWS, but the stories on relapse really help. I don't want to go back to where I was, ever. Onward.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Honestly, J-Vo, I feel #11. I remember being newly sober and people telling me that and I was like "yeah, right." I feel so lucky that I never have to drink again. No bargaining with myself, no planning my nights (and even restaurants!) around what booze I can find, no waking up at 3am with guilt and fear, no living life through that fog of looking for a drink, drinking, and recovering from a drink. It is so freeing. When I think about how grateful I am, I can actually visualize a big, weighted vest coming off my shoulders. If you're not feeling it right yet, as Byrd or Lav say, fake it until you make it.

Mr. G - You've been talking about traveling for a while. Time to git it!

Nar, what a nice tribute to your dad.

I'm going to see live music tonight. I'm excited for the band and the venue, but actually I think they'll start playing at the time I usually turn out my light on a weeknight. I have inertia. Once I get there, I'll be glad, but I'm tired just thinking about tomorrow... Good thing I won't have a hangover to go with it...

Happy SOBER Thursday,
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I opened the front door this morning and watched my pooch bounce out to the paper and skid past it, then pounce on it, tail wagging. Then, as always, she stops and looks around then grabs the paper and bounces in. It made me smile. This dog makes me smile every time I see her. Except when I was hungover - I don't think I would have smiled. What a shame to miss moments like this.

Here's to the moments we miss while drinking. Have a great day!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mr V - hang in there through this sort of doldrums period you're experiencing. 8 months is fantastic, but I think also is a time that lends itself to feeling a bit "meh" about our quits. You definitely don't want to lose what you've worked for. Don't wait for this to pass - take active steps that you know work for you, whether that be through reading stuff that keeps you on track, or exercise, nature, trying a new activity or social interaction - maybe set a 9-month reward target to work toward??? You know you best. Regardless, keep coming here. Trust me as one of the people who lost a huge quit - it really does get harder to start over each time, so why risk it???

Byrdie - glad you're home safe and sober!

Jvo - sounds like a great way to spend a snow day, and I love the two points you shared. I hope your book arrives soon!

Kensho - I, too, am someone who appreciates the way our pup makes me smile and laugh every single day. Glad you're getting to see that from an un-hung perspective!


G, Pav, Lav, Choices, LC, Nar, Roobs, Ava, Kiwi, Seeker, and everyone else passing thru the nest - hope you all have fantastic days and eves!

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,

thanks for the comments - my aim this year is to try and join a group or club and hopefully meet new people (in an AF environment of course!). Auckland is a very different city to London, I do like the fact I can get out to any beach within an hour or so, there's some beautiful scenery, but the city itself I find boring - not a lot going on, but then again I'm used to the hustle and bustle of a big city.
It's Friday already - helps having a public holiday during the week. I'm starting to notice I'm getting more energy lately and not struggling to walk to work in the morning (yesterday I was wondering how I ever did it when I was hung over!). I did wake up in the middle of the night last night thinking about that first drink I had after 4.5 years. I couldn't understand why it happened - there was no real lead up to it, no pre-planning, it just kinda happened out of the blue which scares me a little thinking that it might happen again. It really is becoming complacent and not working on sobriety every day - even if you haven't drank for a long time. After a difficult 2-3 weeks, I feel that I'm starting to get on top of the sobriety thing and really starting to feel better - getting some energy back and starting to feel like my old (non-AL) self. Hope everyone has a nice day - weekend's not too far away now guys!

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hon everyone!

I had a struggle last night that I posted on my phone in the middle of when I had it... and I wrote it all in the wrong place so it got lost. Writing it out in the middle of it helped enough to not drink. I’ll try and write more about it later. All better now! I would be hating life if I’d acted on a strong craving I had last night. Dodged a bullet. No AL in the house is key for me not to make an impulsive bad decision if my emotions specifically anger and frustration get the best of me.

I’m off to orientation today! I forgot it is my wedding anniversary and my husband surprised me with a new necklace! I’m feeling pretty happy with him!! Six years.