Newbies Nest

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for the wisdom, all. I think the weather also plays a part in my funkiness, now. We had a little sunshine yesterday, and that perked me up a bit. Now, to get a little more exercise.
I also seem to get overwhelmed by things now. So much to do, that I let slip before. Slowly, baby-steps. Everything does not need to get done right away, after all it's been years for some of the crap.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mr V, I too feel overwhelmed sometimes. try not to think too far ahead, it seems like you are doing that already. One day at a time,right? I think some of the AA sayings actually are pretty good- like ODAT. I sometimes get too far ahead of myself and then get freaked out.
At the beginning of my sobriety I would start thinking way far out like- 'what about my birthday, Christmas? Am I not going to drink?' That would freak me out because it was just so overwhelming. So now I focus on today and tomorrow and that helps- I obsess about money too and so I have to make myself stop doing that.

So nice to be sober on a Friday, I got to work at 6:45 am and am leaving early today. Only working until 11:30ish. It was -31C walking to work this morning, sheesh...pretty cold.

Come back and post LilB!

Have a nice sober day everyone!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Good to see you, Lil B! Glad to hear all is well - your parade season is upon you. Dogs participating this year?

Mr. V - Yes, that middle part of the first year was very meh for me. I was in a "really? that's it? why me?" phase for a long time. Head down, and walk forward, one day at a time, and know that you'll come out the other side. I have read about the Pink Cloud Effect where you lose the giddiness of being newly sober, and settle in to reality without fully being healed, or even having gotten through a whole year. It DOES get better. NS, if you're reading this, maybe it is time for your post from TurnAgain about being in the middle? You got this, Mr. V.

Wow, Narilly. How do you breathe in that temperature! It was 75 F (24 C) here today and beautiful. However, I consider it eerie, because it should be raining. I agree, that ODAAT works. I, too, would worry about future events, and when they finally came they weren't really anything special.

Ava - sounds scary with your son. I'm glad you live close enough to go see what's up yourself.

Music was good, but I didn't get to sleep until 1am! Very late for me on a work day. I have to focus on work, and making good food choices because being tired makes me weak sometimes!

Happy Friday - My ticket is NOT to Boozeville!

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Lovely people! It's Friday here and I've scheduled myself a 60 day spa treatment. Looking SO forward to that! Rewards are the perfect way to have something to look forward to and treat ourselves right. I've rewarded myself with a bunch of things - even silly little things that I really wanted and didn't cost much. It's a nice way to re-wire that "reward" thing we messed up with alcohol.

I talked with my friend who did the Whole30 today. It's been about a week and a half since we've been done. I asked her how she was doing with going back to her previous ways and she said, "Oh, well... I guess ok... I'm probably drinking too much again...". I wanted to tell her that OF COURSE she went back to her original amounts because that's what happens once we become addicted, and that she would likely now struggle with alcohol until she stopped, and that I fully understood and that's why I stopped.... But I didn't. I just said, "I know - it's really hard". I don't want to be overbearing unless she asks me specifically for help or advice. The fact that she's putting it out there - making that statement tells me she's not fully hiding it - but I'm not sure she's ready to really consider this a problem that has one solution (to stop). Maybe someday she will ask me about my situation and I will be able to share what I know. I know that I wasn't ready to hear what others said about alcohol until I was desperate.

And I WAS desperate. I don't ever want to forget the first post I crafted for this site. It was ridiculously long and tedious, but it was full of desperation and a request for help. I didn't know how to "fix" my problem by myself, but I knew full well I had a problem. Ugh. That was 4 years ago and at that point, I stated I'd been aware of my "problem" for 7 years or so. 11 years ago, I knew my relationship with alcohol wasn't healthy. Today, I'm at day 60. That's the sick hold alcohol has on a person.

Anyway, for anyone out there wanting to stop the madness of addiction - jump on board. Never look back. One drink can turn into years lost.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning. I am struggling. I won’t drink but I feel a bit like a fish out of water coping with myself having that off the table. Baby steps is good advice and the reminder of ODAT.

I’m happy it’s raining today. A very nice break from the heat.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh wow congrats KENSHO! 60days is brilliant! At first I thought you were going to a spa for 60 days! I was like sign me up!!! That such a great reward. You deserve it. Enjoy.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Found it :smile::
In-Between - Melody Beattie

In-Between

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, and what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger.
In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time.
We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening.
We may feel empty and lost for a time.
We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals.
We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with.
This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost,
and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead.
These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but we’re not.
We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good."

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters,

Choices, sometimes we have to change the channel, and get back some perspective. I know when i get out the front door for a run, i am taken outside of myself by other visual stimulation. I see people, nature, a dog, a situation, a mural, i dunno, maybe a freakin butterfly. And i am distracted and taken out of myself for a little while. Often by simply just getting myself out the front door, i change my channel whether i want to or not. Anyway, this helps me get outside of my sorry self and get back some perspective on my life and why i quit in the first place. Keep us posted friend. ODAT.

Friend Kensho. Holy papal persiflage! I thought the same as Choices. A six, i say 60 day spa?!! Congratulations on 60 days off the booze. Sheesh, that went quickly. Time does fly!

All good here. The weekend ain't no ticket to no freakin boozeville, despite the glossy brochures. Don't believe the hype. Or the pipe.

x-post. Yo NS. Thanks for your post.

[Rahulthesweet]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Struggling with leg stress fracture ... did a half marathon and at about 20 km leg starting paining a lot. I wanted to finish it so kept on with pain ... now down with a cast on leg for a month and with crutches ( depressing ...

Only good part no thoughts of AL. Rest all pretty dull ...

Lovely post no sugar

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Rahul, so sorry about the stress fracture, that stinks. Fortunately, as a young man you will heal much quicker. I had a stress fracture of two bones in my foot nearly 4 years ago & it's stll not quite right (us older folks don't heal very quickly). Take care of yourself

Kensho, Congrats to you on your 60 AF days :welldone:
Keep moving forward, no do-overs this time.

Choices, goodness but I think you need to sit & focus on some calming breaths!
Not sure why you are so overwhelmed but hanging on to stress like that is not good. Keep the faith that everything will turn out OK, it will

G, I was pretty astounded when I realized how long it took for me to completely clear my system. It takes as long as it takes, we're all different. But I immediately noticed a difference once I was cleared of all the toxins. Hang in there, you deserve to get there too!

NS, 'In-Between' is a perfect description of that sort of purgatory we go into right after we quit drinking. I remember it feeling so strange, a completely unknown place. A completely non-drinking adult was a foreign concept. Waiting it out was all I could do

Hi there Pav, narilly, jvo & everyone.
Lil B, great to see you & happy to hear you are doing well!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Narilly, Lil Bit is the nester who passed away. But ai am thrilled to see Lil Beagle posting! Hey lady, dont be a stranger!!!
Kensho, well done on those 60 days!! :llama:
Rahul, that stinks about your leg. I hope it heels quickly, thanks for letting us know how you are. Gentle hugs to you.
What a day! Work is extremely frustrating, but no thoughts of AL. Do whatever it takes to break free of this awful addiction.
Byrdie

[little beagle]

Re: Newbies Nest

I've missed readings and posting on here. Thanks Narilly for the push to get back to it.
Yes it is parade season here. Mardi Gras. This year I'm not going. I just don't want to.
Thanks for the In Between post NS.

[Samstone]

Re: Newbies Nest

Little Beagle!!!!

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks Gman. You are right about changing the channel. Maybe even splashing water on my face would help when I can not leave the house or a situation. Possibly aromatherapy might help.

I wish I wasn’t stressed. I don’t want to give up on school and I don’t want to explode with anger towards my family. I actually was never taught how to handle stress in a healthy way. My family growing up just yelled when there was pressure. I was yelled at constantly for not falling into line. I really do not want to do that to my kid. I was abusing alcohol instead of learning how to handle parenting when I get frustrated. I was kinding myself but I thought it was better if I was tipsy and fun for her then stressed out and angry like my mom and dad were with me. I am breathing and meditating but it is not working when I can not get away and be by myself.

Stress is bad, but how do I manage myself when I’m not in control of the situation? I know I can’t be in control of other people, but I’d like to have a grip on myself. When I am calm I do not feel like drinking. But life is not calm if I am not in charge of it being calm. I don’t know how to do this. My anger is so close to the surface and it scares me. I do not know why I can not just relax around people and not feel like I’m freaking out when things are not calm.

Like, my daughter totally misbehaving at yoga and then running like a spaz through the parking lot after. Me feeling embarrassed of her behavior and yelling at her to behave. Her getting into the car and just being a brat to me and I want to scream. My car door acidently hits the car next to mine. I’m still trying to control my daughter who is yelling she wants a food! She is starving! (I had food for her before yoga and after...) but was not getting it fast enough.

The woman from the car next to me is out of her car and in my face mad at me for not acknowledging that my car door hit hers and she is insistent that there is a scratch on her car. I can not see it, I can not tell because her whole car door has scratches on it. She has me open up my door to see exactly the one small scratch my car door caused. I apologize and start rubbing the scratch. It is paint from my car door and it comes off. I keep saying I’m sorry. I don’t know why she keeps staring at me. She keeps saying she just wanted me to know. I DO know. I tell her I am distracted by my daughter who was just misbehaving, and having a bad mom moment.

She just repeats she really thought I should know what my car door did. OK —- got it! She is wearing a yoga outfit and ready to go to the same studio which means I will see her every week and I feel shame.

To top it off I slink into my car.. mindful that our insanely close parking does not cause my car door to hit hers again. My daughter yells I Want a banana! I just yell back very loud. SHUT UP!! The door lady hears me and just stares at me like I’m a crazy person. Maybe I am?

I drive off seeing red. I yell at my daughter all the way home through traffic like my mother use to do to me. I know what I’m doing is wrong. I’ve never done it before. My daughter is scared.

In the past I would have not yelled at my daughter and just stopped at the liquor store for a bottle of wine. I would have drank 1/2 the bottle in probably 1/2 an hour. Gave her my iPad and cooked dinner.

I still cooked dinner but sent her to her room. (Mostly because I did not want to screw up as a parent).

I did not drink. But I need to work on this.

This was Thursday night, Friday was orientation today is Saturday. It is going ok.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Saturday morning Nesters..

I'm up with the birds after a good sleep waiting for my Dad to call.. he just had a total knee replacement and is feeling good after living in a lot of pain for 2 years. He was scared to have the surgery and waited too long to go in.. now he sees that. I'm hoping he'll take this time to lose some weight which will include not drinking so much. Let's see.

Changes, I can really relate to you. When my girls were young I felt a huge responsibility/pressure to be the best Mom possible, different from mine and my upbringing. In hindsight, I think it would have been better not to have had such high expectations of myself. They've turned into wonderful young women, despite all my stress. You love your girl and she feels it 100%.. we are allowed to get upset and be angry and they do push our buttons.. most likely not on purpose, but they do..I wonder if you could find a time to do yoga/self-care things without your daughter? So that you can really use the time fully to relax? I like to remember the analogy of putting on the air mask in the airplane.. you have to put yours on first, which is exactly what you're doing in becoming and staying sober.. these first weeks are hard going. I really liked a part in this book where she's talking about the "broken brain".. Read that part again.. The booze free body and brain.. It takes time to feel normal without alcohol, to form new neural pathways when we've spent so much time using alcohol as a solution for everything. I know you know this!:hug: But you are doing such a good job.. I would guess the therapists from the school could help you figure out on a deeper level what's going on with the stress/anger and help you find new ways to deal with it.

Wags, thank you for writing about your relapse in such detail.. very much appreciated.
J-vo, I also really liked the number 11. from hip sobriety.. It feels good to say, I don't ever have to drink again. I don't ever have to feel like a used up piece of shit in the morning, full of such sadness and regret, every task feeling like it's unbearable.. That feels like real freedom.. It's keeping in that frame of mind that is the work for me.. Did you get the book yet? I like another part.. ""Neural pathways in the brain, including addictive pathways are formed in similar ways to hiking trails. The more a hiking route is used, the smoother, wider and clearer it becomes. It becomes the default, easiest route. Should you need to forge a brand new path through the forest or form a newborn sober neural pathway, it will be arduous initially. At first the new path will be narrow, difficult and slow.. over time it will become a well-worn, comfortable path, it will be just as easy as the original path.."" Catherine Gray, the author of the book is often quoting a neuroscientist called Marc Lewis.. he says that when people put together building blocks of abstinence, that the neuroplasticity returns.. the brain starts changing again, perhaps radically.. it literally restructures.. but this takes time.. he says that the prefrontal cortex can even experience an "upgrade" due to the sustained and seasoned cognitive effort that being sober takes.. that this part of the brain can become more elaborate, flexible, resilient..
That is something to really look forward to..
Right now I wish so much that I'd just stayed on track.. kept up my promise to myself not to drink no matter what and no matter who.. I really want to feel what it's like to be futher along that new path.

G-man, so excited about you coming upon 6 months! You, too, Jude!

and Kensho, congratulations on 60 days.. Great job.. you're sounding very strong and sure in your quit.

Wishing everyone an easy and relaxing day.. we have snow on the ground for the second time this Winter. Hope a bit more comes our way.. it's been too warm and dry here this year. Scary.
Big hugs..

edit.. Ava, I meant to ask about your son..? any new news yet?:hug: