Newbies Nest

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks LC. I’ll take your advice and listen to that bit of the book again. I feel so much better after getting that long post off my chest!

The yoga class I was talking about is a kids yoga class. I hang out with a friend while she does it. But, I was thinking of popping to the gym during this time instead. It might be good to change my routine. The friend of mine is quite negative and self absorbed. I like her, but I don’t really get a chance to relax while my daughter is doing yoga. I think I need that. I do yoga on my own at this studio... that was another reason for my embarrassment.

I do try too hard to be a perfect mom and it is impossible.

I have forgotten that I have wanted to do this short evening course on non violent communication. Just the idea of the course is helping me to feel calmer. That I can learn how to communicate in a more peaceful way, that will make me feel better.

It made me feel better that you said my daughter knows I love her. Gosh I hope so!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Choices - the serenity prayer - accept the things you can't change and have the courage to change the things you can. Funny enough (even though I know it sucked for you), you're describing both you and your daughter in the same mode - unable to control your emotions. It happens to humans all. the. time. The good thing is, you will learn to feel those emotions and to work through them without alcohol. It is hard, but it does come. I was going to suggest a breathing technique. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, and breathe out for 8 counts. Just 5 of those, and my stress levels come way down, no matter what the situation. In that hectic moment, it might have been hard, but maybe you could say out loud what you are doing and at the very least your daughter could hear you. Just a thought. AND, I really appreciate LC's reflection - perfection is not going to happen, and the pursuit of it (especially as a parent) is futile. I have apologized to my kids more than once for losing my cool - but I have to admit, it happens a lot less frequently now that I quit drinking.

Thanks for the post, NS. I either didn't realize it was from Melanie Beatty, or I forgot. I do like her writing.

Rahul - sorry for your leg. For an athlete like you, that must be hard. Hope you find some other ways to get those endorphins going.

Off to enjoy another eerily beautiful day!

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Little Beagle and Rahul - Soooooooo great to see you both!!!

LB, I remember you from my first time in the nest, back in 2014. Anyone with a pup in their pic and/or username I feel an additional connection to Glad to hear you're doing well and hope you'll keep posting.

Rahul - so sorry to hear about the stress fracture. I had one of those in my tibial plateau many years ago and it was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. The good news is, they do tend to heal quite well if you give them the chance, so hopefully you'll be back to running fairly soon with no residual problems.

Choices - So sorry to hear of your difficult time in the parking lot with your daughter and that other woman. I just hate when things seem to all pile on at once - like we're already struggling and trying to cope, and someone just has to insist that we pay extra attention to their (usually minor) issue. It sounds like you are really uncomfortable with how you yelled at your daughter, and I can totally see why, but please also put a tick in the positive column for NOT stopping to get a bottle as part of your coping mechanism. It does sound like your system is a bit wired right now - maybe something with adrenal glands??? Fortunately, you're in the perfect academic field and environment to find support and healthy answers to whatever is going on right now. I hope you are able to find some soothing solutions quickly and get going with your exciting new school and courses. :hug:

Byrdie - I appreciate your and others' suggestions to put my recent post in the toolbox and relapse threads. Do I just copy and paste? Glad you're done with the 850-mile trip - hope you get some time to rest now!

G-dude and others who have been discussing the Refuge Recovery book - I just picked up a copy from our local library. I now have two books to peruse - the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (Jvo- has yours arrived yet???) and RR. Looking forward to getting new ideas and beefing up my own personal toolbox!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

I love waking up UnHung on Saturday. I was hungover every Saturday for about 30 years I think, how awful. I would feel the shame,remorse and all that every Saturday morning. I am SO grateful not to feel that Right Now, yay!! I feel Great, had my coffee, read some posts, am going for a massage, all before noon. So much better than waking up at noon with a hangover.

Life, thanks for the post. Listening to Dr Kelly on the Bubble Hour talk about how alcohol effects the brain really helped me when I was trying to get sober. And creating new pathways in the brain really makes sense to me. My husband had a midlife crisis about 8 years ago, had an affair, we separated, he said he didn’t love me, it was a terrible time. We reconciled after about 6 months and I read a book called ‘After the Affair’ and the author said “To Make a path you have to walk it”. So I would say to myself ‘I love him, I want him ‘ over and over instead of ‘I can’t forgive him, I hate him’. Eventually I started to feel that love and forgiveness and we were able to rebuild our relationship.

I think it’s similar with AL. Making new paths in your brain and closing the old ones that are so easy to go down. “To make a path you must walk it” I like that.
Hi Lil B, nice to hear from you. Glad you are alive

Choices, good you were able to come here and post instead of drink I think it really helps to talk and be accountable. Way to go, you are a good mom.
Pav, enjoy your eerily beautiful day, it’s still colder than hell here but that’s ok.
Byrdie, thanks for the clarification. Sheesh, sorry work is stressful but at least you don’t drink!
Hi Rahul,sorry about your leg.
Ava, how is your son?
JVo, have a good sober Saturday. Hope things are going well today?
Hello Lav and your ��
Kiwi- hello!
GMan, have a beautiful Saturday, .

See ya!
Don’t drink today.
Xo

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi again Nesters,

I just had a shock as my ex, while visiting his new girlfriend who lives overseas for 5 weeks, decided to write me a short email to tell me he'd lied to me about their relationship while we were still together. He needed to get it off his chest..? After so much time has passed and I almost never have him or them in my mind, it really ticked me off to be getting this completely useless information. It made me very sad as well because I KNEW it and he lied and denied over and over again. I found it quite selfish that he decided to tell me now and long distance so I can't even really respond. I did respond briefly and I feel back to more or less normal after a hard cry, a good talk with a friend and my Mom and painting a wall in my kitchen. I realised that what I was really sad about was that going into this relationship 11 years ago, he was the love of my life. And I trusted him more than I've ever trusted anyone. He knows everything! about me.. which I still haven't let go of caring about.

LB, I was so happy to see you post, too! I always think of you this time of year.. as we celebrate "Carnival" here, too. But it doesn't seem to be such a crazy drinking fest.. more a time for the kids to dress up and have fun. Let us know more about what you're up to if you have a chance..:love:

ok. just had to get that off my chest.
Hi to everyone stopping and flying by today..
xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

X-post Nar.. Hi!! timely post, yours, with regards to the affair. I've done that with people before, sending out love instead of negative feelings and it has worked.. and I actually feel that towards my ex..
I have to think of a good, easy sentence to use with alcohol.. I have been reciting Love over fear.. which is helping..thanks for that..xx

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Choices, I would have drank half the bottle in about 6 minutes. HA! We have to learn to deal with this stuff differently - it is hard. Take it easy on yourself, your emotional outbursts will improve over time. I have grown calmer and calmer the longer I’m AF. You will learn new techniques for coping with stress, give it time. The most noticeable thing for me has been that I’m better able to separate out what to own, and what NOT to own. That woman may have been having a bad day and needed to rub your nose in it - that’s on her. Just keep doing what you are doing and things will continue to get better and better.

I’m dealing with stress of my own - of a hormonal nature. I can’t deal during these 2 days of the month and my husband just doesn’t get it. Instead of giving me space, he reacts and escalates - man, not a good time to escalate me. I fight back. Like seriously, don’t mess with me. But he does. Ugh!! On top of it, he’s going with the guys on a “brew trolly” around town. For 8 hours. With serious drinkers. I don’t want to be judgemental, but who in their 40’s need to party like their 20? People who abuse alcohol, that’s who. I am not looking forward to seeing him at 8pm and I hate that he wants to check out like this. And that he justifies it just because other people want to do it with him - and in the name of a “craft”. But then again, I’m a little testy

Rahul! So glad you stopped in. Sorry for your injury. I know how much cycling has been a coping mechanism for you. Dig deep friend, you will get through this!

Narilly, I like your thoughts on rebuilding the pathways. I think that is so true. That’s why consistent visits to this nest are helping me reinforce the new AF me.

LC… what a schmuck - glad you left him. Close that door and open it to positive people who treat you with respect. Hugs :hug:

It’s snowing and lovely here today. Taking the kids to the movies and meeting a friend while the fellas get stupid. I can take my own advice and focus on my healing and the person I want to be. I can’t change other people anyway - I can just treat others as I would wish to be treated.

Ava, update please. The next is worrying about your son! Sending good thoughts.

[summer123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi there , I apologise for intruding on your conversation and I wish you luck and strength in your journey.I am embarking once again on my moderation journey and I am just new and wondered if you could point me in the right direction /forum I Regards to Baclofen vs topomax. I was here a few years ago when topa was recommended for moderation.Thank you.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Hey hey LB, so glad to see you popping in and i knew you would be sober, you are one strong woman.

Rahul, i hope your leg heals and you are not in too much pain and you dont drive everyone around you nuts for a month!

I was going to visit my son today but he has a date to go on so my feelings are, he is fine. he needs a wife or a girlfriend so i wont stand in his way and next weekend he has his angiogram so i will go with him for that.

The weather has been glorious here so i have been out walking and enjoying life. Never was that sentence written when i drank. Today the SO is going to do something and i am taking his credit card to buy a dress for the two parties we are going to in the next couple of weeks. I would rather pull teeth than go dress shopping. He said yesterday that the parties were "casual" and i said well i will go in my tights and t.shirt that is casual is it not! of course its not! So off it go. Lots of coffee for today.

LC better out than in i say and to be deceived is an awful feeling. I had that done to me by an ex and it just shook me to the core and of course made me drink more. i am so glad he is out of my life. What was his name again................ who cares!

Well another coffee and then to face the day.

Hi Ann-Maree, i am not surea about those threads but if you do a search on "baclofenman" he is a regular poster and you may be able to find out more. i hope this helps and good luck.

take care xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Anne Maree,
The threads relating to the meds arent as active as they used to be. Many of those members moved over to another site, End of my Addiction, or something like that, if you do a search for the med you want to check out, you will find all sorts of info. Welcome back!

Choices, have you ever watched The Dog Whisperer? It is amazing that dogs feed off of our energy. Calm, assertive behavior gets the best result, at least on his show. They need a pack leader, they WANT a pack leader, in fact, not having that makes THEM anxious. A lot to be said and translated to human relationships. Im afraid I have been the ballistic lady when someone dings my door, I get their insurance information and everything. My car is immaculate so a ding is a big deal to me. Something, tho, that really helped me in this journey is to take the CHOICE of drinking off the table. So with that said, how else are you going to cope with these things? Tell us what you can do to improve the situation? Bounce things off us, we are great listeners.
I worked most of today catching up I got an earful from a customer last night about not getteing a quote back to her quickly enough. Ive been working with them for a year and a half, I have done three measely stores with them and Im dragging MY feet? I surveyed one of her stores on the way to a wedding on my day off! It hurt my feelings, quite frankly. When I hung up with her and went to take my bath, I broke down in tears. I am doing my best for this job, working harder than I ever have, just doesnt seem to be enough. When can I retire? Can I be someone’s beneficary? Im willing to be adopted, too, but my husband comes with me. Dang, I wsh I could tell these people to shove it. My only hope is to outlive them.
Got some color on my hair, so things are looking up.
Stay sober no matter what!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[summer123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Byrdie, Thank you so much for your quick reply. I empathise with you.....sounds like you have had a very frustrating day. So kind of you to take the time to help me. ��

[summer123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hi Anne-Maree!
I think you may be able to find what you're looking for in this area: https://www.mywayout.org/community/forum52/
Wishing you the best.

Byrdie, you are underappreciated on that job of yours, sorry.
I hope you have some weekend left to take care of yourself!

LC, I certainly wouldn't appreciate being dumped on by your ex like that. I think he deserves a very special dumping right back, ha ha! Sorry, that's just the real me coming out.
Keep your boundaries strong, reinforce your firewalls & don't let anyone bring you down like that, OK?

Choices, do you use any essential oils? I have become a true believer in them
I have some that I diffuse at night when I sleep & some for daytime use in a roll on that help to balance hormones. Think about giving them a try!

Chilly & rainy here so I'm just staying put & waiting it out. Good time to catch up on some sewing projects too.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

I really appreciate all the support. It feels like a big hug to be honest.

I'm coming up with an idea for an emotional emergency first aid kit for my purse. It will include the following:

essential oils
rescue remedy
some type of face spritzer with a calming effect

a copy of the serenity prayer
a copy of the two wolves poem

Maybe a photo of Bradley Cooper :P

I also am going to have my adrenal glands bloods done and see if I have any imbalances.

I'm also going to look into a membership at the gym that is close to the studio so I can have my time and catch up with my friend for coffee in the morning before she goes to work so it is a little shorter of a catch up. I'm feeling like I need to be protective of my time and don't have an hour to listen to her troubles at the moment. I feel a bit selfish but it's the way it has to be for just a short time. I was tapped from our conversation, and then didn't have enough reserves to deal with a hectic moment after.

I am definitely going to look into the non-violent verbal classes that I have been wanting to do for ages.

I'm going to talk with my counselor about my memories of being yelled at in the car, and how I want to parent differently. (She is SO helpful with this kinda stuff!)

I am excited about the challenge to handle situations like this differently in a way that I can feel OK with myself. I am pretty sure it was this exact thing that caused my relapse after 4 years, and any attempt to sober up after. SO, I feel happy to narrow in on this.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! Everyone here.

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all -

Trying to catch up on posts.

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, but I'm here and 167 days strong. I usually try to take a bit of a break from work and hop on the nest, but lately it's been absolutely nuts. My goals this fiscal year aren't going to be met, but I'm trying to get as much done as possible. Been working through lunches and sometimes at night. On my first sober business trip! Took my first plane ride un-hung in the longest time! It was lovely. It has been lovely to wake up for my conference and not hungover (unlike last year and years before!) Going to bed early, getting up early and going to the gym...all good things!

Been having lots of pain lately. Really lightheaded, dizzy, confused easily and not remembering things (ironically a little like being drunk.) Lots of thirst and retaining lots of water. All that with the pain and pressure I've been a little worried that something is wrong. Don't want to make something out of nothing if this is all just normal pregnancy stuff, but sure don't want something to be wrong, either. Luckily I have a doctor's appointment coming up.

I'll try to check in more often and catch up soon. Hope everyone is enjoying their un-hung weekend.