Newbies Nest

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all...
I haven't posted the last couple of days because I've been too tired - AF too tired!. I've had a great weekend- even if the weather here has been terrible (non-stop rain).
Went to go for a surf yesterday - the waves were small so I thought it would be manageable - I spent 15 minutes battling waves trying to get out only to be swept down the beach into where a river was going out. I gave up and came in and dried off, got in the car to go home. Straight away darkness and depression came over me - I was so upset and angry with myself. I felt like a failure - that I was useless. Not surprisingly thoughts of going home and drinking the day away came over me - it was a close call...instead I drove to the other end of the beach to go for a little walk to try and clear my head. I walked along the shore and was looking at the surfers at that end of the beach and thought it looked easier and quieter than the other side was so I decided to give it another go and head back out. I'm so glad I did as I got straight out past the waves no problem and after 15 minutes caught the best wave so far of the summer. I even ended up chatting with a cute surfer girl in the line-up. After an hour I came in feeling so much better - actually happy - and hungry.
Today I went back out to the beach hoping to have another surf like yesterdays. Although the waves were smaller still and the weather really terrible (pouring rain and strong gusts) I loved every minute of it - just sitting on the water in the elements appreciating nature for what it was. There were a bunch of other surfers out as well as the local lifesaving school training so it was great to feel part of something. I came in after over 2 hours and have just been relaxing at home, catching up on some chores.
I think that the main thoughts here are, firstly I would never have surfed either day if I'd drank the night before (bad sleep + hangover = no energy to do anything) and secondly, how many days/weekends like this did I miss out on previously when I had drank? I remember throwing whole weekends away because I had no energy to do anything, and it seemed like an easier option to just stay at home and drink all day. I'm up to day 20 AF now, and already I'm starting to feel that the old drinking me was actually someone else. I'm feeling great not drinking, but I am still totally aware that that evil drinking demon is hiding around the next corner just waiting to try and lure me back in. Being on here - even just reading posts (something I've been doing daily - even if I don't post) is helping me work to be completely AF for good...so I guess I just want to say thanks to everyone - I'm glad a place like this exists for people like me!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

I even ended up chatting with a cute surfer girl in the line-up.

:thumbsup:

The Beach Boys - Surfer Girl - YouTube

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Sunday morning Nesters,

sounds like you had a really nice weekend, Kiwi! great job turning those thoughts around and doing something nice for yourself..taking the slightly more difficult road and building new neural pathways!:happy2: 20 days is great..

I met a girlfriend this morning for our weekly run and it felt great.. riding home I thought about the fact that my AV is mostly coming into play these days when I'm doing well and am happy. That is what I need to be especially aware of at the moment. The sad and depressed times are a bit easier because I know alcohol will only make me feel much worse. Alcohol also completely ruins any well and happy I may be having.

we're having a very lazy Sunday.. I want it to go by as slowly as possible. Have a carrot-apple cake in the oven, have a good book to read.. and maybe a movie. aside from that, nothin'!

Wishing everyone a nice Sunday..

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi again lovely Nesters,

if I had been drinking this weekend I surely would have been depressed, easily annoyed, in pain, wanting to hide from the world, making myself promises about tomorrow..

today has been such a nice day, despite the grey and rainy weather.. the run and coffee with a friend, doing some shopping and baking a yummy, somewhat healthy cake, 20 minutes each of meditation and spanish, reading a bit, writing my gratitude list, being calm and listening to the girl's Dad go on with his "clever" anecdotes for 40 long minutes when he visited them.. now it's just 4:15 and I've got a sleeping girl on the sofa and 2 sleeping cats.. and I think I might just do the same.
the difference, the difference, the difference.. sometimes I wish all days could be so easy. as far as not having the av around goes. and I know you all say that comes with time and I do believe. today I tried to visual new pathways being formed..

ok. see you all in a bit.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just a quick check-in this un-hung Sunday morning

Choices - sounds like a great plan. Love the list you came up with.

Lav - great suggestion of essential oils. I hadn't thought of them for hormone issues, but since I'm in the grips of those myself these days your words jumped off the screen at me. I'm going to look into that for myself too!

Kiwi - way to turn your weekend around. Sounds like your whole surfing adventure was a great metaphor for an AF quit (or life) - it doesn't always unfold easily or as planned/hoped, but if you stick with it and don't cave to old habits, you can end up having a fantastic time. Great job bro!

LC - I'm sorry to hear of the news from your ex. Honestly sounds pretty selfish of him to write that to you. I hope you're able to hand it right back to him - not in the sense of dishing it back or giving him the same, but more in the sense of not taking it on as something that is yours to carry. He must own this and other behaviors/choices (as must we all own our own sh*t) - don't let him hand you something that isn't yours to carry. Hope you had an easy Sunday as you described.

Hellos and waves to all stopping by the nest today!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kiwi,
i thoroughly enjoyed your post. It is testiment to the fact that we own our thoughts and feelings. Great work in turning your thinking around. And it IS work. It is a skill, I think.
I was recently out watching the waves at the beach and there were surfers out there. Many struggling thru the breakers and getting knocked down over and over again. They had to be exhausted trying and trying so hard. It reminded me of me trying to get sober. I got knocked down a lot. I was a chronic relapser until one day I wasnt. I broke thru the heavy surf and I caught that wave and Im not letting go, it was too hard to get here. Cherish your 20 days and dont let go no matter what and no matter who! Well played, Kiwi!
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Kensho - this about sums it up. I would be actually feeling pissy at my husband, too.

I can take my own advice and focus on my healing and the person I want to be. I can’t change other people anyway - I can just treat others as I would wish to be treated.

Kiwi - I love your description! I have a visual in my head of the beach in the rain, the muddy river flowing in, the girl in the lineup... So glad you stuck with it and got in a good surf. Sounds great.

LC - I'm so sorry about the information you got from your ex. I wonder why he felt compelled to tell you suddenly. I always felt that if my SO had an affair, it would be the deceit that would upset me more than the infidelity. I am glad you got a run in. Stay focused on your goals - you got this.

Byrd - sorry for your client. How could anyone be mad at you!

I'm off for another busy day! Take care, nest. And don't drink.

xo

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, sounds lovely: run, coffee, baking, meditation, Spanish and reading… all things I love too. Glad you had a easy breezy one. Enjoy it to the max! I LOVE the words of [MENTION=23208]wagmor[/MENTION] - don’t take something that isn’t yours. He may try to give it to you but you can just let it be out there, and not let it penetrate you. We all get to decide which shit we give our energy, and which isn’t worth our time. Not diminishing that it probably hurt, but he doesn’t get that power any more :hug:
[MENTION=24075]K1wiBro[/MENTION] - WOW! I’m so envious that you get to live near a beach and be one with the waves. I love the mountains but have been craving water more and more. I love that your day turned around. They always do soon enough if we can just weather the storm.

I love your analogy of waves [MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION]. The flow of it all.

I’m practicing what I preach today - keeping front and center what I need today. Not what I think my husband is doing wrong, not what I think is wrong with the world - what Kensho needs today. Which seems to be a meditation/yoga, a good sweat, some healthy food and some sun on my face. I am feeling a little restless - in a good Spring way. I am feeling the energy that comes before a life transition - like “on to new and better things”. Not sure if that is fitness, work, or personal related - or all three. But I sense the start of new, positive things.

Remember - we have two voices in our brains: the rational brain and the primal brain. The primal brain gets confused with addictive substances and tells us we want - NEED - them. This applies to anything addictive. It knows that a dopamine hit has prehistorically meant we did something good for survival. But that was back in caveman days when sugar was found in a random berry, and sex meant survival of the species. Now, that voice needs to be tempered with our rational brain- the one that has to separate out which “wants” are actually beneficial to our survival, and which aren’t.

Listen to that rational voice, and tell the confused primal brain to shut up and leave it to the real smarts in the room.

Hugs to everyone today.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Sunday everyone! It’s so good to wake up with no hangover, I just love that. It snowed again last night so I had to shovel my sidewalk and deck. My little daschunds don’t like this cold weather much and I have to shovel a small area for then to do their ‘duty’, the joys of winter in Canada eh? We have record snowfalls here right now so it is a a bit crazy.

Choices, way to go on the 167 days, I am sure you will feel better soon.

Kiwi, that was a great post. Of course GMan picked out the reference to the cute surfer girl, haha. You are doing great though. Isn’t it nice to just enjoy life and actually see things instead of blurring it away. 20 days, woohoo!!
LC, that healthy cake sounds good, save me some! Sounds like you are having a good day.
Byrdie, I like the analogy of addiction and surfing, that totally makes sense.

Hello Wags, nice to be UnHung I agree.
Pav, enjoy your Sunday, it’s a deal, I won’t drink because..well...I Don’t Drink!

Ava, enjoy your beautiful walk in the warm weather. I may take my mom to the Devonian Gardens which are indoor gardens here. They are beautiful and such a treat when it is colder than hell outside and there is tons of snow. I am totally jealous of your warm weather though.

Don’t drink today.
Xo

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Cross post Ken, yes, I will listen to my rational brain today. Thanks for that.
Have a great day taking care of Kensho

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning. The sun is out today and I think the plants outside really enjoyed the rain the past couple of days. My garden looks so happy. It's great to have another week ticked off in the AF world.

LC, your day sounds wonderful! I'm impressed how you parked your X's letter to you and didn't let it de-rail all your hard work.

I loved reading your surfing story Kiwi. A very good metaphor for struggles in general really.

Hopefully, aromatherapy is a helpful tool for you Wags! I wonder why I forget about it too?! Such a pleasurable way to practice self-care.

I hopped online and I feel pretty lucky to have found an NVC (Non-violent Communication) workshop for this upcoming weekend. I am stoked that I didn't miss it. I'm all booked and hubby is fine with hanging out with the kido for the weekend. Sometimes bad events can be a good thing to inspire different ways of doing things I guess. I've wanted to do this for years, but kept forgetting about it.

My Uni courses start at 9 am and I am chomping at the bit to see what my life will be like for the next 6 months. I love studying online. I can just grab a cuppa and relax in th comfort of my own home while I get stuck in.

I hope everyone is having a fab Sunday in the Northern Hemisphere, and Monday morning down under.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good for you Choices. Way to take something positive out of your events and work toward good things. You are inspiring!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola Nesters near and not so far.

LC, your sunday sounds fab! I note when you mentioned a danger time can be when you're feeling happy and good. Yep, that's when i can also start to convince myself that a drink would be perfect. Er, Nooooooo. That just opens up the whole physical/mental/emotional painful cycle again. No thanks. I'm not sacrificing much to not drink. I'm not sacrificing anything at all. I agree with what others have said - don't wear or carry someone else's stuff. Water off a ducks back.

Keeping it front and centre Kensho! Right on.

best of luck with Uni Choices! Sounds beaut.

It must be day $%^)(*! but who, i say who's counting. Monday morning here. Cool, grey, and windy. But the sun is out in me little ol heart. How? By putting myself front and centre Kensho style.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm here and sorry to say I slipped. I'm not happy with myself. Right away I started talking myself out of an addiction to alcohol I've had for decades. How does one do that. I'll tell you. After you slip, you start to go onto moderation sites, read every article you can find that moderation will work for you. And then you believe it because you don't want to go thru this very hard time of breaking your addiction. Because it's too hard. And everyone else that has done it are better than you are. Everyone in my life has always been better than I am so it's easy to believe. That's what I truly believe and I cry as I type this but that's what I've always felt. Even when I got all the A's in classes I still was not good enough. My whole life has been trauma. And that sucks. But maybe, just maybe it won't be if I'm able to get thru this early sobriety and come out on the other side which is joy and peace and all those things that the long termers talk about. I'm going to Florida on Wednesday and I'll be sober and enjoy talking with my sober dad. How lucky is that? I won't have one ha gover because I choose to be sober. No excuses. Even tho I have seven more years of teaching, I can't let those bad days lead me to destruction. I need to let my sensitive self get hard somehow. I don't know if that's possible, and I don't know if I'd want that, but with the kids that are f-Ing me up and down, hurting me, I need to have a strong backbone. I'm going back to abstinence after thinking for a short time that I can moderate again. At least it was the shortest slip I've ever had.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

A repeat from NS

In-Between

January 09, 2018

60
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, and what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but we’re not.
We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.

We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.

Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.