Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Jvo. The shortest slip. Yep.

My thoughts are - if we can seperate the the actual truth, the facts, the logic of who we actually really truly are, FROM - The imagined, dreamed up, non factual, zero evidence illusory details story our mind will make up and create about ourselves, then for me i can move forward from that point. I am 2 parts. 1. me, the self, the connected to all, innocent, often smart, plyable energy that just is, and may well be eternal/infinite for all i know. 2. The second part of me are my thoughts. I am NOT my thoughts. What i think about is seperate to who i am. Thoughts are powerful, and are there to serve me well, or destroy me. I need to choose my thoughts carefully. I'm waffling, but wanted to remind you of this.

You are an A grade teacher, a kick ass human being who achieved A's in class. A caring, sensitive intelligent mum and partner, friend and an important member of your community. So glad you posted precious lady and glad you are back on the horse. Now go git it! :llama:

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you G.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Rain & more rain today just as promised.

Jvo, glad you're right back & not delaying things. No matter how much we may want or think that AL is the answer to our problems, it just never is the answer, never. Enjoy your trip to see your Dad

Moonking, good to see you. Have you been having any blood pressure or blood sugar problems with your pregnancy? Please get yourself checked out as soon as you can. Being proactive is the best thing for you & your baby right now.

Kiwi, glad yo turned your mood & weekend right around, nice to hear!

LC, now you have me thinking of carrot apple cake - sounds good

Wags, take a look for "Dr Angela's" hormone balancer on Amazon - good stuff!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

After you slip, you start to go onto moderation sites, read every article you can find that moderation will work for you. And then you believe it because you don't want to go thru this very hard time of breaking your addiction

Probably most of us tried to moderate (whatever that means) before we ended up here. In fact, some of us may have chosen this site because it was marketed to people who wanted to control rather than quit drinking. With use of the drugs promoted, some people had success doing just that.

Most people who can drink moderately don't even think about it. For a non-addict, whether to have a drink is not an all-consuming struggle. It is ok either way. I'm married to one of those guys.

There used to be active moderation threads here. The people interested in medications have developed a new website. I suspect the rest of them discovered fairly early on that they could drink at a level they were comfortable with (and don't need a support forum) or they are back to where they were or worse, drinking addictively and wanting desperately to quit. It doesn't take years and years to figure out if you can drink moderately. Many of us foolishly repeated that experiment over and over. Any of us still alive fortunately did not have an epic fail.

The definition of addiction that seems to always fit is doing anything repeatedly despite negative consequences and the feeling that we "should" stop it. I did that with alcohol for 10 years- almost every day! I've done or consumed some other things in excess but the downsides were a clear message to me to stop. So I did. Over time I might mess up and eat wayyyy too many peanuts again but immediately relearned my lesson and got back on the only-eat -peanuts -in -moderation wagon. The difference is, I'm not addicted to peanuts. With an addictive substance or behavior in a susceptible person, all bets are off. Only a minority can "moderate" and they already know who they are.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

JVo, I am so glad you came back right away. Ya, moderation is how I found this website. I tried all the meds and listened to the hypnotherapy stuff and tried to moderate over and over. It only took about 10 years for me to figure out that moderating wasn’t going to work. I tried to quit so many times and then it finally stuck.
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence” it’s persistence not perfection that will get you there JVo. Keep on getting on that wagon until you don’t fall off.
Go back and read some of the tools in the tool box and really focus on what you have to do to stay sober. It’s hard as hell, but we are here for you and we want to see you love a long sober life :hug:

Have a good night everyone, I am looking forward to waking up Un Hung in the morning.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all..
Monday evening and I can say that I am, once again, AF...although my sobriety is being tested again - this time thanks to work. Have a busy week with a couple of meetings, then just before the end of the day a work bombshell was dropped - one of the people at work is known for stressing out and over-exaggerating things and well, I guess it was my turn to be on the recieving end. I now have double the amount of work to do, made even worst since my co-worker is off on holiday this week. I was stressing about it all the way home and by the time I did get home I was a bundle of nerves. I did think at one point 'a drink would steady my nerves' but I immediately went through the situation in my head - one drink leading to a few drinks. Pass out drunk, wake up in the middle of the night and spend hours tossing and turning then feeling hungover and sick the next day...and the workload would still be there to deal with. INstead I went for a walk which kinda calmed me down. I realised that it's not even that I'm stressed about doing all the work - more that I had taken on someone else stress. I also told myself that in a year's time, this week at work isn't going to matter so there's no point getting anxious.
I still feel a little 'on edge' but I know it'll pass and I can deal with whatever tomorrow. I'm also grateful that there was no further temptation to drink - this was one of those unexpected events where you slip up and drink - I'm glad I worked my way around it.
Hope everyone else's Monday was less stressful than mine! Off to bed now - the humidity here is off the charts so it's going to be a very hot and sticky night...

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

evening nesters

Kiwi i think i had a stress filled day like yours, dealing with idiots being number one but i just walked away. i dont have to deal with the crap anymore, i have young doctors to help and look after, the other stuff is inconsequential and the stuff up had nothing to do with me, the annoying thing to me was the blame for the f@ck up was not taken on board by who did it, they blamed a new person and they totally lost all of my respect in the process. I was pretty angry and wanted to punch their face in but i didnt and i didnt want to drink or smoke at them. I am grateful i dont have the stress i lived with daily in my last job, i do the best i can each and every day.

Glad you are back J. When i stopped drinking i never ever ever thought i could do what the long termers had done and were doing, i always thought at some stage i was going to let them down and have to say i drank, i always thought they did this giving up al so f#cking easy and i was suffering more than everyone else and no one really understood how i felt. Well HELLO but they went through everything i did, they felt the same as what i was feeling when they stopped, they went through the exact same process but they were always so positive and happy so how could that be? They suffered through their anxiety and withdrawal and plodded along each and every day but each and every day they were sober they grew into the happy people that they project on the nest and still do. God i remember how negative and angry i was and deprived and sad i was, i remember posting like a lunatic to get these thoughts and feelings out as i knew if i kept them in i would drink, so i let every single damn happy person know how damn f#cking miserable i was but like everything in life i changed slowly but surely, each day i was sober i bought on new changes. Some days were awful, some days i nearly drank and some days i was kind of happy. Now i am one of those long termers and now i understand why we are so positive each day, why we have bad days but still find a positive, why we can set our mind to anything and achieve it, why we deal with the crap and just get through it, why we have had to deal with the past and let it go because we are sober. Everything i have achieved today is because i am sober and each and everyday i work to stay sober as i have learnt to. i didnt learn the day i joined MWO or the day i gave up drinking, i learnt over 4 years by listening and learning and leaning on others. I tried to moderate and failed, i googled the same sites that you did i am sure, i justified my arse off on why i kept failing but i kept trying until i got it and something clicked and for that i am eternally grateful at the people on here who stood by me and stand by me today. There is no right and wrong way to get sober but as long as we try each and every day we are achieving so very much.

Time to take my girls for their night walk, they like their little meander down the street, Mads with her heart condition and Rupes with her stiff back legs. Gone are the days of their hour long walks but they still love up the street and back just as much. Mads turns 15 next month and going as strong as she can.

take care x

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

J-vo, I'm glad you came right back..:hug:
That was a great post, Ava.. I really liked the point you made about listening, learning and leaning each and every day.

Kiwi, great job playing it through to the end.. I feel like I'm getting a bit better at doing that.. imagining how much worse I'll feel AND still having to do the work. Or calling in sick, again, and risking losing my job.

Today was a day I could not have managed if I'd been hungover.. I accompanied my younger daughter's class to the ice skating rink and we had so much fun. She was so happy and proud to have me along. And I was so happy to be feeling free in spirit and mind.
Afterwards I went into work for a bit to help out even though I didn't have to, to support a co-worker.. I was thinking that another trigger for me (which I hadn't before realised) is when I don't hold up my end of the deal. Or when I back out of plans I've made. So I have to be careful first of all, not to over plan.. and second of all, when I do make a plan, whether it's going to the movies, helping someone out, work related, whatever, I have to just do it. I often have anxiety before meetings/activities and want to burrow at home instead, but it's always fine once I get myself there. And if I cancel (unless it's for a good reason) I'm left feeling bad.

Anyway, one day at a time here. It seems at the moment to be a daily struggle.. but I'm so happy sober. That is what's frustrating. I understand why it happens.. but it sucks to be feeling just fine and then have a craving come.

Hope everyone is doing alright..xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Monday, Nest:

J-Vo - I'm glad you came back so quickly. I'm wondering if you've ever talked to a doctor about your quitting. There is a lot of advancement around drugs to help with cravings - they aren't all super strong - and maybe something would be right for you for the early part? I normally don't think about drugs, but I listened to a radio show yesterday, and the science is in. We take prescriptions to help with other things in our lives, why not alcohol cravings? Or a therapist? I found that extremely helpful. Maybe you need some sort of in-person support for this that you can't get here? Just a thought. Stick close...

I read back last night, and now can't remember anything. Keep it up, nest!

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

No matter how much we may want or think that AL is the answer to our problems, it just never is the answer, never.

I think this sums it all up LAV. It just isn't the answer. We may not know what the real answer IS - but alcohol isn't it. A very good thing for me to remember - thanks for summarizing it all up in a single sentence - it is a perfect line for me to carry around each day.

NS and JVO - That’s when I know my thinking is turning down a dangerous path: when I start to dream of moderation. I’ve been here 4+ years, and have admitted to a problem for at least 12. If moderation was possible for me, I think I would have found out how by now. Also so important for me to remember. Thanks.
[MENTION=24075]K1wiBro[/MENTION] the junky days and moments are, unfortunately, going to keep taking a swing at us. If it’s not one thing, its another - such as life. Find something that really helps you - like a simple breathing exercise or “changing the channel” as G says, and work that tactic (or tactics) for awhile. It gets easier and easier to deal with these stressors the longer we stay AF. Now, the nerves are raw and hard to take without the anesthetic of alcohol - but weathering through the hard first part - exactly as you are! - soon leads to these situations being more and more manageable. It will happen - just keep going! You’re doing GREAT!!

Great post AVA, thank you.

MOONKING, great to see you. Way to go on your 167 days! Keep rockin’!

I awoke to a sick child. It’s beyond me how I ever handled these times with alcohol in my system. The throw ups seem to always come at 2am - right when the sweats and nausea would set in for me. GOD I must have been a very half-assed mom in those moments. I have noticed how much more comforting and present I am when not drinking. 60+ days in - it’s amazing how one drink brings you right back to the very, very beginning.

I remember after 8 months sober I thought to myself - I can handle this; it’s MY decision to try drinking again. I can always quit again. And I did handle it - as in I didn’t start drinking a bottle a night right away. But what I didn’t anticipate nor see right away, was that everything good that came while being AF - being more present, more balanced, less emotional, more observant, less combative, more self-assured, more in-tune with the universe and myself - THAT is what took a nose-dive I-M-M-E-D-I-A-T-E-L-Y. It’s not all about drinking - in fact it’s very little about drinking. It’s about the addiction and what that does to our brains. It takes good things away. I rather like myself as a non drinker - I believe I will never drink again.

Happy day good people - be positive and strong.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Un Hung on Monday here. Oh yeah, it just doesn't get old. lol

Ava, that was a great post. We did go through a lot of crap to stay sober, I could only go day by day because it was so overwhelming. It took a lot of work to Not drink- I had to Really want sobriety and thank goodness it worked.

Life, glad you were present for your daughters class and not hung over. Lucky you figured it out before she grew up.

Ken, that was a great post too. I know the IMMEDIATE part of your life going down the toilet once you start drinking. That scares me enough to help keep me sober.

Kiwi- keep up the good work. One day at a time right. You can deal with your job one day at a time, like you said in a year it won't matter.


JVo, hope you are hangin in. I am glad you are coming back, we are here for you.

I Don't drink! Right Pav? It is so weird to say that to people and not feel bad about it. I feel proud now to say "I don't drink". Its almost like 'f'u, I don't drink, so BACK off!' haha. My whole life as a drinker I never could have said that. In fact I would have been pushing the drinks on everyone. ugh

Have an excellent Monday everyone and DONT DRINK today!
xo

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola Nesters!

I dont know what the answer is either to my occassional bigger questions, but i KNOW it sure is not alcohol or getting wasted. That just prolongs pain and frustration, it does not take it away - for very long. Kensho, what you say about goging back to boozing having an IMMEDIATE EFFECT on us is true of my experience too. It might just be one glass :harhar: ok maybe a couple, but relatively controlled for awhile, and even then i feel a loss of self and connection with who i am and where i am in the universe. Just from a drink or 2, not even getting sloshed. The negative effect is indeed IMMEDIATE for me. I lose a lot of self esteem, and self confidence is eroded from that point on.

I was thinking earlier that we don't need to hang onto stuff that bothers us from yesterday, this morning, the past. If we've drank and want to get back on the horse, then we can. It's ok. We are ok. As long as we take action that's in our best interests and look after ourselves. Too much self flagellation and self beating up going on and it's just not necessary. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. We make mistakes, we're flawed humans. And it is okay. We are perfect in our imperfections, and perfect just how we are right here right now. How are you Jvo? L8tr g8trs

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Grateful today that the sky finally rain out of rain & the sun arrived this afternoon

Everyone sounds pretty good for a Monday evening, nice!
I think we have a pretty determined group in the nest right now, moving forward together.

I had my years of trying to moderate before coming to MWO. I would do OK for a while but eventually end up right back where I started. Finding MWO when I did was a real gift. I came here & learned that I probably wasn't going to be a successful moderator & was already pretty sure that going AF was going to be the best thing for me, so that's what I did.
What helped me the most besides the awesome support here was learning that I had a lot to learn. I had to learn what my triggers were & how to handle them without AL. I had to learn that making a good plan was critical to my success. Mostly what I had to learn was to stop BS-ing myself because that was exactly what I had been doing for a period of about 10 years.
Accepting that we are not normal drinkers & never will be is Step 1. Then we have to commit ourselves & be open & willing to make the necessary changes in our thinking & behavior. I truly believe that we can all find success if we just keep trying!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening...

lifechange - I can only remember one day in the last year I called in sick to work due to drinking, but during my big drinking phase 7-8 years ago it was a regular thing...can't believe I never got pulled up for it...

Kensho - I did rely on some breathing/calming exercises last night to relax. I'm not sure why I was so anxious - it was more intense than it should have been for the situation I was worried about. I put it down to my body re-adjusting back to normal from a year's worth of heavy drinking. Thanks for the support!

I did manage to get to sleep eventually - I probably tossed and turned for 3 or 4 hours first but when I did fall asleep I slept right through. I was up early and was the first one at the office (by 1.5 hours!). Got a lot of work done, and not surprisingly all the urgent work that was expected never arrived. I'll still have a busy week but it should be manageable. It was a looong day (11 hours with no break) so tonight was a very quiet, non-eventful evening at home. I'm glad I got through last night/today with no drink, normally I would have drunk last night and without a doubt, tonight as well. That's a lot of strain on the body with no real recover time. I was remembering today how hard it was to finally stop those weeks ago - just not drinking one night seemed like the hardest thing in the world - I really hope I remember that always and it puts me off even thinking about having a drink...

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! I skimmed through but wanted to send kind thoughts toward Jvo. I hope you're doing alright. I can barely function in this humidity. It constantly looks like I just got out of the shower. Just yucky!

I decided to take one-course face to face and one online. So today was my first day at my new school and I love it! I can already tell it is a much better fit for me.

I'm feeling hopeful and positive. I am so glad I am not drinking anymore. I think the study will be much more productive and I will just feel better. Gosh, I remember doing an all-nighter last year to get a paper in by the 9am deadline. I think I turned it in at like 4:30 am and then drank 4 beers. Who does that??? So bad for me, and not a way to live.