Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Sattidy.
Wags, those dreams serve a real purpose....like a do-over without the actual consequences. Im glad you are gluing yourself to your support, thats how its dine. There is NOTHING worth a drink. Starting over sucks BAD. Im so glad you are keepijg the upper hand!
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi,

Happy Sober Saturday.

Ava - hope all is well with your son, and all that you have going on.

Moon - good to see you - when is your baby due again? I think I'm going to try that book, Wags. Lav, weird weather is the norm now I believe. Byrdie, I want a good cookie!

G, keep dropping the wisdom!

I don't have much to report. I made a really good, healthy dinner last night and watched the Olympics with my bubbly water. Four plus years ago, the Friday night of a three-day weekend would have found me with a couple of giant martinis, or cocktails designed specifically to get "buzzed." I would feel like crap right now and I would also be planning my evening around MORE cocktails because "I earned it!" I have been off sugar for a couple of weeks, and because my mindset is that this is temporary, I find myself dreaming of desserts, and having a lot of cravings. I know I'm not going to give up sugar desserts for good, but maybe I should be more specific with myself about what I am trying to accomplish so that my brain and body can adjust. The biggest side effect I notice is the ability to keep my weight stable with very little other effort. Not a bad thing.

Take care of yourselves, Nest!

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

PAV, way to skip the sugar for 2 weeks! How do you feel?

Wags, sorry your trip didn't work out. It wouldn't have been fun sitting indoors with a parka and mittens - hard to play cards that way! - bummer though. Glad you got those drinking thoughts (dream or not) under control.

I have about 2 hours to myself this afternoon - something that never happens for me on a weekend. I think I will get a few things done so I can relax tomorrow.

I noticed yesterday that when I smell alcohol on my husband's breath, I immediately associate it with weakness and judge him. I have to do that to myself, so I do it to others. I wish there was a way to separate that out. It bothers me that any type of "fun" for him has alcohol as an immediate side kick. I have had to learn to enjoy life without added substances - why can't he? Anyway - interesting things about quitting and having a drinking spouse. I wish that were easier.

But my boundaries are stronger and stronger - I feel good and fairly balanced. I hope everyone keeps up the good work.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

I feel like something the cat dragged in this morning. had the SO's friends 60th last night and it was a good night though the music was way too loud so most of us stood outside on the verandah and submitted to the cool night. spectacular view though and SO introduced me to a lot of his old school friends (literally old ha ha). A really nice bunch of people. Next weekend is his brothers 50th wedding anniversary and that will be all family. the last time i met any of them was at his mums funeral. funny how two parties will be completely diferent but i hope the food is good! I was DD which was fine and saw the SO have more drinks last night than what i think i have seen him drink in a year. i was telling him how i would have behaved at the party but would have gotten home and said i was having a wine as i deserved it then drank till pass out. Thanks goodness those days are gone but i have woken up feeling like i drank for 100 so i must be tired.

Work has been hectic and a new girl started with no one to train her. that makes me mad that we do that and everyone puts so many demands on her to perform when she has no idea. So i have spent a lot of the week helping her and passifying the new doctors.

I met a functioning alcoholic last night who proceeded to tell me that surely i could still have a couple of wines now and again. i did have a chuckle when he said functioning, i justified that i was a functioning alkie back in the day. functioning or non functioning we are all the same. I am sure there will be a lot of sore heads this morning but i had no pull towards a drink, there was wine and beer in front of me and no desire to have a sip/mouthful or guzzle. damn that feels so good to be at this stage where al is meaningless but i know it may not always be this way due to life stressors but life is great i must say.

take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Brilliant stuff Ava.

Big waves to everyone. Quick check in. thanks all for being here. What a great part of town this is. Jammin on some new riffs later wit the band. Yeah maaaaan! No, there won't be reefers. And no ticket to no trumped up, foxy lookin', no good, table top dancin', glass lickin, boozeville. I can do all of that sober! L8tr g8trs.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Yep, it's snowing just as predicted even though I could have done without, ha ha!!

Geez G - be careful there dude but have a good time, LOL

Kensho, I remember feeling the same way about my husband but I have to tell you something. You just may find him drinking less & less as time goes on, I did. I think he eventually came to believe that I was serious & done drinking so he may as well too. Keep your focus where it belongs - on you

Wags sorry your weekend didn't work out but now you can read your book in warmth & comfort! I'm not interested in winter camping either!!! Drinking dreams are scary but they do make us stronger

Hello to Byrdie, Ava, Pav & everyone!

Have a comfy safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Seeker1]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all, Hope everyone is doing well. Day 62 for the next hour, then day 63 starts here. I feel bad for not being on all the time, especially right now as I am feeling depressed because of my relationship with my Girlfriend. We are 56, known each other for 30 years and been together for 13. She has 4 grown kids, I don't. Anyway I won't try to describe our differences, suffice it to say that we do love each other but despite my hope this will last, we are most likely incompatible and I don’t want to face it. Life and our relationship is supposed to blossom when I am sober, not more conflicts and non resolutions, right?? (Haha, wrong!). This is a big trigger for me and I did have a craving but the last thing I want to do is drink right now. This isn’t bravado, trust me. There is just no way this situation will ever get to some type of finality if I drink again. If I do drink then the whole cycle starts over of my intense guilt and her intense unhappiness with me and on and on. I can’t live like that anymore. The thing is when I get sober I can’t handle her intense addiction to drama. And she can be a storyteller too. This is not to put her down at all, it is something all of us that love her know about and she is supposed to be in therapy for help with that. And of course I am not blameless at all. I mean hek, I’m an alky with all the trimmings, so Life with Riley hasn’t always been a smooth one for her, or her family, or my family, or for some of my friends, or for, well, I think you get it...
So yeah, I feel kinda bad because here I am whining when I haven’t shared a lot lately, not put myself out there for you guys. And I can’t promise to be on every day. Some of this actually stems from aa, when they drum it in to you that if you miss one meeting your life is doomed. So if you miss a meeting then why go back if your life is already doomed? Don’t get me wrong, I did learn a lot of good tools in my times at aa, but I still have a lot of that stuff swimming around that really doesn’t help. Anyway that’s just me. I know a lot of people that owe their lives to the hallowed halls.
This is getting long, just know my GF and I have had many good times and we can be good together, that’s why it is so tough. And I am so glad you guys are here. For me I am really going out here, I mean for me, as I’m not really a joiner. But I’m trying. You all take care.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Seeker1 - I relate to what you're saying. Relationships are never easy - especially when AL is involved. I was in an unhappy relationship for 8/9 years. She too liked drama and conflict - I swear her hobby was starting pointless arguments with me over nothing. They would escalate to the point where I would drive myself crazy trying to sort the problem out. I started leaving the house halfway through an argument to calm down and hope that she would too. All that would happen was she had time to get more energy up to start on me as soon as I came home. Without realising it at the time, I started drinking to handle it - I didn't care about the arguments or blame as much when I'd had a few drinks in me, then around 6 years ago my drinking suddenly because just another thing she moaned about (but to be fare, I WAS drinking too much). After one massive argument she gave me the ultimatum: quit drinking or she'd leave me. I didn't want to be alone, so I forced myself to quit - cold turkey. Of course this way wasn't the way she wanted: she wanted me to go to AA but I didn't want to. I managed to quit for a 4.5years. In that time I found myself, got into photography and hiking and spending all my free time outside in nature. We gradually grew apart - she still wanted to go to pubs and bars and talk to people, I wanted nothing more than to go out into the country for the day and hike around the landscape. She ended up breaking up with me - which was a great blessing as I didn't have the courage to break up with her (I really then would be the bad guy and be blamed for EVERYTHING). Throughout this whole time I never did give in and take a drink - someting I"m really proud of myself for as there were definitely times that tested me to my limit.
If I had to give any advice it would be these two things (taken from my own experience): 1. Be totally, completely honest with yourself: are you happy in the relationship? I lied to myself for years that I was and any problem was my own that I had to fix. True was, I wasn't happy at all, and hadn't been for a long time. All I ended up doing was putting myself through unneccesary hell and wasting precious years that I can never get back. 2. Don't drink - yeah that sounds easy doesn't it. If you're like me and have a drinking problem, you have to get yourself to the point of realising that even 1 drink is too many. That 1 drink will led you back down the drinking road before you even realise it. I relapsed in Dec '16 and last year was a mess of drinking to new execesses and desperately trying again and again to quit. I finally did it this year - I'm now up to day 27 of being sober and I feel great - the temptation is always there but I have got it into my head that I just can't drink at all ever again.
Hope you get through it - this is a great place for advice and help - wish you all the best.

[Seeker1]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yeah, I realize I just can't drink anymore, not even one, and that I've been fooling myself, lying, in my deep down that I would be able to drink again. I finally faced up to it, all the lies I've been telling myself about being able to drink. For me, I can't. And thanks Kiwibro, much of your journey is very similar to mine. I had a three year quit untiil my mom passed and that turned into a 7 year relapse. And the parts about your past relationship sound really familiar!!???

I have read many fine, wise posts on this site from the "oldtimers" about this and many other subjects and I do enjoy perusing the site and reading old posts along with the new stuff. It relaxes me and I thank you all.

I hope I am making sense, it is getting late here and I have gotten tired! Thank you for the support and I hope that I might just say one little thing that may help you and your day. Take care I am off to bed for at least 5 hours of sleep! Let's hope for 6 or 7!!

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone!

I haven't read back from when I last posted but wanted to make sure I posted today as it's been two days (I think?) since I have. I just finished my Non-Violence-Communication course in compationate communication workshop and I'm not exagerating when I say it was life changing. I got to work through my whole discomfort about yelling at my daughter in the car with the group and felt really supported. Yeah so I'm really glad I did it, and plan to go to practice groups once a week. It mostly is just working on how I communicate with myself, finding out what I need and how I feel and then how to communicate with anoter person. It was tough, but at the end of it I feel so centered and had an wonderful connection with my daughter when I returned home, and with my husband too. It felt really good to be surrounded by people who were like minded and they were strangers, but I felt so safe and comfortable.

Anyway! I haven't thought about drinking at all. I'm way to busy and inspired in other directions, and I am grateful. I did listen to a naked mind podcast and I want to check in tomorrow with myself a bit more on this goal.

Ok. I need to tuck in my little girl, so need to run. Hopefully, I can get a chance to read back soon!

I hope everyone is well.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters!

I woke up this morning early for a Sunday, feeling a bit off so I made a tea and sat down to read. After half an hour I looked outside and it was light! So I headed out and the birds were chirping, anticipating Spring, and there was that feel in the air even though it's still very cold. I did my run, came home and stretched and I feel much better now. I don't know why I'm so slow to learn about cause and effect.. and in finding discipline.
Feeling much better in the gut as well after cutting out the main culprits.. sugar is a tough one (good for you, Pav!) but my main problem. If I eat it I feel terrible physically and that affects my mental health. So I've cut it.

Wags, I'm sorry you weren't able to get away.. but I hope you're finding other nice things to do and are enjoying yourself.. have you been out for a ride lately? Do you have set courses/ways you go depending on the distance you want to cover? And do you ever go on biking tours, over a few days? I've had a couple of bad drinking dreams this past week.. one involving my daughter that I can't remember except that she was confronting me. I was so relieved to wake up to reality.

Kensho, that's a tough one.. I agree with what Lav said.. keep your eyes forward, taking care of yourself. Hopefully with some more time your Husband will come along in realising he also doesn't need to have alcohol as part of every equation. How was it for him during the Whole 30? Was he drinking then? Stay strong and focussed.. you're doing such a great job. By the way, the light blue sofa cover did wonders to the living room! Lifted it right up.. so I painted 2 walls in the kitchen a similar colour and it's sooo nice. Relaxing and joyful.

Ava, glad to hear you are doing so well.. I love reading your stories about how your life is going. So down to earth and inspiring.. Yeah, crazy with the functional alcoholic.. most of us were functional, weren't we? But in what capacity? Yuck.. drinking is so much more work than not.. and without it we function at 90% instead of 17%.. at least as far as spirit is concerned.

Pav, good job with getting the sugar out.. and thank you for the simple words, "just get out the door". That's actually what it's all about..

Seeker, good to see you back and well done on 63 days!! I wish I had some advice on your relationship.. not my strong point.. but I agree with what Kiwi said.. in that drinking will do nothing exept make the situation worse, or prolong the inevitable. And it's so friggin' hard to start up again.. don't fool yourself into thinking it's easy. It would be nice to see you more often in the Nest..

Choices, that sounds like such a positive and empowering workshop.. you go, girl! Great that there are weekly meet-ups where you can continue to work on it.

Well we have a quiet day planned.. painting, baking, watching a movie, napping!

Hi to Kiwi, Lav, G-man, Nar to everyone stopping or flying by this Sunday.. I miss you, J-vo!

Here's a quote I like very much from the unexpected joy of being sober..
""For a seed to achieve it's greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, it's insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.""-- Cynthia Occelli

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, and all,
Had a drinking dream last night. I was waiting around in a favorite old bar, (for what, or whom I don't know), and ordered a crappy low alcohol beer, because I didn't want a crappy O'Doul's (AF beer), and only drank half of it because I didn't want to start feeling the buzz. Progress?? FFS!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Brilliant stuff Ava.

Big waves to everyone. Quick check in. thanks all for being here. What a great part of town this is. Jammin on some new riffs later wit the band. Yeah maaaaan! No, there won't be reefers. And no ticket to no trumped up, foxy lookin', no good, table top dancin', glass lickin, boozeville. I can do all of that sober! L8tr g8trs.

Yes, G, I’m perfectly capable of being an idiot stone cold sober. So glad my table dancin days are behind me! :bellydance:
Bahahaha! B

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone for your responses on my "blues", my lost escape to the mountains for my birthday weekend, and my drinking dream. I feel like I've been leaning on you all a lot recently, and I appreciate your support. :hug:

I do think my blue feelings have many roots - the winter grayness is getting to me (Pacific NW is famous for it), hormones (yep, I'm entering that phase of life), and dietary factors I haven't totally sorted out yet. I have still been getting good physical exercise - mostly out on my bike - but I might need to add a bit more on that front as well just to give those hormones an extra kick. I'm actually holding tight to my quit and using it to steady myself - like it's one thing in my control that is solid and positive.

Lav - I haven't tried the supplement you mentioned, but I've never had any success with St John's Wort so I wonder whether yours would help me at all.

LC - our city is very conducive to cycling, both for fitness/recreation and for commuting. We both try to commute by bike as much as possible, so the rides for fun/exercise are generally chosen by "some other route than the ones we ride as commuters". We were planning to do a huge loop today - same number of miles as the age I'm turning - but temps are hovering around freezing and the roads are icy in some places. It's too dangerous to ride at all, so that will get shelved for a warmer day.

Seeker - sorry to hear about your relationship woes. Please keep coming back here as much as you need to maintain your quit. We all have times where our abilities to give support fluctuate along with our need to receive support, so please don't worry about that.

Kensho - sounds like a tough piece of the puzzle with your husband, but good for you on recognizing your own reaction. I haven't felt the same thing this time around, but I can clearly remember having those feelings towards friends and family during my 10-year quit - just varying levels of judgment or even disdain around their patterns of centering social activities around al. I'm sorry your dealing with that, but I do think that your awareness of your feelings will help you sort through it a bit, at least internally.

Mr V - sorry to hear you got hit by a drinking dream as well. I think as long as we frame them as Lav said - something that makes us stronger - they can help us in the long run. But it isn't fun to feel in the moment (if you have that awareness while dreaming) or upon waking (when your brain tries to sort what was real). Let's both go forward together from these dreams!

Waves and hellos to Byrdie, Ava, G-dude, Choices, Pav, Kiwi, and everyone else stopping by the nest today. Hoping you all have fantastic Sundays and Mondays!

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters,

I think another week has gone by since I checked in. I do try to read something about sobriety everyday so that I don't forget that I have a problem with alcohol and that's why I don't drink! I absolutely love reading everyone's post and different blogs to understand this beast but to recognize that there are so many wonderful, funny, talented, smart people around the world living sober. I wish we could all meet for a big hug and high five.

I'm feeling really good today. I've been away to a family reunion/wedding. There was one sticky, slightly uncomfortable moment with some cousins when I said I quit drinking. There was a tiny uncomfortable pause but They didn't push. I know it may have been a little disappointing to them. The fact is, I really liked drinking with them in the past. They're fun, they drink a lot but always managed. They're really good at it. It doesn't seem to prevent them from living a very active, exciting and productive life. I wanted to be just like them. Years ago, I had ten months under my belt we went to visit these cousins and guess what, I started drinking again because I thought I could handle it and I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable with my not drinking. Of course we know where that ended. The good news is that this weekend felt like another little triumphant hurdle I crossed. I'm much more confident in my quit and I'm not ashamed to talk about it should someone asks. It feels good.

Happy sober Sunday everyone
Roobs