Newbies Nest

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Everyone. It is actually a ‘good’ morning. How nice!

I am typing this in my google docs to try to get through all the responses and post a reply all at once. This way if I get interrupted or can’t finish, I can post them when I can. I say this, so that if something seems outdated, it may be a late addition.

One thing I have learned from failure is I have to set this as a priority for me. All the shoulds, responsibility for others’ problems, and people pleasing behaviors have to take a back seat this time around. I see clearly ‘that’ self imposed repeated behavior is a stumbling block for me among others. I have to quit for me and no one else and think of what I need to have for success. I wake and my first priority is my notebook time. I set myself straight right up front for the day and maybe at other times of the day when I need an adjustment. If my replies are late, that is most likely the reason. The notebook and a clearer plan are a new addition to tackling all my issues. Alcohol abuse is a byproduct of much deeper fears, hopelessness, pain, bad choices, and not taking full personal responsibility for taking care of myself and my reactions, behaviors, etc. I’m sure this rings a bell with all of us. We think escaping is the easy way out, but really it becomes a very tangled and damaging way out that causes so many problems. My thoughts may have been I don’t want to live, but feeling so ill from the full downhill spiral of late scared me. How’s that for irony. I am at a point where if I don’t stop covering up pain and escaping life’s harsh realities that are of my own doing or outside of my control, I will be in that grave. Just typing this out or talking about any of those painful issues brings on a waterfall of tears, but I must as I’ve seen in some replies ‘walk through it’. There is no other way outside of a grave. I suppose that is where the statement, ‘what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger’ has come from.

Thank you, NoSugar, Guitarista, available (There is nothing broken), Byrdlady, Lavende, wagmor, Pavati and anyone I may have missed in the Newbies Nest. I think I will post this and set specific responses separately later. I do not want to limit time with my goal oriented items in my notebook plan section as stated above.

Love and hugs to us all!

P.S. Google docs works well as my log in time appears to be short. I had to log in again to post this.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Wednesday, Nesters,

Welcome Crusader.. it's really good to have you here..:hug:
Congrats on 30 days, Kiwi!
Wags, I'm jealous of the snow.. we haven't had any this year which is frightening.. I would love to hunker down for a day or two..

Just a quick fly by for me as it's already 7:55 pm and I still have a few things to do before bed..
see you all tomorrow.. xx

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone, way to go on 30 days Kiwi!

Crusader, you sound like you are doing well, I like writing in yournotebook that is a great idea.

Hello Life, come visit me, I have tons of snow

Enjoying my sober life here in The Great Whit North, talk soon.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, we had another day of record breaking warm temps, nice but kinda freaky for February
Solid rain for the next few days so I guess that's the payback!

Crusader, your post really resonates with me. I was feeling quite the same way when I first started here. But I am happy to tell you that's all history now & you can do the same. A good plan & ignoring others for a while helped me tremendously. Wishing you continued success.

LC, we've had a few small snowfalls but still haven't had the big one yet this winter. Sometimes they wait until March to arrive, oh boy!

Kensho, we are non-drinkers, end of story! No further exploration needed, right?

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,

I haven't been here for a few days so it took me a while to read back, and I want to post before I'm pulled away again. I'm doing good. I talked to my counselor yesterday and at the end of the session she asked about how I was doing since I had mentioned I quit drinking to her. It's odd, but now I'm thinking about drinking again, not actually drinking again! But, how I have stopped drinking. I am also in a funny mood so thought I should check in. I bought a boutique ginger beer at the supermarket tonight to have a special drink after my daughters yoga. It seams to be doing the trick as far as helping me relax.

My new school is awesome! I'm really happy there. I am getting a bit tired this being the second week so I need to be cautious as that has been a trigger for me in the past. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well and welcome to the new people, this is a lovely place to be.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey,

hope everyone's well. This week's been another busy one at work, but enjoyable. No AL urges at all which is great. I even vaguely remember having a dream last night where I was at a party and not drinking, I was bored and left early..much better than the ones where you do and feel that regret...
I'm finally feeling at peace with myself which is a great thing - I think my body is finally recovering from the year of booze. I've lost some weight although I'm yet to weigh myself properly, but walking to work in the morning is no longer a struggle and with all the surfing in the last couple of weeks I think my fitness is slowly improving too.
Just tomorrow to go then back into the weekend - AL-free of course!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Crusader, what a lovely post. Funny, when I first saw your name, I thought of Billy Graham (famous for his crusades). He passed yesterday at the age of 99.
This set me to thinking. Way back in 1983 ish, I was a dental hygienist and newly married. My hubs and I had tickets to one of his crusades one night after work. Instead, one of the staff decided to get a bottle of wine so after work, we drank that....then someone ran out for another one, so I got pretty sloshed. I don't know how I drove home....needless to say, my hubs was pissed off. That was WAY before I ever thought I had problem...who could have guessed that it would escalate like it did. What a sorry memory to associate with such a wonderful man. Unfortunately, I have many sorry memories as it relates to AL....I can't think of a single GOOD thing that ever came from AL. When I think of how hard I clung to it I just cringe. That is the power of addition. Do whatever it takes to break free of this awful addiction. You wil never be sorry! Byrdie

[little beagle]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everybody. Lots of warm weather here. I'm in shorts aND t-shirt with air conditioning already running.
I agree Byrdie. Do whatever it takes.

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning All!

I spend more time reading then posting, but I know that is what I need. I had the comment given recently that I’m a quick learner, and I find some humor in that considering it’s taken so long for certain things to sink in about how I handle some of my issues. Maybe I did learn quickly, but kept up the lies or left the misconceptions to sit sneakily in the corner. It’s as if we have two personalities inside or maybe more. One is trying to reason with you and the other is making all kinds of excuses. This applies to more things than alcohol which is why I’ve found myself tangled up with it for way too long. When I read NoSugar’s post about it not being a fight, I had to think about that for a few moments as to how to differentiate how I was feeling about it ALL. It’s not just a fight with alcohol, it’s a fight to change all the issues or behaviors that cause the alcohol abuse as well. That for me is a hard fight. It has many tentacles. I do absolutely understand your ‘beautiful surrender’ concept, and I can see the simplicity in the pure acceptance. It’s what I need to learn to do both intellectually and emotionally with things outside my control which applies beyond the walls of ‘the first to the grave’. It’s just too bad it took the loss of two people who meant more to me in this world than anything that kept me going in life when things got tough. It was my love for them that made me want to live beyond whatever came my way. I never wanted to hurt them and yet coping with alcohol did. The loss of their lives pushed me into a drinking spiral that made me so ill, I really was going to die or stop. How ironic, I find that I want to live even without them now. Life has a funny sense of humor when it teaches us lessons. For me, I feel my head was so stuck in some other reality, that God had to give me a good smackdown to wake me up. That’s how I’m feeling now as that seems to be how he always gets my attention back. So quick learner? I hear laughter.

More to come later.

P.S. Thank you for the additional nice comments. I felt a warmth from earlier comments and that continued from Byrd and Lavende along with others who are welcoming me to the fold of crusaders. That’s what we are; people crusading for our lives.

P.S.S. Byrd, I heard he died. He must have been sad to leave loved ones but happy to head home. I’m sure we all have those terrible stories.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi! Morning check in here!

Kiwi, you're doing awesome. Isn't it great when the urge isn't there?

Choices, as long as you're not drinking - think away.

Crusader, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Share away. I think a notebook is a great idea. It's a great time to stop the madness and move ahead to better things. It IS better without alcohol, I promise.

I'm off to do my morning yoga. I have another busy day, but I'm remembering that sleep and rest are the most important thing right now. Hope everyone has a great day!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning from the still-snowy Pacific NorthWest! Feeling very grateful for all of you this morning.

I've been working my way through the book, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, and I just wanted to mention a few sections in the book that reflect topics we've discussed here:

1) Just read a part where she describes an "upward spiral" as a representation of progress and moving toward a healthier and happier life. Rang a bell

2) Gratitude. I'm now in the part where she's talking about how gratitude actually changes our brain chemistry - especially dopamine and serotonin. Very interesting stuff.

3) There's a good chunk of discussion (and suggestions) around socializing sober. She talks about her first forays into various social situations - holidays, parties, etc - and presents ideas for what to say, how she personally went from "I'm not drinking cuz I'm training for a triathlon" to being more honest and open with at least some folks. She's also got some great ideas for what to say when people pressure you to drink. Really good stuff.

Have fantastic days and eves everyone. It's almost the freakin' weekend but no tix to boozeville in sight!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

A sad day being with my friend who lost her partner. There are some family ghosts and residual anger (not toward him) that she's dealing with in addition to the loss. We ate a lot, laughed a lot, and cried some. It was nice to be there with her. I ate a lot of junk and I feel a little hungover this morning. Hmmmm.

Crusader - I learned early on that you can't possibly reply to everyone every day. Don't add that to your plate!

Wags - I really want to read that book - a couple of people have recommended it, and also feel like that title could be the title of my story. Even though I knew I had to quit, it has been an unexpected joy to be sober in so many ways.

Off to the salt mines.

Happy SOBER Thursday.
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh ya... last night I was at a restaurant - a brewery actually - with the family. It was packed and we were waiting for a table. Someone came by with free 4oz pours of one of their beers to compensate for the wait. I politely declined (which the server couldn't believe - after all we were in a brewery!). My husband though - he was actually upset I turned down a FREE beer. Partly because it was free, but mostly because to him, it was like walking past a bar of gold and leaving it on the side of the road. I just didn't place a value on it.

On another note, we saw our neighbors there and ended up eating with them. She doesn't drink either, so it was nice to have company. We had a lot of fun talking with them. Sober is where it's at y'all!!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yesterday I was discussing with a friend the "plans" we talk about needing to have firmly in place before we try to quit. Some of them get really complicated (have to exercise each day, have to eat right each meal, have to meditate hourly, have to be grateful all the dang time, etc. etc. etc.) and can set a person up to fail. It is really easy to mess up one part of a plan and let that be an excuse for letting the whole thing fall apart. It makes me think of my dieting days when if I'd cave in and have a cookie, I'd eat the whole box, vowing to start fresh on that ever elusive "tomorrow".

So, my point to her was, it isn't a complicated plan that you need to develop. The only requirement is not to drink. All of the other things are tools (we call the thread the TOOLBOX for a reason). Some tools are never right for an individual and others may be effective one day but not the next. The point is to have many tools available at all times. If the one that worked yesterday is having no affect, pull out another - don't think your "plan" has failed, therefore YOU have failed, and you might as well drink.

If you do drink in spite of your sincere desire not to, you may need some new tools or help remembering to use them (that's what MWO is for!). My "plan" (which is really a tool) was a vow to post here or contact a sober friend BEFORE I drank, no matter what.

I used many different tools to keep that in place but the bottom line was simple enough that even in the state I was in, I could do it. This is a tough change to make (simple but not easy) and there's no reason to make it harder and more complicated than it needs to be.

xx, NS

[mywayin]

Re: Newbies Nest

Funny how one can feel so different from one day to the next.
Yesterday I was searching the tool box for comments and experience on PAWS and what to expect during the first month AF. I was feeling very tired, stressed and discouraged. Not that I had any bad intentions but was just needing some support and encouragement.
Today, since it’s is my b’day, my husband prepared a nice dinner and wanted to open a bottle of champagne. I had zero inclination and it took me some effort to convince him. I finally threatened to not have dinner with him if he opened a bottle, and that worked!
We had a very nice dinner and I’m feeling strong and happy indeed!