Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!
I thought I was up and at 'em early yesterday.. today was 3:45 and I had so much congestion in my chest I couldn't sleep. bummer. I finally got up and listened to some music and read. Thank goodness I don't have anything important to do this weekend.. Just get better!
How are you feeling, Kensho? Are you getting better?
Crusader, well done on getting that first week under your belt.. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.. and I hope your jaw will heal soon. :hug:
Lav, how cute is that to have little chicks running around your laundry room! I'm jealous.. I would at least love to see them and hold them..

Hi to Nar, Pav, Ava, G, everyone flying by or stopping in this lovely Un-hung Saturday..
A good weekend to all.
xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - sorry to hear you aren't feeling well and that it disrupted your sleep I hope you are able to snuggle in today and give yourself good self-care

Nar - yep, I would also have tucked a few drinks in before friends came over to socialize (or I went to them) - it was part of my way of sneaking (haha) extra drinks that I thought they somehow wouldn't know about. Hope you had an excellent visit!

Lav - would love to see a pic of your new little fuzzballs!

Crusader - I can relate very well to your situation of caring for and then losing your mom. Sorry to hear of your loss and grief, and I applaud your decision to move forward sober now.


So happy it's Saturday here in Wagland - the snow has finally melted enough that we'll be able to go for a bike ride today. Yay! My blues seem to have mostly lifted, and I've made progress on several projects (home and work) so feeling good about all of that. Continuing to enjoy the Unexpected Joy book - Jvo, have you started yours yet?

Hope you all have wonderful AF weekends!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning,

I can't sleep because I am worrying about something at work for Monday. I can't do anything about it now, but I can't stop worrying about it. I have tried the techniques of being in the moment, letting my thoughts float by, exercise, etc., but this one is hanging over my head like Eeyore's dark cloud. I am actually sure it will all work out ok, and I am irritated that I can't shake this worry. Especially irritated that it got in the way of my sleep. I have a crazy week coming up and will be happy when it is finally over. It will also be fun, so I have to concentrate on that, and not think what could go wrong...

Ava - no advice for you and Mads. Sorry she's not doing well. I love the exit route you have - just a walk down the block, and no one has to know...

Crusader - that sounds like an ordeal. I'm glad you're on track, and congratulations on a week!

Byrdie - I'm with you - I don't think anyone should drink. I say that from time to time and people look at me like I have three heads. I don't really tolerate my teenagers drinking/smoking, and people think I am unrealistic and too strict. I am sure they do, but I can't be that parent who allows it to happen at my house. So hard to navigate! My parents not only allowed me to drink as a young teen, they drank with me! Such a different world.

Lav- Do chickens smell? I would like to have some, but I am in a neighborhood where the houses are fairly close together. We have enough yard for a coop, but I'm afraid the neighbors would hate me...

Nar - Hope the party is fun. Hi, Everyone else...

Off to see about the day. Happy SOBER Saturday.

Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un Hung Saturday! This was my traditional hangover day so I am very grateful to wake up feeling good. SO grateful.

Pav, I hate it when that happens. It’s so hard to stop thinking about that thing on Monday, ugh. And thinking about it won’t change anything.

Wags, I am totally jealous of your bike ride. And yeah, I would have drank before and after my friends cam over last night. So glad I don’t do that anymore.

Life, hope you feel better soon. Rest up girl!

Happy Saturday everyone, don’t drink today.

[Rahulthesweet]

Re: Newbies Nest

I remember
The days
And the nights
Days full of guilt
Nights with dry throat

I remember the struggle
To pass days
And evenings
Thinking about the next one
Trying to stop
With no sucess

I remember
The bottom
In that hotel room
When I woke up
3 am with dry throat
Surrounded by empty bottles
And empty soul body
Broken spirit
And no hope

I remeber
the endless cycle
Dry mornings
Wild evenings
Crazy hangovers

I remember
my first logun to my way out
What started it all
Path towards sobriety
Realization
Hope

I remember
Endless reading
You tube videos
Blogs
To learn and un learn
Alcohol is bad
Its a waste
Its a sham

I remember
the books I read
People I met
Folks I chatted with
all the advice
The tool box

I remeber
my first sober day
Week
Month
Year
Counting days

I remeber
Las vegas
My first relapse
First of many
How I came down stong
Fell flat
Weak
Helpless

I remember
When i lovely PMs on MWO
advices to hand on
Go another day
Just more day

I remember
Rebooting my life
New interests
My love with cyclings
Running ...

I remember
The treats
The pat on backs
Feeling of accomplishments
Ice creams
And coffees
How they tasted so good
And still do ...

I remember
How I lost friends
And made new ones
Most importantly
I found I have a family
Kids ...
Who care
And love

I remembe

I remember
Last 4 years
Of complete abstinence
Of freedom
Of mental peace
Of such joy
Of feelings again

I remember
Today 4 years ago
.............

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Weekenders.

Day 9 which is one day more than my January attempt to stop poisoning/hurting myself. That didn’t stick which is why I developed my notebook of various sections. I may list some of them in a later post, but there is no doubt it is helping. It keeps my head more organized and on task when those thoughts want to descend back into the darkness.

I am happy to report my reasoned personality won the war yesterday against the other personalities in the battle to have a glass of wine, after all, it was a celebration, right? Just one glass of wine with dinner and back to nothing tomorrow and it wouldn’t count against my goal to take better care and responsibility for myself, right? Dinner will be no fun without something to drink, right? Just one, just one, just one...you all know it well. To be honest, I hadn’t totally squashed that thought when I sat down at the bar waiting for a table, but once I did, there was my reasoned personality that took over and I asked for a list of non alcoholic options. Ice tea was my pleasure and so was dinner. Well I’ll be…

Scene two, back at the house. Not so fast with the pat on the back. Like I drink my alcohol, I drank three TALL glasses of ice tea. Do you know what that much caffeine before bedtime does to you when you are already fighting anxiety and insomnia? I thought I was going to have a heart attack for a couple hours. Needless to say, sleep wasn’t the best. I said to myself, “self, you can’t go substituting other bad decisions in place of the one you are eliminating”. So today, I cleaned the bathroom, showered, had breakfast and drank one of my...hmmmm...what was the drink?







Emergen-C Immune with Vitamin D and antioxidants. Yes, I am walking into Day 9 with determination. I haven’t yet read the boards. Off to do that now.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters near and not so far

Sorry for your losses Crusader. Glad you got your jaw sorted out. Congrat's on day 9! Huge stuff. I wish you peace and clarity moving forward from here friend.

LC, feeling any better? Was a little fluey a few days ago, but lucky it didn't really take hold in the end, but it lingered.

Pav, sheesh! Worries worries worries. Me too. No matter what, with some future events my thoughts are hijacked! What i have noticed though, is i can't usually think of 2 things at once. If i can find something to distract me (keep me in the moment/mindfulness which i know you've tried) i can get a break, even for a minute or two. e.g. If i have got a fish biting on a hook, then my attention is on that event for a few minutes till i land the little fella into the boat, so potentially 5 minutes of focus on the fish. Another one might be horseriding. If i'm trying to stay upright on that fkr while sh'e bolting for the pass, i ain't thinking about next week. lol. Same with sanding back some furniture/smoothing some rough edges. Just some ideas and reminders. :-)

Yo Wags! W'dup. Your weekend sounds fab. I feel better for having dived into some unfinished projects too.

Hope the party went/is going well Ava. Did you dance?

Keep warm Narilly!

Lav, the Stella lives on with the new recruits!

Day 1, i say 179. Tomorrow, monday 26th is 6 freakin months. Haven't been this far along since 20, i say 2011. About time young man.

The phone's finally stopped ringin with offers of free tickets to boozeville. That circus has left town. Big waves to all, especially to you Jvo! L8tr g8trs.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Rahul, what am amazing remembrance. Wow! Please, I mean PLEASE, put that in the Toolbox for us! You are the poster child for sobriety, it has been amazing to see your growth and transformation! I am bustin with pride for you! Keep up the great work!

Crusader, I dont know how old you are, but Im 58. One of my excuses for not drinking at night is my pea-sized (haha) bladder. If I drink diet coke at night, I drink too much and GO all night long, which isnt a problem since Im wide awake from the caffeine that’s in it. Oy. I drink water at night, I dont really like water so I dont drink so much of it. I tell everyone I drink it as a deterrent! Honestly, I dont know how I drank a bottle of wine and didnt pee all night! So sorry about the lack of sleep, but very proud of you for negotiating your way thru the AL Voice. Well, played!

G man, speaking of pride, look at you with 6 months!! You are makin us proud over here! You just dont see that every day! Here’s your llama! :llama: Rock on!

Lazy day here, and loving it! Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still damp & chilly out but it’s nice in front of the fireplace
Just to make it clear - I do not have chickens running around my laundry room, ha ha! They are safe in a large heavy plastic container with a heat lamp hanging overhead & plenty of baby chicken feed & vitamin water nearby
Yes G, this is the next generation Stella, ha ha. The aforesaid heat lamp puts off a warm, reddish glow.

3CC38D26-DAF1-492E-AC04-D6392DE1F40E.jpg

Rahul, your post was amazing! Congrats on your 4 years :welldone:

LC, please feel better very soon. No fun feeling sick, take care!

Byrdie, decaffeinated coffee/tea is the way to go, honestly! Easier on your B/P & your bladder.

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Oh i got in early on your 6 months congrats, like all alkies we start the party early. i hope you have a nice treat in store for yourself to celebrate.

the party was rather good i must say. i did speak to a woman my age and she said she wanted to be like me and not drink but it was too hard. i told her the reason i didnt go back to drinking other than i didnt want to was that it was hard to stop initially but so worth it now. she got me to hold her glass of champagne and there was absolutely no urge to have a sip. it was like holding a glass of water really. it was definitely a sense of freedom to have a care factor of zero with regards to al. the SO came home at 1.30 and woke me up nattering away and then started snoring 3 minutes later. i told him i will have to send him to rehab if we keep going out to parties. some woman had to be helped by two men and poured into a car, i cringed thinking that that was me back in the day. the only problem i had was walking in heels for a few hours.

a nice quiet day for me in preparation for work tomorrow.

Pav the neighbours will only complain if you have a rooster. i love chooks, had many a pet when i was younger and the children were growing up. they were my go to to escape the kids. i hope work goes ok for you on Monday and you have a clear head to deal with anything.

Feel better LC.

take care xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav - hope you're able to quiet those worries and get better sleep before Monday. And hopefully things will all work out ok as you suspect.

Ava - sorry to hear Mads isn't doing so well. We've never done acupuncture for the current pup, but I've heard many good things from other folks (both for people and for dogs). Sending you and Mads strength and positive healing energy.

Rahul - thanks so much for sharing your poem here as well as in your own thread. Very beautiful words. Huge congrats on your 4 years!

Byrdie - I'm the total opposite of you - since I gave up al, I pretty much only drink water. I was thinking about this the other day - how much money I've saved over the course of my life because I never developed a coffee habit, and now without al I know I save anywhere from 3-10 dollars every day.


Had a great bike ride today, although it was still pretty chilly. Hoping to get out for another short one tomorrow. Safe nights and days in the nest everyone!

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

It’s bedtime and I thought I’d do a quick thank you for all the supportive thoughts posted here in the Newbies Nest to me. Quite a few of you have related to things I posted about regarding loss, pain, struggles and such. I’ve read them all and want you to know how much I appreciate those posts. It may seem like I don’t appreciate or find them comforting when I don’t directly respond to them, but that would be a misconception. It can be overwhelming with so many right now and everything else going on in my life.

Wagmoe, Lavender, Guitarman, etc. have all mentioned experiencing the pain of loss and I thank you for that. We can feel very alone in our pain and sometimes it feels a little less so when others hold up a hand that they understand and have had to walk through it.

Byrdlady, I felt honored that some of my posts helped you remember how far you have come. What struck me with your post, outside of the warmth that is touching, was something I felt while doing my personal time. I have a section within the back of my notebook for my spiritual growth. I am spending time in prayer and working back to a place I have walked too far away from in many ways. A place in the past where I found peace and strength. A place where you find you are never really alone. It may sound strange to some, but there was something laid upon my heart that someone needed something after that post. I’m not going to expound on this, but I saw your post after that happened. It made me think about how long term sobriety members may not always get what they need because they are always helping others, but they do in those reminders. To be open and vulnerable has not always been an easy task for me. Just some thoughts. Thank you for those posts and the support. Oh and drink that water just not late at night.

Lifechange, I have a notebook this time around that uses much of your suggestions. I put it together after my failure in January. I knew I needed an organized system to use. This notebook has quite a lot of information in it including notes from previous efforts through the years. It is broken into sections and I do keep daily notes and common themes. No sugar mentioned having someone to call. My notebook is like calling myself. It has a lot of history and that notebook knows me or should I say knows all my personalities that argue. It’s a very honest notebook.

That’s enough for tonight. I’m hoping for better sleep tonight and waking rested into day 10. Do I hear thirty….

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you for your post Rahul, it really speaks to me. That dry throat. I can still feel it if I let myself remember.

All good posts for contemplation from everyone!

I'm not feeling as "funny" as I was in my last post. What is really helping is alternative drinks. My little family and I got out of the city for the weekend and went up north to a beach town and we had a relaxing time. It was great. I felt a lot of small victories in the no booze front. A massive cruise liner was docked while we were there and at our hotel there was a kind of reception I guess for them. Lots of wine and beer. It smelled really hot. I don't know how else to describe it, except hot and toxic. This was my first exposure to a lot of people drinking. My husband asked me if it was alright if he had a couple of beers with dinner and I was fine with it. Although, on the second one, the meal was finished and I asked the server if it was alright if we left the restaurante with it and she was fine with it. I just didn't feel like sitting there watching him drink it. Normally I am the one drinking wine and holding him up, but he was fine walking around the pool and the beach with the bottle. No worries at all. I ordered a soda water with cranberry juice and a lime with mint.

The next day I studied for about an hour and then met my daughter and hubby in the hotel loby. My husband was drinking a beer. The bar was offering a coctail of the day and I decided it sounded really refreshing, so I asked for one without the alcohol. The bar tender kinda looked at me funny but made it anyway. The first sip was lovely. I just said it was perfect and it seamed to disarm things. It was really cool that I could have a fancy drink with pineapple and lots of different juices and when my daughter asked for a sip ---- I could give her one!

Hubby bought a six pack for the evening but only had two. I would have normally had a bottle of wine to myself in this senerio, and stayed up after everyone went to bed numbing out. He bought me a 4 pack of this really good lemon lime bitters soda, which made me feel spiffy and we went to be about 10 pm. What was the absolute best was waking up not hungover!

I also felt really good that I could manage myself in this situation without as much anxiety as I have had in the past while trying to be sober. My confidence was good and it made it easier.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-Hung Sunday morning, Nesters..

Thank you for the well wishes! Last night I went to bed at 8:30 and propped my head up on a pile of pillows. I slept better but I still feel like a buck o' five.. Has to be getting better soon. Patience.

Rahul, that was such a lovely poem.. it's wonderful to read of your journey and growth.:hug:
Wags, here's to getting things done, moving forward with projects. I really like that book, too.. I've been on the last "chapter" for a week now, 'cause I don't want it to end. I'll need another good sobriety book after.. hope you had a nice ride yesterday.
Pav, I hope you got that worry under control and got some sleep last night. Some good suggestions from G-man.. Could you let us know what ends up working for you? You mentioned trying lots of things that didn't help so much.. I'd be interested to hear what works..:love:
Lav, those chicks are so cute. I was one of the people who imagined them running around your laundry room! ha.. what a lot of fun.
Crusader, you sound to be doing well! Well done on 9 days and on standing by your rational mind.. you inspired me to begin journaling again. I used to write things down and then I'd read back and tear out all the pages, ripping them to shreads, 'cause I was afraid I'd die and someone would read them and know the truth... well, now that I'm being more honest with myself and those close to me, a truer version of myself, out of the closet, so to say, I'm not worried. I'm even proud that I can see progress, proud that I'm not afraid of change and setbacks and not knowing everything. For me, it helps to write it out.
Kensho, how are you feeling?
J-vo, big hugs to you, in case you're reading here..:hug:

This morning I had a crazy deja vu as I was baking a birthday cake for my daughter's papa at 6am.. when we had a restaurant/café downstairs I used to get up at 4 to bake the cakes for the day.. at some point I started to drink some of the sherry I was putting in the apple pie.. I was always able to keep it under control, I just tried to keep a good buzz going through the day.. it "helped" me to have more energy, more fun.. I liked being sneaky.. it was sort of a f*** you to my husband, who wasn't doing his share of the work..? Crazy but typical to poison myself to get back at my husband. After we closed the restaurant, I continued to associate baking with drinking.. but my drinking had progressed and I couldn't keep it under control anymore.. So I ruined quite a few birthday cakes. Lots of re-baking. Those were so not the days, as Byrdie would say. Today it's a cherry cheesecake and I think it turned out well.:happy2:

It's very cold here today so I'm cozied up with a warm water bottle and 2 cats.. hope you all have a nice Sunday..
xx

xpost Choices.. sounds like you had a lovely time! I agree it's so nice to be able to share our drinks with the kids..

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

one other funny/curious thing.. the other day my younger daughter and I were walking home after grocery shopping.. I was telling her that it was so strange that even though I'm paying twice as much now as I was when I was living together with my ex, I have way more money..not that I have excesses, I just don't have to worry as much.. we were trying to think of how that could be possible, what could be so different? Didn't occur to me until yesterday that it's mostly because of alcohol! That's a crazy amount of money.. and to think I couldn't figure that out years ago. I knew for a long time that I wanted to separate but didn't think I could afford it.. ah, man. I think I mentioned I'm a slow learner..:happy2: