Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Checking in while we still have power on - lost it for about 4 hrs last evening. We had about 6" of snow, not the 16" that was predicted, thank goodness!!!

Ava, your kids keep you hopping, that's for sure. I wish your girl a speedy recovery
I hope things settle down for you at work, there's never a need for that kind of drama.

Crusader, I think I was the queen of age related, adult onset anxiety. I absolutely used massive amounts of wine to self-medicate 7 we all know how that turns out
You have been through so much but I am happy to hear that you have survived & are here to tell the story. Looking forward to spring & summer with the possibility of tending to your garden is a step in the right direction. I am right there with you. My 'chicken project' was my attempt 14 years ago to drag myself out of a pretty serious bout of anxiety/depression. I had a number of major things happen that just knocked my socks off & left me a real mess. We have both survived & our presence here is proof

G, goodness, you don't look a day over 189, HA HA!!! Keep up the good work!!

Hellos to Pav, Kensho, Pauly, LC, Byrdie & anyone I've missed.
Congrats on your 3 AF weeks mywayin :welldone:

Have a safe night in the one & all.

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Everyone sounds just great!
Busy day here, glad to be relaxing in front of the boob toob! Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie.

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning to the Nest residents.

It is day 21...something about those full weeks makes me smile. I know I've made it farther than this before, but I look forward to saying months and that magical time when I don't even think in terms of days, but alcohol is just a past bad dream that stays there...in the past.

G, move your hands! I'll have to take a closer look. HA! That made me laugh. Oh man, how many times I said that as a teen. My mom would say, there is something wrong in your head or you're so vain. You were right, mom. Thinking about the unhealthy things we do to ourselves as a species. So much to learn, so little time. Great job on 190 days. You sound happy.

Lav, I've been mentioning getting chickens for a while. The house member does not want on that ship. lol I love fresh eggs. The taste and richness is wonderful. I had a neighbor years back that would share them from time to time. For now, I spoil the wild birds. We had a dog, but she was so old and ill she had to be put down. She could barely eat or walk. It's hard to let go of animals. They are so dependent upon us, but she was a great dog. The idea of a new one this spring/summer is in the thought process. It's a long-term commitment. I'll wait for clarity on that decision. Some other priorities are in the works. When you said, 'it is so nice to be ready at a moments notice', I thought, that is a huge asset. Alcohol is so destructive in so many ways.

I'm a day behind you mywayin. Stay the course. We are walking it together.

Byrd, I hope you get some good R & R. Your job sounds so stressful. To everyone who sounds overworked and stressed...:hug:

Have a great AF day to all!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations Crusader on 3 weeks!!! Way to go! I think you've beat some of the hardest days in this fight - at least for me. I don't know all of your story, but above all you sound brave. That's what it takes, with a little faith that it does get better. Keep going my friend. Pain is only pain, and then it passes. Hugs to you!

G - 191 today? Well I'll be. You are always a positive fella, but your posts have a wise and solid undertone as you get further and further away from alcohol. Keep riding that train Mr. G. It suits you.

I found an article - maybe from one of you?? - about why so many people have trouble identifying an alcohol problem, chiefly because society and the alcohol industry tell us we are weird, goodie goodie or socially inept if we don't drink. It is marketed as a positive and healthy thing to do at the end of a hard day. It is marketed to moms as "mom juice" that we "deserve", and it's definitely the life (and death) of most parties. It just listed a few statements that society falsely puts in our heads, and I laid it on my husband's stack of papers. He might think it's mine - hoping he reads it if even briefly. I try to stay out of his business with drinking, as I ask him to stay out of mine, but it was so true!!

Anyway, don't fall for the lies society (and the alcohol companies who just want profits) say about alcohol. See it for what it is... a neurotoxin that has the ability to numb us from real life, and then causes more pain because it is so damaging on our bodies and brains. Then when we don't deal with the emotional stuff we tried to numb, we end up stuck, immature, unhealthy, and even more depressed and anxious.

It took me a long time to finally say goodbye to alcohol. There always seemed like a rational door back in. But every door I walked through just led me right back to the very same place of self-shame, desire to quit, and active addiction. Hanging on to that "I deserve it", and "there has to be a way I can drink" is a forever trap once we cross the line into addiction, unfortunately. Give it up and never look back. !!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

MyWayIn - There is something called the Pink Cloud effect - Google it. Basically, once the giddy newness of sobriety wears off, you're faced with a sort of let down. Life, after all, continues to be life. Quitting drinking doesn't make it all unicorns and rainbows (I know I was expecting to be wiping glitter poop off my shoes!) For me, it was a long and persistent feeling at first - "really? is this it?" It was easy for me to slip into a pity party and feel sorry for myself. I think this is the time to start a practice of gratitude (following Lav's lead). Maybe write down every day three things you're grateful for, and/or three ways in which your life is better without alcohol. Sounds hokey, I agree, but darn if it doesn't work (and you can Google that as well). Hang on - it just keeps getting better and better.

In my family, the women all have flat or no butts, so when we ask "do these pants make my butt look big?" the correct answer is YES! Hah, G, you crack me up.

Lav - I love the idea of a chicken project. I think I'll get there eventually...

Happy SOBER Thursday.

xo
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mywayin and Crusader - :congrats: to each of you on 3 weeks!!! I agree Crusader - there is something about round weeks, then round months or multiples of ten. Great work you're both doing, and really glad you're here!!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav - Gratitude is such a key to all of this, I think. I was mentioning recently in the book "Unexpected Joys of Being Sober" that there's a section where she describes the neuroscience of gratitude and how it actually changes our brains, so it's not just something that feels good on a surface level - it truly works on a deeper level as well.

Kensho - I use that approach of reminding myself about all of the marketing and lies behind the al industry, and it helps me protect my quit. I don't like when someone tries to dupe or trick me, and it makes me angry that so much of our advertising takes that approach, so I use this as fuel for my stubbornness, which in turn firms up my resolve. Where was this article you found? I'd love to take a look. I can always just google the topic and find something similar, but if you have a link to this specific one that'd be great!

Happy Thu days and eves everyone!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Late check in for me.. I've begun (finally!) to meditate in the morning and then to spend 15 minutes drinking my coffee or tea in silence.. I have found that during the week, it stresses me out to come here.. because I never have enough time to read and then reply.. all of a sudden the girls are up and they interrupt me! And then I haven't had the quiet time I need.. So. Let's see.. it was a bit strange and now it's already almost 7pm.
I spent some of the money I've saved from not drinking and had some "lowlights" painted in.. what a huge difference it makes! Then I went and joined the gym near my house.. super looking forward to going tomorrow morning.

Congrats on 3 weeks to Crusader and Mywayin.. Well done, both of you!
Crusader, I think what you said is key.. that this quit is for you.. everyone else in your life will benefit from it, but foremost, it is for you. I tried so many times to quit for others and it never held.. sadly not even "for" my kids. In the end, of course it is for my kids.. and everyone else I know. I'm proud of you for working through the pain.. You have had way more than your share..
G-man, sounding solid as a rock with 191 days.. good for you! I'm so happy to hear you in such a strong place.
You, too, Kensho.. Gosh, it upsets me to no end with regards to the marketing of alcohol.. especially for our young ones. Though, today as I was walking through the gym, there was a radio advertisement for Heinekin 0,0.. and they way they were advertising was quite positive. I do see, looking at my daughter who is 16, my stepson who is 17, and their friends.. that almost no one is drinking (yet). And it's legal here at their ages.. It was also mentioned in "the book" (Unexpected Joys) that the millennials are drinking far less than we all did.. for the most part. So, hopefully things are changing a bit.. I know a lot of the kids here are concerned about their health, physically and mentally..to be honest, we were never taught these things in school. maybe that's part of the problem with having a 21 year old drinking law.. that we fool ourselves into thinking that because it's illegal, we don't have to worry about education.? I don't know.

Big hugs to Wags, Lav, Belle, Ava, Byrdie, Choices (where are you?), Moonking (where are you?), Kiwi!, J-vo, Pav, .... everyone checking in today.. tomorrow is Friday.. TG.
xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey all, late check in for me, too.
Congrats on three weeks, MyWay and Crusader! :three: Keep up the great work. One drink isnt going to do any of us any good, so let it go! Getting aober is the Best decision I ever made ....too bad it took me so long to make it. UGG! I wasted 10 ears trying to learn how to control it, only to feel like a failure. What I was failing at was drinking. What Im succeeding at is sobriety. Who knew?

All you gotta do, is get thru this day! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to report we had a chilly but sunny day today that melted a good bit of the snow from yesterday's storm
My baby chickens are sprouting feathers & growing quite tall. I think that's due to their 24/7 eating habit, ha ha!!!

Crusader, congrats to you on your 3 AF weeks! I remember feeling empowered at that point & downright proud. I hope you feel the same

Everyone sounds good & working their plans.
I used the birth of my first grandson as the incentive I needed to get the job done & it worked. None of the grandkids will ever see me drinking or smoking, I just didn't want to be that kind of granny. So, keeping my quits is a good thing for all of us. Everyone wins!!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy international womens day to all the ladies for march 8th!

Ava, yesterday 4 u. Hope u had a nice one.

:sendflowers::bellydance::blowkiss:

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Right LAV! I just don't want to be that kind of mom either! I was that kind of 20-yr. old - but I will be the kind of mom who is more in tune with life than the desire to numb.

Which brings up the big question all of us have to answer eventually - what is it we are/were trying to numb? There were a few big stresses for me, but it also became very little things I just became accustomed to not dealing with - a headache, lack of sleep, my husbands sometimes childish behavior, boredom... it's amazing how we can change out habits though. Now, I handle those things without alcohol - it just took a little discomfort and learning to cope differently. Now it's habit to behave like an adult, at least most of the time

Happy Friday!

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

I have fireworks going off all over the place in my awareness. I have no real desire to drink as these are deep...hmmm...not exactly epiphanies, but a lot of well, just things outside the box of daily living. For the moment, that is the only way I can come up with to describe it. I don't want to numb out what is happening. I feel these are positive in nature.

I woke with a very very strange dream. At first, I was rattled. I tried to divert my attention to something else...birds. lol Then, I got my coffee and wrote in my journal pages and the meaning came out to me. Our dreams can be very strange and make no sense on the surface, at times, until we take a deeper look. My mind had weaved several past and present issues together, so it was startling until I understood it. Now, it feels like relief. This is such a benefit of not drinking. I know I felt I could not bare so much of what has happened in my life, but sometimes what we most fear is what holds us in a prison. We can't find who we really are until we walk through those fears. Most of us attach to people and material things in our lives so much so that we don't really find out who we are until those attachments are severed in one way or another. We are so busy with all the noise and obligations, we miss a whole other level of the human experience. I don't know if this is making sense to anyone, but this quit is so different than any other one I've tried. The timing is different. The situation is different. There is no 'I deserve this' feelings or 'pink cloud' moments. I feel like I'm still in a prison of sorts, but I'm getting closer to the key. I have some more thoughts in my fireworks display, but I'll let them settle more into more awareness of my future path.

Thanks for listening. You never know when you type something here if anyone will relate or if you are the only one hearing it, but I thought I'd share.

Thank you Kensho, Bryd, Lab, lifechange, wagmor and everyone else in the MWO threads. We don't know each other, but it is a connection of caring. That's good for us all.

Lifechange, I have felt that stressful feeling at times. I'm trying not to overload this time and really concentrate on my healing. It's the only way it works to get yourself to a place where you don't need alcohol. I have lived my life feeling selfish if I don't rescue and help everyone in my life, but that has been a big downfall for me. I have to think of me and that is big. It's strange that it has taken losing the ones I loved so deeply I didn't think I could live without to realize it fully. Not realizing it, put me into drinking to cover up my own needs I was neglecting. Go figure.

Love and hugs to all.

[mywayin]

Re: Newbies Nest

We are so busy with all the noise and obligations, we miss a whole other level of the human experience.

Makes lots of sense to me

[Dutch1988]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey all,

Still don’t know how to use the mobile version of this site, which is sad considering I should be pretty tech savvy at my age for at least another month when I hit thirty. I lurk here from time to time when I have a thought but feel pretty disconnected from the folks who helped get me through the early onset of Alcohol recovery. Just read through as a reminder. Much gratitude to everyone on here for all the help that was given to me.

Three years sober today. By far my hardest year of sobriety since my twin brother killed himself. I found him hanging in his closet June 14th. Since then I have been learning a lot about grief. I go to survivor meetings, have a grief counselor, and I don’t drink to numb the pain. I used to drink to avoid feeling bad in THIS moment. Now I intentionally feel bad to help me mourn my brother, otherwise I will never be able to think of him without feeling sad about his death. Anyway, thanks again all for the support the past three years. With everything going on I know milestones can be triggering. So it’s good to remind myself that drinking can’t improve my situation, only make it worse. Best of luck to everyone.