Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

I am facing a very challenging personnel issue at work today. I really don't feel like drinking - I think I'll solve the problem instead of numb it. I would rather do almost anything than this today, but do it I must. I look forward to posting to you all tomorrow that it went ok.

LC - unplugged weekend sounds pretty nice. I was wondering where you had gotten to.

Way to go into double digits, Belle! Keep it up.

Off to the races. Wish me luck.

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I've decided its about solving the problem, not numbing it

This one too - another great bumper sticker (or words to add to the tool kit). These quotes really get to the heart of things. Thanks Kensho!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning. I'm in concrete - the coffee trying to pry me from the hour I usually sleep. I stared at my work last night with heavy eyes and browsed social media a bit instead. I could have, should have gone to bed, but I must have needed some brainless time. I feel "on" all the time. I didn't "solve the problem" of too much work staring at me, but I did rest my tired brain and I didn't drink. And I really enjoyed my evening with my family once I let go of the worry and participated in the moment. So I'm going to count it a win.

I DID do my yoga/pilates this morning and it feels great! I get to go to a biofeedback naturopath today, who is going to test me for various allergies, sensitivities and deficiencies. I've wanted to do this for a very long while. I never felt like I had the time (I still don't) but I'm going to do it and hopefully get some good info.

PAV, go get it girl. Speak your truth and ask for what you deserve. The discomfort won't last.

Keep going Belle and Crusader! You're worth it!!!

Now, is there a number sticker for "Time changes suck"?

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning all! It’s day 26.

Yesterday was a trying day. There are days I feel like I’m beginning to get it together and then another issue/event hits my plate. Yesterday was about fear (again). You all know I lost two people in the last year. For quite some time, my boyfriend has been having health issues he ignores which are brought on by his own behaviors which we all know so well. I snapped. I became stern with him and went into tears telling him he must go see a doctor. He is a vet., so will go to the VA today. He promised. If he doesn’t change his ways, he will take himself out of this life soon. He already has damage as I can see it plain as day. My mind went to, ‘please, not another one’. Not my last person here on this planet. I have issues with him, but I’m feeling like Job right now. I can’t explain everything here, but the tests, lessons, and growth I’m experiencing is tough. This morning I am telling myself, ‘there is no defeating fear without walking through it and surviving on the other side’. Where is your faith, your spirit when everything gets stripped away? There is such depth to what I am going through right now. It’s a tough road, though. Resisting the urge to throw your hands up takes a strong will to fight, to keep believing, and to know there is more to us than this society created hamster wheel mankind is on. I wonder how many stop resisting that inner call of change without being stripped of everything or really experiencing some harsh realities. I know...deep stuff. I hear you loud and clear, lifechange. Unplugging calls to me all the time, and it appears the orchestrator is onboard or the planner behind the call with my life events. Calling to my higher self or being. Chance favors the prepared mind, but life throws some pretty wild curve balls. We, also, bring to our life some of these complexities by our choices. When you can breathe again past the pain and sit in silence, there you hear some profound thoughts. Thoughts you covered up with noise and numbing, etc.

NS, I will take a look at the thread when I get the time. Thank you for leaving it here for me. I will try to respond there when I’ve read through it. I have a pile of books on my table from the library trip yesterday, but I am curious what you’ve left in response to my statement. I blocked contacts because I don’t want to take on too much communication that can become an added pressure which I can see lifechange understands. I am trying to stay focused on my current path. I get enough unexpected stresses or obligations without purposely adding more. Hopefully, people understand and don’t take offense because that is not my intention.

I glad many of you enjoyed the Emerson quotation. I picked up a copy of Walden by Henry David Thoreau yesterday, and would like to get time into reading it. I wonder if this generation of kids gets exposed to such thought? Our educations systems have and continue to change. I don’t believe self reliance is taught as the generations are being raised as a more plugged in culture that fits into the hamster wheel system. It’s interesting to see the ‘Off the Grid’ type of shows on television. There is a sector of people who don’t want to exist in that culture. I hope these thoughts aren’t seen as negative to anyone struggling with the desire to numb out. I think it is relevant to many who do numb out or the reasons for numbing out. It’s better to address these thoughts with a sober and rational mind and look for the higher ground. Listen to the call, the inner voice. Alcohol is not the answer. It burns the ladder/bridge out of the flood zone.

This is my mind posting some thoughts openly. No editing for proper presentation. Just sharing some thoughts. I wonder who else has some rattling around or things calling out from the deep within themselves. I bet some of you or many of you hear them. I see some of it in your posts. You have busy lives in this plugged in world. Having lost some of the things that kept me so busy with caregiving, etc., the noise is of a different kind. Anyway, that’s it for today’s ramble. I should have posted these thoughts into my first post on MWO. Maybe I will or just print them into my journal.

Hugs and love to you all! Stay AF so you can find out who you are and what you need in your life.

P.S. Now, for something less serious. Kensho’s quote which made me laugh!

"And I plan to do my pilates/breathing tomorrow morning, come hell or high water (I don't think either are in the forecast, but you never know!!)

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

where does the time go. I read on here daily and think, yes i have to post then something crops up. I know my sobriety is very secure but i also know i need to be close to the source of what helped me stay on this path and that is here. Us long termers know the drill and know we have to be accountable, being an alcoholic does not go away but like any disease its treatable and we know the treatment and for me thats coming on here.

Lav i hope your BIL (?) is ok now. My daughter is great, now complaining that the dr gave her 2 weeks off work to recuperate. Now I have to listen to that! 2 weeks off work resting sounds pretty fine to me!

My fur baby had a couple of off days after her acupuncture but is just the happiest girl around now. tail is wagging and ball in her mouth, life cant get any better for her. we have another treatment this week but my fingers are crossed for a long term outcome with maintenance and no heavy drugs involved. Maddison just celebrated her 15th birthday with lots of treats and pats. I am sure she has 9 lives that girl.

Work has been busy busy, i told the professor that i was 99% busy so he needed to stop volunteering me for everything for a month or so please and thank you. His PA came up for a friendly chat yesterday. Passive/agressive/bully and now friendly. Go figure!

I hope all went well at work Pav. Just think of how much harder it would have been if you had of been drinking and how much you would have needed to drink to get through today. An awful thought really! i cant think of drinking for dutch courage anymore, i cant imagine myself drinking full stop.

well best go and do some work. busy day with meetings and the SO's aunt is still in hospital so i pop down to feed her and say hello. not sure how things are going to turn out with her but she is in the best place for treatment.

take care. xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters!

Great work on 26 days Crusader. Huuuuge achievement friend! Sometimes we have to walk through the storm. I am grateful for any inclement weather these days, because i look at it from a bigger perspective. Or try to! Not always easy.

Pavi, you are a fair and balanced human. So any hard decisions followed through at work have no doubt been turned up, down, inside out searching for a win/win solution. Sometimes it seems like a hard call, and it can be. But in hindsight can also turn out to be a win/win in the end. At least your mind is sober and clear to look at things rationally with a good grasp on reality.

Love the bumper sticker idea Wags! Don't tell me you couldn't make a killing selling em outside AA/NA meetings around the world. haha.

Friend Kensho. You raaawk!

LC, how are ya?

Can take a little time for everyone to get a handle on each other in a new workplace Ava. Sounds like you're going okay there.

Big waves to all. It's day (*&^#$%!! here. All's very well. L8tr yo!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav, I hope everything worked out ok for you. Please let us know how you are doing. Numbing used to sound like a good idea, but we all know that it leads down a very dark path.

Day 11, and this is about as close as I have felt to drinking...but still not that close. Teens are always at my house. I like peace and quiet. But at least I know what they are doing when they are here . A mixed blessing for sure. I'm not going to let it kill my quit though. Having too many teens in my house has been one of my triggers in the recent past. I must move past that.

In fact, I think it will be time for them to go soon, and I can tell them that with a straight head. I was just made aware that son has some outstanding school assignments also. I'll have a SOBER chat with him after his friends leave.

I have decided to take tomorrow off from work to deal with income tax. hopefully nobody will be here with me except for the dog.

Howdy KENSHO, Crusader, Ava, wags and everyone else! Have a cozy safe evening! (and where in the hell is spring hiding this year???)

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Grateful to wake up to a clear dry day here. No snow developed overnight as predicted so I am happy

Pav, I sure hope your day went Ok.

Crusader, don’t worry about anyone but yourself right now if that is possible. Keeping your focus & staying on plan has #1 priority, right?
Men (in my neatly 30 years of nursing) have more fear about going to the doctor. It doesn’t seem to matter who they are or what they know they are very fearful. I hope your boyfriend takes care of business.
My daughter always had her face in a book as a kid. She ended up majoring in English & Communications. I hope I’m around long enough to see what paths my grandkids choose.

Belle, throw the teens out BEFORE they work your last nerve, ha ha! It’s got to be all about you, right?

Ava, my brother seems to be doing Ok, thanks for asking. Tell your daughtervto chill for a few weeks, Lol
Glad your fur kids are Ok

Hello to the rest of the crowd & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Crusader, neither hell nor high water came yesterday. But a raging headache did, and an exhausted anxiety hit me out of nohwere. I have deadlines and taxes and billing and can’t possibly do it all - and I can’t stay up late to do it because the time change has me all messed up. BUT, I’m not drinking.

PAV, I hope your work situation is going ok for you. Thinking of you.

AVA, you’re a great care-taker

Belle, I get it about the noise of kids. I always remind myself that someday it will be so quiet that I will crave the sounds of them and miss them. It helps a little. We are not quite to the teen stage yet though, so I reserve the right to change my mind on that one.

I can’t keep up right now - and that’s all there is to that. All I can do is my best. No one died from not having a sofa. (although they do get mad if they bring their newborn home from the hospital and don't have nursery furniture - or if they have 20 family members coming for graduation in May and are missing living room seating...)

My biofeedback thing was interesting. She took 90 minutes to do the test and took about 30 seconds to give me the results - I don’t know what to make of it all. I sort of wish I had that time back to make progress at work. I wouldn’t have gone but that I had rescheduled it 3 times already.

Anyway - on and forward. I hope everyone has a good day!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

KENSHO, I'm so sorry you feel so much pressure. Sometimes it is just all too much. I would love to hear what a biofeedback session is about. I'm pretty sure I would be told that I need to deal with my anxiety.

I do sometimes tell myself that someday it will indeed be too quiet. I do like my son's friends, and my daughter likes to hang out with them when they are here. She is probably beginning to think about the fact that her brother will be away at college next year, and things will be a lot different. Ha! I'm sure she will find a way to make up for the void though when he is away. She has been suffering from anxiety herself, with a lot of physical symptoms. I get it. I know somedays it is a struggle for her to go to school, but she is working hard to push through and go.

I took an unplanned day off of work today to work on taxes...but I just cannot get motivated to get started. 2nd pot of coffee. Need to walk dog. Laundry to be done. I can find hundreds of other things to do.

Lav, I hope you keep dodging that snow bullet. It missed us completely, and I am good with that. After spending 20 some years in Upstate NY, I had my fill of snow, and don't care if I never see another flake.

Good day to everyone!

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters.

Day 27...countdown to Saturday where I will reach my next goal of 30 days AF, and I continue to experience growth on this path.

“If you don’t make a choice, the choice makes you.”

Lav, yes, I am making myself the priority. Right you are! That in and of itself is growth. He did go to the local VA clinic as promised. They told him he had to drive into the city an hour away and arrive before 8:00 a.m. as a new patient. They will do a work up on him, so now I’ll wait to see if he follows through with that next week. I have a good idea what his problem is as I am an avid researcher, but I want him checked out to be sure there aren’t more severe consequences of his life choices involved. This will become such if it hasn’t already. He hasn’t been to a doctor since he was in the military. My father was the same way. I avoid them as much as possible as well, but we need them for things we can’t solve on our own. In his case, something he hasn’t been willing to solve on his own with my suggestions. I am leading by example right now vs. not practicing what I preach. Maybe that tips the scales a bit in favor of action on his part.

Mr. G...I agree with you. These days, especially, those chaotic mind waves, are always followed by growth. It’s becoming a regularly scheduled program with me. I have intense periods of ‘brain fireworks’ which can be emotional, rational, etc. all in a short period of time that lead into moments of such clarity when they settle down. I don’t know as I can say I enjoy them. Lol However, like you, I am grateful for them. It’s self awareness/enlightenment that comes from those wild jungle phases. The real life moments that we fear can bring our innate knowledge to the surface. I see you have ‘Zen Warrior’ in your signature. This may ring true to you, ‘attachment is the root of all suffering’. I am in the phase of my awareness that I fully understand that truth. I’m not one that believes in reincarnation, but I was thinking about if we don’t learn what is innate within our being because of all the noise, I can see how some believe in such a concept. You’ll have to run the race until you do. Again, it isn’t in my belief system, especially as returning in animal form. Humans are on the top of the rung where only that kind of growth is possible. I suppose I can’t help but go deep on these forums at this stage. If I am bothering some, I will keep my posts to only my AF thoughts and days. I can keep this to my journals, but I wonder if some like to hear about someone else’s journey. I’m planning some ‘walkabouts’ as the Aussies say in my future.

Kensho, make sure you take time throughout the day to sit with yourself and just breathe in a moment of peace. Break it all down into small bites and take ONE at a time. No thoughts about the whole meal on your plate. You have to come out of this whole, not shredded. The worry doesn’t add one moment of time to your existence. You will survive regardless of the outcome. If your job makes you ill, what did you gain from that job? I lived a perfectionist existence for a very long time...most of my life.

Bryd, thank you for your comment the day before yesterday. I forgot to mention that in my brain storm dump. Hugs to you. So many of you are under so much stress. The good in it all is that we are not drinking. That allows the mind to absorb and hear the truths in life when we listen. Our paths are filled with holes, many of our own making, but we can never make the appropriate changes when we are drowning ourselves in poison.

Hugs and love to all.

One last quote: “The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.” - Henry L. Bergson

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello, nesters!
Pav, I hope your day went ok. Funny, we are 2,500 miles apart, have never met in person, yet Ive thought about you and worried for you all day. Hugs dear lady
Crusader, thank you for the kind words and I hope all will be ok with your boyfriend. ALL of my posts are stream of conscienceness, or whatever you call free flow thoughts. The way I see it, getting the thoughts out of my head is half the battle. The other important thing is that this place serves as a place where I can measure my own progress. I can look back over the past years and see just where my head was at that point in time. This place serves as a docu-journal for me. If others dont want to read, thats ok, its therapy for me to write it and to later read it. My journey is all right here, I like that.
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hope everyone had an OK Hump day

It remains chilly here, pretty windy but no snow so I'm cool with that!
My baby chicks are growing SO fast I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep them in their nursery quarters in my laundry room, ha ha. As soon as it warms up a bit I will transfer them out to the junior level side of the chicken house. I won't mix them in with the older hens until they are big enough to fend for themselves - girls get bit*hy with each other, LOL

Pav, Kensho, Belle, Crusdaer, Byrdie - good to see you & read your posts. We are all doing great, not drinking & moving forward with life as it was meant to be. A little stress is actually good for us. At least that was what I was told by my clinical psychology professor - stress keeps us on our toes! At this point I prefer to view stress as a motivator to keep me moving forward. No U turns for me!!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Howdy Nesties. Checking in. Had a good day presenting the rest of the details for a client; all went well. Now I get to make a salad and sit and relax. Belle, I'll tell your about biofeedback soon. I'm tired.

Happy hump day.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters,

Quick fly by for me as I head off to work.. I have been reading here in between everything else and, as always, gain a lot from all of the thoughtful posts. I haven't felt like I have so much to say.. but I am here and not drinking! So part of the group in spirit..:happy2:
It all feels like a bit much at the moment and I'm having some problems sitting still and focussing.. but I know this is temporary. At least Friday is coming soon..
Good to see everyone doing well and making progress.. buckling down through the difficult/stressful times.
Hugs to everyone..