Newbies Nest

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening/good day nesters,
Thanks for all the input from you teen survivors. I am so glad that I am facing these challenges with a clear head. I wonder if they knew when I was drinking and tried to take advantage of the situation. Well, that is behind me now, and the stakes are high with teens and I cannot afford to not be 100%.

Turns out the GF is spending the night at a girlfriend's house. My son went over there to hang out until midnight. And GF's dad had the kids meet him at his country club for dinner. Fancy. Perhaps the dad just wants to get to know my son a little better. I saw a number of pitfalls in letting her stay over here, even though son suggested she would sleep in another room, however: a) this would be setting a precedent and they would probably expect more "togetherness" next time b) they would probably stay up way too late, and they both need to be up bright and early as they are working on a film for school and c) if I let him do this, what do I say when my almost 15 year old daughter wants her boyfriend to stay over..."you let him do it, why can't I". No is a good word. It seems that when I was drinking I was never sure of my self (for good reason) and couldn't trust my own decision making.

I had more to say, but daughter just came to me with the thermometer and she is running a fever...

Always something, but it can better be handled AF!!!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un-hung Sunday Morning, Nesters!

It's freezing cold here but the sun is out.. thank goodness! Yesterday we had such crazy wind and I had several errands to run and a meeting with a friend that I got to by bike.. It was such a strange experience, pedalling as hard as I could, moving like a snail. Exercised again yesterday and am heading off to the gym in a few.. I had truly forgotten how much better I feel after getting my heartrate up!
I had mini thoughts of drinking this morning.. my ex is coming for cake this afternoon with his son and I realised that I drank a lot to escape from that relationship.. I don't want to cancel and I won't but I also don't think I'll have him over again. No matter how I rationalize everything (I've been doing it for the kids) in my head, my gut doesn't want to be involved with him.. It's become a bit of a ritual that the son (for whom I've been stepmom for 11 years) comes by for dinner with us on Friday evenings, which is so nice. And maybe my girls can go to his every now and again to his place. Anyway, I won't drink. That I know for sure.. he definitely is not worth drinking over or at.. and I'm sure it will all be much better than I'm building it up to be.

Belle, I'm glad that all worked out so well.. You are so right about everything being manageable without the alcohol. I also didn't trust myself as far as I could throw myself.. and couldn't make a decision to save my life.. That is all improving so much with the af time. Hope your daughter is well soon..
Ava, I hope you have a nice, patient day.. and that your eye is better soon. Can't wait to hear about your review on Wednesday.. I'm sure it will be very positive!
Lav, those chicks sound to be funny-looking. I now remember pictures you posted when they were young adults.. also quite funny. It will be nice to get them out and about in the fresh air and out of your laundry room.. here's to warmer weather!
How are you feeling today, Pav?

ok. time to get up and about.
Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday.
xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ola y'all,

LC. I empathise with your feelings about the ex visiting and drinking thoughts. Remember that nurse i was dating who i also still work with now and then? Well, my situation isn't as emotionally charged as yours perhaps, given we don't have a real lot of romantic history (8/9 dates), but when i saw her at work the other day (looking ravishing), it still throws me a little. But i won't drink over it or at her. I try to take the attitude that it was a great time for me and a great learning/personal growth experience in hindsight, so ultimately my prevailing mental and emotional state when seeing her is one of gratitude. I just try to be grateful for the time spent together, and i remember that she found me worth dating. But i can't stop my heart skipping a beat just a little for some reason. It's okay though. You'll be ok too. :hug:

Workout and run to the beach including a dive into the rough windy bay. I think i lost my house keys in the water which were in the pocket of my shorts. I didn't lose the $2000 euro 500 all weather sports plus toupee though. Phew! that was close. Band rehearsal done, now chilling with ice cream and maybe later a yap with Samba Sally. who doesn't speak english and i dont speak portugese. but it works somehow! lol. Git some self lovin in today.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mr G, a round of ice cream for the whole place! Congrats on yer 200 BIG, Super Duper AFreaking days! We are so proud of you! All of our swaggers are on! :llama: i couldnt be prouder if you were my own kin. You are tearin’it UP! Rock on, dear man.

Lots of wonderful milestones, each day we starve the beast is a win for the whole group!
Keep up the great work everybody! Make AL a thing of the past. Happy Sunday, all. Byrdie

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good day all! Yes indeedy, a non-hungover day is a good day no matter what else is going on.

LC...Good for you showing that wind who is boss by riding your bike into it! I can't imagine doing that in the crazy cold wind. But I agree exercise is balm for the soul. I need to get out and get my bike going!

Daughter still has a fever this morning...I may take her to urgent care for a flu swabbing. Her ears hurt, throat hurts and head hurts and is congested. However, she needs a pair of shoes for the orchestra cruise she is going on next weekend. So hard to go during the week...evening traffic here is nuts. We'll see. Grandma was supposed to come over for dinner but I think we are canceling on her. Not good for the elderly to expose themselves to whatever she might have.

Teens have already been here and are off to do their filming today. The location they are in makes me nervous, but I will not drink about it as I would in the past!!

Ava, you are one super busy girl. I just noticed that you joined MWO the day after I did. and LC, just a few months before me. I guess that makes us all "old timers". I do know that I still have a lot to learn here. And I thank Lav and Byrdie for being such good momma birds in the nest.

Onward!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

So it kindof sucked today, having the guy here for cake. The problem is that so much has happened the past 16 months and we haven't really had a chance to talk things through.. so many details.. but mostly, I don't really see the point in "faking it", or in having a shallow relationship, where after 10 years together we just talk about the weather and other such benign and boring topics. I would just rather not. So after he left (his son stayed and is still here).. I called him immediately because I wanted to have it all out of my system and space. I told him that it doesn't work for me to be friends at this point and that he should make an effort in inviting the girls over from time to time .. as it is so important to them and to him as well.. but that I definitely didn't want to host the event again!! It felt so good to say it.. it's completely a gut reaction and perhaps not well thought out.. but I don't care. All I know is that I feel better when he's not in my life.. and he's making his own and is happy so that should be alright/enough.. right?
relief.

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Day 31...off to the next group of goals, but some unexpected health issues have hit my plate. I'm currently trying to figure them out. These are some new issues I didn't have while drinking for the most part. Digestive, muscle, headaches...I'm working at them all.

Lav, I removed the foam padding yesterday. I've suspected it for some time, but have been busy with other things. It wasn't until I pulled my back muscle that I said, it must have something to do with this new item on my bed. I agree, it makes existing back issues worse. That's my current thoughts. Fixed the bed up in other ways and will see how this pans out.

Has anyone here tried the FODMAP diet? It's so strange that all these other problems are popping up all the sudden. I guess when we take away the alcohol, our bodies get shaken up quite a bit with the change. I'm thinking my headaches are either from the wood stove or sinus infection. I'm treating the sinus infection possibility with my natural methods that have worked before. The wood stove could explain several of the symptoms. It's a day at a time until I get to the bottom of them all. It gets complicated when you have more than one symptom with multiple possible causes. I thought it was the new items I added in, but they are gone, but the headaches and digestive issues are not. So I'm on a different crusade at this time...Detective Crusader is in the house. I'm mentioning it because maybe some others have had health issues crop up after such a drastic change in habits.

Just one of the benefits of reading MWO is to see how we all have continued struggles, but we choose to stay AF though them now. We aren't alone in life's unexpected events.

Everyone sounds good other than some of the normal duties of our lives.

Have a good Sunday, everyone.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ola nesters near and not so far

I hope the weekend has been a good one.

Thanks Byrdy! You raaawk. Take care of yourself this week at work.

LC, I know nuthin' nought i say about r, rr, rel, relo, relationships, but it sounds like you did the right thing getting stuff off your chest. Hope you're ok there.

Connection and reading about others AF achievements is helpful i reckon. I was just reading one of thousands of AF posts and blogs out there about a fella who's changed his life around and exercising and taking positive healthy action every. single. day. Turning up for ourselves. I have been doing this every day and i feel that this strategy is huge, no, essential.

Take care of you pilgrims.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Oh Wags, i so forgot your 600 happy sober celebration, sorry for that but a huge hug your way.

G, 200 days, keep plodding along and before we all know it, it will be your first birthday. woo hoo.

LC, you are the priority on this journey to sobriety and i have learnt along the way that honesty is the best policy, some may not like it but i need to be honest in myself. My ex and i were friends for a few years and now i hardly talk to him, hes still drinking and smoking and being a child and i am not drinking, not smoking. we have nothing in common except the children and they are at an age that they can have their own relationship with him.

Crusader, you are 31 days af, give your body time to heal, maybe that is what it is doing now, healing. i drank heavily for ten years and thats the time i have given myself to heal completely. i feel fine and dandy now and my aches are more aging or menopause.

Sitting at my desk having a cuppa and trying to organise a printer. nothing like working without a printer i say. may as well go home.

Take care xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday evening Nesters,

Momma bird Lav checking in , haha!

Belle, glad to hear everything worked out OK with the teens. Yes, we do have to stay on our toes & be firm with boundaries with them. They won't admit it but teens are actually happy when they know your limits ahead of time. That way they can choose wisely & everyone is happy. one other motherly piece if advice is when you make a threat be sure to follow through!!! That one really gets their attention I hope your daughter feels better quickly & good for not exposing your Mom to the virus.

LC, that's really nice having the step son over weekly. He deserves to feel part of a family too! There's no need for any of us to drink over a situation or a person. That's what we used to do but now we know better & choose other options, right?

G, I'm thinking you need a chin strap or bathing cap to hold your hair in place while you swim, ha ha!!!

Hi there Byrdie! Do you know we are getting yet another coastal storm this coming week? Happy Spring!!!

Hello to the rest of the crew & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un-hung Monday morning, Nesters..

I do love to start off the week on the right foot! Having said that, I am procrastinating exercising... will get on it in a minute.
I hope everyone is healthy (Pav!) and feeling in good spirits. I woke up around 2 this am and couldn't get back to sleep, so around 3 I got out of bed, made a tea and read. I was (re)inspired by the fact that our thoughts are just thoughts! and we have the choice to change what we let in/how we respond to others/which thoughts we give time and attention to. It is our choice in any moment to change direction if necessary. I seem to forget this when challenging situations arise.. I KNOW it, but I still get caught up in obsessive over thinking, which drives me batso.
Anyway, after that I was able to fall back to sleep around 5 to wake up at 6.. so this will be a bit of a tired day.. but that's alright.

Lav, you are 100% right!
Kensho, were you able to have a relaxing weekend?
Crusader, I like what Ava said and tend to agree that it takes a long time for the body to properly and fully heal.. Back pain has to be my least favourite! Hope that clears up soon.:love:
Ava, you're sounding well.. how's your SO doing? I can only imagine how emotionally difficult the anniversary of a parent dying must be..:hug:

ok. I've got to get moving..
big hugs to everyone in this lovely Nest..let's make this a good week..xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

G-ster - sorry to hear about the lost keys, but hooray for getting in the water and not losing your shorts (or toupee :P)! Do you speak Spanish at all? I've found that my Brazilian friends and I can often increase our convos about 50% if I resort to Spanish since it's similar to Portuguese about half of the time (of course the other half is completely different, and we just laugh) Well, they say that a romantic interest is one of the fastest ways to learn a new language cuz the motivation is so high...

LC - sorry to hear things were so hard with your ex and the cake visit, but good for you on calling him afterward and setting a new boundary. That's a real example of self-care and self-respect! I also have to commend you on your biking and exercise efforts. I try to commute by bike as much as possible, and when the weather is nice it's also one of my favorite types of real exercise. Into the wind counts at least double!

Waves and hellos to everyone else stopping by the nest today! Seems like we're missing a few regulars or semi-regulars. If you're lurking (even if you're not a regular!) please drop a note - the more the merrier for sure.

Happy AF starts to all of your weeks!

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters! Day 32

Feeling lousy this morning. I'm not sure what all of this is about going on health wise yet. I'll make a doctors appointment soon if I don't get a handle on it. I kept a strict handle on my diet yesterday. We can use those thoughts, LC, toward any part of our lives, but it takes time to develop. I've always been drawn to Vulcan characters. They have such mastery over their thinking and resulting emotions. When we look back at all the types of movies, books, characters, etc. we are/were attracted to, it can really show us who we are to be or want to be. A bit of intuition at work...I think so. I have been aware of thought concepts for a very long time, but like we have done with alcohol, we slip into normal habitual thinking and fall prey to it until it is fully developed. Just think how long we trained our brains to function in such a way. Pain is not a recommended learning experience per say, but you see clearly in those times, you must get your thoughts to work in such a way as to survive that pain and get it to a level where you function again.

Ava, I know it takes time to heal, but whatever is going on with me appears to be more than a shift from not drinking. Some symptoms I'll leave off, but they include nausea, etc., headaches, lethargy and then this lower back pull. I can write off the lower back pull, but I may need some tests by the doctor if the others don't clear up. I had a bit of a handle on the symptoms yesterday, but this morning I woke feeling very ill again. I just started using my herbs and Neti pot for both my sinuses (headaches...possible infection), and antibiotic herbs for my digestion. It takes a couple days to see if that works. I've had great results in the past with these methods. I quit drinking because I had a lot of pain in my right side and was getting really sick from it, which was part of the why to begin with. Now, the quit means more, but I will hope there isn't any real damage from abusing it. I have to be patient for a few days to see if my methods are working to address the issues. That's not easy when your head is pounding and you want to throw up. When I was drinking, I'd blame everything on the effect of alcohol. That's gone now, so I have several possible culprits in my head. I'll chip away at those until the doctor is the last resort. This is a good post to exemplify why we shouldn't drink.

G, you're the picture of where I want to be. Dancing through life with the excitement of a child and feeling healthy. I'm not looking for romance, but I'll take the rest. lol

A good day to all! No deep thoughts currently. Physical pain rules over the deeper thoughts.

[little beagle]

Re: Newbies Nest

A quick note. I was lurking Wags. Reading makes me feel better. I get moody and a bit sorry for myself sometimes.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone--

I think I might be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel through my headache and bloodshot eyes. FFS - I missed four days of work and two weekend days with a fever, chills, and overall terrible, terrible aches. We all assumed it was the flu but now doc doesn't think so. I have now been fever free for over 12 hours, so fingers crossed... I still feel like crap, but better for sure. I don't recall a time in my life when I missed four days of work in a row from illness.

CONGRATULATIONS on the many milestones I missed. Now I can't remember them all I don't think, but Wags was a whopping 600! And I see Crusader's new hat! Well done, everyone.

G, aren't you glad you have all of us mothers around to tell you how to take a trip to South America? What would you do without us? :love:

As for teenagers - I am still in it, too, Crusader. When my son wanted to sleep at his girlfriend's house, I told him that if he was mature enough to have a sexual relationship, then he was mature enough to let her parents know. If they say ok, than ok. I think he chose not to do that. I am fairly strict about rules, especially around drinking and drugs, which we also talk very openly about. I think I have managed to both hold the line AND keep the lines of communication open (well, as open as they can be given teenagers). We'll see how it works out.

Hi, LB! Good to see you check in.

Off to get back in bed. Thanks for the well wishes.

xo
Pav