Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava, sorry to hear about SO's Aunt. I hope she's as comfortable as possible at least. Both of you take care. Glad pup's going alright.

I have to give my feelings a 2nd and 3rd thought these days, otherwise i can get myself into trouble. I'm getting used to pausing, stepping back, and examining where unsettling thoughts are coming from and what if any action i will take. Sometimes i'll just leave them be and they pass. I don't have to do anything except breathe, relax, and look at the big picture and my reasons for living.

A few days off here. Noice. Safe travels Pav. You raawk friend Kensho.

Big waves to any scallywags reading and hello to everyone.

[MsDinah]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Lisa. Congrats on Day 3! I’m proud of you.

Pav - I think I’m at the point you are talking about where I need to have a plan in place in case that voice in my head tells me it’s okay to have just one. I suppose my most effective plan is to think back to that night in jail and the Interlock blow device I had on my car for three months. Not to mention all the $$$$ spent on attorneys, etc. That actually happened 10 years ago. You’d think that would have been enough to make me stop then. But nope, I kept on drinking, but I did it at home. Or went out drinking but didn’t drive. The whole “drinking thing” has really turned into a pain in the ass. A DWI, hiding bottles, hoping I’m not slurring my words, keeping my drinking a secret from everyone, etc. No mas.

Birdie - I also wish I had quit many years ago. I’m no spring chicken. So maybe I’m a latecomer, but at least I finally woke up.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see so many folks checking in today

Ava, sorry to hear about the aunt but hopefully she is comfortable at this point. I'm glad your pup is back in good health, you are a good fur mom

Kensho, that was very adultish of you to have that talk with your friend! You are showing us how it's done.
The nature of friendships changes over time, I think it's just natural. Our oldest friends have remained pretty much the same since we were in high school but we have not. I certainly am not interested in thinking, talking or behaving like a high school kid anymore, LOL

Pav, wishing you safe travels!

Dinah & Lisa - good job!

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for everyone!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Dinah, thought Id whip out my PLAN post for you. Maybe you can find something that resonates.
What is a Plan?
I heard about this thing called a Plan, and I HAD plans, but I wouldn't call it a PLAN, as such....it was more of a HOPE. A GOAL, even. A PLAN sounded way too formal for this thing I was embarking on...after all, what if I failed? Hope is NOT a strategy. Get yourself a PLAN.

#1 Failure is not an option. When you think you are going to fail, guess what? You FAIL! Wrote this book on this one. Get your mind into a mode of THIS WILL BE DONE. Don't be willy-nilly, or your willy will get nillied. Your mind is your best friend and your biggest enemy. Control IT and you will win. Control your thoughts and you will win.

Get all of the AL out of your house/space. Yes...ALL of it. You don't need a safety net because you are not going to fail. I fought this one hard, but I wasn't able to succeed until I did it. No, I was NOT different than everybody else, I could not resist it if it was in the house. GET IT OUT.

Get your story down as to why you're not drinking. This is important. Get a story together you can live with. I actually have ulcerative colitis, so I say that my UC is 1000 times better if I don't drink. If you are a Type A personality, you might enjoy using 'AL kills my ulcers'. If you are a health nuts, "I'm detoxing"....religious nut? "I gave it up for Lent and felt so good I kept going".....you get the idea. Get your story and stick to it.

As Alkies, we aren't used to eating. This is the SILVER BULLET to succeeding. If you have a bad craving and The Voices are knocking, EAT! Eat until you are FULL! Remember those times when you've said, "I can't eat another bite of anything!" That's the full we're talking about. You will not want anything if you EAT!

You are gonna feel like dookey for a few days. I felt flu-like for the first couple weeks, so treat yourself well. Drink plenty of fluids and rest! Your body is changing over from an ethanol burning engine to a food/nutrient burning machine. Have patience as your body makes this transition.

Keep yourself out of temptation. STAY out of the wine aisle at the grocery store. NO, you are not stronger than this thing, protect your young quit with everything you've got. Stay out of bars and avoid booze parties, especially the first 3 or 4 weeks. I don't care how strong you feel, this is a new thing for us and temptation is everywhere. Avoid it at all costs.

Change your mindset from one of deprivation to one of gratitude. Just look at the folks on here who have made C-changes in their lives!!! They are HAPPY and optimistic! Does this sound like someone who considers themselves deprived? It's all a matter of perspective. Thank God, you don't HAVE to drink today!!! Remember, to a worm, digging around in the hard old ground is a lot more relaxing than going fishing! Try not to throw, attend and participate in Pity Parties, they serve no good purpose.

Glue yourself to this site and learn everything you can about this condition we have. Knowledge is power. Nothing we do or think hasn't been done or thought before, so look back on the 7 years of experience here and you will find out what happens if you do such and such.

Let go of the past... don't look back. Let it go. ALL of it. Forgive yourself and move on....nothing to see here. There is NOTHING we can do to change what we've done, but we can start today and make things better for our future.

Did I mention gluing yourself here? Read and Post!!! This is key! Being part of a group is important. Like so many have said recently, we find that we actually don't have a much of a life outside the bottle! So learning to trust others again is part of our emotional growth and healing. Yes, the Nest does move fast, but we are always on point. You just regained about 4-6 hours a day back, so spending 30 minutes catching up here should be no problem. Staying connected here is a real key to STAYING sober. The world out there is telling us to do something totally counter to what we know we must do. Staying connected with like-minded people is vital. We are swimming upstream on this one...it's nice to have fellow fish to make the journey with us.

I feared someone giving me a drink by mistake....if they ever do, I'm spitting it back in the glass. My quit is my foundation. No one can take it from me.

That's my take on The Plan. Byrdie__________________

[MsDinah]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you so much, Birdie. Now, THAT’S a plan! And one I will be re-reading every day for a while. Great advice and food for thought. I agree, being part of a group is important, if not essential. I like what you said, that we are swimming upstream and it’s nice to have fellow fish alongside. And I like knowing that those fellow fish aren’t here to judge or criticize, but to understand and be supportive. Thanks again!

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Leaving this here for Brydlady. I'm not sure if you've read about this yet, but I've always thought it was a gut related issue from dealing with my own issues.

The enemy within: Gut bacteria drive autoimmune disease | YaleNews

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I went to dinner this eve with my partner and one of our dearest friends. They are both drinkers, but healthy drinkers if there is such a thing. Our friend noticed almost immediately that I wasn't drinking (they both ordered beers), and gave me kudos when I said it's been 600+ days. They chatted about drinking for a few minutes - how much they each enjoy it and wouldn't want to stop - and then the convo moved on. Listening to them, and watching them nurse one beer over the course of 1.5 hours, it really struck me AGAIN how truly disordered my own drinking was. I couldn't have made one beer last 90 mins, nor would I have ever wanted to. It wasn't hard watching and listening to them - I actually appreciate these occasional reminders that hold up a mirror for me to remember how I was and to come face to face with the reality that I'd be right back in that place if I ever started again.

So on I go to day 600-something plus one more.


Kensho - great job talking with your friend who was being so negative. That kind of conversation is never easy, and I applaud you for facing it head on. Now you'll have to wait and see, but at least you were honest with yourself and with her. Kudos!

Ava - glad Poppy is feeling better again, but sorry to hear about your SO's aunt. Hoping you get to a point where everyone is feeling better again soon!

Lisa and Dinah - you both are doing fantastic, and it's really great having you here as you begin your respective quits. Keep posting every day, several times a day if need be. Glad to hear you are each exploring various other tools and looking at putting together plans. Yep, having a plan is pretty much essential. We've almost all had times where the al voice slips in and tries to convince us that we're "ok now" or some other version of having just one. Don't fall for it!

I read through all of the past few pages of posts and can't for the life of me remember all the other responses I intended to make, so I'll bow out with waves and hellos to all this time

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,yep Wags I'm always surprised by peeps who drink like that,I certainly cannot! On this last drinkfest I tried to sip slow thinking I'd just nurse a few hah! No,,,I had one then stopped at a small casino that I used to haunt back in the day but have avoided like the plague these past few years,I started playing keno and the guy for drinks came around and said I needed a minimum of $20 in the machine to get 1 beer,so I put it in and waited,waited so impatient for that stupid $20 bottle of beer,drank that then just wanted more,that's the thing,if I don't drink I don't care about booze but one sip and its done,I'm already thinking about the next before the ones even done,yuck! I don't like that feeling of desperation,nope better to starve that S.O.B! Ava,sorry to see that about your bf's aunt but happy your doggie is doing better,Byrdie,thank you for posting your plan,,I do have it written down word for word in a notebook,,,,somewhere,waves to all,let's have a strong,happy day

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Leaving this here for Brydlady. I'm not sure if you've read about this yet, but I've always thought it was a gut related issue from dealing with my own issues.

The enemy within: Gut bacteria drive autoimmune disease | YaleNews

Crusader, my gastro has told me that I should have eaten more dirt as a kid! My mother didn't want us to get dirty at all, and to this day, I'm a germaphobe.

But this is a new angle. I have an appointment this week, I will ask him about this new research! Thank you! Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pauly - what you described is me exactly. I actually find it FAR easier to have no al whatsoever than to try to moderate or just have one. Sitting at dinner last night and nursing one beer would have been pretty much impossible for me. I probably would have planned ahead and brought some sort of small bottle in my bag so I could sneak a shot or two in the bathroom. Ugh, it's all so shameful in retrospect. I think that's the thing I'm the most grateful for - if I'm not drinking, I don't think I ever feel that degree of GSR I felt regularly while drinking. So yay for us on keeping our quits and moving forward together! It's so great having you back in the nest :hug:

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning! Bright and sunny today. My dog has a new skin infection... she keeps getting them. On with the cone again - Ugh! She looks so sad with it on! But otherwise, she scratches all the hair off and opens the wound and infection takes over.

I get an office day today - and I hope to report tonight that I was very productive. I really have to make solid progress or things won't be done for clients.

Lav, adultish? Sometimes I feel that childish is what people prefer. Anyhow, I hope she self-reflects a bit. I would be mortified if someone I cared about said I was hurting them.

I had an interesting perspective yesterday. I'm always rushing around trying to get enough done, feeling very mediocre at it all. But yesterday I stood back and understood that even if it isn't all checked off the list, what I do in a day is worthy and important. If not to my clients, then to my family, and to me. Balance requires sacrifice at times and I'm choosing the priorities in a day the best I can - and what I'm actually accomplishing isn't all that bad. Hard to explain, but what I usually feel constantly inept at - seemed ok.

Have a sunny outlook today!

[LisaM]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning all, its day 4 and life is looking alot better. Byrdlady, your plan is so encouraging. i took a pic on my phone and will refer to it for awhile to remind me to have that feeling of gratitude and not deprivation that i usually feel not drinking. its all linked to the past where i dont want to be. Letting it all go is huge. As soon as i have a forward looking perspective and let some of that nasty baggage go im actually able to breathe and do the things i need and want to do. Its amazing where i can "let" my mind take me. Here is to a grateful AF day. Thanks nesters. Talk soon.

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters...not sure if I should keep counting my days or just look weekly. I had to backtrack to get my exact number. I stopped writing my daily page in my notebook with all this health garbage going on among other things, but I can always count back or do weekly multiples.

Bryd, years ago when I was having my 'leaky gut' and numerous other health issues, the doctors thought I had lupus or liver autoimmune disease by tests, but they could not verify what was really going on. My doctors said that people presenting with my symptoms all had evidence of unexplained autoimmune processes occurring in their body. I knew then the gut was very relevant to what was happening. However, at that time, doctors were not where they are today. It was more of a new phenomenon that they just lumped together as crazy or we have no clue. These days, they are coming up with more and more information related to microbes, etc. Look at cervical cancer...HPV. They are finally getting it and doing research. Hopefully, they will come up with something helpful to you. Those years of being on my own were very difficult, but it forced me to become a great researcher and take responsibility for figuring myself out. That would be the silver lining. What's amazing is that I worked so hard to survive and get to a healthier state of being with much sacrifice, and I picked up booze again when I was able to get some of my life back. It shows the power it can have over us. I thought I could have a drink here and there with new friends. Here I am today. Common sense doesn't come to our aid when we're talking about addiction.

I read your plan this morning and I say yep! The eating has saved me several times. What bites is now I'm having digestive issues that are not allowing me to just enjoy the meals. I have my bottom jaw surgery healed, stopped the alcohol and want to have great food...WTF! Excuse my language, but for real? So outside of that little whine (lol), I have been adding in more emotional mastery videos and others that I will work with more often. At least I've been more productive in getting things done.

Shout out to [MENTION=23164]Roobs[/MENTION], you were right about Marley. She stays by my side like my new best friend. She is adapting more everyday and is taken care of quite well.

I hope everyone gets some sunshine, soon. We've had several days of it. It turns to rain again for a few days tomorrow, but it's been nice getting out in the fresh air and Vitamin D. Doctor's appointment is Thursday afternoon.

Be well.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Wags, how the hell you can sit on one drink for hours is beyond my imagination. I used to get home from work and at 5.15pm that bottle of wine was opened, cold or not and i was having that first drink in my goblet. i drank two bottles until i passed out either at 9.30ish or after. now that is solid drinking and makes me ill now to even contemplate. Wake up with a good case of the GSR's and shakes and have a xanax to settle me down. I hate to imagine my life now if i had not stopped drinking. the concept of one drink is as foreign as walking on the moon, will never be done in my lifetime.

Pauly, poppy is so bright and cheery it amazes me to look at her now and i feel bad that i didnt do something sooner but now she can walk so much better and gives me lots of kisses, it would be great if they could talk. I think i have become battle weary with sick people and working in a hospital and have become too practical about death. The bf has shut down and doesnt want to know and i am getting very frustrated with him as he needs to get her will and everything in order so i have to step back for a bit and not lose my temper. I have been visiting her daily in hospital and she has told every doctor and nurse off thus far, she wants to go back to the nursing home to be with her husband (has alzheimers). Hopefully today! Oh i so get that first drink and the frustration and anger of not having it in .00005 of a second whilst planning the next, no enjoyment in that at all.

Kensho, i think the longer we are away from al the more organised we become with life. just wait until you have been sober a year and see how organised you are then! I know my life is more in order now and i have come so far in 4+ years that it even amazes me on what i have accomplished. The other day i had to go to work (5.30am -40minute drive), work, go home and pick up poppy, drive to my daughters who lives near the vets (50 minute drive), coffee, vets, drop daughter off and drive home and arrive at said destination at 7.30pm. Not enjoyable at all but its a plan i could do as i was not drinking. I do need to have some ME time though before i flip my top.

well i had better open those emails and start the day.

take care x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to report we had sunshine & no snow today, yay! It's still way too cold for spring but the warmth will get here at some point.

Ava, get yourself some me time before you flip! I don't want to see you hurting yourself, seriously

Byrdie, I spoke a week or two ago about Amy Myers MD. She's a functional medicine doc & autoimmune sufferer herself. Her book called 'The Autoimmune Solution' would be good for you to read before you next see your doc! Sometimes we have to educate/update our docs on newer things

Crusader, I feel for you as far as food choices go. I have several things I'm trying to address by diet & sometimes find myself eating the same things over & over. Thank goodness for the internet & all the food bloggers out there in the world. They provide me with fresh ideas. I hope your appointment goes well.

Hello to Lisa, kensho, wags, Pauly & everyone!
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav