Newbies Nest

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone,
Thank you for all the good wishes. I truly appreciate it.

I am going on a big holiday next week to Asia and will be gone for 16 days. It will be so nice to go on a holiday and not have to worry about trying to moderate and making sure I don't black out. A holiday to remember instead of a hazy drink laden hung over holiday. YAY!!

Day 11 LisaM-keep on going!

Congrats on 30 days MsD!
Pav, I have been trying to do some more exercise too, I just have been so lazy. I am not sure why.
Hello Londoner- good luck
Crusader, I appreciate your thoughts also.

All the best with your boss Byrdie. Funny, I always think of You as the boss!

Don't drink today.
xo

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Crusader, my boss had a meeting and blew me off this afternoon, so I imagine he’ll call tomorrow. Not all is lost, I was able to compile some good points to mention tomorrow, one I forwarded to him so he is aware...a project manager asked me to let a customer know their install date had changed. That is her job, so I wrote back and said, I am drowning, can you let them know? I blind copied my boss. So we will see.

Londoner, Ive wondered about you, glad you checked in. All I can say is that I ran every single experiment known to man as it relates to AL. The only thing that worked was the one thing I hadnt tried....Letting go. I hope you can find your way out.

Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We seem to be moving back into winter weather here, ho hum. Spring is still just a dream, ha ha!

Dinah, your gratitude list is excellent! Keep a copy handy & glance at it frequently - that's what I did

Londoner, good to see you. I hope whatever you discover about yourself means that you end up making the best possible decision for you.

Narilly, an AF trip sounds great! Have a safe & fun adventure & take lots of pictures

Byrdie, so your concerns are on hold until your boss has time for you?? Sorry to hear that but it does give you more time to expand on your list

I'm running late so I'll just wish everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Lisa - I figured out that a big hug from my husband is an instant anxiety reducer for me. I also figured out that he doesn't immediately think to give me a hug. Sometimes I have to ask for one which I used to resent. However, he never says no - he's always glad to give me a hug, so now I don't resent it. I ask when I need. I'm glad you husband was there for you.

Londoner - Great to see you check in. I know you have the added complication of being young while trying to figure out alcohol in your life. I will say that, like Byrdie, I tried many different experiments, timing, etc. to "moderate" my drinking, and none of them worked. The worst was the last year I was drinking. I would quit for some period of time to prove to myself I could, but then the drinking after that time was worse - like I won the reward to just drink when I wanted. Maybe that's your experience with antabuse? Anyway, I admire you for continuing to reflect on your drinking, and thanks for stopping by. Let us know how we can help.

Kensho - Yes! A planned nap! Love it.

Nar - I love a sober vacation now. I can't believe that I do, but I REALLY do. So much more to do, see and remember if you don't have to keep finding alcohol in your mind. And you're not hungover. Where are you going?

Off to work - happy SOBER hump day.

Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning everyone!
Byrdie- hope your meeting goes well.

Lav, I will take lots of Pics- on my sober vacation. Yes, Pav, i love a sober vacation too. Who would have thought! We are going to Japan and I really can't believe it. It is going to be quite a trip!
Hope your day goes well.

Have a great sober day everyone and don't drink today.

xo

[LisaM]

Re: Newbies Nest

checking in to let all know yesterday was not so good. i drank and now i sit back and look at what happened. i had been doing all the good things for my body yet failed to take care of me. i was working on checking in with myself and questioning the drinking thoughts and believed i was doing well until i was put in a very stressful situation. yesterday was a normal day for normal people but for me it was too much. or so my mind told me. my husband said that normal people feel these stressors and move on. no biggie. im not "normal" clearly. i realize i need to communicate my feelings with others of the same mind set and let it go but the communication is the hard part. I isolate not only physically but mentally as well. hope i am coming across with some sense. i read your posts and they are so real and natural. i strive to share like this too. i guess living a lie under the guise of a healthy, happy housewife in suburbia has its price.

[Crusader]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters...is it time to go to bed yet? lol

Byrd, good for you in telling the project manager you are drowning and putting a foot forward in looking after your own needs. A couple things struck me right away reading your posts. People are used to you not saying no, so in work environments that often leads to being taken advantage of by others. Work environments are a melting pot of personality types. The predators will always find the empaths or codependents. I would work through lunch hours, work late, etc. Whatever it took. I looked at it like pride in my work and a good work ethic, but can now see how I wasn't good at saying no and taking care of my needs. I, also, suffered from the 'if you want something done right, do it yourself' syndrome. That does have some truth, but not when you can't walk well from the weight on your shoulders. I have the type of personality where I will not do that to someone else, and for so many years could not image how others could. I've had enough up close and personal experience with bad personality types whether with mental illness or just people who have a whole other way of looking at life from a very self centered viewpoint. I banged my head for years asking why or how can someone be that way before I came to a 'real' understanding and accepting that it just is, and I am not going to change anyone. I can only change how I respond to them and what boundaries I put up against them. You have conquered that with alcohol, but it sounds like in your work environment you have not. If I'm incorrect, my apologies. From experience, I know sometimes once you have operated without those boundaries and then try to set them, certain people can get very upset. They don't want their world of taking advantage changed and may try to say these are your responsibilities as you've taken them on for so long without objecting. God forbid they should own their own behaviors/responsibilities or even give a damn. As I've read your posts, I could see me in them at times. I've been forced to work on some of these issues and have made a conscious choice to be proactive in setting more boundaries. I'm a work in progress. It doesn't mean we are selfish really as we can still be helpful and kind, but look at who you are dealing with. Does this person deserve the extra effort or are they of a personality type that is more predatory in nature. Let me tell you, it has taken me a long time to get to this point, and I still have work to do. I hope your boss hears you and makes some corrections. Keep us posted. I'm curious to see how this plays out. Does your boss know you plan on retiring in a year?

Hello everyone. Sounds like a healthy bunch. Hugs can be healing from someone who cares. It makes us feel love and less alone in our battles.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi All. Quick phone check from my lunch place.

Byrdie, kick some butts. I’m glad you’re drawing some lines. I can’t wait to read your posts from retirement... you really deserve some Byrdie time!

Narily, Japan sounds wonderful! I visited 20 yrs ago and it changed my view of the world. I, too, really enjoy traveling without alcohol and feel sorry for those I’m with who are nursing their drinking urges or hangovers... what a waste of time!!

Lisa, keep trying. This doesn’t all make sense overnight. You know you don’t want the life of an alcoholic, but that doesn’t mean your new life just appears in front of your eyes. It takes some uncomfortable “in between” time to figure out how to do things differently, how to cope with cravings and hard feelings. It’s a process, and sometimes we have to start back at the beginning. I’m so glad you came back and are sharing. Believe me... we understand. Just start again. I can tell you that what feels like walking through mud at first slowly becomes a brilliant, clear, sparkling stream at out feet if we just keep putting on foot in front of the other. (((Hugs))) to you.

I’m off to pull some fabrics. Bright sunny day here, after a crazy wind storm yesterday. I’m thankful for another sober day in life

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Not much to report except rupey is not well again. this seems a bit neverending at the moment but at least i am fully able to notice she is unwell and care for her to the best of my ability. going to take her to the vets today and hopefully we can get to the problem at hand.

Lisa they say a relapse happens long before the drink is drank. When we are newbies we dont know how to deal with stress without a drink and its a learning tool we gather along the way. its easier to say f*ck it and drink than deal with the stress and its normally lots of little stresses that entice us to drink. Of course normal people dont reach for a drink but we are not normal people, end of story. It is learned behaviour for us, the important thing is when you feel like a drink to reach out. i was known as lunatic linda when i first started, posted like crazy, read on here like a mad woman and tried 110% not to drink. The urge passes and sometimes it feels like forever but the sense of achievement of winning is great. We understand how it is, been there and done it. We all lived that lie Lisa on a daily basis but time away from al will heal you. i used to stay in my bedroom and drink, i didnt want to socialise, i didnt want to do a single thing but go to work and then drink. you are not alone as at the end of the day we are here and we do get what you are going through. The positive is you checked in here and talked about it and today is another day to be sober. Just dont run away with a huge case of the f*ck its.

Happy holidays Nar, i am sure it is warmer where you are going.

Take care x

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Crusader, no, you have me pegged, I dont want to rile anyone up or god forbid, have someone not like me. Im over it. My boss didn't call today, but my list of points is getting more robust. No, he does not know Im hoping to retire in a year. I keep hoping that I will eventually get the hang of this job and not be so dependent on others, but that hasnt happened yet. A little training would have helped. Yes, I do need some boundaries.
Lisa, Ava said it better than I can, we HAVE all been there. I kept falling at Day 12, so thats why you’ll see references to lucky Day 13. That day was crucial to my success, I had a real challenge getting to it, but finally did....I know you will, too. When you know better, you do better. Im so glad you came back to us. Stick close.
G, hope you are getting your portrait sorted out. That trip is coming right up!
Kensho, kicking butt as always, arent you hitting 100 days here soon? You may have passed it, so proud of you.
Lav, hugs to the girls!
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

WE actually had an almost spring day, yay! At least it was sunny

Lisa, sorry you drank but great that you came right back to the nest. This learning to be a non-drinker is a process, it takes time.
The important thing is to recognize your triggers & make sure your plan has some solid, healthy ways to handle them so you don't have to keep repeating. Does that make sense?
Hang in there & never give up trying!

Byrdie, always remember we are right behind you & you can always borrow my Lavan-itude when you do finally deal with your boss

Hello to Narilly, Pav, kensho, Crusader & everyone who has dropped in today.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Bueno nesters,Lisa,at least you're back I had a drinking dream last night,I hate that! In my dream it was similar thoughts to how I think in real life,I was trying to take it slow,yet worried I couldn't get more cuz I was traveling with some people I didn't know and wasn't sure if they'd stop so I could get some stash,I felt guilty in the dream too,I felt dirty like I always feel when I've drank,I swear I even had acid reflex in the dream,so vivid,glad it was a dream and I'm here posting,enjoying coffee,not shaky,nauseaus,headachey and knowing I'd need to go to the gas station before work to settle my nerves! What a self erected prison that kind of living is! Ava,hope your pup is better today,waves to all and here's to a great Booze Free day!!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I see you are at 130 AF days, man, see how far behind I am? I'm sorry about that....this is a personal record, no? Stay in uncharted water, I say, who wants to repeat that first stretch! Not me.

My boss is on VACATION! Shoot, I ddn't get that memo! My list isnt going anywhere, I'm just able to add to it until next week.

Pauly, those vivid dreams are something else, aren't they? Glad it was only a dream, all those feelings, I felt just as you described...the fear and desperation that we won't have enough. AWFUL!
Hope everyone has a good day! Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Lisa - I am sorry you drank, also. I concur with the advice you've gotten. In particular, a relapse starts long before the drink. If you Google stages of alcohol relapse, you can find something that resonates with you. It is about emotions 100%. As Ava says, using alcohol is a learned behavior, and it can be unlearned. I know some folks have done without, but I really needed the in-person support and so saw a therapist throughout the first year. I knew that I could lie to myself, but why would I pay someone and lie to her. I found her detached support extremely useful in sorting out my feelings of failure, guilt and anxiety. I was so upset with myself for "letting" myself get to the point where I had to quit, and she really helped. I also found some people here with whom I connected and got their emails - I reached out when I needed. And while Lunatic Linda posted, I read, read, and read, posting frequently about my feelings (just not quite as much). You can do this!!!

Pauly, I had a drinking dream last night, too. In mine, I drank a glass of red wine (not at all my drink of choice because I couldn't drink enough). I felt dizzy and buzzed in a way that used to feel good, but didn't last night. The scary part for me was that in my dream I wasn't too upset. I reasoned with myself that I didn't need to tell everyone here and that a glass of wine now and again wasn't going to hurt...Hmmmmmmm. I really don't feel like that in real life, but dreams can really get to you. It WAS a relief to wake up and realize it wasn't true.

Byrd - adopt that Lav-ittude and you can't go wrong. Hope it goes well.

Nar - I got to go to Japan about 20 years ago, too. I loved it a ton - the food, the people. Have a great time!

Very interesting turn of events at work. Unexpected and ultimately good, but maybe a little difficult in the short term. I sound like a fortune cookie...

So Happy It's Thursday!

xo
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lisa - sorry to hear of your rough day and your decision to drink, but glad you came right back. I totally echo what others have said. The main thing is to learn something from this that will help you choose differently next time (cuz let's face it - there will be other stressful days). Keep getting back up - you'll get this!

Nar - how exciting that you're going to Japan! Like others who've already responded, I too was in Japan a bunch of years ago. I went for work, and then added on travel days for exploring on my own. I hope you have a wonderful time and I can't wait to hear about it.


Sounds like we've got several nest trips to look forward to (and a few already completed!). Hooray for traveling AF!!!

Happy Thursday to everyone!