Newbies Nest

[TribalRose]

Re: Newbies Nest

in my bed instead of on the floor or Worse. Oh gosh I'm in tears now but it's the happy kind :-) Thanks for reading. Gotta go put my dogs/cats to bed. They like to watch animal planet.

Rose

[glade]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone:

I am new here and I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. This is all very scary for me, but I do have a positive feeling of hope within me that I haven't felt in a very long time as I pen this. I don't have much in the way of resources to try and share my burden where I live, and I think this in and of itself has kept me stuck for a very long time within my relationship with al. I look forward to getting to know some of you on here as I believe this could open up potentialities to me I didn't think possible before. Thank you in advance for any welcomes offered.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

afternoon nesters

Lav i have come to the SO's to stay warm, he has heating! it is freezing here today. i might contemplate being billeted by the nest for a few months where it is warm. Nar i am sorry but i could not possibly stay at your house!

Tribal, any day sober is a good day. keep plodding along and doing what you are doing and the days will add up to years. I never in my wildest dreams did i think i could get out of the nightmare of al but i did as lots of others have and each day i am grateful to wake up and be hangover free.

welcome Glade, you have found a great place to help you on your path to sobriety. We all know and understand what you are going through. it is scary losing your best friend, al, but once some distance away from drinking you will never regret stopping. I have a whole new lovely life now instead of just going through the motions each day. there is nearly always someone around to chat to.

All i can say is TFIF. i started work at 5am as it was pouring down rain so i thought if i drive in early then there wont be much traffic which was the case but it was torrential. i seem to be more nervous after being rear ended last year in the rain. I also met with the palliative care people about the SO's aunt and we had a good chat. She is comfortable although has deteriorated a lot from 3 days ago. All i can do is be there now for the family and take it one day at a time.

glad you had a nice trip away Pav, much needed by the sounds of it.

take care xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I know I was free of AL for 30 days every time I went to rehab. Oh sure I had a few days AL free over the decades but it was only because I was too sick to drink any more.

It seems like 30 days is enough for just about everyone to eliminate the physical dependence on alcohol. Maybe that is why that is a standard time period for rehab. It is possible to be mentally ready to be done by then, too, if you do the "work" of changing your thinking. I did that by constantly noticing what was better in my life (moment by moment!) simply because I hadn't drank the night before and being grateful for it (Thanks, Lav!). It was a running narrative in the back of my brain, all day every day. And 5 years later, I'm still very aware of and thankful for the changes that stopping has given me. I also read and posted here constantly! Writing out your thoughts to communicate them to others really helps form those new pathways in your brain.

That said, I think more than 30 days AF is necessary for most people to have gotten completely out of the habit of drinking. But at some point, you won't miss it and will probably wonder what the big fuss was all about!

Hello everyone: I am new here and I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. This is all very scary for me, but I do have a positive feeling of hope within me that I haven't felt in a very long time as I pen this. I don't have much in the way of resources to try and share my burden where I live, and I think this in and of itself has kept me stuck for a very long time within my relationship with al. I look forward to getting to know some of you on here as I believe this could open up potentialities to me I didn't think possible before. Thank you in advance for any welcomes offered.

Hi, Glade, and Welcome! I also felt that flash of hope when I found this forum. There are resources in my community but I was too ashamed (and at the same time full of false pride) to seek help. I had been living a lie for such a long time that the relief I felt when I finally told my true story here, including what were to me very embarrassing details, was enormous! Putting my ego aside and allowing people to know and help the "real" me was so liberating. And it turns out that many of the aberrant behaviors that I thought were mine alone and was so ashamed of are very common among addicts! - hiding bottles, buying things I don't need at the grocery store in an attempt to "mask" my wine purchase, shopping at different stores so clerks wouldn't "know", fearing not having "enough", avoiding evening events, and on and on. We all did it. Not feeling so alone really helped.

Hope you stick around! This place can work wonders. All the best, NS

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome Glade

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All--

Welcome, Glade! I was like NoSugar. I have plenty of resources around, but I was too ashamed to use them. This online forum allows me to get help and support from an amazing group of people from all over the world. I was so scared when I first joined that I think I wasn't hopeful. It wasn't until it had been a few weeks and I started feeling and looking so much better that I realized I really could and wanted to stay sober forever. It was a LONG, SLOW process of finding my way, but I found lots of help. I always recommend the Bubble Hour podcast to new people - there is so much information and support there, and it is portable. It is like having an AA meeting available 24/7.

Ava, I'm with you - TFIF! Although I have so much work to catch up on that I will be working, at least it will be away from the crazies for a while...

Ok, hope you're all well. Take care of yourselves and don't drink!

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Glade - welcome! We're glad you're here with us. Settle in and make yourself comfortable

Rose - In my experience, getting past the mental addiction took longer than getting over the physical side of things. As NS and others have said - 30 days seems plenty for the latter, but the mental aspects can take much longer and seem to vary more from person to person. While the body does its thing and seems to heal from al largely on its own (just due to the absence of the poison), the mental pieces can and usually do take some concerted attention and work. This is where people turn to meditation, journaling, exercise, therapy, and many other techniques for re-training the brain and for creating new habits. What are your preferred tools? How can you best support [I]your[I] quit? You can definitely do this, and I think you will reach a point where you don't have a desire to drink (at least not as an ever-present bit of background noise - maybe still temptations that pop up with diminishing frequency).

Rockit - I understand the concern about withdrawal and the desire to taper. For my current and final quit, I did not have these concerns but when I first came to MWO in 2014 I had been going through a very scary transition from drinking heavily to quitting. I lived alone and was terrified, but had no doctor to turn to for any sort of medical detox assistance. I tapered in a manner similar to what you've described. As others have said, this can be extremely challenging and takes a level of discipline most of us don't have. But I did do it - I think I reduced by one drink per day until I got to somewhere in the 3-5 ballpark, and then I took the leap to the full quit. Even during my taper I had hand tremors and my skin felt like it was crawling. It ultimately worked for me, but to be honest it was one of the stupidest things I've ever done. Given my extreme concern, I should have sought medical help. You know yourself better than any of us. All I suggest is that you be honest with yourself re: whether the taper is a way to put off the quit or is truly a safety precaution, and if the latter, perhaps get medical support if your situation is that dire. Either way, I send you strength.

Ava - sounds like you need to curl up with your pups and stay warm that way! Sorry to hear of the SO's aunt, but glad you're in the picture to help make sure care is on point and that her upcoming transition is as comfortable as possible for her. I'm sure your SO appreciates all that you're doing.

G - Sounds like your trip is off to a fantástico start! ?Hablas español bien, o no? !Disfruta el viaje amigo!


In Wagland, still busy with my ever-growing business, and for some reason the universe is still presenting me with opportunities to set and stand by my boundaries. Just before hopping on here today I had to write to a client and inform him that I'm withdrawing from our work together. Since we started about a month ago, he's shown this pattern of not getting work to my by the time he promised it, and by the time I need it in order to do my own work in return. I am way too busy to work around his late or totally missing assignments, and for the second time this week we got to a place of being just 2 hours before his scheduled session and I'd received nothing. When I've worked with a client for awhile, I can roll with this and essentially wing it for the session, but today was only going to be our second session and I don't know this guy very well yet. My professional standards for how thoroughly I prep for each session won't allow my to wing it on a regular basis, and I saw this pattern unfolding. So I wrote this morning and withdrew, explaining my reasons (again) and wishing him all the best.

This is hard for me. I'm generally a "people pleaser" in the sense that I'll go way out of my way and inconvenience myself to accommodate someone else's lack of prep or strong personality. But I know this is something I need to work on, and as I said the universe seems to be providing me with opportunities to practice setting personal and/or professional boundaries and then upholding them. Sigh. I know I did what's best for me in this situation, and perhaps did him a favor as well. He wants to go to law school, and I'm pretty sure this approach to classes in that competitive environment won't cut it.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Im with Ava, too, TFIF! My lord, what a week.
Glade, welcome aboard! We are so glad you’re here!
Looking forward to some down time. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had a great day walking thru a giant plant sale on an old farm that is now preserved & made into a museum, very interesting! There were tons of plants to choose from, nice

Hello & welcome Glade! Glad you found us & decided to join in the fun. Check out the Tool box for great ideas to help you make a good working plan for yourself. Plan to succeed & you will. Check in daily with us, OK?

Rose, it sounds like your health scare was almost a blessing in that it brought you back here. Working on that gratitude list got me thru the toughest times, it will help you as well.
We really do have much to be grateful for when we take the time to really think it all out

Ava, we have finally made into spring here after many starts & stops. Summer is right around the corner so if you want heat it will be here
Good to hear that the aunt is settled & reasonably comfortable at this time. Enjoy your weekend.

Glad to see everyone checking in & I'm hoping G is behaving himself on his very special trip!
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all.

Lav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, nesters!
I'm happy to be checking in awake and sober on a Friday night...tonic water in front of me.

Time seems to be going at warp speed these days. Graduation is right around the corner.

I have a house full of teens tonight, including the daughter's love interest. This is so stressful, but best handled with a straight head. I don't know how anybody makes it through these years, but a lot of you can attest to the fact it can be done.

I need to read back and see how everyone is doing. I did see that Ava is struggling with cold weather and no heat. Not my idea of fun. I haven't seen Crusader around here in a while. I always enjoyed reading her posts. I hope everything is ok.

I hope to read and come back sometime this weekend. Son's prom is tomorrow. Should be interesting...

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un-hung Saturday morning, friends!

Ava, yesterday was also a TFIF for me.. never thought we'd get through the day.. the minutes moved like hours at work. All of us thought so!:happy2: But we made it and here we are. I'm glad you're cuddling up with the SO.. and that you're able to help and comfort him so much during this difficult time. You've had a lot of experience and he's fortunate to have you, dear lady..

Welcome Glade! It's good to have you here in the cozy Nest.. I have to agree with what the others have said. This is a place of acceptance and wisdom.. you can come here and talk about whatever you want, how you're feeling, what's troubling you, when you're having cravings and you'll get responses and help from people who know and understand what you're talking about because they've been there. You'll get support and you'll learn a lot if you stick around!:welcome:

Rose, I've definitely had my share of tears of relief, happiness with sadness combined.. like has been said so well, the emotional/mental part of sobriety can take some work. Trying to remain positive is key for me.. trying to stay in the present instead of re-living the past in my mind is crucial! Having a gratitude list has helped immensely.. some days I'm in the midst of pity party and I can't for the life of me think of anything I'm grateful for.. but when I put the pencil to paper and begin with anything.. things like having two furry friends to cuddle with, the birds singing outside, that I'm not paralyzed, whatever, usually my brain is freed up a bit and other things flow out naturally. The other thing that helps me more than anything is exercise, getting my heartrate up, letting go of some stress that way. Even just getting out of the house for a walk can help so much.. you're doing a great job, Rose! Like you said, you are here and you're doing it.. How was Animal Planet? What kind of a dog do you have? I have 2 cats and the big one is almost always glued to my side.. right now he's on the back of the sofa, leaning against my neck. cuteness..

NS, thanks for that post.. and for the book recommendation. I recently watched a video with the author of the book and was thinking of getting it.. now it's a done deal!

Pav, glad you're getting a break from the crazies! That did crack me up.. Hope you'll also find time for a hike this weekend.. you're my ciber hiking friend. I get to go so infrequently that I live a bit vicariously through you! I did just reserve b&b's for a 4 day hiking trip I'll be doing with the girls in July.. I'm so looking forward and was so pleased that they wanted to come with me again this year..may have already mentioned this..

Mr. V., thanks for the link! That's a good list. Everything in my life has improved with sobriety. There isn't a thing that improves with alcohol. In fact, everything goes down the tubes and quickly.

Wags, great job, once again, for taking care of yourself! It does seem as if the Universe is trying to help you out by giving you these challenges to work through.. and you are succeeding in doing just that. Each time you get stronger! I'm also a people pleaser and often take on way more than I can handle WELL.. Learning to say no is a biggie for me.. and even more so is realizing I need/want to say no in order to do so!.. but it sure feels good when I manage to be true to myself!

G-Man!!! you Rock..
Nar, you must be getting back soon.. can't wait to hear about your trip!

Ok. I'm happy to say I got my butt into the gym this morning a bit before 7.. and it was almost empty.. definitely my time to be there! And now I've got a quiet day planned which is exactly what I need. I hope everyone is doing well.. working our plans, making changes if necessary, taking care of ourselves.. big hugs all around..xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm back.. where the heck is everyone?:happy2:
I forgot to mention earlier and I just remembered because it happened.. that after painting almost the last wall in my kitchen on this hot day, the thought of how nice it would be to have a beer entered my mind out of nowhere. One of my best tools has been to step back when a craving or crazy thought (staged as a reasonable voice) comes, and question, WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON? What is it that I really want or need? What is going on underneath because I KNOW in my rational mind that a beer is in no way a good idea or something nice and not at all what I want. If I can play it forward AND figure the other thing out, I'm doing well. Today I figured out that I wanted a cold, fizzy drink and I made one with lemon and ice cubes, fizzy water and a bit of grenadine. done. xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning--

Belle, you're lucky they're at your house. Our place is so small that it never is the teenager hang out spot, so I don't know all of my kids' friends like I would like to.

Hi, LC - great to see you check in. That B&B hiking trip sounds amazing. We were talking about the hut to hut hike in the Alps. Have you ever done something like that? I did get a great sunset hike in yesterday after work - a much better way to spend a TGIF than at a bar...

I don't have much to say - just checking in. How's it going Glade?

Happy Saturday.
Pav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

One of my best tools has been to step back when a craving or crazy thought (staged as a reasonable voice) comes and question, WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON? What is it that I really want or need? What is going on underneath because I KNOW in my rational mind that a beer is in no way a good idea or something nice and not at all what I want. If I can play it forward AND figure the other thing out, I'm doing well. Today I figured out that I wanted a cold, fizzy drink and I made one with lemon and ice cubes, fizzy water and a bit of grenadine. done. xx

Good morning all from Buenos aires. Sunny and 18C at the moment.

I love your approach above LC. I reckon that's the ticket. When we pause, step back, and ask ourselves.....'what is really going on here'. Some thought examination and exploration. Then we find out - 'Hey! wait a minute. that drinking thought is just some auto response i've developed and retained. It doesn't mean it's the way it is, or that i have to act on a thought that takes me to where i don't want to go'. Right on LC!

I'm staying in a hostel environment with my own room. I reckon there are more people in here than in Buenos aires! Party central, but it's cool. I did ask the travel agent for the cheapest private room she could find! Off for a run and to find coffee and food. A woman i left behind in Chile has made a big impression. I haven't even hit brazil yet. Life's tough sometimes isn't it? Ole!

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ay yi yi, Mr G, or shall we call you Señor G? You really know how to travel, and those South American folks know how to party. I remember hearing the street parties going on when I was in Bogota adopting my son. They went on till the wee hours of the morning. Stay safe, and true to yourself there!

I also had to re-quote LC's post, because it is is so important. stopping to think what we really Need (and we never Need AL) is so important, as is following that thought through to the inevitable end is equally important.

I forgot to mention earlier and I just remembered because it happened.. that after painting almost the last wall in my kitchen on this hot day, the thought of how nice it would be to have a beer entered my mind out of nowhere. One of my best tools has been to step back when a craving or crazy thought (staged as a reasonable voice) comes and question, WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON? What is it that I really want or need? What is going on underneath because I KNOW in my rational mind that a beer is in no way a good idea or something nice and not at all what I want. If I can play it forward AND figure the other thing out, I'm doing well. Today I figured out that I wanted a cold, fizzy drink and I made one with lemon and ice cubes, fizzy water and a bit of grenadine. done. xx

I don't think I welcomed Glade to the nest. Welcome Glade!. We all have been where you are. it is comfy and safe in the nest. But the big thing especially in the early days is to use some of the plentiful butt velcro and stick yourself here. Especially when you think you want a drink.

Pav...my house isn't that big either, which makes it so stressful. it is a "split foyer" which means when the teens are downstairs, they are not behind closed doors which is a good thing, but also not a good thing for my sanity. I keep reminding myself that they won't be around forever and someday it will be way too quiet here. Son and friends went to goodwill and bought cheap t-shirts...then to the dollar store for fabric markers and were making custom t shirts for themselves. As annoying as the girlfriend is, she always has fun ideas for them to do.

I woke up with a dizzy headache this morning...sinus related, but it sure brought me back to those hungover days. Dang, I don't want to go there again. so much time wasted and telling the family I had a sinus headache when reality I was hungover. Can't do anything about that now, but keep on going in the direction I am headed. Day...hmmm...let me calculate...71!

Happy weekend to all. Have a great un-hungover, non-drinking Saturday!