Newbies Nest

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters,I took had a strong drink urge on Wednesday after work,dunno if it just the season change,next Monday is the anni of my brother passing,money stress(that's always there tho haha) work stress,pms,who knows but thoughts were there and once Bydie said there's players and pushers,im defo a pusher cuz that day i tried playing the tape through but the tape stuttered at the getting drunk part! Hell I know how miserable I'd be if I drank,not just for that day but DAYS later,so I pushed,pushed the thoughts out and ate like a moose,fried rice,chicken,a slice of pizza and some leftover mother's day cake! It worked,for some reason it just screwed my head back on straight for the afternoon and yesterday not a single thought of drinking sorry I haven't posted much here,really just getting thru my days,trying to work hard at work,get my exercise in and sometimes I just don't have much to say that seems very relevant,wishing us all a fantastic AF day

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Pauly - Awesome! I love eating like a moose sometimes, and I DO think it helps with those cravings. I ate ice cream OFTEN my first year or so sober. It was a replacement, but it worked. I also walked and exercised a lot, so I didn't put on the pounds, and now my ice cream habit is tamed as well. Keep it up, friend!

Ava - maybe you can turn the oven on and just sit in front of it for heat?

We are bringing on two new hires for next year - I am SO glad that we'll have some new blood after the personnel nightmares I've had this year. It will be a great way to end the week welcoming them on board today.

Friday - I am really excited for this weekend, with zero tickets to Boozeville.

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good job Pauly! Way to work that one through.

PAV - new blood can be a great thing. Sounds like you need it! What's happening this weekend that you are excited for?

For me, it's sleep! I was really out of it yesterday - felt like I couldn't barely move let alone think. I think my 4 hours (or maybe 3.5!) on Monday night carried through to yesterday. I have been feeling really badly about myself the last week or so for not being able to keep up with everything in my life. It's kind of a pattern for me to take on a lot, feel stressed, have a few days of rest and then have to work like mad to catch up. I have always been easily overwhelmed, and a bit ADD - so when the pressure hits I struggle. My husband made it clear that he was extremely disappointed that I didn't change the milk order - and this morning said "you can't handle this work and a home life." What a shitty thing to say. What is this - "Wake up and bash your wife day"? HE left town for three days, I had a major deadline Tuesday and a huge interview the following day, and I get told that I can't handle things?

There is truth in his statement, but he was very disrespectful in his approach. I am not sure how to be on top of things and present with my family AND have a successful career. And I want both. So there is my problem. So I sacrifice sleep and personal time and used to drink to avoid dealing with it and escape the stress. But now that I'm not drinking, I am going to have to address this. My husband was unfair in his statement - not sure what set him off this am - because I do a disproportionate amount of work around the house. BUT, even if I had less work here, I would still struggle because this career seems to need full attention and exceptional time management skills.

Anyway - just feeling down about it all. When I list my accomplishments - I feel I do a fairly good job with the kids and home life, really. It's my career that gets the shaft. I will never be the designer I dreamed I could be - either because I chose to have a family, or because I am too ADD to do it. And that makes me feel bad. NS, I agree about not working to death - and that people and relationships are more important. But there is a part of my career that is this need I have to express myself artistically that isn't about work at all - and that is what I crave. I think I need to turn my thinking around and be grateful for my health, location, friends & family and what I DO have.

AND I'm not drinking. HUGE win there. Thank you all for your help with that. I am no longer a bottle (or nearly a bottle) a night gal. And I'm very thankful for that.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Friday Evening, Nesters!

Awsome, Pauly! I'm so glad you took the path of eating like a moose.. that did crack me up. And it worked!! It sounds like you really are busy with work, exercise, etc.. but I'm always happy when you find some time to post.. and I actually think that every post here is relevant. :love:

Kensho, that's a hard one. I totally understand what you're saying about your work being a/the way that you express yourself artistically.. and to be honest, I hadn't put one and one together until your last post.. So.. Couldn't the housework/kids/chores be more evenly/fairly distributed between you and your Husband? I do think it should be possible for you to have the career you want and family.. might it be possible to get someone in to help with some of the housework/shopping, etc.? Or a "babysitter", some cool 16 year old (like my eldest if she were closer!) to come over and hang out with the kids sometimes? Or you all get together on Sundays, as a family to cook for the week and freeze it? I'm just throwing things out there.. but it sounds to me (and has for the last months) that you are giving your all.. with everything you do. It sounds to me like you need help. That doesn't mean you have to give up the things that are important to you.. but maybe it would be good to have someone help you prioritize so that you can outsource some of the responsibility..? You are doing an AMAZING job, is all I can say. :love: p.s. I remember at one point my ex (with whom I lived for 10 years) told me that he didn't feel like I was putting any love into the flat, into our space.. I asked what he meant.? He meant that it wasn't clean! I told him, and the kids who were then around 12, 13 and 9, that it was clean enough for me! And that if any of them had a problem with it, they knew where the cleaning supplies were! I definitely lowered my expectations/standards for awhile with respect to cleaning, having milk!, etc. when I was super busy.. they all have legs! and no one will die without milk. (I know your kids are younger.. but I bet they wouldn't mind partaking in helping out with family stuff.. if they don't already..)

G, Awesome!
Everyone, Awesome!
I'm also happy it's the weekend.. wishing you all a nice one.xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ola nesters!

Good friday evening. Cool to be in a similar time zone to most of yiz. :happy2: Let me say this to any single fellas reading. If you are single, and looking for luuurve, you have to come to brazil! Of course, there are beautiful women everywhere you go. (The best frequent this forum, but everyone knows that.........)

Great work Pauly! I hope you are able to get some R&R this weekend.

Kensho, i like some of LC's ideas to maybe help ease your workload at home if you need to? You always seem to do an amazing job friend. I know that there's a solution to every problem/situation.

Good news there Pav! Hope new staff work out.

LC, I agree. If i want a cleaner house, then the vaccum cleaner's over there! What are you up to this weekend? How's work?

Friday night in Rio. Oh yeah! I dont have a big one planned. Tomorrow i'm sightseeing with my friend. Sugarloaf mountain and cable car ride. Should be a good view. Gonna take a few pics and will see if i can post them.

Plenty of spruikers here. In fact, a woman just literally tried to sell me a ticket to boozeville, by chatting me up outside her little bar. lol. She is the devil i tells ya! I could easily live in Rio. For a single man, and maybe woman, it's a cool city. Exotic, and the folk are friendly. Plenty of english teaching jobs here. Have a great weekend all. Beijos.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Pauly, don't let all this stuff get to you. We all have some hard days to deal with, that's just life. Most days are good, right? You did the right thing by distracting yourself with something else ~ food

Kensho, disappointed about the milk order? Really??
I don't even think I could respond to a statement like that without completely losing my sh*t, ha ha!! Turn on your selective hearing & ignore the rest. You are a hard working person, taking care of many things & family. You do not need to be talked down to like that. (Sorry, that's just my opinion). Take the time to take as many deep breaths as you need to get thru your day
Pav, I hope the new hires at work help make things better for everyone!

LC, it's such a fantasy having a spouse to help out with household chores & childcare. They make promises & deals then they 'forget', LOL. Mine was never much help either & he still doesn't know how to clean up after himself. It will be 45 years next month - I'm over it. The best time was when the kids were teenagers, they were actually helpful (most of the time). Your kids are getting to that age too.

G, wow, you are having a grand old time, good for you!

Hello to the rest of the crowd & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[starty]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi guys. I just wanted to say I love reading here. All the wisdom and experience about day to day living is inspiring and helpful. Wonderful thread and thank you.

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Happy Saturday! Gee, things are moving quickly in the Nest, five days and lots of great posts.

Yes Pav, I do have a personal trainer at the moment. It's expensive, but really helps me turn up(!) to the gym. Don't think I'm disciplined enough to go there without someone waiting for me there, who's tailored a program for me and coaches me every minute of the way! I highly recommend the weights for upper body strength, after a couple of months the difference I feel is HUGE!

Kensho I love the sound of your 'hut trips.' I can relate to the feeling bad about not keeping up with everything, and think you did a fantastic job of turning your thoughts around to recognise all that you've achieved and continue to achieve. And I love your 'escape' lists! :thumbsup:

Ava, the pre-menopause were my absolute worst drinking years, it really escalated during that time, and preceded my quit in 2013. Can't believe how long it's taking for you to get your heating fixed. I know how cold it's been in Melbourne lately. Hope it's sorted really SOON.

Byrdie, Kensho, and everyone battling work stuff, hang in there! I have recently gone from working five days a week to four, and it's made a big difference. The quote that NS provided about no-one saying they wished they'd spent more time at the office is very true. If you can scale back in any way, do it! To me the loss of a day's pay is better than feeling so snowed under I could barely see daylight. Good words of wisdom from Lifechange re. putting things on 'hold.' I've sometimes had to remind myself that the sky won't fall if I don't do [whatever it might be] today.

Lavande, your brush with lightning story is amazing. If that happened I would definitely think the gods were trying to make a statement of some kind! It certainly makes one feel thankful no-one was hurt.

Great to hear about you rockin' all over South America Mr G, I look forward to hearing more stories from your adventures. As Wags said, you sound very 'solid' in your quit; your thought-processes seem spot-on to me.

Hello Rose :happy2: Your "quit biting" your arms comment sounds positive. Keep it up! You too, Paulywogg. Those drinking thoughts will come and go, sometimes it's due to a combination or 'confluence' of factors, particularly the anniversary of something sad. Love that you enjoyed eating instead of drinks.

I feel sure I haven't responded to all the posts that resonated with me, and I apologise for that. I really do appreciate all the kindness, support and and strategies that are shared here in the Nest.

Happy Sober Saturday EVERYONE,
Steady

[TribalRose]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm with starty - Great reading and/or insights on this site.

Rose

[TribalRose]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thunder boomers here - All I can do is cuddle with the furbabies. Dunno who comforts each other more.

Rose

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ola all,

Good morning from Rio. 8.50 a.m. 27C and sunny here, showers forecast. I'd better don the all weather toupe. I'm yet to see much of this town so far. Next week i'm gonna head to the more 'bohemian' areas, allegedly where the home of some kosher samba music is played, in a suburb called Lapa. I suspect i've seen nothing of Rio yet. But the stunning vistas from Copocabana and Ipanema beaches re the amazing huge volcanic rock formations out in the ocean and a few hundred metres right behind the big hotel/apartments on the beach are an incredible and beautiful introduction to the joint. I reckon that classic old song 'Girl from Ipanema' would've written itself without much effort.

Off to cram into a cable car with hopefully not too many tourists on the amazing sugarloaf mountain. We'll also say gidday to that christ the redeemer fella way up on the mountain. Better bring me wallet.

Have a great weekend.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wishing all the nesters a positive,peaceful and patient day

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Ha ha, Lav. That was my first reaction to Kensho's post. Are you f'in kidding me?!?! I guess it is a good think Lav and I aren't your neighbors, or your husband would have an ear full, Kensho! My career is very important to me, as is my family. I work a lot - actually a lot more than my husband, and I earn more, too. We have had to have several conversations over the years about expectations, who is doing what around the house, etc. There is a lot written lately about the cognitive load that women often carry around the house - even IF your partner is "helping," women often carry the load in their minds of what needs to be done. "I.e., We're out of toilet paper, Susie needs a dentist appointment, we need to change our milk order..." It places basically a second job on the woman with the man as the "helper." Your career AND your family are important. If your husband isn't going to help out, maybe you can hire someone? We ended up having someone come once every two weeks to clean - floors, dusting, etc. - it is cheap and SO worth it! You need to nurture your creativity and do what you love, and you don't have to sacrifice your family...

Wow, Mr. G - I guess Oz will be lucky if you ever head back... Sounds amazing.

I had a bad eating week - too much bread and not enough veggies. I feel puffy and congested. I am heading out on the hills this morning to exercise and will make an effort to eat better this week. Outside exercise and sleep are what I love about the weekend.

Happy SOBER Saturday,
Pav

[TribalRose]

Re: Newbies Nest

Will feel pretty crappy in church tomorrow. Drank enough vodka today to put myself to sleep.

Rose

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Rose. Sorry to hear that. What happened? Are you safe at least?