Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Not drinking has been both the hardest thing I've done in my life, yet the most simple fix to most of my issues - just don't drink. The rest figures itself out eventually.

Ain't this the truth friend Kensho! Everything else follows and falls into place when our mind and body align with our truth.

x post. Yo Jude!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Wow, NoSugar - you perfectly summarized my experience. I love reading your writing.

Rose - be gentle but firm with yourself. Pour out the vodka, give yourself a bath and tuck yourself into bed if need be. Find a human there who can help face to face. Don't give up on yourself - we won't give up on you.

Narilly! We missed you. Glad to have you back. I really loved visiting Japan but that was 20+ years ago. Glad you resisted the sake. I had a similar experience recently when I was at a new brew pub with friends who were having "flights" of beer and sharing/tasting all in front of me. I really got a taste for beer and wanted to try some. It was over quickly, but in reflection, it was not just the beer, but the ritual involved of sharing and tasting. Maybe I can find a good place that will give flights of pizza or ice cream.

My son is off on a travel adventure with friends. One of the friends is probably already an alcoholic or heading that way. My son has a good head on his shoulders, but I worry about him whenever he is with this particular friend. Aaah, parenting. Never over.

Off to work. I am still dealing with bad personnel juju but that will be over in a few weeks. I can't wait!

Take care,
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi my favorite Peeps! Beautiful morning here, and fresh air I did my morning yoga and when prompted to set my intention for the day, it was to be kind to myself. I have set a rule not to stay up past 11:00 pm. The difficulty with this is time management. I sometimes long for a job at a workplace where I can go, work, and leave it at night. If I don't feel prepared for a meeting - it's up to me to do it or not. I have solved that in the past by just telling myself I can "just not sleep". While this may have solved the problem for my presentation, it is causing me signifiant fallout with the rest of my life as I get older and don't drink my discomforts away. The fact is that I just cannot keep doing this. But what do I do when the work piles up and deadlines come?

First thing is first - know that staying up is NOT an option. If I do that, I think I may be more careful with my time and commitments during the day. It is still just SO hard to manage this work flow. Sometimes things take longer and the other deadlines come... BUT the biggest lesson is that no one is going to die if I don't order their drapes. The worst that can happen is that I get fired - and honestly - while I don't want that to happen, and I work hard to work with integrity and keep my promises - IT'S NOT WORTH THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT. I grew up believing that I could be and do anything I wanted to - but I forgot to set realistic limits. I recently told my possible business partner and good friend that I wanted to go all in and build this business. But I'm not so sure that's what I should do. I do have the potential to build something really great - but I also want to have a life, take some time off, spend time with my family, get a pedicure and go shopping once in awhile, have time to exercise and - above all else - be kind to myself.

ROSE, If you would have asked me about this 4 years ago, during the worst of my drinking, I would not really have understood it. My reality was simple and based entirely on when and where I could get alcohol. I felt it solved all problems, took away all stress. I didn't deal with much - just slumbered along either fighting a hangover or searching for my next drink. It takes time to sort things out, but I would not in a million years tell you that it hasn't been worth every effort. I don't ever want to be that person, ever again, who wasn't at all in tune with myself. I am so much more at peace. I, like G-MAN, finally got tired of it all. I tried, and tried to keep alcohol in my life - but it always ended up in the same place - I hated who I had become, and I knew I was hurting my health. I didn't want to be a slave to alcohol any more and ignore my needs. You can do it! Adjust your plan, and find ways to get a solid week, and then month under your belt. Things will look much different at that point. Hugs to you :hug:

Have a great day everyone! We get 80F and sunny skies!

[mywayin]

Re: Newbies Nest

Rose, I’m so sorry that you’re going through so much difficulty to get alcohol out of your life and get your life back.
You must persevere!
No matter how daunting it may seem at times, once you’ve made the firm decision to stop drinking it makes it much more attainable.
Is there a certain time of the day the urges are the strongest? Perhaps you can organise some activity to distract yourself or even make it impossible to drink, at that time each day… go to see a movie, sign up for some classes you would enjoy, donate your time to some local cause, anything to keep you busy until bed-time?
Maybe you could take advantage of other resources like AA or a detox center to get you started.
There’s lots of good solid advice in the toolbox too.


��

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,
Rose, have you tried listening to 'The Bubble Hour' podcast. You may find it helpful. I know it really helped me because it is a few women talking about alcohol and their relationship with it. They give lots of good tips on staying sober and reasons why they want to be sober. Check it out.
The tool box is also helpful. There are lots of good tips there.

When I was getting sober I tried to focus on the here and now. I did not think too far ahead and if I could just get through the next hour or evening without drinking that was success.

Pav, my son came home with us from Japan and he has really matured. He used to drink a lot but now he told me it was not worth being hung over and he really tries to drink responsibly. Thank goodness.

G- Oh my...have fun in Rio. I love that place.

Lav, you are sounding great. I will try and post pics.

Don't drink today.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey, Kensho. What if you restricted yourself to 75% of your current client load? The loss of income could be compensated for by the satisfaction that you know you are doing your absolute best, most creative (and therefore satisfying) work for the clients you have without compromising yourself or your family. I gave up $$ for time and have never regretted it. Your "unavailability" may paradoxically drive up demand, allowing you to charge more and take on only the projects that seem most challenging and rewarding to you. It could be a win/win situation with your mind freed of all the thoughts that are spinning around in there now, making you more relaxed overall and giving you the head space to be even more innovative and satisfied in both your work and home lives.

[Hypernova]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey everyone. Been trying to find a way back. I think today will be day 1 if all goes as planned. I too, like Rose have total admiration for All who have taken on this AF life. I know it is a better way and yet I always get or let myself get sucked back in. Let me see if I can string out a few days AF. Really not feeling much of anything right now except that I know booze is not the answer to anything. Hard to sit here right now ~ best to everyone and I will see what tomorrow may bring.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey, Tribal and Hyper. I had a LOT of Day 1’s myself. One thing that helped me play out the rest of the story were the Rain in my Heart documentaries They are here on this site and also available on You Tube. Im going to try and paste the link, but Im not a techno genius.
Rain in my Heart (Full). - YouTube
I hope that works. I saw mself in these people, there is one guy in these docs that gulped a whole tumbler full of wine like it was water. I was doing that at the end. This site is a lot like A Christmas Carol. You can see the past, present and futre right here. There are 10 years of history to investigate. EVERYTHING you want to know is here for tge asking, including what happens if we choose not to stop. Use the site, use us, use ANYTHING to break this addiction. Is it easy? Hell no! Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY! You can do this.
Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Not much going on with me, just wanted to check in & say hello!

Rose & Hypernova, you have both been around MWO for some time. I think you know that making a good working plan is essential for success. No ands, ifs or buts - plan to succeed!
By all means, utilize the Tool box, AA, podcasts, anything to give you a helping hand. We want everyone to meet their goals & take back their lives from the AL monster.

Wishing everyone a safe 7 comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ola all.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/just-starting-out-/24253-tool-box.html?highlight=toolbox

Always a good read. Welcome back Hyper. :happy2:

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tribal Rose, no reason to hang your head in disgust, we've all been where you are now, it's just one day. As background, since I don't post much, I was drinking a fifth of vodka a night by the time I quit for good. I started drinking at a graduation party one day after graduating from high school. I stopped in July 2013...35 years. Been sober ever since. So back to your story. You can't frame your attempt to quit as a failure because you drank again. It was a start, a frame of mind that with practice, will grow much like a seed in your garden. With each attempt you will find more and more success, more good things to come. It will stick in time.
So what's the secret. Everyone has their own path. The key for me was to accept unconditionally that I cannot drink. I don't mean that as a moral or philosophical statement. I mean it as a statement of simple fact. My biology won't allow it. One sip means another and another. Do you find that when you pour yourself a drink you are already thinking about the next? I do. Once I was able to admit that basic truth, I told my immediate family I was an alcoholic. I purposely backed myself into a corner. In those early days I needed no way out and admitting my addiction to my family left me no avenue for self denial and relapse.
I've experienced tragedy, personal injury and stress since that July day, but not once was alcohol a comfort to me. At this point I have no real interest in drinking, rarely think about it. That strength is simply a natural progression, you see it in Byrdie, No Sugar, Lav, Pav and the rest of your mentors on this site You'll see it in the mirror if you look. It's there, really is, just keep planting those seeds. They will take, and they will grow.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

The key for me was to accept unconditionally that I cannot drink. I don't mean that as a moral or philosophical statement. I mean it as a statement of simple fact. My biology won't allow it. One sip means another and another..... At this point I have no real interest in drinking, rarely think about it. That strength is simply a natural progression...

Great to see you, TJ, and wow, what a great summary of what quitting is all about! I think we tend to make it into a much bigger deal than necessary, worrying about how to handle social situations, seeing triggers everywhere, and feeling like we're different or weird. Once we accept the simple, neutral fact that one drink always leads to another (whether that is because of genetics, biology, psychology, or our sign of the zodiac), all of the rest sorts itself out. We become social without drinking (acually, I'm much less a hermit now than I was when drinking), triggers cease to have their effects, rendering them harmless, and we become more comfortable with ourselves, making it not a big deal (and for some of us, a source of contentment) to be "different". All of this is the natural progression that happens over time AF. The key is to allow ourselves that time without a lot of stress or judgment.

Congratulations on your upcoming 5-year rebirthday. I hope you come by to celebrate with us :hug:.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning from sunny Rio. Well, that's just it. It ain't sunny. 25c ahead and a little cloudy. I didn't sign up for this! Feeling ripped orf! haha. Just joking friends. I am never ripped off. I'm grateful for every second on this amazing planet, and here i am experiencing the individual force of nature that is Rio, its geography and it's people.

Great post TJ. Good to see you. Thank you.

Great post as usual SB. How are you doing there?

How are you doing Rose? Hyper?

Well looky there, a bit of sunshine outside my window. Rio rarely dissappoints. Unless you are poor, and maybe a kid trying to get by, finding themselves on the recieving end of some crazy death squad. Seems to be a bit of this sort of thing on the north side of Rio from what i'm learning, as opposed to the south side more touristy area.

Coming up to 9 freakin months in 3, 4 or 5 days depending on whether your months are 28 days or 31! lol. Git some self lovin in today K? K.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

TJAF - Yes! It is unconditional acceptance that finally set me on a path for success. There was no way to slice it - I can't drink. I manipulated many, many circumstances to try to avoid that fact - moderation, changing what I drink, counting drinks, quitting for periods of time to prove I didn't have to quit forever - the list goes on. The truth is I COULD drink, but I know I was heading toward losing everything I love. It is also a fact that for me, a 1:1 counselor was key, as was this forum. I am a very private person, and AA or in-person groups weren't for me. With a therapist I could admit everything out loud, and with this forum I could get the support and community I need without being face to face with a whole group.

I still wonder about not being out loud and proud in the recovery community. I was at a meeting yesterday and three people stated their years in recovery (it was about drugs and teens). I was thinking about what it would take for me to do that. I don't know, and I don't know I ever will. I don't mind telling people I don't drink, I wasn't good with alcohol, but I don't say "I'm in recovery." Maybe that's denial - who knows. In a way, taking off those labels also helped me because for whatever reason I didn't like them.

Kensho, an artist I know vaguely has an online class called Time Management and Organization for Creatives. Maybe you can check it out? It might help. I know she works hard, but I know balance is important to her.

Happy Hump Day!
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

G, I have to admit, your photos and descriptions remind me of the kids movie "Rio". !! I SO get your sentiment about appreciating every single day on this earth. I want to LIVE damn it - good, sorrowful, ugly or amazing. The experience itself is the reward. And it's so much richer when not drowned by alcohol.

NS, great food for thought. Thank you.

Great to see you TJAF! I love when you stop by!

ROSE & HYPERNOVA - a trick is believing people here that it gets better without alcohol. I remember when I quit and I felt like every cell in my body wanted a drink. After many failed attempts, I finally decided to weather the discomfort. I believed that being a non-drinker was possible, because all of the long timers here said it was. I couldn't imagine it, I wanted alcohol dearly, and my life made no sense without my evening numbing. But damn, these people seemed happy!! SO I decided that I would have to learn to be ok with the discomfort of quitting. The physical discomfort of craving, having blood sugar issues without wine, not sleeping well, hot flashes - and you know what? These symptoms were not any worse than what I was dealing with when hungover - just different. I think the hardest thing for me was dealing with the discomfort of not knowing how to handle life. Unsure of what to do with my time, unsure of how to handle the strong emotions that I used to drown, unsure of how not drinking would affect my relationships, my job, parties I attended - Who was I without alcohol? And so I decided to be ok with being unsure for awhile. And I tackled each one of these things as they came up. 4-1/2 years after joining this forum - and 171 days AF today, I can tell you this:

I rarely crave alcohol. I know who I am, and am comfortable in my own skin. I have established my relationships as a non-drinker. I lost one friend, and it's ok with me. I don't miss feeling trapped and a slave to alcohol. My life has exploded with big-ness - all the head-space previously given to alcohol has given way to thoughts of how to have more fun, connect with people more, build my business, create life balance, become healthier physically-emotionally-mentally-spiritually. My life now has re-ajusted to being a non-drinker. It didn't happen overnight. I tackled each thing as it came up, and it worked itself out in a manageable way with following one simple principle:

Don't drink - the rest will figure itself out. I learned to deal with one thing at a time, give myself space and permission to rest and take care of myself, become exceedingly selfish and put myself first, and be ok with imperfection.

Keep trying - life is infinitely better without alcohol. Hugs to all.