Newbies Nest

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

been awhile since i posted but have been reading every day. life has been a tad sad and stressful with my puppy relapsing with pain issues. she is home now and seems to be doing well but this is the last time i can try and help her get well. she is a lot freer in her movements today which is a positive sign but i know its her quality of life thats important. now if i could only stop crying and man up! Tuesday we have a vets appointment and will see how it goes. I am sure there are more important issues in the world but this is mine and its hard.

Hyper so glad to see you back. Welcome Slo. Keep on here and keep walking the walk. Those early days are so hard and the f'ck its so easy to grab at. I think for me just realising that i had to just man up and do it, each and every day, rain, hail or shine. i had to hate the world and that was ok, i had to resent others and that was ok too, i had to feel deprived and sad but i had to just do what i had to to not drink. I had no real plans at that stage, it was just getting through the days as best i could until i could see a bit of sunshine in my life. Now, even with the stress in my life and sadness i feel, i am grateful i am totally present for whatever comes my way. i am not drowning myself in a bottle trying to forget.

I have heating, finally and it only took 10 minutes to fix. well 5 weeks and ten minutes to be precise but its glorious!

G, glad you are having a good time and just enjoy yourself, life is about you and if others come for that journey with you then you are blessed as they are. rug up on your way home, winter is here for you!

my daughter comes home from holidays tomorrow and i so cant wait to see her and give her a cuddle. counting the hours.

Hi to everyone and take care x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Ava, so happy you have your heating back! Today I turned on the AC & it will stay on now until probably November. Once it gets hot around here it just stays hot, ugh.
I hope your pup stays as well as possible. I know how hard it is to watch them decline. It was just last July that we finally had to let ours go, the suffering was hard on all of us.

G, enjoy your weekend in Rio, oh boy

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Hypernova]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 4 in the bag. Next few should be more easy b/c off work the next four days. Working in a restaurant is not only stressful but there is booze everywhere and people of all kinds at all stages of intoxication. I think of it like not seeing it. My brain actually ignores it when I am not drinking or have made my mind up not to. But one thing I do take in fully is all the crazy/stupid & silly things people do and say when they drink. I try to see all of that. Plus you can see the ravages on people faces from the booze. As they say what you see on the outside is just a reflection of what is going on internally. I do so hope that I am able to overcome the curse. ~ Also something interesting I came across a couple days back ~ The Negativity Bias ~ I find ideas like these very interesting and empowering. Here is one link to an article on it. Our Brain's Negative Bias | Psychology Today
Have a great weekend everyone. ODAT for me. Have fun whatever you do just don't drink!! ~Hyper out

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 2 was awful! The cravings were terrible in the early evening! It didn’t help that I was at a funeral then for a 14 y/o classmate of my daughter’s who had committed suicide -ugh. It was discomfiting. Terrible cravings after that while driving to airport, but luckily didn’t have time time to get a drink at the airport. Plus I was with my 15 y/o daughter, so awkward to; and also she’s old enough to be on to me, unfortunately.
So got to TX now to visit my daughter & her fiancé, and luckily they didn’t offer a drink. And they did offer food. So I made it through day 2, but barely.
Hypernova, that must be very hard working in a restaurant and surrounded by it all the time. Congratulations on day 4. That is really something that you gave up coffee! Do you still drink tea?

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

G - you wear that giant heart on your sleeve! That was brave to re-book that flight - I hope great things come of that trip, romantic or not. The Amazon jungle! Love it. Have you read The Lost City of Z? A GREAT book that I highly recommend.

Thanks Pav. There is something there with this woman worth exploring. Either way, i'll have fun and see more of Santiago. I'm also having coffee with another chica there who i missed meeting last time lol. I haven't read that book. I see it's also a movie. Looks like old Percy dissappeared in the jungle during his search. Died doing what he was passionate about. There's a lesson right there. i hope the aide de campe for my trek is switched on. If i don't return, it could be that the local chief has seconded my services to provide 24/7 Beatles tunes. I can't wait to sing to the jungle. I wonder what the response will be? Let's hope some notes don't tap into some ancient anaconda or jaguar mating call.

Loved that link Hyper, thanks. Those studies confirm what i've been thinking the last few years. That our brains are wired for a negative bias. This explains a real lot to me. I see it all the time in people, and myself. Making sure we get some positive input is crucial. We can avoid a lot of outside negativity, such as people, environments. We can walk away from such situations. But i know i need the inner work to be daily. Some regular daily positive focus. Doing what i love is a good start.

Good job on day 2 Slo. Sorry to hear of your daughters friend. I can't think of many worse things in this life. Keep it going and push through the BS. There are blue skies on the other side.

2 more days in Rio before Amazon trek on monday. next friday i'm in Chile meeting with this chica i'm fond of. I know i might get my heart broken, maybe, maybe not, but if i dont put myself out there, i'll never know. Like the nurse last year. I still think it's better to have loved, than not to have loved before, and i'll deal with any potential heartache if it occurs. I got through my nurse thing pretty well really, even though it was a little difficult. You know - I still got my guitar baby!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All--

Ava, so sorry about your fur baby. I find sick pets so stressful because you can't talk to them and tell them what is going on. Love to you - I'm glad your daughter will be back to help take care of you!

Slo - sorry it was a hard day, but glad you made it through. I was pretty self-centered for my first few months - I took a lot of baths, said no to a lot of events, and basically just took care of myself. As my wise role models said, you need to put on your own oxygen first before you can take care of others. I hope you find a way to take good care of yourself and give yourself what you need.

G - Wearing your heart on your sleeve does mean it gets bruised and battered more, but it has a hell of a view of life! Hope those Anacondas like the Beatles!

I was reading something about escaping feelings yesterday - scrolling endlessly through my phone and eating a lot of cheese, ice cream, and other crap. I really had a hard week and I didn't cope with healthy strategies. I didn't drink alcohol, but I have to remember that there are other ways to be unhealthy with dealing with emotions. I have a renewed determination to eat well and get some exercise this week. At least it is the weekend, so I'll have it easier on the exercise front...

Happy SOBER Saturday, all.

Pav

[Hypernova]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey Slo. So glad you made it through a tough patch. I understand your feelings of 'awful' and the 'terrible cravings'. Quite sure most of us do. Just plain sucks. I find it helps to just sit through it. Patience pays off and will reward you in time. I find urge surfing a valuable tool in my repertoire. If you are unfamiliar with it read this link. I find it really works quite well in bad situations and like everything else you get better at it the more you use it.
Urge Surfing: Mindfulness Techniques to Prevent Relapse
Oh yeah, the restaurant scene does pose a challenge but not an impossible one. As far as giving up coffee I am amazed at myself for being able to but when your heart health is at stake it is a motivator on steroids. I took it slow and weaned off the caffeine for a full month very slowly before just going to 0. I was probably drinking 10 or so cups a day & now I am a decaffeinated person. Not sure I like it but am looking forward to seeing how I feel being of these two major drugs at the same time. As far as tea I drink Rooibos. It is not really a tea as is grows in South Africa on a bush. It is also known as red bush tea and is caffeine free. I love it. I stay away from all caffeine except 1 cup of decaf a day. ~ Anyway Slo, I hope you ride it out and string out those AF days b/c as many people here say it 'does' get easier to live without AL as time passes and you work your plan. Have a great weekend and don't forget to surf the urge. Best to you ~Hyper

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mr. G, saw this and thought of you!
16C67CDC-8004-408A-A35A-8C4CE1E32668.jpg
:llama:
Hope everyone is hanging in! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

I'm happy to report that you can buy yourself nice things when you no longer waste a ton of money buying wine & smokes, ha ha! I took advantage of the holiday sales & got myself a new car today, red, my favorite color Talk about the rewards of an AF life!

Hyper, you are going strong, good for you!

Slo, very sorry about your daughter's friend, how tragic.
That must have been an extremely rough day for you as well. Congrats on your pushing thru & remaining AF. That shows commitment, awesome.

G, please do not attract any wild animals. We want you to come back in one piece

Hello to everyone & wishing for a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pavati, good to hear that you had to take it easy too. It’s like permission to do that. I have had to lay low today -slept in late, and took a bath in the late afternoon while my daughters went out shopping together and the fiancé prepped dinner. I’ll probably always have to lay low like this without alcohol to help power me through since I’m such an introvert.
I can see why you needed ice cream & cheese since you had such a crazy stressful week. Hope you can decompress this weekend from all that stress & adrenaline.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ola and good sunday morning from sunny Rio. High of 25C today. Perfect.

Hi Slo. Take care of yourself today. Hope you have a good one.

Ladies of the nest, can i ask for insights? Yes, you know where i'm going with this - Romance/the woman in Chile i'll be hanging with next week. I'll try not to waffle and i'm sure not gonna try reading too much into what she's thinking cause how the hell would i know? Question: So she's saying on the one hand she would give romance a go with me if the distance wasn't an issue, but she's also saying that we can hangout together in Chile next week on a friends only basis. What's her angle here do you reckon? I think it's the way to go too, and not put any pressure on. Ultimately we can only see what the vibe is when we meet again. Any thoughts? Thanks.

In other news, i'm off to the jungle tomorrow. This will be an experience. Kinda my last day in Rio today, though i'm back for a night thursday before heading for chile on friday. Big waves to y'all!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hypernova, thanks for the info on urge-surfing. Yeah, IÂ’d better work on that skill.
I tried to go coffee-free and even caffeine -free, since it too sends me on a roller coaster; mood & blood sugar up & down. In the end have left it in to enjoy 1 cup of coffee with milk or cream in AM, then step down from that to green tea or chai black tea or iced black, then nothing after noon or IÂ’ll be up at night or sleeping poorly. Which makes it hard to socialize in the evening AF because IÂ’d at least like to get a little caffeine kick to help with brightening mood & energy and helping conversation flow if I canÂ’t have alcohol, but then IÂ’ll be up at night. Whereas I sleep great after alcohol in the evening! Again, great job getting off all that coffee. Your heart will thank you for sure!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I got through yesterday with chocolate, ice cream, popcorn, & lots of San Pellegrino juice blends.

IÂ’m so lucky to be here with a 15 y/o, so can dodge the pressure to have to go out in the evening and explore the great night life and bar scene in this city! ThatÂ’s how it would be if it were all adults. So glad had these plans so couldnÂ’t accept invite from neighbors to go to their lake home with them for Memorial Day weekend. ThatÂ’d be too drink-y! I donÂ’t even have to go to that Memorial Day family cookout back home, which would be a drinking trigger. WeÂ’re going shopping today and then to the movies. That I can handle!

Guitarista, maybe she just doesnÂ’t want to get her heart broken by having it end, but she still wants to spend time with you since she likes you.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

So many great posts to catch up on... today is my first day with absolutely nothing scheduled except a nice long bike ride. No work, no home projects, no appointments. I'm pretty excited to have a WHOLE DAY to just relax and do whatever. Then back to the grind tomorrow unfortunately. No way could I handle all of this while drinking.

Ava - so sorry to hear your pup has been having pain again. I tear up just thinking about losing our pup, and I've been through that agony before, so you have my deepest empathy and sympathy. Enjoy every comfortable moment she has left. :hug:

G-dude - You're almost off to the Amazon and then back to Santiago. My guess that your she-friend in Chile is in a similar place as you - knowing there is some chemistry there but not wanting to get her hopes up and not wanting to get hurt either. Many women talk with their friends about relationships and such, so she's probably been getting an earful (several different earfuls actually) from various friends who may or may not have her best interests in mind. If they are jealous for example, they might try to steer her away from you. Not intentionally, but it happens. I guess my best advice is to do exactly what you're doing - go in with eyes wide open and see what happens. As you said, you'll never know unless you at least give it a whirl. Carry on friend, and know that we're all going to be thinking of you and wishing for the best - whatever that best turns out to be.

Slo - Belated Welcome to the nest! Sorry to hear about your daughter's friend. That must be terribly difficult for her and for you. Great job getting through a challenging Day 2. You're in a good place here in this nest. I look forward to getting to know you better as you take steps forward with your quit.

Lav - congrats on the shiny new red car!!!

TJAF - so good to see you - as always, I loved your recent post.


I've been thinking about a question that Kensho posed a couple of days ago: "Who am I without al?" I think this is a very individual question in the sense that some of us have well-developed "selves" under the layers that al builds up over the years, and answering this Q is a matter of pulling those layers off and exposing that true self. For others of us, we may find that "who we are" has not fully developed yet because al got in the way, so quitting al means a whole lot of work to develop a sense of self, methods of coping with various emotions and challenges, ways of being social, etc.

I found (and am still finding) that I am a combo of those two versions - some parts of me are well-developed, and others were a blank canvas that never got painted because I started drinking in my early teens. I've read or heard that substance abuse tends to halt certain aspects of emotional development and that quitting those substances means we're starting at whatever developmental age we were when the abuse began. I think for me this has been fairly true - intellectually I continued to develop and learn as I moved into adulthood, but when I first quit drinking I had a lot of work to do on developing skills and methods for coping, self-soothing, and other aspects of navigating the sometimes complex emotional side of life. I really had very few skills - I'd always just turned to a drink or four to cope, soothe, celebrate whatever.

That has been scary at times, and certainly a lot of work, but it had to be done in order for me to succeed with my quit. It took active self-reflection, introspection, and then seeking and practicing lots of other methods to find the ones that work best for me. Exercise, nature, music - those are three solid go-to's that I turn to regularly. Playing the tape forward, seeing al as a liar and a poison, urge-surfing, letting other people own their own sh*t (rather than drinking at them), and just plain letting myself feel difficult emotions sometimes - those all have places in my tool belt as well.

It's good to revisit our tool kits on occasion to make sure everything is still in order and in its place so we can grab what we need at a moment's notice. Take care of your tools, practice with them as regularly as needed, not just during crises. They are your friends, and we here in the nest are each other's friends.

Al is definitely not our friend, no matter which disguise it tries to wear.


Happy weekends to everyone passing through or hanging out in the nest today. Do something today to maintain your tool kit, even if you don't think you're gonna need it anytime soon!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Lav - jealous! I need a new car but I have such a hard time finding the right one, bargaining, etc. I hate the high pressure sale.

G - My guess? She knows that you live in Oz and she lives in Chile - that sounds like an insurmountable distance through which to forge a relationship, no? She probably likes your company but doesn't want to go too far down the path because she knows it has to end? The question is - what do YOU hope to get out of it? Is what you want even possible given the distance? What is the alternative? Take care of yourself, but by all means, HAVE FUN!

Slo - rather than look what you won't get, try looking at what you WILL get from quitting drinking. The attitude of gratitude is actually proven to increase the feeling of well-being. For example, you get some amazing quality time with your 15-year-old when you typically might have been checked out with wine, or out on the town drinking. That is a true gift, and while the 15-year-old might not express it now (teenagers!), it is invaluable to her. What other positive things has or will sobriety bring?

We did so much housework yesterday that I'm sore today. We moved furniture around and discovered so much dust - so disgusting. Need to "spring clean" more behind things (TV, stereo). Looks good, though, and it feels satisfying to get something done.

Hope you all have relaxing SOBER Sundays...

Pav