Newbies Nest

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters!

It's been waaaay too long since I've checked in.
Congratulations G-Man and Kensho on your 9 and 6 month Birthdays. Whoot, whoot! I love that you are enjoying your vacation with eyes wide open and no hangovers!!

SLO, Keep trying, you will learn to love not being shackled to al, eventually your days will not be consumed by al or thoughts of alcohol, eventually you will realize how free you become when alcohol is removed from your life. It's really,really hard but it is so worth it!

As always so much for me to catch up on here. I hope everyone is well. I just passed the 18 month mark. life is good.

Have a great sober day!
Roobs

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back Hypernova!!! I knew I was forgetting something important! Thanks for all the great links you've been posting..:happy2:
Hi Roobs! Very well done on 18 months... woohoo!

[abcowboy]

I did make it 7 days, but not 8. I hate being sober. But thanks for your help in making it through a week.

That’s an interesting statement [MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION], and it’s one that I’m sure 99.99% of the members here made at one point or another! What does that mean? It means you are no different from any of us, and we are no different from you.

I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve made that statement, or one very similar to it. And I can understand what you’re saying, but let me give you a different spin on it, my spin…

You don’t hate being sober, you hate the hard work that has to go into being sober. It’s so much easier just to pick up a drink and say to heck with everything else. You’ve undoubtably heard and read this before, but that hard work doesn’t stay hard, but it still takes work. It was harder for me to stay drinking, harder to hide the fact that I was still drinking, and how much I was drinking. It is easier to just not drink.

My next step was to find another way to cope, another way to deal with all life’s problems. And everyone here who has been successful at quitting had to do the same thing, and I’ll bet for each of us, those things are very different. For me it was 3 things; I got back to praying. Maybe not so much praying, but talking to the Big Guy. And not asking Him to cure me, but to help me find my “cure”.

The second thing I did was develop an attitude of gratitude. I always try to find a positive side in every situation, and there is one. We can learn to make the best out of any situation if we choose to live with an attitude of gratitude. If you don’t believe me, just go over to the monthly abs thread and read the joke [MENTION=17668]Mick[/MENTION] posted about the guy that went to hell. My first thought after I finished laughing, here’s a guy that can make the best of a very bad situation!

The third thing I did was start reading again. I love to read, but drinking took over that love, so it was time to take it back. And I found when I read, my mind got absorbed into the story I was reading, and took it off drinking. I was never much into the self-help books, mostly I think because it reminded me of what a loser I had become, and what a failure I was.

And no matter what member you ask about what they did, you’ll get a lot of different answers; listening to podcasts, join AA, read and post here everyday, exercise, get counselling, talk to a mentor, etc, etc. The point is, there is a way out for everyone, but you can’t ever give up trying to find what works for you.

Being a role model for your kids is also a great thing! Just remember though that you’re doing this for yourself first and foremost. For sure others will benefit from your sobriety, but you’ll be the one who benefits most. I didn’t try to show my kids that I could beat this thing, what I tried to show them is that you can do anything you want, if you want it bad enough. That’s the important lesson for our kids to learn.

So my advice to you, don’t give up! Never give up! And my promise to you, I promise that there is a way out for you, you just haven’t found it yet!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Cowboy! Thanks for coming by and sharing that gem of a post. I would say IT belongs in the toolbox.

It is funny - some of the things I was doing in early sobriety I thought were just new things in my life that I'd always do. It turns out that I don't need it all any more. I took a lot of baths which I don't do now (our tub is very small). I listened to every episode of the Bubble Hour Podcast. Walked every trail around my house. Saw a therapist. I don't do any of that any more (except the walking and the gratitude and some other things like posting here). It actually DID take work to stay sober, but it was a lot more in the early days.

So Slo... what is it that you mean when you say that? Is Cowboy correct? Any analysis of what happened?

LC - good to see you. Glad you're staying busy.
Roobs - you, too. 18 months is amazing!
Kensho - 6 months kicks a$$. Have fun.

I'm off to meet some friends for a hike and a meal. My favorite Saturday activity.

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo, we absolutely cross posted. Im sorry you didnt make it to 8 days.
Like Cowboy said, I made the same statement you did a million times. ‘I hate being sober’, and I meant it.
I was watching The Dog Whisperer this morning and he was helping an anxious dog. He said that anxiety is the fear of an imminent event with an uncertain outcome. Anxiety is born of fear. What I was saying when I made my statement about being sober is that I feared that I wouldnt be able to achieve it. I fell many times before it finally stuck, what I now know is that I had never given sobriety a real chance. I had never given MYSELF a chance. If we look at our statement, ‘I hate being sober’ and ask what we love, would it be ‘Being a drunk?’ Surely not, even in the height of my addiction, I didnt like being a drunk. I wamted what LC described; having a drink or two and being done. I wanted NOT to want/need AL. That NEVER was me, and it never will be. I also wish I were thin and rich but thats not happening either. Once I accepted the reality that I couldnt drink safely in any amount the sooner I was able to get on with life. Are there times now that I hate being aober? NO. That came with time and distance. The one thing I can say with certainty is normal drinkers dont make statements like we do. Please get right back up and in to the ring and fight for your life. I promise, its worth it. Byrdie

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

I did make it 7 days, but not 8. I hate being sober. But thanks for your help in making it through a week.

Slo,congratulations on the 7 days you DID do sober,its hard,,I remember when I very first hit 10 days I absolutely couldn't believe it! That was 6 years ago almost yet I'm still here,,slipping and sliding,I think im the only one so far that can understand your statement of"I hate being sober" I do too sometimes,i hated being sober last weekend when i was preparing to go out of town and my nerves were so shot i could not sleep,on the drive there i was so worried about my daughters and g-kids having an accident,i was on the edge of my seat the whole way,,i was stressed to see my parents for the first time since my brohers funeral last year,plus my other bros and sis,i HATED being sober that weekened!! So i chose to drink,,fast,,as soon as i rolled into town,but on the whole scheme of things I'd rather be sober than this dry skinned,unable to work,useless,tired heap that I am atm,id rather be sober and kickin as on fitbit,eating donuts,drinkin coffee,going places,working hard,enjoying my shows,having a great relationship with my husband,kids,g-kids,having had a good sober trip and being on 60+ sober days today,,instead of unable to find another day one right now peace out-Pauly

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Aw Pauly, you already know you can do this. Use the butt velcro right here in the nest for extra support :hug:
You are stronger than you think!

Just a quick hello to everyone tonight. I’m watching my 7 & 9 year old grandsons & it’s using up all my brain power, LOL
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,
Been a while but now on day 92. The son's Senioritis is driving me up the wall, and there are a million activities and schedule changes in the next couple of weeks. On his graduation day I will be on day 101!

It has not been easy, tho...the past couple of weeks. Husband and I had to lay down some heavy discipline earlier today due to son's poor decision making, and some surprise bad grades. I almost lost it last night with son, but chose to lock myself in the bedroom so I did not have to deal with him in my angry, non composed state. I did consider a drink, but thankfully quickly dismissed it. Short term fix that causes long term problems... I just don't want to go there yet again. I was able to get up early and put my thoughts together so that husband and I could discuss before son woke up.

I need to go back and read to see how everyone has been doing. Pauly...you do know what to do. We have plenty of butt velcro around so take as much as you need.

Cheers (the AF kind) to all!

Ava, I read back to see that you had to let your sweet fur baby go. I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how painful it must be for you. I dread the day when I have to make a similar decision for my sweet Piper.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Huge congrats to Kensho on 6 months and G-man on 9. Woohoo to both! And Belle, you've got 3 under your belt, on your way to triple digits!!!

LC - great to see you! I look forward to catching up more once I have a chance to re-read your lovely long post.

Slo and Pauly - Actually I bet a bunch of us understand the "I hate being sober" sentiment. Even if we don't feel that way now, I'd venture that many of us have had those thoughts. Whether what Cowboy wrote is accurate for either of you or not, I would encourage each of you to dig deeper and explore those thoughts/feelings. What about being sober do you hate? Or what about drinking do you think you miss, prefer, etc? And, does al honestly deliver on its "promises" that draw you back in? I know for me personally, the honest answer was no. Or if in some ways it did, the price I paid for those deliveries was waaaaayyyy too high. But I couldn't get my quit together in any sort of sustainable way until I'd figured out what I thought I was getting from al (an escape from stress, a bit of social courage, a way to belong or fit in, etc). Then, I worked on finding and developing healthier replacements for all of those things. That's just my story and it might not be yours, but I bet you each have one of your own. Please think about it and share whatever you're comfortable with. Let's face it - if quitting were easy, we wouldn't need this nest. But here we are together. :hug:


Hellos and waves to everyone else stopping by the nest this weekend!

[jane27]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Interesting comments on the feelings “hate being sober”. It took me back to the days of feeling that way. For me, the 2 biggest contributors to hating being sober were the biochemical addiction & ugly withdrawal + the plain truth: much of my life felt like a shoe that was 2 sizes too small... not the right fit and so painful that the only way I could wear the shoes was to numb the pain. Those were the biggies, then there was everything else, like laundry, phone calls, Christmas, relatives, doctors appointments, grocery shopping - you get the idea. The process of turning it around started with being just a pinch honest about what it was that *maybe* I wasn’t happy with. I chose an easy one- my bedroom decor. That led to fixing other rooms, then selling the house...Baby steps compiled began to change the landscape & I slowly started to change along with it. Find a project that you like and inspires you. Try drawing something. It sounds silly... but it worked for me. Wishing everyone a good night and easy day ahead. ❤️
Congrats to all your sober time Kensho! Hi BelleGirl!
Fat hugs to Brydie, Lav, Ava,Pav,Nar,G,Lil B ,Wags, Ginger, NS, Nora, Cowboy, LC, Mick, Pinecone

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All--

JANE! Good to see you pop in. I'm glad you're doing well.

Pauly and Slo - I concur with Wags. It isn't that I don't get what you mean. I am trying to re-frame it as well. For me it wasn't so much about hating being sober, but hating to deal with my feelings, anxiety, fear, my life. Booze was the mechanism I had cultivated to help "get me through" the hard parts of life, so because I didn't want to face things, I hated being sober. To get past that, like Jane, I had to find other things. I am not saying this is easy - it isn't. It is, however, simple. Don't drink. The hard part is figuring out how to make that work. You know we are here for you both. Pauly - I know you can do this!

I have to go to work on this beautiful Sunday. Blech.

Happy Sunday. Make this a great one.

Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

it's been a slow and uneventful Sunday here, which is just what the doctor ordered! I met a friend this morning for our weekly run/coffee and afterwards we went to the park to search for the last Elderflowers for making syrup.. it began to rain so we went underneath a huge Chesnut tree to wait for it to pass. It didn't so we walked home in the warm Summer rain. Reminded me of when I was a kid.. otherwise, I hung out with my youngest, read a bit, had a nap.. now checking in with you all.

For me, I know there was a time when I hated being sober. I can remember saying to my mom on the phone a few years ago, "Everything is just so much easier when I drink".. It's been a long time since I've felt that or had any illusions that that's the case though. For a couple of years now, there's been nothing I've hated more, than myself when I'm drinking. I loathe everything about the person I become..
Pauly, I understand (we all do!) exactly how you feel! Each time I've decided to drink again, it's been like the snowball effect. I don't feel like I can stop, I beat myself up endlessly for what could have/would have been had I decided not to drink.. Right now, most important is for you to get your day 1. You know how to do it.. last time I locked myself in the house and to MWO. You will begin to feel better in a couple of days and you will realize that you don't ever have to drink again. You do have that power within yourself!:hug: And we are all here to support you.

Wags, I really liked what you wrote about our trying to figure out what we hate about being sober.. and what we think alcohol brings to our lives, helps us with, adds to our existence. I would say, that for most, if not all of us, if we are really honest, we'll see that alcohol only brings us down, destroys us, even. To figure out how to find and develop healthy strategies for dealing with Life, the things/people/situations we're trying to escape from is definitely key.. I think that was the missing piece of the puzzle for me for a very long time.. I would quit drinking but wouldn't do the work necessary to find the replacements, an "unexpected" situation would come up and I'd go to my old, tried and true solution.. which wasn't a solution at all, of course.

Jane, good to see you..love your post! Creating a life we don't want to escape from. I also drank mostly to numb in the end. Because I hated the person I saw in the mirror.. I saw a worthless, stupid, lying, deceitful, ugly person in myself.. I was somehow managing to put on an act for the outside world (though not so well in the end) but at home I was an empty shell.. That was such a scary time.. but now I realize that most of how I felt about myself was directly related to the alcohol I was drinking.. I have always had low self confidence but drinking made it infinitely worse..

I also really liked the posts about emotional growth..Byrdie, yours was great to read. I feel I am still in the stage of figuring that out.. I'm still a few years behind. But each and every day I'm figuring out something new and am beginning to enjoy the process instead of being ashamed of it.

Good to see you, Belle! Well done on gathering your thoughts before speaking with your son.. that's half the battle, in my opinion.

How are you doing, Slo?

Hope everyone is having a nice day.
Big hugs all around..

EDIT: Xpost Pav.. HI.. hope you don't have to work too long today! xx

[greysquirrel]

Re: Newbies Nest

I know that feeling about everything feeling like its easier when not sober, until its not. Sounds like a fun sunday, but sometimes slow and uneventful is the best of all.

-GS

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

I am a newbie seeking support. I have been sober for a total of 8 years 4 years, then fell off the wagon, then 4 more years of sobriety. Lately, I have been slipping and sneaking drinks. Not happy at all with my behavior. It’s embarrassing and I just cant stop. So before I circle the drain and continue with bad habits, I am humbly coming to this site for help and friendship. I know I can get sober as I have been sober for all those years. My life is less complicated when I’m sober. I feel stronger emotionally when drinking isn’t cluttering up my brain. I am having family visit for a week soon and dont want to worry about sneaking and hiding my alcohol. My family thinks I am sober and has no idea I started slipping. I want to keep it that way. After having 3 glasses of wine last night, I emptied out the box this morning and threw it away. Just needed to get it out of the house for now. I am going to spend some time learning this site. Thanks to anyone reading this.

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Rava - great job on knowing you don't want to do this. So glad you threw away the rest of the wine. So many great people here. You have definitely come to the right place. :welcome: