Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome, Rava!

Sneaking around sucks all joy out of life, doesn't it? I lost all of my self-respect because I felt like such a fake and then feeling like that made me drink more. What a vicious cycle. I'm so glad you want to break it now.

You've found a great place for support! NS

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome Rave,damn the sneaking sucks doesn't it? On my recent relapse I resorted back to the "hissing coffee mug" from years past how embarrassing,just wanted to post a thank you to all for the posts and no it's not "enabling"it's an encouragement to get back to the REAL me! I don't hate being sober,,I just wish life weren't so hard sometimes.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

It's suddenly cooler here but still raining - we get no break, ha ha!
Great to see everyone posting today.

Belle, lots of deep breaths & good for you avoiding a confrontation with your son.

Hello & welcome Rava! Glad you found us & decided to join in the fun. You will finds lots of support here, I know I did.

Pauly, I remined myself just this afternoon that life is not fair & rarely ever easy. We need these trying times to understand & appreciate the good times, right?

Hi there NoraC, greysquirrel, LC, Pav, Jane, Wags, NS & everyone!

Have a safe night in the nest one & all!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi RAVA! Glad you came here to get back on your feet. You certainly have had some solid sober time. I know that for me, any alcohol at all absolutely did what you said, CLUTTERED up everything about my thinking. A “little” always created an enormous amount of brain chatter - bargaining, scheming, sneaking, lying, evaluating, planning, loathing….. Stopping was the only answer to turn it all off. I also found that a “little” kept my addiction alive. I had to stop completely in order to live the life I want. You can do this again!

Jane, good to see you..love your post! Creating a life we don't want to escape from. I also drank mostly to numb in the end. Because I hated the person I saw in the mirror.. I saw a worthless, stupid, lying, deceitful, ugly person in myself.. I was somehow managing to put on an act for the outside world (though not so well in the end) but at home I was an empty shell.. That was such a scary time.. but now I realize that most of how I felt about myself was directly related to the alcohol I was drinking.. I have always had low self confidence but drinking made it infinitely worse..

LC, no truer words. All of it. I hated what alcohol did to me and my self-worth. I can't fully explain all the things that have changed in my life since saying goodbye to alcohol for good. Some big things have changed - like spending WAY less money, having no hangovers, not lying or sneaking, etc. But there are so many little nuances that have worked themselves into my every day. Like last night, at our crawfish boil party, I was SO tired and told my husband I was leaving and going home to relax. I would never have made that decision for myself in the past. I would have stayed to drink, or because I was afraid of being rude, or been mad at my husband because he couldn't read my mind. But I put myself first and just stated what I needed without apology. I am tired. I'm going to go home. Let me know if you need a ride later. Have fun, I love you - out.

It's those little things - being more in tune with what I need - AND not apologizing for asking for those things. When I was drinking, I didn't feel like I had the right to do that - I didn't feel I deserved it because I was a liar and cheated on my husband and kids and friends with alcohol daily. I put alcohol first, others second and me last. Not drinking has flipped that backwards. I am learning to put me first - because I deserve it. I am in control of me. And I love that.

Anyway - I'm STILL tired! HA! We have had an eventful weekend - even met some clients today - and still have to get groceries! I'll enjoy going to bed early for sure. I was around alcohol ALL weekend and I had a ton of fun not drinking. Someone even slurred at me last night - "What you need is one of those rum and juice drinks...". I just laughed and said, "Yah, that's not what I need." Kind of like - "Alcohol, you bastard, the joke is on you."

I'm sorry you drank SLO. Figuring out life without our go-to coping mechanism is hard. Really hard. I just want to give you a (((hug))) and tell you that you are worth living a life without alcohol. And eventually, you will like being sober. I am learning that I actually love it. It is the best decision I have ever made, and it will be the best one you make too. Hang in there.

Have a good night!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh, a little note on PROGRESS:
Friday night at our friends house, my husband said, "Kensho can drive us home at the end of the concert."
Friend of friend, "How do you know?"
Husband, "She doesn't drink."
Flew out of his mouth without hesitation.
Finally.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh, a little note on PROGRESS:
Friday night at our friends house, my husband said, "Kensho can drive us home at the end of the concert."
Friend of friend, "How do you know?"
Husband, "She doesn't drink."
Flew out of his mouth without hesitation.
Finally.

Fantastic!!!! Did you tell him how much that meant to you? If not, could you? Sounds like a good weekend all around Kensho, and you sound so solid in your comments to Slo. Really happy for you that you've found this good place in your journey. Get some rest!


Jane - so awesome to see you!

Rava - :welcome: You've found a great place here on MWO and in the nest in particular. Settle in, and make yourself at home. We're glad you're here.

Pauly - life is so very hard at times, isn't it? Be gentle with yourself.

Lav - hope you get a break from the rain soon!

LC - sounds like a wonderful fairly quiet day. Great insights re: how you felt about yourself when you drank. That can be tough to come to terms with - that we don't like ourselves much. I'm guessing that your new relationship with your sober self is a lot happier and more stable.

Pav - hope you got to enjoy at least some of your weekend. I think you said you work in a school (or school system) - does that mean you have a summer break coming up?


Hellos and waves to NS, Nora, Cowboy, Byrdie, Slo, Belle, Ava, and everyone else stopping by the nest as we head into another week. Hard to believe it's June already!

[jane27]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Rava! Welcome aboard! You’ve done it before and you can do it again...❤️

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

afternoon nesters

Welcome Rava, we all understand where you are coming from and support and accountability are to me, paramount in my sobriety each and every day.

Slo and Pauly i hope you are both ok. I hated being sober. I felt deprived, i felt like i would never be able to have fun, i didnt want to stop drinking but i just had to. I didnt really care if i lived or died, i had no self worth, i had no love for myself and i just plain didnt care if i wiped myself off the planet every single night. But i have 4 beautiful children who even though they are all in their 20's needed me, they loved me for me even if i didnt love myself, they are my world. They initially were the only reason i stopped drinking but as time went on i realised that my world was so much nicer not being hungover, not drinking at people, facing the day clear headed and appreciating the small things in life. Sure i felt deprived and unhappy that i could not drink but time is a great healer emotionally and physically. I faced eventually and understood why i drank and i forgave myself and others and moved on. It was not easy, nothing in life is but never ever do i want to drink again. Whether life is good, bad or just plain f##ked its still better waking up sober to face what is thrown my way and to deal with it head on. I now realise i only have one life and it is a pleasure to face it each and everyday sober.

Big hello to all and some great posts in the nest.

Im now going to have a much needed nap and then enjoy the rest of the day.

take care xx

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks so much. I sometimes need all the support I can get. I appreciate you responding.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks so much for this post. I am glad to be here!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest-

Welcome, Rava. I guess you know how to do this... What caused the drinking to start again? I am wondering because I would like to avoid that at all costs! I check in here every day because I like these people, and also because I know that a sober community is an important part of being sober. I hope you read through some of the posts. When I first started posting here it was much more active, but there are always people on a few of the threads here. There is also a lot of good history. Settle in and don't drink!

LC - Warm summer rain! Sounds lovely. I love the rain, but we rarely get summer rains here in Northern California.

Wags - I am taking some time off this summer, but I don't get the whole summer off.

Happy Monday. Glad to be starting off the week with no hangover and no regret.

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Welcome, Rava!!
great posts, Kensho! I am so happy to hear of the progress with your husband.. and to hear you in such a place of strength and acceptance..

I'm on the run tonight.. to bed! ha!
Wishing everyone a lovely day/evening/night.. see you tomorrow.xx

[abcowboy]

Hey y’all, quick question, has anyone seen or heard from [MENTION=7261]Guitarista[/MENTION]? It’s been a few days since he’s checked in and that’s not like him. Getting a bit concerned here....

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Finally I can report a whole day with no rain here, yay!!! It was even sunny & not hot ~ perfect

Cowboy, I think G posted at the end of his Amazon trek & he was on the way to visit a lady friend - I think. Maybe he's found love, you never know

Rava, we're all doing this together so keep posting & let us know how you are doing.

Kensho, a little validation really goes a long way, don't you agree? I think we miss out on that when we are tied to a bottle of something & no one expects anything good to come from you. I remember feeling extremely validated & proud when my kids asked me to babysit the first grandson. They showed me that they trusted me once again. It doesn't get better than that!

Hello LC, Pav, Ava, Jane, Wags & everyone.
Have a peaceful & safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I need to come back and be determined to leave booze behind. I binge drank beer, and some wine, for 3 days in a row. It is unsustainable to be drinking this much. And I proved again that I can’t moderate -need to get to that sweet spot of being perfectly numbed, and it takes a lot of beer to get there!

I don’t know what happened exactly; just over-thinking and over-analyzing, bored and sick of my to-do list, and worried about being sober at the graduation party on Saturday. It was wonderful to drink through that and be more smooth and social, but the bad binges the day before and the day after were ridiculous.

Thank you for all of your kind posts and for sharing so much wisdom.

My 15y/o daughter went to the Taylor Swift concert with two of her adult sisters & their friend. They had wine & cheese beforehand, and gave wine to the young one. When she drank it, she couldn’t believe how terrible it tasted, and drank water instead. She said to me in disbelief, “How can you drink that stuff?!” I need to start looking at “that stuff” the way she does! (Also, I’m glad they had cheap, bad-tasting wine -don’t want her liking it.)
Interesting how it’s an acquired taste. And actually, much more about the feeling from the drug than the taste.

Day 1. I’m grateful that I can start losing this burgeoning beer belly!

Also, I’m wondering why Guitarista hasn’t checked in as well. It’s worrisome since he’s off traveling and something could’ve happened.

Welcome to Rava, and that’s amazing that you had 8 whole years and then 4 years AF!