Newbies Nest

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi All,

Just checking in, but having a rough day. Depressed and Anxious. Son has been pulling out all the stops to say FU to me and his dad. Feel so bad that I am thinking about drinking. Going to go to the mall with daughter. unfortunately that leaves husband home to deal with son. I'm sorry, I do it every day. I feel like I cannot go on. gosh I'm on day 99. I'm not even sure I care any more. a good shot of gin might settle my stomach.

But going to mall.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Well a nice brisk cold foggy start to the day and totally grateful i am sober.

Belle, do care about yourself. Teenage years are the pits end of story, they will fight you tooth and nail, tell you that you dont understand that you dont love them etc etc but they do get better, believe all of us that have been through it. otherwise there would not be many teenagers in the world if this were not the case. What do you think drinking will serve if you do drink other than the guilt, shame and remorse and wishing you had not had that drink and to go back to day 1. I know i never ever ever want to feel the way i did 4 1/2 years ago, i never want to be that miserable, i never want to not be there for my family, i never want to not love myself again, i never want to check out on life. As bad as it is there is nothing worse than drinking. Go with your daughter, drink and eat and talk and have fun. Remove yourself from the situation until you feel you can go home, you are the priority in your sobriety. Please dont drink.

Byrd, i think when we read of relapses it makes us more committed to be accountable on here or with someone. Lately with all the crap i have had going on, i have thought why do i need to log onto MWO, i am ok, i can now do this by myself but really why should i have to do this by myself. I like being here, i like to make sure my day starts with a quick read and affirmation of my sobriety along with others. I think we forget out sobriety is our 100% priority as time goes on and the rest of life just happens.

Today i am going to go and buy some wool, i have decided to branch out from scarves to a jumper. wonder what this masterpiece will look like. SO has just cooked breakfast and then i think we will do some gardening.

take care xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Waiting for the rain to start, the dark clouds have arrived. The entire mid-section of the country seems to be dealing with this weather pattern.

Belle, please, please save yourself. How will drinking change the situation with your son? It won't! But I guarantee you that you will have major regrets if you drink now. Wake up tomorrow & be proud of your 100 days. Drinking at someone or some situation never improves the outcome. :hug:

Ava, we have heat & humidity in excess here so enjoy your brisk day

Hello Byrdie, Wags, cowboy & Nora.
Rava, well done on your 4 AF days! Keep moving forward now, no back stepping & you will find success.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle - sorry to hear how hard things are with your son. The teen years are rough on all involved, that's for sure. But the other thing that is for sure is that a shot of gin never solved or eased or settled anything. You know that. You are being challenged, but you have what it takes to get through this - just break it down into one hour at a time, or one minute if necessary! Hugs to you :hug:

Byrdie - I was just thinking last night about the hugely embarrassing amount of empties I used to deal with. In our city we have glass recycle bins that we put at the curb - they are separate from the larger wheeled mixed recycling bins we use for paper etc. I can remember many a week where my glass bin wasn't big enough to hold my empties from Just. One. Week. I would sneak some into neighbors' bins, or take them and dump them somewhere else in the city, like the dumpster you mentioned. Ugh - I will NEVER go back to that again. What a waste of time, money, energy, health, etc. Hold tight to your 7 years. I lost a 10-year quit but I wasn't protecting it. You're well connected and accountable here, and you have a great tool kit. Stay mindful, but you do not have to repeat others' stories yourself!

Hellos and waves to Lav, Ava, NS, and everyone

[starty]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Sattidy, all.
I was just reading Drifty Alison’s post about how she fell after 7 years, then Starty posted she did the same thing. Yikes, Im at 7 years. Im not gonna lie, stories like that scare the spit out of me. Id like to think that coming here every day for accountability increases my odds of success, its a small price to pay to keep my quit. NS, I totally agree, this IS my support, so it is up to me to use it.
Rava, I had to chuckle, Im 58, and I hear where you are coming from about enjoying the rest of your life, hut like Cowboy, I was to the point where it was getting dangerous. There was NO FUN associated with my desperate drinking. The other day I ran up to the city to do a little shopping. I passed the dumpster I used to sneak my empties into when my hubs left town. I hid my empties in an ottoman in my office, I was drinking the 1 liter boxes there at the end and I remember taking out 37 empties. I was appalled at myself, but even THAT didn't stop me. I started to take a snap of that dumpster to show a couple of friends here in MWO, I will do that next time and share it with the nest. It us a reminder of where I dont want to be again....a SLAVE to AL.
AL sucks.
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

Hi nesters. Byrdie, I think keeping up with your recovery plan i.e. coming here is imperative to keeping sober. I stopped and recovery was not at the forefront of my mind so of course my mind left to its own devices went walkabout. It is very hard to get it back once you lose it. Now I am investing some time every day to read and think about recovery and I have to ensure I continue to do that.

Have a lovely day all

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all:

Thanks for popping in, [MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION] , and sharing your story. I figure why question what is working. It does feel good to come here and have a group of people who REALLY understand what I am going through.

Rava - Life without alcohol IS good! At least for me, the end of my drinking days were not fun at all. I felt physically and mentally drained all the time, and it was exhausting to put on a front all of the time, all the while thinking about when I could drink again.

Belle - Sorry about your struggles with your teen, and I'm glad you're going to the mall instead of the bottom of a glass of gin. Parenting a teen is VERY HARD! I am with you on that. I can't imagine trying to do all of this with a hangover or a buzz, however. If you drink, you're not going to change his behavior, and I'm fairly sure you're in it with him for the long run... The good news is, they grow up. He needs you now more than ever. YOU GOT THIS!

Mr. G - How're things? Recovering from your trip?

Ava - so great that you can be there for the SO. I tried knitting, but even with a scarf I couldn't keep the proper number of stitches in one row. Good luck with the sweater.

I was at a party last night. At the end of the night there were just a few of us left and they were drinking glasses of an old favorite of mine. I kept smelling it and thinking that it would be SO NICE to just have a little sip and feel that great feeling of the first glass again. I knew I wasn't going to, but I haven't felt that nostalgic about alcohol in a long time. I recovered myself and took a look around the room, gauging the level of hangover each person would have. I was the DD and got my team home. SO GRATEFUL (and not just BSing about that) that I don't drink.

Happy SOBER Sunday. Hi, to everyone else.

Pav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Made it to Day 100! Proud of myself for staying strong. I felt better after the mall, even bought my first "push up" bra at Pink! Yes, at my age. It was on sale.

After returning from mall, I logged on to MWO and read the messages that kept me strong and away from the AL. Thanks again for the reminders that teenagers are indeed challenging to say the very least. And many of you have said that you have been through the teenage years and are here to attest you have survived. When I came home last night, I just stayed away from downstairs where son, girlfriend and the booze were (not that the son and girlfriend had booze on or in them).

Thank you Ava for reminding me about those horrible GSR brothers. They are awful bedfellows.

More challenges ahead as son's graduation is tomorrow and guests are arriving today. I have drunk through guests many times before, but I really want to be present to enjoy my young nieces.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

x-post Pav. Thanks for the "YOU GOT THIS" vote of confidence. This teen stuff IS ridiculously hard.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nice to meet you [MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION]. I have some sneak stories too. The lengths we go to hide our drinking is completely crazy when you stand back and think about it. Its a good reminder as to why we want to stay sober! (Normal people dont act like that?!!!)

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

I am new here and just starting to learn individual stories. [MENTION=16180]BelleGirl[/MENTION], I am so glad that you went to the mall and did not drink!!! I have raised a bunch of teens (mostly girls) and can tell you that they DO grow up and life DOES get better. So please dont cave into a teenager. Their moods change like their underwear!!! ��

[Rusty]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION], keep up the great work on staying AF!:applouse: Why don't you come over and Join us on the One Step At A Time Thread? Drifty is posting there now and we are a supportive and fun bunch. I hope you don't mind me butting in, but Byrdie [MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION] won't get a notification that you mentioned her unless you spell her name absolutely correctly (I've made that mistake a few times LOL). Let us know how we can support you, too!:hug:


Byrdie [MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION]-have you tried Ortho Molecular Products' Ortho Biotic for your ulcerative colitis? I have suffered from UC and IBS most of 57 years and this pro-biotic is the only thing that keeps things on an even keel for me. I hope you are well and I think of you often.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest! I've had a challenging few days. (With life, not drinking). Just hard clients and not enough time. I got my MRT food sensitivity test back and WOW, there are some interesting foods on there. Not sure what to do with that information. I'm tired of feeling tired though - that's for sure.

I'll have to comment more on posts another time, but I have enjoyed reading. Here's to parties, restaurants and celebrations - ALCOHOL FREE. It's becoming a way of life and I am so glad!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yo nest. W'dup?

Moving forward on the food stuff Kensho. Interesting stuff. Keep us posted good buddy.

Plenty of parties, bars and gigs here, all done happily sober. As long as i am playing my guitar, or busy somehow interacting with people, then i'm good. If i find myself feeling awkward socially, i've got to either leave or quickly find a way to be. My guitar has been a saviour through the storm.

Gig tonight.more potentially awkward feeling social moments with new people. Guess i'll just have to simply be me and trust in my character, music skills, and personality. Back to work this week. Will be a little strange, but looking forward to it. Also have a job interview with my boss for an internal position she encouraged me to apply for. Looking good. I'll still have my original job if it's a no go, so win win. Still somewhat gloriously bruised emotionally by a girl who stole my heart in Chile. Kinda nice and kinda scary.

Take care out there. Big waves to all.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

...more potentially awkward feeling social moments with new people. Guess i'll just have to simply be me and trust in my character, music skills, and personality.

I'm stuck at a days-long work (but drinking-oriented much of the time) event with acquaintances, co-workers, strangers, and a couple friends. It occurs to me that in the moment it would all be more tolerable after a couple glasses of wine in me but after the fact, I'm of course glad I didn't drink for several reasons. I'm SO glad I don't have to try to recreate conversations with long-distance work colleagues and people I just met, wondering exactly what I and they had said. And I'm doubly-relieved each morning when I have to be at early meetings - 5:30 a.m. one of the days!!! - and I'm not plagued with lack of sleep, dry mouth, and a splitting headache. Sadly, I have NO musical skills to get me through :egad:. Hope you have a great gig!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi NS. Hope at least the work event is intereting in places.

I note i'm feeling a whirlwind of emotions at the moment. Kinda in the middle of a swirling storm. But i dont feel out of control or hopeless. It is just raw and experiencing some fragility. Emotional turmoil is my kryptonite for sure. But i have vowed to sit with it all, and let it be. Experience it all and listen to it. Instead of dwelling on specific points, or 'fortune telling' what may or may not be. It's tough, strange, interesting. I know it's good for me to allow myself to go through it rather than try to avoid feelings or numb them out. I know i need some healthy distractions too, and thankfully a gig tonight, followed by 3 days of work should balance me out soon. Aside from that, all's well here and i really cannot complain. I am fully living and no regrets for putting myself out there and into the unknown as it turned out, fire and brimstone of potential romance!