Newbies Nest

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - Social events are a big challenge for some of us. Have you thought at all about how to change your strategy or add to your tool kit in order to address those specific trigger situations? I know many of us just avoided social events until our quits became more solid, but that isn't always an option. What are your thoughts on what might work best for you?

I’m not sure what to do about weddings yet, but I have been thinking about plans for how to handle going on a long weekend (5 days) together with my extended family at a cabin in the north woods this weekend. No, I can’t get out of it. And it’s very drink-y.
So, my plans include:

-getting away for a good bike ride every day, barring rain
-bringing my Gentle Yoga DVD & little machine to play it on, and doing a segment every day
-bringing my tea bags and making a variety of my comforting teas with milk as needed
-get out on the kayak
-stop for an ice cream cone at my turn-around spot when biking (ice cream is very stabilizing to me now)
-or, get ice cream for the freezer, and have a bowl when they start in with happy hour on the porch
-busy myself prepping food
-swim around with the kids, at the hotel hot tub and in the lake
-when sitting on the porch getting antsy, have my adult coloring book and crayons with me
-teach the kids how to play “night games” at night
-hope to find people to play board games with
-get away for a bath
-go to the town library for WiFi and check in here
-go to bed at a reasonable hour instead of staying up late with the drinkers

I hope it works and I don’t get too irritable. Does anyone have any other ideas that works for them in these situations?

[MENTION=9396]DriftyAlison0[/MENTION], yeah, best to stay in this weekend.
[MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION], so glad you’re getting good sleep away from work and in the mountain air!
[MENTION=8356]Lavande[/MENTION], can’t believe the size of that snake!
[MENTION=11704]Byrdlady[/MENTION], yes those trade shows sound exhausting, on top of all the alcohol around you. Very challenging

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION]......Someone on one of the forums once suggested fast forwarding after that first drink. Yes, floaty thoughts of that first drink, and that nice little relaxing buzz will haunt you, but think about how the second, third, fourth and beyond drink will affect you. That's what I did on a recent vacation where I was around a lot of heavy drinkers. After I resisted that first glass, things got a little easier. As I watched the people around me start to slur their words, get loud and stupid, I was so thankful that I did not take that first drink! When they got too obnoxious, I went off to a quiet spot to read. You know what? I felt a whole lot better than they did in the morning. You can do this; the key is to say no to that first drink! After awhile no one will even notice that you're not drinking!

[abcowboy]

the key is to say no to that first drink! After awhile no one will even notice that you're not drinking!

You touched on a very significant thing there Jude! It can be hard to say "no thanks" to that first drink, but once said, the next time gets easier, then the next function even easier. Of course there's always the questions as to why you're not drinking, so you answer them as best you can. I have a bit of a stubborn streak it me, so the more they asked me to have a drink, the more adamant I became at saying no. It became a challenge to me, not to having a drink, but to make sure I could outlast them saying no thanks when they asked. Now, it's just an automatic response no matter how many times I get asked!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=1075]jude[/MENTION], When I wanted to quit but it seemed like I couldn't, I was so jealous of people who didn't drink at all. I used to look for lists of AF celebrities, thinking that if they can do it with their much wilder lifestyles, then so could I! When I would hear someone decline saying, 'No thanks, I don't drink', I would so want to be that person.

I love saying that now, totally closing the door, and maybe giving people who overhear something to think about. I'm pretty convinced that many people are concerned about their drinking habits, even if they aren't entirely addicted, and would rather not be drinking many times. It's good to see that people can live fun, fulfilling lives without drinking. And maybe I want to make them a little bit jealous ... :wink:.

[Overit-still]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good sober morning! I had a post going but somehow lost it so not rewriting.

Just enough to say I also admire those who say they don't drink, and don't. And don't miss it or act like they don't anyway.

Slo, can't wait to hear of your amazing results.

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION].....I can remember back in my drinking days, I'd be in the store buying my booze, when I noticed people in line with their kids. They were buying soda and other non-alcoholic drinks, and they looked sooo happy! It made me sad that I could not be like them, at the same time that I was setting my hooch on the counter to check out. It didn't seem fair then, and in the early days of my quit I really wallowed in self pity. The past week while on vacation was a milestone for me. I learned that no, I would not burst into flames if I didn't drink while others around me were imbibing with out abandon. I will have been sober for 12 months in September, and it has been a year of many firsts. I don't think that I would have made it, had it not been for the non judgmental support that I get here at MWO. Thank you all!:hug:

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Slo, you will be fine, we all get anxious with our firsts that we have to do and when we are used to drinking at events then yes it is hard but you will feel very proud to have done this holiday sober. Put that al voice in a box where it belongs and shut the door. Walk away and have the YOU time, i found no one missed me and if they did they sought me out. Getting sober is all about YOU and no one else, you are the priority.

Over, i hated it when i waffled on a treat and lost the post. I like your post that you admire the ones that dont think of drinking now but i always admire those that are here on mwo and try. My son is having another shot at being sober and i am proud of him and even though i hope he does finally stop forever, i admire him for realising him he has a problem and needs to work at it. This will be his 3rd or 4th time of not drinking and i hope it clicks for him this time. I am excited and of course am talking his ear off but at the end of the day its his choice and it takes a lot of work and dedication to get to where us long timers are. I do miss drinking sometimes but i now have enough time up my sleeve to know that that drink will take me back to where i never want to be, that drink will not fix any problems/stress i have, that drink wont make me happy, that drink will lead to my death. I have learnt to handle situations and i always have a plan when i am around al.

Today i am getting this damn tooth out. i have bitten off all my fingernails (cant reach my toes) but as i said to my son last night, if i had been drinking i would have drank last night, woken up feeling like death this morning and promptly cancelled the apt and then drank some more in the afternoon as i had the day off work. Then all the guilt, shame and remorse would have hit me like a brick when sober. Now i am a tad anxious but i need to be out of pain and i have my big girl pants on.

Take care x

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Jude, getting through that first year IS an accomplishmnet and those FIRSTS are challenging. As Cowboy says, practice makes perfect.
Slo, early in my quit, we had a sales convention in Las Vegas! Talk about a drunken mess, my coworkers pushed me hard but I resisted. How? It turns out that I have a lot in common with my dog, when I set my sights on something, I am laser focused on getting it. I Set out to find THE best cookie I could possibly find and I did it, too. The next day, I brought in a dozen of them to share and everyone said, ‘WHEN did you have time to find these?’ The answer was that I didnt spend 7 hours at the bar! Setting a goal and then achieveing it made it fun and took my mind off of booze. Ice cream would have worked too! Heck, making ice cream might be fun, too! You can do this, if I can, I know YOU can (cause you got it going on!).
NoSugar, I was jealous of people who didnt drink, too. Life is 1000 times simpler without AL.
I flew to Washington, DC this morning and everytime I go to the ladies room in my hometown airport, I remember going into the handicapped stall at the end and downing a couple small bottles of vodka and dumping the empties in the sanitary napkin receptacle. Those werent the days. No telling what the people in the next stall thought. One time during a connection, I was in a very busy restroom (in the stall) and was downing a little bottle and I DROPPED IT! It went everywhere, of course. Instead of hideous shame, I just regretting losing the booze. I picked it up as fast as I could, but I know my neighbors saw it, certainly smelled it. Aye, aye, aye.

A quiet evening here in my hotel room, going to bed soon, big day tomorrow! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

All this talk of rain this week & it hasn't even started yet, ha ha! I'm fine with that

Slo, for me the trick was to not only practice saying No Thanks but doing it with a smile on my face too
If you truly look happy (not deprived) then people generally just accept your response without question. When anyone ever did question me I would just blurt out something to shut them up & that was that.
Don't worry about feeling left out of things. Focus on the good things you are doing for you & the people around you. You will be happier & healthier in the long run without doubt.

Ava, good luck with the tooth extraction, ugh. Not fun but sometimes necessary.

Byrdie, I wish I had time to go to DC & find you there. Try to have some fun & I hope it's not too awfully hot there. My son works there although he is on vacation this week on the cooler coast of Maine, ha ha!

Overit, NS, Cowboy - hello to you!

Have a safe night in the nest one & all.

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I’m only half worried about getting over-anxious and drinking, the other half of my worries is being withdrawn & irritable... you know, a “dry drunk”. I hope my list of activities will help with that.

Luckily I will rarely be asked if I want a drink, unless they make specialty drinks like margaritas or freezer slush; I just have to keep my own hands out of the many coolers!
[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION], you did such a great job with your recent vacation! It was inspiring. It sounds like you even enjoyed much of it.

Ok, off I go now. Thanks everyone!

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Newbies Nest

When I would get drunk especially lately I would find a sober person or a person on tv that was sober and wish that I was them. Now I can be that person. And better yet, I can wake up and not be sick. In the past when I wanted to drink a trick that I would do is to think of a real bad hangover and be thankful that it was no longer me with that hangover.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters. I am reporting that I screwed up last night and caved into 2 glasses of wine. I am not going to spend the day beating myself up over this but I am saying that I do not wish to return to that lifestyle. I am getting right back up again, dusting myself off and back on track right away. I hate that I caved but I also know that I dont want to be that sneaky drunk again. I am not starting at day 1 today but continuing on my sober journey. Starting back at day 1 makes me feel like a failure so I’m concentrating on the 40 + days behind me and moving on. THanks for listening.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION], not letting one mistake spiral out of control is so important! We're human, we make mistakes. It is most confusing when we know we're making them while we're making them but still we do it. It's so easy to then convince ourselves it's hopeless and just give up. It is great to see you come back here this morning!

Day counting is a great tool if it works for you. It stresses some people out and seems irrelevant to others. As with other tools, the trick is to figure out if and how it works for you.

I've noticed over the years I've been here that the time after a drinking incident is risky when your long-term goal is to be totally AF. It is easier to make the choice to drink the second time, especially if it seemed like you "got away with it". And the third is even easier. You might want to put some extra safeguards in place for awhile and think about what happened last night.

One of my tools was a commitment to come post here before I drank. That didn't mean I wouldn't ultimately choose to drink anyway, but because this was and is my only support system, I had made a commitment to myself to give it every chance to work. If I were in AA, I would have called my sponsor. Here that means reading, posting, and getting a response. Interrupting the "I want/need a drink" thought process by getting online and posting often is enough to help you make a different decision. And if you wait for a response, you'll be reminded of why you joined this forum in the first place and what your long-range goals really are.

Glad you're back! NS

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - you have a great plan in place with lots of options to turn to. You've got the whole nest there with you as support. You got this!

Ava - hope the tooth extraction went smoothly and brought you some relief.

Lav - ugh about the snake! Hopefully your husband explained that it isn't welcome to come back

Byrdie - I hope your trade show goes well

Rava - right back on the horse so to speak. Glad you came right back.


Happy Thursday-into-Friday everyone, depending on where you are. Don't drink!

[Overit-still]

Re: Newbies Nest

I flew to Washington, DC this morning and everytime I go to the ladies room in my hometown airport, I remember going into the handicapped stall at the end and downing a couple small bottles of vodka and dumping the empties in the sanitary napkin receptacle. Those werent the days.

I've done the exact same thing! I've looked like an idiot always making sure I had my purse with me NO MATTER where I was going or what I was doing. I hung on to that like a pacifier!