Newbies Nest

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Newbies Nest

Having a nice Sunday. Went to church and had a great time. Now to relax and prepare myself for another work week. So grateful to have the housekeeping job that I have. It has its moments but I do enjoy it and the hours are perfect. Next week I am planning something with some friends and I plan on not having any AL at all. Tuesday will mark 1 month since I quit drinking for good. If I feel that I can't stay sober with my friends, then I will tell them that I can't go.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Dont get me started on the mother issue. Since I learned I am the product of a 36 year affair, I am finding it very hard to forgive that woman. Amazing, she is still getting the last word from the grave. Im slowly comimg to terms with it. Drinking AT her wouldnt do a thing to change the circumstance. She has taken up so much space in my head I should charge her rent.
Finished up the cake for my new half brother. Its key lime.
CA22750A-96E3-4658-B577-4640992D16CD.jpg
Have a great evening, everyone. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We had a quiet Sunday around here & that's OK with me

LC, sorry you're feeling sick, that sucks. I hope it's just a quick viral thing & you're back to your old self soon :hug:

Let's see - drink at people? Oh, that was definitely my husband, ha ha!
I decided I had to quit when the first grandson was born & that was fine. I wanted to be a big part in his life so it really was a no brainer. The problem was how was I going to handle my major trigger? Honestly, I had to just adopt a different attitude & in doing that I turned off my hearing. I focused on myself & what I needed to do. I figured he would either get it or not, his choice, ha ha!
I know relationships with parents are unique & they have a way of getting to you like no one else. I still say focus on what you need right now

Ava, please send some of your frosty weather my way. I am totally over this summer stuff.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Byrdie - glad to see you baking! That cake is amazing, and the cookies, too.

Nar - glad to see you also! Sorry your job is stressful but glad it is going well.

Ava and LC - Glad you're on the mend. Sorry you missed the meeting, LC.

I have slight problems with my mom, but nothing too big. I won't drink AT anyone!!

Drifty - good idea to skip Karaoke. Slo you sound amazing. Lav - dogs are awesome!

Gotta run because the beeping oven.

Hi to everyone else I missed!
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - sorry you got so sick - that sounds miserable (especially away from home) and I hope you feel better soon!

Ava - glad you're on the mend. Hmmm... pregnancy as a cure for hayfever - not sure you'll find a big market for that method, but who knows???

Byrdie - love the cookies!


All this chat about mothers has made me feel even more lucky for my own, and it also makes me miss her (she passed away 10 years ago, way too young). My mom was gentle and loving and after I outgrew my short rebellious teenage years were grew to be very close friends as adults. I think I can honestly say I never drank at her, and somehow, I managed to go through her cancer and death without drinking as well. I look back to that as evidence that I can get through anything without al, and I use that to help fend off temptation when al suggests itself as a coping mechanism now.

In Wagland I've just been crazy busy with work, but it's for a good reason. We are taking two days completely off and doing a short backpacking trip to stay in a fire lookout tower. In order to clear my schedule for those days, I had to move people onto other days, which made those other days ridiculous. I know it'll be worth it once we're on the trail or up in the tower. We won't be near any of the local wildfires, but I imagine we'll be able to see them in all directions from the tower. I probably won't be back on here until we get back, so the next few days my absence will be for fun, not for frenzy

Happy start of a new week everyone. Do something this week to take care of yourselves!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats on a well deserved break Wags. Sounds fun - hope the smoke isn't too bad.

Lovely cake and cookies Byrdie! What a nice gift for your half-brother. Have you spent much time with him yet?

LC, hope you're feeling better. I had that same hot/cold/achy thing last night and didn't sleep well. I'm tired.

LAV, I have a challenging husband too. He has a lot of heart and many, many redeeming qualities. But he was raised by a controlling bully who didn't know how to communicate and that comes through sometimes. You always inspire me to "do me" and keep focused. Thanks for that!

I'm off to start this day. Did I mention that I'm tired?

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi again Nesters,

Thanks for the well-wishes. I'm still not back to normal but today I found out that I could live-stream the conference, which is super cool. So I've been watching and taking notes. I was up early with tummy issues and spent a good couple of hours sitting in an arm chair looking out at the rain.. trying to pinpoint when drinking first became such a big problem for me. I realized that I've blocked those years. I remember when I first came to MWO, I was questioning my relationship with alcohol, comparing it to other people I knew, not having the knowledge that "functioning" alcoholics existed. I also didn't know anything about threads or online forums.. I remember there was a woman who was quite good at writing, who was moderating (used to be more of those here) and writing about her experiences and I thought, that is exactly the same as me.. I was here, posting, not wanting to quit, but trying to quit for periods of time, I guess for a couple of years. Somehow keeping it under control. At some point, I guess it happened quite slowly, I was hiding my drinking. My bf didn't really want to drink with me anymore because I almost always either became a raging b**** or a sobbing fool, then hung over, hating my life, feeling so guilty for being a drunken mom.. not as bad as mom had been (that was often my "excuse for not quitting or accepting my truth), but still, so, so similar. Once I began hiding bottles of wine around the flat, drinking bottles of the hard stuff and replacing them, drinking in the mornings at work, et, etc., it all went down hill so fast. Then I went from hiding it to not giving a f***.. what are you going to do about it?, I'd ask. I was thinking about it this morning in great detail because I don't want to forget it. I don't want to have a black out with regards to my drinking, what it means if I drink. I don't ever want to fool myself into thinking I can moderate.. I've wasted way too much time with that.
Sitting here, watching the live-stream, listening to people who are really trying to make a difference, I feel a bit depressed that I wasted so much mental and physical energy with drinking.. I could have been concentrating on so much more.
So, while I don't want to forget what I've put myself and others through, I don't want to dwell on what "could have been".. not too much.
That's being sick in a foreign country on a rainy day!:happy2: done!

I loved the discussions going on in the UN thread.. really good stuff going on there.

Drifty, I'm excited to celebrate your month af tomorrow! How are those kitties getting along?

ok. hope everyone is having a nice, Un-hung Monday..xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

X-post.. Wags, have a wonderful vacation!
Kensho, I also love that Lav reminds us to "do me" and keep focussed! hope your day goes alright, tired and all.xx

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I drove up North yesterday, and have finally scored some WiFi.

Pauly, thanks for “I’ve learned we just have to love our moms the way they are I guess”. I could tell from a post you made after your last visit with her that you have come to peace about your mom. It is good for us & them to still love them for their good qualities. Also, it is important for our sobriety to, as Available put it, “resign myself to what & who she is “. But, as Available says about her Dragon Lady, I still have to stay aware & wary, and be careful not to pee her off and end up on the wrong side of her gossip mill. I have watched her destroy people in my life. Ava, it is interesting that your mother too is like her mother was; I guess that’s what they learned and they just don’t know any different. Rava, yes, it’s amazing that we are this old and our mothers are still manipulative and pushing our buttons! I let mine upset me too much, and have to learn, as Lav says, to not take it on. It’s encouraging that Ava & Lifechange both find these challenging relationships easier to manage with long term sobriety.
And no, let’s not get Byrdie started on mothers. What a trial you are going through, and discovering your classmate is actually your half-brother! I loved the cookies you made for your class reunion. I’m surprised you weren’t the Hickory High Hurricanes?
Wadmor & Lav, I’m sorry you both lost your lovely mothers too early.

This is a long enough post to type on a phone, so will need to end it here. Good day!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just read this article from the Fix.. most of us are done with our summer travels.. but this is another reminder about being prepared. Funny, I'm not in AA but I did think about attending a meeting here tonight. I will keep that in my mind for future travels.. I'm also glad I just watched live stream today. Seemed to be a lot of beer tastings and then going to an after party, which I wouldn't have been interested in at all.. and they didn't have the big dinner I thought I'd be missing out on.. my colleague is already home and getting ready to go to bed with Netflix.. she said, "so many famous chef's to talk to and I just couldn't deal with it tonight.. I just wanted to come back and relax.".. I know that if she's feeling that way, I would have been feeling 20x that way. So glad I didn't force myself to go in my compromised state because I felt I "should"!
No Vacation from Recovery: A Packing List | The Fix

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Well Lav you can have my cold weather, -2.6 at 5am and my poor old car does not like the weather and poor old me doesnt either. these are the mornings i wish winter was done.

Wags, enjoy that hike and some time away. i am in much need of a holiday away and the SO is also. might look at some places this morning instead of working and see if we can get to somewhere warmer and drive. My issue now is my 15 year old fur baby frets if i am not around since she lost her sister and it makes it so hard. I do want to take her but i also want some time with the SO. it will work itself out.

Kensho, i have a non communicator and it drives me batshit crazy. lucky he has redeeming qualities i say!

Great post LC. I know with longer term sobriety that i dont/cant/wont dwell on my past drinking, it happened and i do everything in my power to make sure it doesnt happen again. I sometimes think of my life back drinking and now and i cant imagine it is the same person that lived that life. Even the other night my SO asked if i had seen a movie that was on and i said "yes but it was one of those that i cant remember". Always a running joke now but makes me realise that this life i am living with its ups and downs is way better than before.

Slo, i spent so much time biting my tongue with my mother and rolling my eyes and raising my eyebrows at what she said and says. keeping silent works best for me and bitching to someone else helps immensely. her best trait that she learnt off her mother was to just stop talking to you for days or weeks. the longest she stopped talking to me was for 6 months and to this day i have no idea what i did. i know she did it to make me feel guilty and she was the victim but now i wont allow her to do this and if she does then i accept it. The good thing is i do love her albeit that it is hard sometimes!

Byrd the cake is gorgeous. you are in the wrong job!

well 7am and best start working. Take care x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Well, someone turned the heat back on in the mid-Atlantic area, ugh. Hot & humid & 97 degrees today. Who needs that?
The kids started back to school today too!

LC, glad you are watching out for yourself. Taking care of ourselves sometimes feels like a monumental task but we're worth it, right?

Kensho, my in-laws were the king & queen of non-communication. I thought things would improve when they divorced but that was not to be. All 4 of their children, including my husband took after them in the communication department. It's work trying to get them to speak at all. I guess some of us just like a challenge

Wags, I hope you enjoy your getaway & stay clear of the smoky fires.

Hi Pav, you sound busy

Slo, we sure can't change anyone but ourselves. Not that I haven't tried changing certain qualities about my spouse, haha! If people would just be open, speak the truth & basically treat us with the same kindness that we show them.....life would be so much easier, right? Yep, it took me way too long to accept the reality just as it was but I'm there now & you will be too

Hello to the rest of the group & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, the Fire towere sounds like a blast! I hope there’s a bathroom up there, can you imagine getting up for your 2 a.m. weewee? Yikes!
I think ther’s one of those around here, I should check into it. Do you have to check for fires while you’re up there?
Next weekend is a three day’er! Yippee!
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Newbies Nest

Had a good day at work and already got plans for this weekend. If I feel strong enough I plan to go out for karaoke but will not be drinking on Friday night and then I got a family birthday party to go to on Saturday afternoon. I know that AL will be there to but my family is supportive of me quitting drinking, so I know that I will not be drinking. Its a BYOB event so I will ether get some pop or NA beer.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Everyone.

Ava, I can feel autumn coming here, so your spring must be on the way. Doggies do hold us down sometimes - but their companionship is better then humans at times!

Drifty, glad you are feeling strong! Do you have a plan for how to handle the drink offers? Your events seem like drinking events. A good plan, or not going at all, really saved me in the beginning.

I have a day at the home office, and I'm really looking forward to it. Hope everyone has a good day!