Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - sorry to hear how difficult things are with your husband, but great job staying the course and protecting your quit. Feeling lonely in a relationship is the pits, but please always know you have your crew here in the nest. As others have said, we love you!

Byrdie - stay safe! Aren't you glad you're not having to figure out how to take al with you on evacuation??? Hope the storm turns, and that you're able to enjoy your reunion without worry.

LC - that's to bad your mom had to cancel her visit, and I hope she gets good news or answers re her health soon!

Kensho - Mud Run!!! that's awesome!


Things are good here. I just had a whole crew of clients take their test Saturday, so they are off my schedule at least until scores come out in 3 weeks - we're all hoping they scored well enough to never think about the test again, but some might have to retake which will mean more prep. As a result, I have a very light client load right now and I'm intentionally keeping it that way until I get back from Italy. We leave next week!

Hope everyone has a great day/evening.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I love this:

7 Things That Inevitably Happen to Your Personal Life When You Get Sober | SELF

It looks like Holly is branching out - good for her.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

well a beautiful day here yesterday but not so much today. i did get to wear a dress so life is looking up!

Hope your travels are safe and your family also Byrd. Thinking of you.

Slo, when i was married for a glorious 17 years (mmm) my ex smoked cones and drank beer and played nintendo with the children. that was about the extent of his involvement. Everyone loved Ray but they werent married to him! finally i had enough when my youngest was 14 and walked away. i wanted to stay until my children were old enough to understand and not have to deal with what i went through. Today they are good grown ups and we have a great relationship, Ray not so much. Its still an effort for him and he wonders why the kids dont message or ring. still not the brightest man and still drinking beer, smoking cones and playing xbox! My SO now is very good to me but he gets really cranky and frustrated so i just turn off. i know sobriety has given me a new appreciation on life. I wish i had done things differently now but we cant take back the past.

Wags, have a great holiday girl. how long are you going for?

Pav, i would love some extra time in bed, woke at 4.30am today, nice early start for work.

back to work, take care x

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav is right, I need to take my anger & attention off of him and turn it totally over to me: fix my own flaws, sort my own stuff, keep digging out of this alcoholic hole; and do what Lav & LC recommend: work on my self-care and get to better mental, spiritual, & physical health; devote time & care to others, and also declutter this house of 25 years of accumulation. Then in three years’ time when I’m hopefully stronger and when our youngest leaves home, I can re-visit whether I should stay or if we should separate.

Ava, thanks for noticing my 50 days. It seemed like it took a long time to go from 40 to 50. I feel like I’ve reached a new phase in healing from alcohol dependence, as I’m now not so sugar-crazed, and can work on decreasing my sugar intake some too. Love it!

Kensho, that’s funny about sort of the same thing with the T.V.! My husband often turned the T.V. on in the middle of the night and woke me up. I finally suggested that he buy a small screen and headphones, and subscribe to a streaming service instead. He did that, so now he doesn’t turn on the T.V. nearly as often.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Getting darker much earlier these days, seasons are changing! I have to get out soon to tuck the chickens in safely for the night. No fox sightings lately, grateful

Slo, it's strange how after such long marriages it's as if we are living with strangers. Do their personalities change that much over the years? I've often wondered about that. I know one thing that changed for sure & that was my level tolerance to (his) indifference. I lost my HOPE & that's how I fell into a 10 year pity party & tried my best to drink at him until he changed back into the person he was. Well, that didn't work.
The only sane thing to do was to stop worrying about him & focus on myself. I'm glad to hear that you agree, you can make yourself as happy as you like

Hello to Ava, kensho, Pav, wags & everyone here today. Mr G, Lav has always been a badass, one way or the other, LOL

It makes me happy to see everyone making progress & sticking to their plans. This is exactly how we get the job done!

Byrdie, hugs to you :hug:

Have a safe night in the nest one & all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Made it to Hickory safe and sound. Lots of company on the road, glad I left today. They are calling for two feetvif rain here!!!
it may be a bad hair day for the reunion! Im not wearing my new suede shoes!
I noticed business was brisk for the liquor stores, cars wrapped around the building looking for parking spaces. Yes, Im gald Im not trying to manimpulate all that. Thank you for all the good wishes, I appreciate them all! Now we wait. Hugs from here, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

:thumbsup: Byrdie!!!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good to hear you made it safe Byrdie!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

See below...

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Glad you made it Byrdie. Have you seen a lot of big storms? Glad you're inland.

275 days done here - about where I lost my sobriety during my longest previous stint. I've noticed thinking about alcohol more than normal. Viewing tropical resorts and their offerings for special dinners (my brain says - surely you could enjoy a drink just on a vacation), or during songs I like with certain alcohol lyrics. Not sure why its popping into my head more lately, but I'm fining myself romanticizing a bit so I want to squash that, like, immediately.

At the same time though, I'm get annoyed with how handcuffed some people are to booze - it's more apparent than normal. My husband said last night he wanted to go with a friend to Telluride for a music festival and I was hurt because I particularly LOVE Telluride. He said - but you don't like loud music, and you don't like beer. I guarantee that if beer wasn't a part of the concert thing (I don't think I've EVER seen him listen to live music without alcohol) - he would be less interested. And - seriously - do you really want to drag your 9yr old, 12 yr old and sober wife to a brewery? That is wrong on so many levels.

Anyway, into uncharted territory for this sober lady.

LAV, PAV, LC, G, Poly, Slo, Byrdie, AVA, Wags, Drifty, and everyone here - hope you have a strong and productive day! Sending good thoughts to everyone!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats, Kensho, on being in uncharted waters! Thats where I want to stay! Push those thoughts out, as you know, no good comes from them. It is normal to do that as you pass your personal record. Stay the course, no matter what, no matter who! Sis and I had lunch with our brother today, that was nice. Then we sat in the parking lot of the doctor’s office where my mom apparently had the ongoing affair with him. We used to sit out there while she had appointments, sheesh. Who knew? Then we went by his grave, that was weird. Then we went by our old family home where we grew up. Sis pulled in to the driveway. I said ‘lets go see if they’re home’. We went up and rang the doorbell. An elderly man answered and we explained who we were. We asked if we could take a peek and he said yes! My dad sold that house in 1987. It was a humble house then with outdated wallpaper and floor coverings. I am here to tell you, they hadn't changed a single thing! Same tacky wallpaper, same curtains in the windows! I couldnt believe it. That carpet is 40 years old! Yikes. The house seemed considerably smaller. The porch we had a million play sessions on wasnt any more than a stoop. Funny that. We were so grateful that he let us in. He told us that he thought the house was haunted, often, he heard someone else in the house, when his wife was out, he’d have to go check and see if someone else was in the house. My mom died in that house. Maybe I could grab a medium and ask her what the heck she was thinking with our family doctor! Tomorrow, we are having lunch with the new half sister. She relunctantly agreed to meet us for lunch. That should be interesting. Then at 5:30, we are meeting another half brother that was a product of the doctor and his nurse! He was in my class and is also attending this class reunion! (You cant make this stuff up!) The hurricane looks as if it is following me. I hope that house is still standing when I get back. Not sure when that will be either. Work tried its best to get my attention today, but I held my ground. I told all my customers I was not available. They need to call customer service instead of me. Old habits die hard. (Dont I Know that!) There is a great deal of stress going on at the moment, at no time have I considered using Al to cope! THAT is priceless! Stay strong, all. It IS worth it. Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats, Kensho, on being in uncharted waters! Thats where I want to stay! Push those thoughts out, as you know, no good comes from them. It is normal to do that as you pass your personal record. Stay the course, no matter what, no matter who! Sis and I had lunch with our brother today, that was nice. Then we sat in the parking lot of the doctor’s office where my mom apparently had the ongoing affair with him. We used to sit out there while she had appointments, sheesh. Who knew? Then we went by his grave, that was weird. Then we went by our old family home where we grew up. Sis pulled in to the driveway. I said ‘lets go see if they’re home’. We went up and rang the doorbell. An elderly man answered and we explained who we were. We asked if we could take a peek and he said yes! My dad sold that house in 1987. It was a humble house then with outdated wallpaper and floor coverings. I am here to tell you, they hadn't changed a single thing! Same tacky wallpaper, same curtains in the windows! I couldnt believe it. That carpet is 40 years old! Yikes. The house seemed considerably smaller. The porch we had a million play sessions on wasnt any more than a stoop. Funny that. We were so grateful that he let us in. He told us that he thought the house was haunted, often, he heard someone else in the house, when his wife was out, he’d have to go check and see if someone else was in the house. My mom died in that house. Maybe I could grab a medium and ask her what the heck she was thinking with our family doctor! Tomorrow, we are having lunch with the new half sister. She relunctantly agreed to meet us for lunch. That should be interesting. Then at 5:30, we are meeting another half brother that was a product of the doctor and his nurse! He was in my class and is also attending this class reunion! (You cant make this stuff up!) The hurricane looks as if it is following me. I hope that house is still standing when I get back. Not sure when that will be either. Work tried its best to get my attention today, but I held my ground. I told all my customers I was not available. They need to call customer service instead of me. Old habits die hard. (Dont I Know that!) There is a great deal of stress going on at the moment, at no time have I considered using Al to cope! THAT is priceless! Stay strong, all. It IS worth it. Byrdie

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, congratulations on your magnificent number, 275! I can’t yet imagine getting that far!

Thank you for the article that you posted the other day, ‘7 Things That Inevitably Happen to Your Personal Life When You Get Sober ”; I resonated with a lot of it. It does have ramifications in one’s life, and, it seems the younger you are, the more it cuts.

Yeah, I suspect you are correct on both counts: your husband didn’t invite you to go with him to the concert because you don’t drink, and, he wouldn’t even be interested in going if it was a dry concert, no matter who’s playing and no matter how wonderful Telluride is. (And yes, as you noted there is perhaps another factor beyond alcohol, in that he’d like the other parent to hold down the fort while he’s away.)

As far as not liking loud music, that’s a good thing! Loud music can cause hearing loss, something that is not talked about much and we are not educated about much in our society. My mom went to numerous rock and other music concerts in her late 40s, always sitting in the front few rows because she could get choice tickets through her job, and she lost much of her hearing because of it, and at a relatively young age. And once you lose it, it’s gone.

So you’re experiencing changes in your life due to becoming a non-drinker, and the best change is that you are no longer chained to Big Alcohol (as Holly called it in the article you posted) like the other people whom you observe around you.

You’re on the right path!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Glad you are in your old home town Byrdie, hopefully far from the effects of Florence.
Meeting your new family members must be strange yet exciting at the same time. My last house was definitely haunted - I am not kidding. I couldn't help but smile a bit reading your description of things. I hope you get to enjoy the reunion regardless of everything else going on.

Kensho, congrats of your 275, very nice!
By now you know not to let occasional drinking thoughts take up residence in your head. Yes, they come but they also go (even if they have to be pushed out purposefully)
It seems to me that there's a time when going to live concerts just isn't as 'important' anymore. Especially if you have to be surrounded by drinkers, not great for the kids, etc. Maybe your husband can consider some other more appropriate family activity in the future.

Slo, keep moving forward & your AF days will pile up quicker than you realize.

I got up at 5:15 to get over to get my grandsons up & out the door before 8 am, picked them up after school, brought them here for homework & dinner. Their mother just picked them up at 9 pm - long day for all of us, ha ha! It sure is good to be clear headed & capable, without a doubt
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wow, Byrdie, you are experiencing a lot all at once, and confronting & reconciling with a lot from your past. Maybe it’s ok that your husband isn’t there so you can process this with just your siblings. That must’ve been a real time warp going into your old home! Cute how your “big” play area on the porch is actually small! I once read a memoir by a doctor who was born in the early years of the last century, and when he moved to a new state and was taking over another doctor’s practice, that doctor proceeded to tell him which of the women in town he could expect to bed down with on his examination table! Maybe that’s how it was back then.
Glad you got a whole week off of work, and are far enough away from the hurricane danger area.


Lav, maybe you’ll sleep well after a long day of grandma duty!

Goodnight to all. (unless it’s your morning)