Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, I'm excited for your bike adventure! It's always been something on my wish list. I wondered about the wine though... good for you for being forceful. It's irresponsible for anyone to push alcohol on another person, innocent or not. I like the way you want to discuss it with her though. Have a blast!!

Choices, thanks for sharing your reflections. I see much of myself in your descriptions. We crossed a line into a bad place and have now climbed out of that hole. I love hearing how in-tune you are with where you are now. Sometimes it takes a bit to get to that acceptance place. There's a difference between believing we "shouldn't" drink, and truly understanding why we choose not to drink. I no longer wish to be a drinker because I completely understand the bad ways it affects my life. I crave the sugar and the escape at times, but the bad outweighs the good 20-1. It is a pleasure hearing you transform in your journey. You sound wise and in touch with yourself - like NS said.

Busy day here - busy week actually. So I'm off! The autumn weather has been truly beautiful here. If only we could stop the shorter days from coming - I miss the 9pm sun!

Have a lovely day!

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good afternoon Nesters. Feeling pretty good today. Got a good report post surgery and am going to be off work for a few more weeks. Trying to get my strength back . Sleeping well and restarting my vitamins. No drinking for me. I will admit it was really EASY not to drink when I had the stomach bug. Now that I’m feeling better the thought enters my mind and I have to crush it immediately. I don’t want to entertain any chatter right now. I’m too fragile in my quit. Hope everyone has a great evening.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ok, who was talking about ice cream?? We went to a buffet yesterday and one of the pleasures of the week is my bowl of Moose Tracks (cover your ears, No Sugar) topped with M&M's. So after my meal (of SALAD) I go to claim my just reward and they were OUT! The storm messed up their supply (and MY demand!) I gotta tell you, I was disappointed! I may have a little problem with the stuff.....I'm still in a snit over it. Humph.

I appreciate the kind words about strength and such. I know that I have a choice to cave in or stay sober. When everything else in my life seems to be upside down, it would be pretty easy to find a reason to relapse. That's why I'm gluing myself in with the new and improved BUTT VELCRO, perfected by Mr. G himself! My sobriety is about all that is going RIGHT, so I'm not gonna screw that up!

I have hope for my new boss, he went to bat for me today against the hag. Baby steps!

Stay strong, everyone! No matter what....no matter who! Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

My sobriety is about all that is going RIGHT, so I'm not gonna screw that up!

I love this line Byrdy! :encouragement: That's where i gotta focus.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sometimes it takes a bit to get to that acceptance place. There's a difference between believing we "shouldn't" drink, and truly understanding why we choose not to drink. I no longer wish to be a drinker because I completely understand the bad ways it affects my life. I crave the sugar and the escape at times, but the bad outweighs the good 20-1.

This captures it exactly, Kensho, and this is where we have to get to in order for a quit to be truly successful. I guess this is what they mean when they say in an abbreviated form to “be grateful” for your quit.

Choices, that’s amazing that you white-knuckled it for 4 whole years! Thank you for sharing for us exactly how & why you appreciate this quit and why you don’t want to go back to drinking; that it no longer works for you socially. I’m sure we most all resonate with what you said. I know I do.

Lifechange, glad your friend get-together was pretty ok except for the requisite drinking. Having a drink just spells “time to relax” for people, almost like a reflex; so they don’t even stop to think, “Why? It’s late and we’re exhausted.” Nice of you to support your friend.

Rava, the next few weeks can be devoted just to you for healing, resting, & gaining strength.

Wagmore, I guess talking to your friend will help educate her about alcohol (that drinking none at all works better than introducing even a small amount into your system). Maybe let her know too that you never liked wine much anyways.

Best wishes to everyone strapped into the nest with butt Velcro!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Checking in from the land of eternal dampness, ha ha! At least we don't have a tornado warning like they issued for a county in NJ, geez.

Just really want to mention a few things -
First, after some good AF time you will no longer feel like a pariah in social situations. Honestly, if you're anything like me you won't give a sh*t what anyone thinks & never let them question your decision
Second - drinking thoughts will come much less often & when they do just push them right out of your head. I still have an occasional (rare) thought but my automatic response is NO WAY!
Lastly, say thanks to the universe - those drinking dreams are loving reminder that we don't drink

Wags, wishing you a fun & safe bike trip, wow!!!

Rava, I'm glad to hear you will have more time to continue recovering before going back to work. You surely do not need any extra stress right now. Use the time to listen to some podcasts or do some reading to help solidify your quit.

Slo, the butt Velcro has been an effective tool for a long time now

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

I saw my counselor today and talked about my last post with her. Well, the gest of it anyway. I was thinking 4 years was quite a long time to be white-knuckling it myself. I realized one of those years I was pregnant and the last one I had a newborn. Those years were actually easy (as far as staying sober goes!). I think my problem really boils down to an insecurity I had with myself in general.

I wasn't at the point in the process where I felt secure in my own skin and I'd spent my entire adult life not just relating to others using alcohol but I also used alcohol to relate to myself. I thought I was most intouch with my thoughts when I was drinking, that I was getting to the bottom of problems, or experiencing great joys, deep sadness, love, passion you name it. Without that drug, I struggled to find my footing because I had relied on it for everything. I am so grateful that I am out of that re-lapse! I can't express that enough, I feel so lucky to be on the other side with you all again. Time can really slip away!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

I need some of that butt velcro! Life is lifey at the moment, and I know I won't drink, but I am also going to set myself up so I don't drink. Part of that is staying connected with you fine sober folks.

Choices- that is a very interesting assessment. I guess that's what they call "dry drunks." People who don't drink, but don't deal with not drinking and try to do it on sheer will power. Will power will lose every time - we have to set up our lives and attitudes around being non drinkers. I'm with Lav - it gets ever easier, and now people just have some good non alcoholic drinks when they know Pav is coming over (well, my friends do...)

Slo - I am not going to say this to scare you, but I had a pretty extended "down" period. I was sad, confused, and had any number of pity parties on my own behalf - from about 4 months to about 9 months. Of course there were good days, but overall I felt meh. "Is this all there is?" That's when my acceptance had to kick in. Because no matter how meh or blah I felt, I knew that I couldn't drink. I paid a lot of attention here and watched what other long-term sober people did, and how they felt. I adopted Lav's gratitude practice, even though it was a strain some days. I listened to No Sugar's podcasts and read her science papers and blogs. I followed Byrdie's no-nonsense advice, including not drinking AT someone. And I had my quit buddy, Ava, who I really, really didn't want to let down. I tried to exercise and get enough sleep. I said no to parties and events where I thought I'd feel bad, and I generally took a look inward. I am not saying because it happened to me it will happen to you, but there is a lot of literature about the end of the pink cloud effect, and how these next several months can be very difficult to sustain. Keep us in the forefront of your mind, and use your community here BEFORE you decide to drink. But you won't decide to drink, because you don't drink, right?

Well, that's a good Wednesday morning waffle. Hope you all have happy sober hump days...

xo
Pav

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good afternoon nesters. I am here to report that I fell off the horse last night but i am getting right back on and reporting back. It was my choice to drink last night and I do know better. I have absolutely no excuse. But I will admit that I dont want to continue down that road, so I know to come right back. Tonight there will be plans in place so that the temptation will not be as bad. Maybe I will need to jump on here. Later today. I will do whatever I have to do. I am not giving up.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just wanted to check in again. Its 5:15 pm and I just went for a little walk. Cant do too much because of the surgery but I am staying focused. Going to probably start watching Ozark on Netflix so that should keep me busy. Hope everyone is having a good day.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh! Good choice Rava, Ozark is a great series! I fricken love Netflix. I hope the distraction helps and what a nice way to practice self-care and recover from surgery. I am glad you are back and not giving up.

Your exactly right Pav, willpower alone will not work long term for sobriety. Well maybe if life doesn't throw any curve balls! Soul searching is worth the work and definitely brings a deeper peace.

Ok folks, what the heck is butt velcro? lol

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Feeling a little frustrated that I'm having cravings. I'm guessing its the season change because I feel that deep tiredness in my head and eyes - a condition I used to "cure" with wine. Working at my computer today, selecting furniture from websites, all of a sudden I thought I smelled wine. And it smelled good to me. This is really irking me.

I do not drink. I know this. Why was I able to go 9 months without much issue, and now its hitting me??

Anyway, going on a run when I drop my son off at his cello lesson, and concentrating on what I'm grateful for.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Friend Kensho. You rock! That is all.

Good to see u Rava.

Choices. Butt velcro is more than what it seems. It is a space age technology developed in collaboration with NASA a couple of years ago to keep a pilgrim in their seat during episodes of extreme acceleration, altitude, and unforeseen chaos.

Big waves to all.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, it is irking to get cravings when we are well into our quits. Even now, I get them, it is normal, its how we cope with those darn things that’s the key, as you know.
Looks like Im going to habe to go to Cincinnati for a xustomer visit. The only time they can meet is Friday afternoon (Oct 12). Oy. What’s second prize, two nights in Cincinnati?
Pav, great post.
G, ello, Mate!
Rava, glad you are bavk and ready for the task at hand. You can do this. If an old geezer like me can finally find sobriety, I KNOW you can.
Hugs to all, xo, Byrdie

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Sounds like you are having a great holiday wags except having to explain yourself. This is one of my great peeves of not drinking is thinking we have to give a reason as to why we dont drink. I declined going to a football bbq with the SO and i think he was a bit peeved but i dont need to explain myself, i dont need to be around drunk people and i dont think its fun. OUr next outing is to a cocktail party which i will find more bearable as i can dress up and a bigger space to escape! i always plan my outings now, hours and hours of people drinking is not for me. You are doing great and no one is worth drinking FOR or AT.

Lav, great to see you have some cooler weather and rain. I hope you get some answers with your face though.

Kensho, keep busy and those thoughts will go. i got to the stage of "is this it" around that time and thought "this is my life". realising that yes this is really it, that sobriety is going to be my life was a bit hard to get my head around. never ever ever having a drink, never ever having a champers to celebrate special occasions, never being able to have that one. Once i got my head around the fact that yes i could never drink again then i moved on. I think we have a few types of acceptance along the way especially as time goes on. the early days we are just so determined not to drink and looking down the track is too overwhelming. we get down the track and then think "oh f#ck ive done this, what now". You will be fine.

Rava, get rid of the al out of your house. Change your routine, change your plans. The merry-go-round will keep going with al if we dont have a plan. for us alkies saying we arent going to drink isnt enough. that al brain will talk us into anything if we let it. You can do this.

How is your son settling in Pav?

I had my mum visit overnight which was nice. she wanted to stay at my house and i was at the SO's. i was going to give in which would have meant more driving etc for me and then i thought to myself, nope, no reason why i have to put myself out. She was not happy about my decision but seemed to come around. We are getting on better now which is great. I took her to work and she saw a specialist and has to have two cancers out and a skin graft so i will be there for her. she's already planning how disabled she will be and where she will be sleeping and and and. i had a chuckle and told her i can always drive her home!

My daughter turns 27 this weekend so a catch up for lunch hopefully planned, and not much else.

take care x