Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

After another day of extreme humidity & general yuck outside I hear the rumblings of a thunderstorm. It's supposed to be a good one with high winds & all. Better get my hellos done quickly ;0

Rava, never quit trying - one of these quits will stick! You have the desire & the tools, now work on that magical commitment! Stick with us!!!

Byrdie, why are you so lucky? Ha ha! I've never been to Cincinnati myself but who knows? There just may be something exciting to see

Hi there G, Pav, Choices & everyone!

Kensho, having occasional thoughts about AL is not really the problem. The problem arises when we let those thoughts stick around too long & eventually talk ourselves into having just one or two. We all know where that leads & we don't want to go there.
I swear by DISTRACTION, works like magic for me. Be it hobby, exercise, cooking....whatever. Just don't let the thoughts take root & you'll be OK :hug:

Hello to everyone else & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I’ve heard people say -read it somewhere -that it is common to have cravings or PAWS symptoms at 3 months. 6 months, & 9 months. Maybe you’re just having a 9-month dip.

Rava, I know it’s hard for you because you’re out of your routine. Are you using l-glutamine for the sugar/alcohol cravings? It helps a lot in the first month. Do you have ice cream in your freezer? Turn to ice cream first, because it can kill a craving. Use this time of enforced rest to heal from both surgery and alcohol dependence.

Pav, thank you for warning me about the long, flat slog that I’m in for during the first year after quitting, and for sharing the many ways that you were able to cope with it.
Also, I just read in Reader’s Digest that vitamin C is a natural antihistamine, and it recommended having 2g/day for nasal stuffiness. Maybe it could help with your seasonal allergies?

Choices, I hope my post didn’t hit you the wrong way. I meant it as a compliment to you that you were able to abstain for 4 years. I’m in awe of all of you who have done that since I’ve only ever managed 30-60 days in a row. Plus I didn’t think about the phase of life you were in: planning a pregnancy, pregnancy, & breastfeeding can be a relatively easy time to amass a large chunk of sober time.
I too felt most in touch with relating to myself when I was drinking! I thought it enhanced my thinking and intuition, and my ability to perceive and understand deeply. I’m also glad I’m out of that trap. It’s just a trick of...needing more dopamine or something that has been depleted due to drinking.

And butt Velcro is what keeps you glued into the nest when it gets shaken by life being lifey!

Goodnight/day all.

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Slo, oh gosh no your post didn't hit me in the wrong way at all! It helped me reflect on that time and reflecting seems to be where I am at right now. No worries. I am picking through my past quit to see how I can tweak things to stay quit for good. My perspective keeps changing about it, and I'm not sure why. I guess there are always two sides to a coin. I also remember those years embodied a lot of self-growth and an awaking that made me much more settled and happier. All of that sober time even when I struggled, was better than any time I spent during my relapse for sure!!! I'm so grateful to have a clear head and no hangover pain, nothing beats that!

I think you are on to something about PAWS! I am almost nine months, and I had forgotten about PAWS. I had PAWS my first quit in exactly nine months, and I think it is what has been causing me angst as of late. I thought of you KENSHO when you mentioned how your craving was bugging you and I wondered if my angst is a hidden craving for me. (I don't actually know when I'm craving once I've been quit for a long(ish) time.. but my thinking can get "funny" and that is my new red flag).

I know for sure I do not want alcohol. I feel strongly about that but I got bummed out today thinking, why am I all of a sudden thinking about sobriety so much! It's annoying. I am fine. I like your advice Lav on occasional thoughts about AL not being the problem, but talking ourselves into a drink is the problem. Thank you that made a lot of sense.

Butt Velcro sounds ingenious!! Haha!

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters. Thanks for the encouragement. I did spend time watching Ozark last night. Got me safely through the witching HOURS. Will plan on a similar strategy for tonight. Staying busy and preplanning seems to help. Also checking thru this site and looking over the toolbox has been helpful. I guess since I have had large hunks of sobriety in the past, I think I can do this. But for some reason this time around has proven to be harder. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older and more settled in my life or what? I still know I can’t drink normally and that is a fact. Thanks for listening.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Awesome RAVA, that's how to use the tools! I think me-self needs to pull a few out too. I'll be fine. AVA, I usually cave with my daughter who is a master negotiator and whiner at times - but lately when I firmly say no and don't give in, she gets over it relatively quickly.

Let me situate my butt velcro - ok, done. Now, going to attempt "Crazy hair day" for my 9 yr old! Have a good day out there!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, having occasional thoughts about AL is not really the problem. The problem arises when we let those thoughts stick around too long & eventually talk ourselves into having just one or two. We all know where that leads & we don't want to go there.

How could we not think of drinking? and quite often, actually? It is a constant theme on TV, social media, billboards, magazines, and for many, the people they are with day in and day out. Of course the thought pops up, along with about 60000 other thoughts per day. Obviously we don't pay attention to most of them and act on even fewer. Some of my weird thoughts crack me up and I wonder why I thought that, just like I wonder about some of my really convoluted, crazy dreams. I certainly don't blame myself for what I think at night so why do that because of "day thoughts"? Sometimes active distraction is needed and other times, just a quick "but I don't drink" or "what a dumb idea" thought pushes that drinking thought right out. And given that a thought isn't a real thing anyway, after awhile that becomes pretty natural and easy to do.

When I do decide to for whatever (dumb) reason pay attention to those those thoughts, they build and cause biochemical changes that I then feel as a craving, leading to more thoughts about drinking and feelings of "want" and "need". All of that that feels very bad and seems very real. Those bad feelings are a big clue that I'm letting my mind focus on something negative. When I really contemplate running the old "just one" drinking experiment, I feel nervous and conflicted, also signs that I'm letting my mind wander down the wrong path. Feelings are great indicators of the direction we're going - and why go towards where we don't want to be?

On the other hand, when I visualize myself as a nondrinker in a particular situation, or I reflect with gratitude on where my life is now compared to where it was 6 years ago, good, warm feelings bubble up, telling me that's where I need to be to have a chance of living the life I want. Although it can be taken too far , if it feels good, do it, and if it doesn't, DON'T!!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

How could we not think of drinking? and quite often, actually? It is a constant theme on TV, social media, billboards, magazines, and for many, the people they are with day in and day out. Of course the thought pops up, along with about 60000 other thoughts per day. Obviously we don't pay attention to most of them and act on even fewer. Some of my weird thoughts crack me up and I wonder why I thought that, just like I wonder about some of my really convoluted, crazy dreams. I certainly don't blame myself for what I think at night so why do that because of "day thoughts"? Sometimes active distraction is needed and other times, just a quick "but I don't drink" or "what a dumb idea" thought pushes that drinking thought right out. And given that a thought isn't a real thing anyway, after awhile that becomes pretty natural and easy to do.

When I do decide to for whatever (dumb) reason pay attention to those those thoughts, they build and cause biochemical changes that I then feel as a craving, leading to more thoughts about drinking and feelings of "want" and "need". All of that that feels very bad and seems very real. Those bad feelings are a big clue that I'm letting my mind focus on something negative. When I really contemplate running the old "just one" drinking experiment, I feel nervous and conflicted, also signs that I'm letting my mind wander down the wrong path. Feelings are great indicators of the direction we're going - and why go towards where we don't want to be?

On the other hand, when I visualize myself as a nondrinker in a particular situation, or I reflect with gratitude on where my life is now compared to where it was 6 years ago, good, warm feelings bubble up, telling me that's where I need to be to have a chance of living the life I want. Although it can be taken too far , if it feels good, do it, and if it doesn't, DON'T!!

Hola nesters.

Felt like quoting your words here SB. Simple though incredible life saving/life changing information in your post. Words to even live by. Thank you friend.

In other news, all is good here. Day 18 and feeling good. A variety of organically grown plants are being sacrificed for my welfare. I am grateful for nature. Big waves to y'all.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Rava, I found that as a serial relapser, each and every quit got HARDER! I would tell mself how easy it was to quit, until I tried to do it. Thats what keeps me on the straight and narrow....Im just plain scared that I couldnt quit again. Im not sure I have another Day 1 in me. This quit took WORK and I feel just plain lucky I got thru it, so Im not tempting the AL Gods again, they play dirty, and they play to win. I give up, I have NO control over AL and it has been nothing but a blessing to get it out of my life. Oddly enough, this really is done one day at a time, I can do that! Hugs to you! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still damp-ish around here but at least it's cooled off, yay!!!

We had to go out to take care of some business today & decided to have lunch. We walked into a place called "Four Dog Tavern" because they have good food 7 have been there a few times. We were seated at a table directly across from the bar & it hit me - I didn't care, not one little bit! I had no desire to drink, absolutely none & just enjoyed lunch. Even my husband didn't have his usual one beer, go figure

Hello to Slo, Choices, Rava, Kensho, G, NS, Byrdie & everyone!
Accomplishing your goal(s) one day at a time is the smart & sane way to go. I've had that in my signature line since joining MWO in 2009

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest. Plenty of butt Velcro available, just help yourselves ha ha!!

Lav

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone!

Wow, so I did something huge (for me) today, and I feel pretty proud. I went to my first AA meeting. It was a Women in Recovery group, and I am so happy I went. I felt like I just needed to see other people on this journey in person. I don't know how I think about it all as far as the steps go or the word alcoholic but I also don't have an issue with it either. I said my name and that I was an alcoholic and it felt natural, I think I felt a little shyer than I usually do saying my name is... adding the alcoholic word onto it but other that no problem.

It was so good to see people and not be alone (physically). I was delighted to get a token too! Anyway, I am going back after school holidays, and I'm excited to get to know these women and what AA is all about. I know it's not for everyone, it might not be for me, but it's worth a go. I was nervous, but once I sat there for a while, I felt fine, and it was healing for me to listen to everybody. I hung on every word.

I drove from AA to school pick up. Whereas irony would have it my first conversation was with a dad who invited us to his daughters birthday party. He joked that there would be a lot of booze at it because they had over-ordered for his 50th birthday party and needed to get rid of it so I should be ready to have a good time! Then minutes later my second conversation was with a mom who invited my daughter for a playdate for next week. To close the conversation she said she needed to run because her wine was calling her and she said that we should get together sometime and drink!

FAR OUT! I was smiling and laughing thinking IF YOU ONLY KNEW WHERE I HAVE JUST BEEN! Pretty crazy. I think it's good I am adding this AA meeting so my sober toolbox. I like both of these parents a lot, we are relatively new to the school and neighborhood, I have been feeling a little lonely since our move, and these were our first invitations.

Not that long ago I would have been stoked at the opportunity to hang out drinking with them because I think they are "cool." Maybe they are maybe they aren't, but I don't know either of them, and I don't need to entertain breaking my sobriety for strangers. Or feel weird about saying no thank you when I need to.

It's probably serendipity that I had a little more help from the meeting because I didn't even entertain the thought of drinking in either situation. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything, and I don't have any doubt in my mind that I am so much happier with my life sober. I play it out in my mind in both situations and there is nothing desirable about it, just even the old excited feeling to drink and hope I don't over do it---- eww... that is the worst feeling ever! Thank goodness I don't have to worry about it!!

I'm so grateful that my day played out the way it did. I'm also thankful that we are getting take away Indian food tonight and I can veg out with Netflix cozy in bed with hubby and not question my decision not to drink. I feel solid.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters. [MENTION=22540]Choices[/MENTION], I loved your post about AA and meeting others on the opposite side of the spectrum. Birdie, thanks for the input about no more day 1’s. I agree it’s gotten harder to quit with each quit. I think I saw on Facebook that today is National Drink Beer Day. God there is a day for everything on Facebook. Sometimes I think I need to take a break from social media. This week was National Daughters day so everyone has to post undying love for their daughters in last minute posts. (Major eye roll). Love your kids everyday and you dont need to post your undying love just because Facebook has made a special day about it. OK rant over. I am spending my day still recovering and relaxing without alcohol. Thanks everyone for being here!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Choices, well at least your two invitations to drink with new neighbors involve having the kids play together, so that will make them easier situations to say no to drinking with them.

Rava, thanks for reminding me why I still don’t want to be on Facebook! Wishing you well as you find relaxing, fun, nourishing non-social media pursuits today to bolster your healing.

Lav, are you ready for the craft fair this weekend?! Your creations sound very fun, and also unique & useful. You’ll probably have lots of admirers, and also sales.

Kensho, did you have fun with your crazy hair day creation?

Byrdie, sorry you have to travel again. Ohio is supposed to be beautiful. Although some of their major cities are hotbeds for the opioid epidemic.
Yes, it is exhausting to quit, then go back to drinking, then quit again. I think it’s best to have this one be my permanent quit!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

NoSugar - I think you should compile all of your posts over the years and make them into a book. You could make each day an entry, and people could just read when they need inspiration or help. You have a way with words for sure.

Choices - good for you! That sounds like a great meeting, and a good place to meet some sober friends. I remember a friend was having a birthday party in the park for his 7-year-old and I was helping him lift the cooler of beer. Another dad said, "Hmm. Beer at a 7-year-old birthday party? That wouldn't have been MY choice." At the time we scoffed at him, and said "who invited HIM?" but of course now I see his wisdom. It was an excuse for parents to drink at noon on a Saturday. What the heck?

Friday - no tickets to Boozeville in my pocket...

xo
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION], we did not serve alcohol at our kids' HS graduation parties and man, some people clearly could not handle it! One guy went so far as to go into our kitchen, dig to the back of the refrigerator, and just take one of my husband's beers. The picture of HS drinking that is being hashed out on TV the last couple days has been shocking and depressing. It's particularly a bad message that for boy's being drunk is an excuse and for a girl, drinking makes whatever happens her fault. What confusing mixed messages!

I find baby shower drinking particularly weird -- the person being honored would likely be harshly judged if she joined in. So why is everyone else doing it???

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in! Feeling sloggy. Is that a word? If not, it should be. We have cool, cloudy weather and I'm fried from work and the emotions I'm feeling from the current US politics coverage. Trying to get some last minute things done before we head up the mountain 1 hr. for our last camping trip this year. I was dreading the work of packing, but I'm actually feeling excited now to get away and smell the pines. NS, I will focus on gratitude more. It just struck me as weird that I was having more frequent drinking thoughts when I had gone a long time with no desire whatsoever. I know I don't have to give any of them merit. It's more of a internal inquiry as to what is causing me to want to escape more now than the last several months - because that's all it is. I must be feeling tired and weary on some level - time to recharge and remind me to take care of me.

Wishing kindness, truth and decency to everyone out there.