Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday evening Nesters,

The sun finally made an appearance just before dinner time, better than nothing I guess
It was a fairly quiet weekend for me, no dramas to report ha ha!

Ava, I value my alone time more than the average person ~ what does that say about people like us?
For me it means I absolutely have no room in my head for other people's BS. I am only willing to take on so much then it needs to stop. Spouses & SOs need to learn that or beware!!
We have to maintain a safety perimeter at all times & I'm not kidding

Overit, you should be feeling good after all that first class self care this week. Good for you!

Pav, sorry you had to work but I hope your week goes well for you.

Nar, I spent enough $$ in the state store during my 10 year drinking binge. They're not getting another dime out of me, LOL

LC, this is your final quit, it's going well so give yourself a pat on the back. I know we need to remember the past but not beat ourselves up for it either. I remember worrying about all that stuff in the beginning until I finally accepted that it happened, it's in the past & it won't happen again. Yay for us

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

PS: Byrdie - those cookies, ha ha, awesome!!

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi folks. Sorry I don't post in here much. I do read quite a bit, but I rarely find time to post something I'd consider remotely useful. But tomorrow is my 2-year anniversary, and it feels like a pretty big one. I've been thinking about it for a few months now. The night of October 7, 2016 was my last drink.

So I want to share some tips that have helped me to make it this far. I'm no expert by any stretch, but these are a few things I've learned the hard way over the past 25 years or so (of mostly failing), and somehow I finally feel like I got it right. Here is your unashamedly unsolicited advice for the day!

1) For the first 30 days of your quit, treat yourself like you have never treated yourself before. For me it was food. I had a huge tub of ice cream every single night (something I hadn't eaten in many years, because.. well.. alcohol). But I loved it and craved it like nothing else when I was in the first few days of quitting. Mountains of mashed-potatoes and gravy? You betcha. Bacon cheeseburgers, french fries by the bucketload, expensive steaks and fast-food cravings - I succumbed to them all. But I didn't drink alcohol. Not a drop. I knew I wouldn't continue on my food binge for long, but it helped me to fill the gap (and boy, what a big gap) that was left by suddenly quitting drinking 3-4 bottles of wine a night. It was great, I enjoyed it. Your goal here is to reach an "escape velocity". You need enough momentum to get to the point where your mind is no longer completely controlled by alcohol. For many, that happens around day 30. Once you make it that far, the days go a lot faster and you might even make it through a whole day or two or more without having a single thought about having a drink. Soon enough, a whole week will go by and you'll be like... crap I forgot to read the MWO forum this week! :-). The point being that once you make it that far, you have a great chance of continuing on your journey. At that point you can objectively look at your life and say "Do I want to continue this path?", "Am I happier without alcohol?", "Is my life better now than when I was drinking?". By that time you will have noticed many incremental improvements in your life, and your answer to all those questions will undoubtedly be a resounding YES.

2) Plan ahead. If you're an alcoholic and you quit drinking, at some point in the future you are going to have a strong craving to drink again. You must plan ahead for this moment, because your success will depend on it. If you just quit drinking and don't have a clearly defined executable plan for what to do when you are on the cusp of a relapse, you WILL fail. Have a plan, practice it, and stick to it when the rubber hits the road. Every time you stick to your plan and successfully quash the alcohol demon within, you will find it easier the next time. It really does get a lot easier with time. When you get to understand your cravings, you will gain confidence that you will overcome them.

3) Learn your triggers. Some things trigger us to want to drink alcohol. Triggers are different for everyone. Be aware of your triggers - explicitly - not just things like "stress" or "work" - you need to be specific - what exactly is causing my stress? What is it about "work" that makes me want to drink? Is it interacting with a certain person, or is it being tired at the end of the day? It might take a while to figure out exactly what your triggers are, but it's well worth it. My three big ones are Thirst, Communicating with my Mother and Working late at night. Once you know your triggers you can work on avoiding them completely, or minimizing their impact. Eliminating or minimizing your triggers will play a big role in your success quitting alcohol, particularly as you progress past the first few weeks and months. I stopped working late, and cut off communication completely with my mother (may seem extreme, but I had to do it). Being thirsty sounds easy to fix but it still gets me regularly. For me, there is nothing like being thirsty that will conjure up images of drinking a long cold beer. The funny thing is, I never used to drink long cold beers - at least not for a decade or more - I'd long-since graduated on to harder liquor and wine. So I know that when I'm thinking about a long cold beer, it's just because I'm thirsty. Can of seltzer to the rescue (fridge is always fully-stocked). Bingo, problem solved.

4) Be your future-self's best friend. As an alcoholic, when you drink alcohol, you are succumbing to pleasure in the moment for pain in the future. That pain is inflicted directly against the FUTURE YOU. You are being your future-self's worst enemy just to experience a moment, a minute, an hour of pleasure. Do you at some point want to be truly happy in life, or do you want to be spending all your time fixing all the problems you created while you were drunk? Stop being your own worst enemy! If you're drinking to forget your problems, understand that forgetting problems does not solve them - it makes them worse.

That's probably all for now.

Hope you all had a happy, sober weekend.

ThirdTimesACharm

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters and thank you [MENTION=23288]ThirdTimesACharm[/MENTION] for that great post. Yes I am my own worst enemy. I already know that because no one is reponsible for my drinking but me. I plan on having another sober day ahead looking for triggers and planning ahead for a craving or two. Bubble hour podcast is also going to be on today. Wishing everyone a great Monday.

[abcowboy]

Congratulations on your 2 year soberversary [MENTION=23288]ThirdTimesACharm[/MENTION]!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations ThirdTimesaCharm!!!2 years is great! Narilly,I love your pups Byrdie those cookies are cute,have a great day all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All

TTAC! Great to see you here and doing so well. I LOVE that post, and needless to say, I think you should copy it and put it in the tool box. Congratulations on your 2 year birthday.

LC - Hope you got some sleep. I'm very tired this week, too. Sorry to keep complaining here, just in a funk. I'll get out of it, I'm sure. Took a couple soul-cleansing hikes this weekend

Nar, I share my parents' dogs. They live very close, and I can give them the walks that my parents can't. I call them mine really, but then I don't have to take them to the vet and get their hair cut as my mom deals with that. A great deal for me! Hope you get that job...

I woke up late and have to run to work. Happy Un Hung Monday,

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

WOW ThirdTime! Thank you for your reflections and congratulations on your success! I agree with all that you said and you said it beautifully. How is your life different now? What are your rewards of being 2-freaking-years alcohol free?

Slo, social gatherings are really hard at first. The benefit of being AF for longer and longer is that we start to feel much stronger about who we are - and we do the work that caused us to drink in the first place. Although there may be some awkwardness with not drinking, I really don't care at all what people think of me now regarding alcohol. That wasn't always the case! Great job killing that wedding!

PAV, sorry you had to work yesterday. I hope you are reaping the rewards today and feel ready to tackle your week.

LC, totally agree about arguing without alcohol - much easier to draw lines and call BS.

We had a lot of fun with our friends this weekend actually. We have known them over 15 years, and that history seems to be holding us together. She offered to make me a NA fizzy, which was an olive branch of sorts. She proceeded to get ripping drunk, but it's not me who was hungover and I am SO glad for that! Anyway, it went well, and I'm glad we went.

Its cloudy and damp today here. I get to be home working, so it's nice and quiet.

Have a strong day everyone!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un-hung Monday, Nesters!

yes, X-post, Nar.. what beautiful pups you have. I love the looks Dachshunds give, little honeys. Enjoy your shorter work days.. I'm sure they'll be knocking your door down come January!

Happy 2 year anniversary, ThirdTimesACharm! You did it! What an inspiring and positive/helpful post.. I would also love to see it in the Toolbox for easy access.. Hope you're having a nice celebration..

Byrdie, those really look like dead fingers..eeee! Will you hand them out to the trick-o-treaters?

Slo, glad you made it to the wedding in time.. Gosh, I sure wouldn't want to be your cousin either.. sounds like she's losing a lot. Definitely not worth the couple of hours of easier conversation and laughs.. especially because that doesn't mean anything to anyone anyway. How many "meaningful" conversations did we think we had while under the influence that nobody remembered or cared about the next day? I'm wondering why she has an interlock device in her car? Is that something you can install yourself to insure you don't drive after drinking?

Lav, thank you for your support! I'm also not buying alcohol for anyone.. I also haven't let anyone drink alcohol in my home.. though I'm having a big group over for Thanksgiving and think I might allow them to bring their own for that occasion. It's my good friends who know I don't drink and who will take rests with them when they leave. Haven't decided for sure yet, though.

Pav, I'm envious of your hikes! I'd give a lot to live near a place where I could hike.. here's to being less tired. I took some B vitamins today and might a couple times a week to see if that helps. It's time to pull out the candles, nice music, yummy warm drinks, baths.. make the place cozy for these difficult dark months., right? Do you have any rituals for winter time?

Over-it, way to keep at it! I'm trying for another early workout tomorrow.. let's see! It felt pretty darn good on Saturday!

Wishing everyone a nice day.. heading out to Thai food with my daughter, then off to Frisbee. Will check in again later..xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

X-Post, Kensho! You're sounding strong and happy.. and that makes me happy! Here's to calling BS when necessary.. love that!:happy2:

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters,

Congratulations on 2 years 3 TC! Wowza! Thanks for ur fab post too. Have a great week.

Cool pups Narilly!

Big waves to all. Have a beaut week friends.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un Hung Mon,

Way to go TC, 2 years, yippee! That is great, and thank you for your post.

Thanks for the good wishes, Life, Pav. So nice you can enjoy your parent’s dog.
Working out is definitely an endorphin trigger, Life, I feel really good after I work out too. I think a lot of us work out which is great especially when it keeps us from AL.

Thanks G!

Back to work tomorrow for me, I’ll be waking up Un Hung tomorrow which is great.

Don’t drink today,
Xo

[Overit-still]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, I agree about the endorphins. My days starts out so great when I drag myself to the gym and usually in about 15 minutes I'm with it and so grateful that I'm there.

TTAC-congratulations! I only have 707 more days to catch up!

I made it to the gym again today. REALLY sleepy though. I need to make sure I get to bed before 10:30 tonight.

Byrdie-hand those out but cover up your own fingers when you do it

Have a good night everyone.

Over-it

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello all,

I like being home too! It feels good to be home after being gone for most of the last five days.

AVA, good luck with coming to a compromise and making the right decision with your SO. It’s tough. But, I like how you’re being careful to make the right decisions that will be supportive of you and the life you want.

LC, an interlock device is installed on your vehicle here as a consequence of getting a DUI, which my cousin did yet again; and it was embarrassing to her young daughter, as someone video’d the incident and spread it around their small town, including into her daughter’s middle school. I’m just so glad it wasn’t me! I’ve escaped in time.

ThirdTime, thank you for posting for us exactly how you found success this time, and including the concrete examples of what you needed to remove from your own life in order to eliminate your major triggers. You’re not alone; I need to minimize time with my mother as well.

PAV, I wish you could have full weekends off! Then you wouldn’t be so tired. But, not very possible with your job. Hope the fatigue & funk lifts soon.
And Narilly, that’s good news that your job is more manageable now -especially when it goes to part time!

Have a safe night in the nest!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thirds, that is a post for the ages! Congrats on two big years! :two: I agree, that post belongs in the Tool Box! You are so right, today’s instant gratifucation is tomorrow’s misery. So proud of you!

LC, I wont hand out the fingers for Halloween, we really dont get any trick or treaters. I made them just to see if I could. Maybe I should dip the ends in red chocolate! Bwahahaha. Over it, great idea to somehow make people think they are my zombie fingers.

Didnt choke anyone today, I consider that a win. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Byrdie, I have something in the mailbox heading out to you in the morning. You can use it instead of choking people when the occasion arises, Ha ha!!!

ThirdTime, CONGRATS to you on your 2 years AF :welldone:
Isn't it a great feeling to finally be back in the driver's seat of your life? Keeping our quits will always be top priority for us.

For anyone interested - I just saw the DailyOM is offering a new course utilizing forgiveness to break free of addictions.
Heal Addictions with Forgiveness | DailyOM
I have taken a few of their courses over the years & found them all helpful

Hello to everyone & wishing for a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav