Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!
It's a cold Sunday morning here and I'm up way before the crack of dawn.. had lit some candles to make it cozy while reading here and drinking my coffee, but now I can't see the keyboard to type!

Slo, I'm really sorry to hear about your brother. Both about the loss of his lovely wife and his dui. I hope that he will accept the fact that he needs to find help and has you as a person he can talk to/rely on. Does he live near you? Have you ever talked to eachother about addiction? Hugs and strength to you.
I know I used to drive under the influence at times, even with the kids in the car. I would never think of doing something so dangerous in my right mind, but after I'd had a couple of drinks? I thought I could "handle it". One of the many things that scares me to death about having just "a drink".. we become so irrational. For me, that's been one of the most important things to accept/reasons not to have one. I become a different person, someone I don't know and don't like and who does crazy, hurtful, careless things. Makes me sad that so many people suffer and struggle, become sick and die with a drug that is not only legal and easily available, but pushed on the public through every sort of social media and advertisement. ughh.

Pav, thanks for posting that article. I love Holly and have been waiting for the Temper.. didn't know it was already up and running. Also for what you wrote about suspending disbelief.. so important. To let go of what we think we know and believe in something else, from people who are where we want to be. This letting go of the ego, letting go of the fear is necessary to move forward. I'm very excited about your upcoming 5 year anniversary with Ava..

Ava, you've been such an amazing mama to little Mads.. thinking about her being 15 years old and that you've had the past 5 years to be fully present with her. She's had a great life. I hope she'll still have a nice amount of time left for you to spoil her and enjoy her company.. a speedy recovery for your Mother as well. She's in good hands.:hug:

Thank you for all of the condolences! My eldest daughter slept over on the sofa (she lives just across the street, on the 4th floor.. the neighborhood watch!) this past week and my youngest and I went over early mornings to make and eat breakfast with her.. our "Oma" drove south for the funeral with her step children and she'll be back today. We all have nice memories of him, but the past 3 years he's been miserable with bad health and very heavy drinking.. which turned him into a person you couldn't be around. Our plan now is to support her as much as we can, to include her more again in our daily lives..

I also had a visit from André yesterday (his B-day)- he'd been by last week, for the first time in months. He seems to be doing really well again back on track, healthier in mind and body than I've ever seen. He's still living in a group home with quite down and out people (he said most of them are drunk by 4pm and most have been in prison) but he's staying positive and trying to give something back.. mostly in the form of being a friend/listener and cooking the mid-day meal. He's got the goal to show them that meat doesn't have to be a part of the meal to be delicious! I baked brownies and had vanilla ice cream.. I almost cancelled, because what I wanted most yesterday was to have a day to myself.. and he's been a no-show so many times. I felt the smallest bit of resentment for "having" to bake and spend my time.. but my daughter (who was also here) reminded me that he doesn't really have anyone to celebrate his birthday with.. and I thought of Byrdie baking cakes for people just for the heck of it, and I thought of just giving back, that even if he didn't show, it has more to do with intention.. not losing hope in people, including myself. He took us out for a nice meal (he invited me a year ago but then didn't show up several times) and said that he'd been looking forward and was so happy to finally be able to do it. An unexpectedly nice evening.. here's to never losing hope or giving up on ourselves.

Big hugs to all of you, Lav, NS, Byrdie, Wags, Choices, Rava, G-man, Pauly, Belle!.. I know I'm missing some people.. everyone flying by or stopping in to this lovely Nest today.. xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

LC - what a beautiful story! This is going to sound weird, but sometimes I get irritated that my large family all live nearby. I lived on a different coast for a while, and we had many holiday meals that were a mish mosh of people with many different stories. Now birthdays, holidays, etc. are all just my actual family for the most part. I love your pieced-together family stories. I know, I shouldn't complain, I am lucky to have the family around, but I do miss the "friends who are family" get-togethers (which I don't have as much time for). So nice your family can be there for Andre and your "granny."

Wow, Lav! We have to get ready to celebrate!

Hope doggy and mom heal quickly, Ava.

For some reason, my alarm goes off on the week days and I am sound asleep, but on the weekends when I can sleep in, I wake up early. Very annoying...

Overit - where's that paper-bag mug of yours?? Choices?

Happy SOBER Sunday!
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. What a heavy load he is carrying! It does indeed sound like he made a progression from a somewhat situational drinker (coping with a specific situation, albeit over several years) into a full alcoholic. As we all know, al does nothing but make things worse but that is so hard to see from the inside. The hopeful thing is that incidents like DUIs do sometimes serve as rock bottom and provide people with something to push against on a path upward again. My heart goes out to him with all that he's carrying though. I hope the kids are gradually becoming old enough to help with some things, although even teens and adult children still take emotional and physical energy.

LC - sounds like you're doing all you can for your "Oma" and I'm sure she appreciates it. Glad to also hear the update about Andre, and that you all were able to celebrate his birthday with him. Good on you for thinking past the tiny resentment and looking at the deeper aspects of giving and not losing hope in other people.

Hellos and waves to Byrdie, Lav, Ava, NS, Rava, Pav, G-man, and everyone else stopping by the nest this weekend. Hope you all have fantastic days and eves!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

x-post Pav - have a great day!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick fly by. Hello friends!

Have a great week out there.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey all,
Quick fly by here, too. Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Is the weekend over already? Ha ha, time flies
Sunny & chilly here ~ perfect for me.

LC, I was just thinking about your friend Andre. Glad to hear he is OK & moving forward. Nice that you celebrated his birthday! I'm sure he appreciates your kindness.
Sounds like Oma is lucky to have you as a neighbor as well :hug:

Slo, I hope your brother is OK & you as well. Maybe he will be willing to talk to you about his drinking at some point & I hope he does.
I tried talking to one of my brothers about his alcoholic behavior years ago when I realized he was really being nasty with some folks on Facebook including my daughter-in-law. The talk didn't go well, he ended up declaring me 'the ultimate bitch', Lol. I haven't seen or heard from him since, just as well.

Pav,my alarm on my iPhone has a mind of it's own too, ha ha!

Hello to Wags, G & Byrdie & everyone!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I know I used to drive under the influence at times, even with the kids in the car. I would never think of doing something so dangerous in my right mind, but after I'd had a couple of drinks? I thought I could "handle it". One of the many things that scares me to death about having just "a drink".. we become so irrational. For me, that's been one of the most important things to accept/reasons not to have one. I become a different person, someone I don't know and don't like and who does crazy, hurtful, careless things. Makes me sad that so many people suffer and struggle, become sick and die with a drug that is not only legal and easily available, but pushed on the public through every sort of social media and advertisement. ughh.
xx

LC, thanks for admitting that you used to drive under the influence and even with the kids in the car, because I did too. I remember over 10 years ago when someone in my life was driving drunk, and I just couldn’t believe anyone would do that! Then I fell that far.
Thanks for the update on your friend André, and good news about him too! So kind of you to put yourself out for his birthday too, a la Byrdie, which resulted in a nice evening.

Byrdie, I hope you had a good, hag-free weekend! I wish you still had your friend with you too. It’s such a blessing to have the companionship of a close neighbor, like you had.

Pav, the holiday season can be a hard time with either too many extra responsibilities, and/or being overextended with too many social obligations. And especially when you’re out in the public working full time at a stressful job, I can see why you would definitely want to balance that out with some relaxing evenings at home.

Ava, we’re living parallel lives with our mothers, as I recently took mine in for foot surgery too --but hammer toe surgery, so not as involved as a graft. Hopefully she heals up well, aided by your TLC.

It’s interesting to me that you are not going to the cocktail party, and you & Pav both talk about skipping such parties. I pictured sobriety as meaning that you still go to everything but just drink soda, yet you both are showing me that heavy drinking events lose their appeal, and it is perfectly ok to just bow out of them.

My brother lives sort of close, 30 minutes away. His kids are getting older, 10-12 years old now after recent birthdays. [MENTION=8356]Lavande[/MENTION], I am afraid of getting a bad reaction from my brother too if I don’t approach this right! But I but want him to feel supported, so will try a card with a note.

I think I saw Mr. G zip by! Kensho, Rava, Wagmor, Narilly, NS and everyone, wishing you a good week ahead.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi. Thanks for such great posts. You all are such quality individuals. Catching a cold here so going to bed, but checking in. Nighty night.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters. [MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION], I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. This may be a turning point in his life. Who knows? I have been listening to the Bubble Hour every day and am surprised to hear so many people that never reached a “bottom” with their drinking. They just simply made the decision to stop the madness. So that has been another way for me to look at it and quit trying to wait for that “bottom” to come. I had a great family weekend and made it to the other side with no issues! Already booked again for next year as we had so much fun. The only thing I’m not used to is the smell of the campfire. I had to come home and wash everything! Hope everyone has a great week ahead.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters!

Rava, we sure don't need to wait until we've lost everything we love, let alone wait for internal organ damage (e.g. liver, heart, brain, mind, sanity).

Have a beaut week y'all.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still sunny-ish and cooler than average here, I am grateful after such a hot summer

Slo, I imagine you may get a more positive reception from your brother than I did from mine. It's kinda obvious your brother is trying to soothe his emotional pain with AL (been there & done that myself). My brother has a long standing depression going on, actually started when he returned from VietNam. He never addressed his issues & took to heavy drinking to ease his discomforts. We all knew what he was doing but there was no real attempt to stop him. I got mad when I saw just how nasty he had become & lashing out at people that have nothing to do with him, like my young daughter-in-law. I wasn't going to sit quietly & let that continue. His loss as far as I'm concerned.

Kensho, hope you feel better soon.

Rava & G, good to see you both!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

What a day. I have to get a proposal out tonight, it has taken all day to gather the information from our techincal people. I hate this job.
I also hate AL, glad I dont drink. Hugs to all, Byrdie

Edit to add: I got the quote out at 9:08pm. This would have been impossible in the old days, I'd have been passed out by 9!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone, I will check back tomorrow and write more.

SLO, I am so sorry to hear about your brother, that is a really sad situation. Xo

LC, sorry about your GPa too.

I will post tomorrow when I’m not so bagged.

Xo

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Rava, so wonderful that you enjoyed your AF weekend away with family!
I too like to hear the stories of people who recognized alcohol becoming a problem for them and just stopped drinking before it became any more of a problem. Like Guitarista says, we don’t have to wait for health problems and bad accidents to happen.

Byrdie, so annoying & unfair that you have to work through the evening because upstream people dragged their feet getting the info to you.

Lav, sad about your brother. He had a double whammy with a bad childhood with your dad plus having to deal with the horrors of war in Vietnam. By now his alcohol problems must be pretty entrenched.

Kensho, you reminded me that I’m grateful to be cold-free! I already had my back-to-school-time cold that daughter brought home. Hope it’s a mild one for you. That’s so cool that you’ve noticed a knock-on effect, with your stopping drinking calming your husband down, and perhaps prompting him to mature some.

I have a couple of drinking events coming up on Thursday and Saturday that I’m not looking forward to being AF at, but at least by then the full moon will have turned, so I should feel more stable, and less batshit crazy!

Best of luck on your days today, everyone.