Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

The rain has arrived & we may be getting 2" (that we don't need). Still damp around here from the wet summer & early fall.

Rava, good to see you & glad you are doing well.

Hello to Slo, Pav & Kensho. Nice to hear everyone is working to maintain their quits - so vital
Kensho, sorry you are still not over your funk. I used to get bacterial sinus infections following a cold & ended up on antibiotics, yuck.

Byrdie, nice to hear you enjoyed your day & got a card from your 'new brother'. He sounds like a keeper

Hello to the rest of the crew & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Sattidy!
Ran some errands today, It has been a gorgeous day. I had to go to Walmart, man what a place. There were these two guys in front of me at the register with a boxer dog and they stood there and chit chatted with the cashier about the dog while the line grew longer and longer! NO regard for anyone else! At least I know what the dog eats and what toys he likes to play with. I’m a dog lover as much as the next one, but not in the Walmart line! I’m afraid I’m losing patience with my fellow man. I can see how old people get so cranky! Bah!
Mighty lean here in the nest, hope everyone’s just busy! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Just us today Byrdie? That's unusual.
A trip to Walmart is always entertaining, haha!!

No damage around here after last night's storm, thank goodness & no rain today. Didn't do anything spectacular but I kept myself busy & out of trouble
Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I can see what you’re saying, that your husband being negative about cruelty & hate in politics is causing you a double negative!
What kind of homemade costume did you make?

Byrdie, I’m so glad that dogs aren’t allowed in our Walmart! The only store around here that our dog could go into is Petco, and he marks his territory on the shelving! So I don’t take him in there either.
That’s sweet that your new brother reached out to you on your birthday. Some good came out of all of that!

Ava, exactly -your adult son doesn’t need to come home drunk and end up waking you up. It’s your space, and you don’t have to put up with it.
I am learning to be stronger with adult children (& an HB) who are disrespectful in my spaces, and becoming stronger about standing up to them as far as what I will tolerate in my space and what I won’t. I’m tired of being walked all over.

Pav, thanks for the podcast recommendations!
I’m just tired a lot -think I’m in “the flats” that you talked about, now that I’m over three months in to my quit.

My brother’s truck is officially totaled after his drunk driving accident, and it’s a company truck. So, that was a nice perk of his job that he will no longer have, and he has to buy his own vehicle from now on.
I am just so grateful that I got out of alco-HELL before getting an accident or a DUI!

My teenage daughter has had a continuously busy day with rehearsal for the high school choir’s Madrigal dinner in the AM, then zipped early from there directly to the high school Sectionals swim meet, then barely got to the Madrigal Feast on time to work as a serving wench (and find out how hard waitressing is!), then off to a party for a couple hours. But she does well when kept busy & involved, so all good.

Hello to Lavande, Guitarista, Wagmor, Lifechange, Rava, Narilly, & everyone else too.

[mywayin]

Re: Newbies Nest

Don't have much right to complain but the nest is so quiet!

I hope y'all are doing good.

Plodding along here with constant challenges and anguish (seemingly endless family law-suit, the ensuing financial stress and the health problems that creates). The situation has been daunting but being AF has allowed me to do my best and I'm confident that soon we'll be out of the woods with our current problems. Which would not have happened if I was just drowning my worries.
When all is said and done, whatever the outcome, I will be proud of myself to have committed myself and done my best to solve things.

And we will be grandparents this spring. That really changes my outlook, the rest seems much less significant in the whole picture of things.
I'm very happy to be in my full spirits to be of help to the new parents, even if that includes sleepless nights!

Gotta get going with another day.
Lots of AF wishes to you all, including half-brothers, chickens, husbands, mothers, etc.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters! Can I say I absolutely hate the time change and shorter days! At least I am not planning on drinking that misery away. I am still on the Bubble Hour, This Naked Mind and Safe Recovery. They are my favorites. Of course I also like listening to Dirty John, which has nothing to do with this site. LOL. I have reread the Rational Recovery book, The New Cure for Substance Addiction. I am reminded how I quit the last 2 times and this book has gotten me back to the AVRT thinking. It has also reminded me that I drink because I am addicted to the pleasure it provides me. I don’t need an excuse, I just want to drink. When I am in this mindset it helps me. So many times in the last few months, I didn’t have an issue I just drank. So for me, I drink because I like to. I don’t need a particular reason. So there is no alcohol in my house anymore. I am reminded that the beast brain wants to drink and I dont. I am shutting down the thoughts every chance I get. Last night the thoughts were strong, but I got thru it on the other side. I dont drink anymore..... Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

SLO, a serving wench! :haha:

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,Rava,yep I hate the time change too! Takes me about 2 weeks to get sleeping and waking patterns right,grrrrr,great job on going back to the basics sometimes I think that's just what we need Byrdie,that would drive me bananas in the Walmart check out line too,especially the Walmart checkout cuz it already seems slow enough waves to everyone and wishes for a happy AF Sunday!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Rava, I LOVED Dirty John... I love those mindless escapes. You're sounding strong. I think that's the case - we all want to find a "why" to our drinking, but ultimately we just drank too much. Why doesn't so much matter as much as finding a way forward. Of course healing pain or anxiety or whatever is underlying, but in the final assessment, we just need not to drink. Simple but not easy.

SLO - If NoSugar is reading this, maybe she'll post the "In Between" post that she shares every so often. I think it is a great contemplation of "now what."

I HATE the shorter days. I get anxiety starting now about the dark. I REALLY need to deal with that - I think that part of my anxiety is just anxiety about getting anxious. More mindfulness! What am I grateful for? I just got my first double invitation for a day in December - one lunch and one dinner on the same day. I really, really think we should be holed up in our caves around the fire this time of year. I have to say no to some things, I have to pull up my big girl pants and go to others. The key is an exit strategy and balance in other parts of my life.

Happy SOBER Sunday. Hope everyone else is doing well.

xo
Pav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hiya evabody,

Pav, i have a double invitation this week. A lunch with old friends which i look forward to, then that night a dinner put on by an org i do some work with. The dinner is described as low key and casual, but it'll still be a little nerve racking for me. Hang on, it's actually the thought of it that is nerve racking. It'll probably be a blast. I'll be out of my comfort zone amongst a few strangers, but maybe i can practice my listening skills and try not to talk about ME too much lol.

I've often wondered about the 'why' i drank. I have also concluded that it's less important at this stage than to just stop boozing and if i need to, i can work it out later. But i reckon it's mainly that i like the numbing effect and to just take 'time out'. Problem with that is when it becomes a 24/7 past time. It will also shorten my lifespan drastically.

Yo Pauly, S'up. Slo, you're raaawkin it over 3 months AF! Friend Kensho approaching 1 year!!! Big raaawk star!

Hope your week is an easier one Byrdy.

Have a great week ahead. big waves to all.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I agree about disliking the days becoming dark earlier in the pm, but I do actually appreciate having it get light earlier. Now that I'm a non-drinker I'm mostly a morning person. For me it feels decadent to "sleep in" until 7am

Just a quick fly-by for me today cuz I have to teach in about an hour. Happy November everyone!!!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Slo, my son came home drunk but he behaved, it breaks my heart to see him drunk but i cant get it into his head that al takes and takes and as we know we cant make people stop drinking. i have very strict rules on al in my house and he knows if these are not respected then he knows where the door is. Do you know if your brother is still drinking?

Rava, great work on getting the al out of the house, that al voice quietens with time until you just close the door on it completely. Ive had a stressful few weeks and i did think that having a drink would just make me forget but i know that al would take everything off me that i have gained in the past years. i have though kept away from it completely, if i have a glimpse of a thought that is enough for me to back off from the world and focus on me. I have my tools and support always which i use and have done so. Nothing and no one will make me drink now. Keep up the great work.

Pav, we have just had daylight savings come in and i am loving the extra sunshine, i dont go out in it but i like it! I am sure the dark brings out my anxiety also although anything at the moment seems to do that. I am blaming menopause. I was talking to my son the other day and i told him i was a bit emotional and he said to me so you arent going to use "your menopausal excuse now, its emotional?" Yep exactly but i have gone back to menopausal.

How are you Pauly? Waves Myway and congrats on your impending grandbaby.

G, i always seem to talk about me if i am nervous. I would so like to stop that, i have a need to fill the silence with my voice. Have a great time and you will be fine. For the first year i concentrated on just not drinking, the 2nd year i tried to figure out why i drank and by that time i was ready to delve a bit deeper. i still wonder at which point i stepped over the edge and became an alkie but it evades me and thats ok.

Im having today off as a public holiday tomorrow, i will do some work from home but i am going to visit my daughter and have lunch and a haircut then i will call in and see a friend for coffee on the way home. I am still sad but moving on, i cant be swallowed up with heartache so been keeping busy. found an op shop yesterday that had a sale on dresses for $5 each so i just had to buy 7. i love dresses.

Take care xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Found it :smile:

In-Between - Melody Beattie

In-Between
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, and what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but we’re not.
We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.


Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.

[Elvis]

Re: Newbies Nest

One day, many many years ago, I chose to drink alcohol. I entered that relationship on my own free will, so that's on me. I've accepted that and I can't change what's done. But I also chose to quit, so that's on me too.

Yeah, so four years sober. This past year has been a real eye-opener for me. I did a lot of traveling, attended some really special events, and made a lot of new friends. It's not missed on me that all of this was possible because I'm no longer getting high on alcohol every damn moment that I could. I started fixing myself four years ago and it's paying off big time. My confidence has gone up. I'm trying new things I never thought I'd do. I'm meeting new people. I'm picking up new and old hobbies again. I'm starting and finishing projects around the house. I'm improving my body at the gym and with what I fuel it with. I'm taking the initiative at work. I look forward to waking up every morning alert and well rested and ready to tackle the day. Feels pretty damn good.

This was also a year where I learned a lot about others. I watched some friends grow as well. Some are at the beginning of their journey to better alcohol free life and others have more time under their belts than me. Each one has had amazing things happen to them that no doubt if asked any one of them, they'd tell me none of it was possible while they were drinking. Still, I worry all the time about others who haven't accepted their drinking problem, or have and are struggling. Beating alcohol addiction boils down to two words -- don't drink. Sounds simple, right? But we know it isn't. All we can do is keep at it and learn from it when we fall. The most important advice that I can give, is don't ever give up. One day will be your last Day 1 ever. And when that happens, you will know and WOW, will your eyes open!

You can do it too. It's on you.

Take care my friends. :heartbeat:

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

So glad to see everyone checking in today

Myway, hello & congrats on your soon to be grandbaby!!!
The arrival of my first grandson is exactly what made me stop the nonsense & quit for good. I am so grateful I did because I haven't missed a moment with him & he's turning 10 later this month. I hope the family situation works out so you can relax & enjoy.

Ava, $5 dresses? Really? Wow, that's quite a sale
Do what you have to do to make yourself happy & feel secure in your life. You have earned the right to happiness :hug:

Rava, even after all this time I find myself repeating 'I don't drink anymore' & my brain settles right down. Keep telling yourself that over & over & you will do fine

Slo, your daughter sounds like a real go-getter - good for her!!!
I love it when the kids stay involved & try new things. I'll bet the serving wench job won't be in her future, ha ha!!

Hello to Byrdie, Pauly, G, Wags & everyone!
NS, thanks for posting that article - very good reading.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav