Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

PAV….. I did the romanticizing thing last night. Actually imagined what it would be like to just give up and become a drinker again. That rush of pleasure for about 30 min - like NOTHING matters except that chill feeling. But then I thought about how that wears off (quickly!) And remembered how I would be left with SUCH remorse and self-loathing. It scares me when I think like that, but they are just thoughts - not the same as actions. I know in my heart of hearts what alcohol would do to me. I’d be right back to that very lame, directionless, dishonest place and wish I was back at 332 days AF (but I would have to start at the beginning again). No thank you.

I vote skirts. Best for my shape, and so versatile. HA!

G, Mr. Musicman, congrats on your pressings. Keep the world alive with your art! Great work!

LC, nice to see you. As discussed, funks and thoughts will pass. I hope you check in more often and know that you’re not alone and we are here for you!

Hi [MENTION=17240]Stewarts[/MENTION]! I’m sorry you’re struggling. It is an awful thing for an addict to try to control our substance… it always seems to end up controlling us. I think that’s the thing I hated the most when I was drinking. Alcohol addiction is a progression, so it gets harder and harder to moderate. You’re not losing your mind for this - it’s just how some of us are wired. Pull up a twig here in the Nest, glad you’re here.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

TFIF in Australia

Well i have 9 more 5am starts and then my coworker comes back from her holiday. i would not do this for the PA or anyone else for that matter but she is a lovely girl who has only been here a year and has had so much work piled on her. it will be nice to have her back knowing she doesnt have a months work to do but damn i am tired. i even had a 2 hour nap when i got home from work yesterday and did manage to get to sleep at 11pm so i am feeling pretty refreshed, not!

Pav, yep i get you about thinking about drinking. I am putting it down to the first of a breakup that i just have to get through and thanfully i have a great support network and a million tools to fall back on. the other week my girls were going to come over and were going to drink, so i cancelled that and told them i cant be around al. they are coming this weekend and i feel fine that the temptation has gone for the moment and if i dont feel good around al then i will tell them. the last thing they want is their mum to start boozing again.

Have started my xmas shopping and know what the children want. Online is so good as i dont like the crowds. Will have a couple of weeks off work also and do absolutely nothing.

Welcome back Stewarts, i agree with Byrd, give it 30 days and see how you go. Pav and i are coming up to 5 years sober in December and there is no way i could even contemplate now of having just a couple and being able to control it. Im an alcoholic and addicted to alcohol. End of story, for me it would be all or nothing and i choose nothing. Keep on here.

well back to the salt mines. take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back Stu!

Al has made me lose my mind. I got it back to a large degree when i stopped. That was my only hope. Everything improved rapidly. Good to see you.

I am romanticising sobriety. Romanticising the sober life takes me another step towards the idea of long term sobriety and keeps me in that loop. But all i gotta do is get through this day, right Byrdy? All i've got is today.

Thanks all for your congrats on the music. It is part of who i am, and once again after too long a time, i'm back on the map. Some of the work is pretty good if i say so meself lol.

Big waves to all.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

When I get stressed like I am now I find my thoughts of alcohol to be much more often, and much more through rose-colored glasses. I know that is alcohol lying to me, but I really do have to be vigilant. I need to take time to remember the realities of my relationship with alcohol - which doesn't take much - and I need to remember to actively let those thoughts float by. Romanticizing alcohol is one step toward relapse - the final one actually being drinking. Stay vigilant, ask for help when you need it. This is a tough time for some trying to stay sober. We're here for you.

PAV….. I did the romanticizing thing last night. Actually imagined what it would be like to just give up and become a drinker again. That rush of pleasure for about 30 min - like NOTHING matters except that chill feeling. But then I thought about how that wears off (quickly!) And remembered how I would be left with SUCH remorse and self-loathing. It scares me when I think like that, but they are just thoughts - not the same as actions. I know in my heart of hearts what alcohol would do to me. I’d be right back to that very lame, directionless, dishonest place and wish I was back at 332 days AF (but I would have to start at the beginning again). No thank you.

Pav, yep i get you about thinking about drinking. I am putting it down to the first of a breakup that i just have to get through and thanfully i have a great support network and a million tools to fall back on. the other week my girls were going to come over and were going to drink, so i cancelled that and told them i cant be around al. they are coming this weekend and i feel fine that the temptation has gone for the moment and if i dont feel good around al then i will tell them. the last thing they want is their mum to start boozing again.

It seems to me the urges and romantic thoughts are totally normal and to be expected. I've certainly had them recently with the stuff of life dragging me down. Like you guys, I just don't pay attention to them anymore. Last night my response to the Very Bad Idea was some trail mix, kombucha, and a long hot salt bath.

When we were addicted, we could have these sensible, logical thoughts and elaborate plans not to drink when we woke up, full of regrets about the night before, but by the witching hour, all bets were off. That inability to stick with my "morning resolutions" was one of the most mystifying and terrifying things about addiction - it felt like I had no control over my own actions. And in some ways, I didn't. I know that back then, I would have taken the quick and easy route to relaxation (oblivion) rather than what I chose to do to calm down last night.

If people can just give their brains long enough to heal, the rationale brain becomes able to stay in charge and make the better choice when those romantic thoughts or desires arise. No one wants to hear it at the beginning but recovering does take time. MWO gives us a good place to spend it while we evolve into non-drinkers and it helps us remember why we made that change in the first place. I sure don't want to forget!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

If people can just give their brains long enough to heal, the rationale brain becomes able to stay in charge and make the better choice when those romantic thoughts or desires arise. No one wants to hear it at the beginning but recovering does take time. MWO gives us a good place to spend it while we evolve into non-drinkers and it helps us remember why we made that change in the first place. I sure don't want to forget!

Hiya NS. I reckon this is an important observation. Thanks. Have a great weekend, and same to evabody.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check in, I am at the airport heading to Vancover. I’m going to see my brother which is always stressful but at least I don’t have to worry about drinking too much.

I’ll be back!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

G, NS, that is a good observation

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Welcome back Stewarts!
I agree with the majority here - give it 30 days & see how you feel. Everything changed, especially my thinking after 30 AF days. I'm coming up on 10 years in March & there's no going back for me. You can do it too

Great to see everyone checking in today. I love the exchange of thoughts & ideas & sharing what's on our minds. There's strength in numbers & we work together to keep this nest AF.. It doesn't get better than that

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Friday, all!
Just getting underway this morning. Phone already ringing with problems....we are supposed to call them 'Opportunities' but they are problems to me.
Looking forward to the weekend to recharge. It's only Friday, NOT a ticket to BoozeVille! :rara: Now back on your heads! Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Welcome, Stewarts. Yes, that morning promise followed by the evening drink. I pretended as if I were making that decision to drink rather than having it made for me by my circumstance. I know you don't believe it now, but if you quit you WILL get to that point where 1) you don't care about social situations sober and 2) if you encounter a social situation you don't like, you will leave! rather than drink. Looking back at my journal for the year before I quit, the most often used word is fear. Now I have no idea why I was so fearful. I have found FREEDOM. You got this, Stewarts.

I know that Ellie who founded the Bubble Hour and had a sobriety blog and business drank after 5 years sober. I keep her story in my mind as a cautionary tale. Her dad died, she got sick, and she was a perfectionist not asking for help. One day when making cookies she just chugged the thing of vanilla extract and was off to the races. We MUST take care of ourselves and intentionally build and strengthen our sobriety tools, especially entering the "holiday" season!

Happy Friday - take care of yourselves and don't drink, no matter what!

Pav

[Marylou123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Everyone!

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted and just wanted to pop in for a visit. I remain gratefully, happily, peacefully sober! Although I haven’t read too far back, I’m glad to see so many old, and new, friends doing the same.

Welcome back Stewarts! That rat bastard alcohol. For people like me -alcoholics!- it’s like Byrdie says — an allergy. Non-drinkers, even “normal” drinkers, never have to worry about the allergy. But if I have just one drink, that dang allergy kicks right in. And rather than breaking out in hives, or having a sneezing fit, my allergy made me crave more booze. And it wouldn’t let me stop until I got stupid looped or blacked out. I tried so many times to stop, every excuse and plan to stop you could think of . Given the state of our politics, especially here in FL, and the heartbreak of so many shootings — I could easily find excuses to drink now even.

BUT MY SOBRIETY COMES FIRST! I can do nothing about anything if I drink. I never, ever want my life to go back to what is was. Alcohol, specifically white wine ��, controlled me. Now I do. And that is freedom. Stick to it dear friend - it is so worth it. Take the advice others here freely give - they know what they’re talking about.

My deepest gratitude and love to Brydie, NS, Pav, Ava, Lav, LC, Narilly, Gman, Cowboy, Kensho, and others here. Coming up on five and looking forward to the holidays.

Love and hugs and don’t drink!
~Mary

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Don't know why I am so exhausted today but it's OK. I have myself planted on the sofa for the evening with a hot cup of decaf & no where to go, haha!
I did visit the allergy doc today & have found that I am allergic to at least three common chemicals (used in everything we use like cleaners, soaps, shampoos, makeup, etc). Some of the test spots are still developing so I have to go back Monday for another reading ~ swell. Seems kinda stupid to be developing allergies at this age but it is what it is I guess.

Byrdie, I hope you have a peaceful weekend & same to you Pav

Mary Lou, nice to see you dropping in & hear your good news. Great job on your AF time!!!!!

Hello to the rest of the crew & wishing everyone a safe 7 comfy night in the nest. It's 40 degrees & raining here, not comfy, LOL

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=8356]Lavande[/MENTION], I’m planted on the sofa too, with the fire running on this snowy evening. So nice!
I guess you’ll have to switch to all natural products due to your allergies.

Welcome, [MENTION=17240]Stewarts[/MENTION]. I tried to moderate for forever too, and with some stops & starts. Yes, we can successfully moderate some of the time, but unfortunately not all of the time.

So nice to have you post, [MENTION=20527]Marylou123[/MENTION]! You too are approaching 5 years?! And looking FORWARD to the holidays? -must be doing well with your sobriety then!

Wow, [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION], you’re a nice coworker. But, that’s one way to retain another nice coworker! 9 days is kind of a long way to go yet. Hopefully she can return the favor for you someday.
You are wise to keep away from people drinking AL while you are in this vulnerable period after your breakup.

I’m drinking lots of lemon water today, [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION]!

Byrdie, you have the “opportunity” to solve problems! Yikes.

[MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION], your bone broth simmering on the stove sounded so good. Chicken broth? I have made chicken bone broth, but never beef. It sounds harder.

[MENTION=7261]Guitarista[/MENTION], “I am romanticizing sobriety” -love it! Good strategy.

[MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION], recovery does take time. You have to slog through the difficult “in between” time that you posted about. That involves laying low, craving sugar, having low energy, and feeling a bit down.
So, since we’d have to go through all that again, it’s a good reason for us to keep the quits we have!

Goodnight, Nest.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

So, since we’d have to go through all that again, it’s a good reason for us to keep the quits we have!

Isn't that the truth! Just like your signature says:

Once a pickle, never a cucumber again.

I don't mind being a pickle -- think how much longer they last than cucumbers :smile:!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey nest.
Ive been cleaning out closets today. Yuck! I got rid of a bunch of files and stuff from my previous jobs. Tossed the award plaques they gave me. Felt good to get rid of that stuff. I also ran across an Alcoholics Anonamous book I bought in Feb of 2010, still had the receipt in it. I struggled for the next 11 months, until I finally kicked it to the curb. I remember the day I bought it. I was at Barnes and Noble and I asked the lady for the book, she located it for me, she asked if it was for a friend, I said, ‘No, it’s for me’ and she got a funny look on her face, like she felt sorry for me. It took a lot of courage for me to go in and ask for that book. Getting rid of it made me remember just how far I have come in this journey. I never want to go back to that life. Getting rid of AL filled me with fear. What should have filled me with fear is NOT getting rid of it!
Hope everyone has an easy evening! Byrdie