Newbies Nest

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters. Such wonderful posts yesterday. NS and Kensho your posts hit hope with me about realizing that alcohol is not an option and you need to learn other ways of coping. [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION], don’t beat yourself up, today is another day. Hope everyone has a good day today. I am on Day 5.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning, all:

I missed a lot, I see.

LC - I worry about you when we don't see you here in the nest. I echo all of the sentiment you've heard here in the nest so far, and I'll add my own story... I started reading here long before I joined. Back then there were more posters who would come, join the nest or tell their stories on new threads and then disappear. I never tried to quit in that time - I was very smug in my own thoughts of "well, at least I'm not THAT bad..." I thought that of everyone here - I'm not bad enough to have done X, I never did Y, I can control this and become a nice, moderate drinker. When I first made a profile and posted, I knew I had to pretend I was quitting forever because I knew that Byrdie, Lav and NS would call bullsh$$ on me if I said I wanted to moderate. However, in my mind, I was coming here for 90 days only, and by the end of that 90 days, I would be a new, shiny, moderate drinker. Well, I think I was here for a week or two, and then a concert came up, and well, I just HAD to drink at the concert, so I just quit posting here and resumed drinking. That began my final month of drinking, which, as you read above, did not end well. But I actually read some hope in those posts of mine. There was no illusion in the back of my mind that I was different, or not that bad, and there was no illusion in the back of my mind that I could actually continue drinking and keep the life I wanted. As scary as that was, it was actually so freeing! I didn't have to manipulate my life any more, lie to myself and others, hide and live in fear. And I came to understand the paradox of one day at a time AND forever. I remember someone gave me the advice that sometimes it was one minute at a time. The point is, each time I wanted a drink, I knew all I had to do was get through this minute, then this minute, then this minute, and I also knew that for me, alcohol was NOT a choice I could make. I did come here to read and post - almost as much as Ava - and I also read drinking memoirs, blogs, listened to podcasts, and got advice and support from anyone I could.

That is all a long way of saying that we believe in you - you can believe in yourself. I got a lot of help from one-to-one therapy. I told her EVERYTHING and she was sympathetic and stern - she actually said, "you, my dear, are an alcoholic." It was the first time I allowed myself to even hear that label. She helped my peel back the lies I was telling myself, and she also helped me make a plan to move forward, to stop feeling as much shame as I did, and to understand when and why I was drinking so much so that I could stop.

As I have said probably too many times, this is simple but not easy. Each sober stint you have is a win - another day you are not drinking. Keep believing in yourselves, LC, Rava, Hypernova and everyone. We believe in you!

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I went digging through the past last night and found these posts (amongst others) that changed my life:

Photo from Byrdie December 12, 2017:
Screenshot 2018-12-04 08.26.44.png

Repost from NS Dec. 11, 2017:
"...the obsession is the addiction, not the quantity. What you've written above perfectly describes addiction if you leave out the references to amounts (which we use to tell ourselves a story we want to believe- that we're not that bad). I lied to myself about volumes anyway. One glass isn't one glass if you continuously top it off - and an empty bottle discovered in the morning doesn't lie. A shot at 4 pm counts as one. Most of us drank more than we admitted to others - or ourselves. But my point is, it doesn't matter. It's great if you don't overdrink and risk harming yourself or others and you very likely could live that way, planning carefully when and how much to drink for many, many years. Maybe that will be what you choose to do. And maybe you'll even stay within your proscribed limits most of the time. But in my opinion you'll be paying a very high and unnecessary price, missing out on an unaddicted, obsession-free life. Like Pav's avatar says, we've had the power all along. I so hope you decide to use yours. xx"

And AVA's the same day:
"...we are not normal drinkers who can match wine with food. we are alcoholics, end of story. we either completely stop or we keep on the never ending merry-go-round of addiction. i refuse to feed that part of my brain that is laying in wait for me to have that sip of al. i didnt start as a 2 bottle a day drinker but that is how i finished! alcohol was my best friend back in the day, al understood me when i thought no one else did, al never spoke harshly to me, al never judged me and al accepted who i was. i gave up and lost my best friend al over four years ago. al died and he was buried. even though it was the hardest decision i had to make as i procrastinated i wasnt that bad, i could have a few and stop, i wasnt as bad as other people, if i tried i could be normal, i am only hurting myself, it relaxes me, i need it as i have had a bad day, it helps me sleep, it helps me in social situations, it helps me cope better, i can get through family gatherings if i drink, the sun is shining, the kids are annoying me, the traffic was bad, work was bad, someone pissed me off and the list goes on and on and on and on. We all have a book on the justification of drinking but i do know that my life 4 years sober is a hell of a lot better than battling with myself daily when i drank. I dont really give a f#ck what other people think of me as i am a good and nice person, i treat people as i would expect and like to be treated. This is what we learn sober, we learn tools to deal with life situations without the crap of al and all that it brings. i nearly lost everything drinking and not material things but myself, who i was and what i wanted. i was defensive and angry and sad and lonely, confused, guilty, ashamed and blamed everyone else for my life except for me and i just kept justifying to myself each and every day until i stopped the al and then i healed. people noticed how much happier i was to be around and the dynamics changed as time went on. Only we can make the choice to change and hope that passes on through to others. life is way too short, we only get one life to live and for that i am grateful that i have extended my life by giving up al."

I am eternally grateful for the more somber, heavy tone in these posts - they pushed me over the edge to deciding to make the choice for a better life.

It's another quiet morning here - I get some office time! That is a double edged sword for me, because I get to be in a quiet environment, but sometimes I get distracted and do things that are not work! HA! Time to make that to do list for the day. Hope everyone decides to reach for a better life. It's SO worth it.

[mywayin]

Re: Newbies Nest

[/QUOTE] I really don't give a rat's a$$ what people think about me anymore. There are blessings of age

Lav[/QUOTE]

“When you’re 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you’re 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place. You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
— Winston Churchill

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm so happy for you, [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION], and thankful that you were able to take critical posts in the spirit in which they were offered - not with judgement but with hope that you could find your way out. And you did :smile:!

All of the interesting posts lately have gotten me thinking about how we think and talk about addiction and recovery. Like [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION], I'm not wild about "surrender" because it suggests defeat or giving up. In fact, it is just the opposite - when we quit, we win. As [MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION] wrote:

I didn't have to manipulate my life any more, lie to myself and others, hide and live in fear.

Freedom like that is a VICTORY!

Instead of surrendering to it, I accept the truth that I cannot safely drink. Knowing that, I'm back to being in control because it is entirely up to me whether I take a drink, knowing that if I do, I surrender control to alcohol - and it invariably wins.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, Nesters..
Thank you so much again for your encouragement and lack of judgement. I feel relieved and very touched.
I'm glad this day is coming to an end and am spending the last hour with my youngest.
I want to be a part of the land of the living, not the deadened. See you tomorrow morning.:hug:

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

well some great posts here as usual. It reinforces my sobriety reading each day. Left to my own devices and moving away from here would be detrimental to my health, i know that! my family ask me why i keep coming back to MWO each and every day and i always say i need to be accountable, it may be 5 years of sobriety but if i dont work at it daily bad things could happen. i see daily the effects of alcohol, working in a hospital and it isnt pretty. It doesnt matter what age the person is, i can feel their pain and i empathise with them, i am one of the lucky ones and for that i am grateful each and every day. I know alcohol kills, i never thought i would be one of "those" people but i would have been eventually, you cant continually ingest that much poison and hope to get out alive.

Today i am back to the grind, waking at 4.15am was a killer but its a short week and a busy one. I cant wait to see my co-workers and a year ago i would never have said that statement. Now to work on a payrise!

Kensho, i think sometimes the hard truth is a wake up call or we are ready to accept that the oldies are right. Like Pav, i thought i could moderate and i wasnt THAT bad as Byrd was! it took me years to figure out how she put al into hairspray bottles as we only had aerosol cans back then! i did think she was very clever! Lav was my hard taskmaster, not much could get past her and not much does now. NS was my good cop, understanding how i felt but pushing me gently to just get on with it. Luckily i listened to all three and am now to the place i belong as you are, with not many sleeps to go for your year!

Well i had better go and do some work, the emails are never ending though i may do a bit of online shopping before the madness begins.

take care xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ah, Ava, the hairspray bottle. Didn't seem so odd at the time....seems CRAZY NOW! I was always thinking about my next drink....even if I had one in my hand. NS, your words are even more true now....it's not necessarily the quantity, but the obsession. Sadly, in my case, it was both. Even I was alarmed at the quantities. Sheesh, my brain had to look like the one in that picture!
As I approach my 8th year next month, I can tell you this....not drinking just becomes a non issue. It just isn't 'a thing' at all anymore. I was a very resistant case, and this didn't happen overnight, but it happened one night at a time.
Great posts, all! Kensho, we are getting ready for your big milestone! Great post above, BTW.
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great posts everyone, Life, hang in there and just focus on getting through today.

I’ll be back.

Don’t drink today.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, Nesters..
Thank you so much again for your encouragement and lack of judgement. I feel relieved and very touched.
I'm glad this day is coming to an end and am spending the last hour with my youngest.
I want to be a part of the land of the living, not the deadened. See you tomorrow morning.:hug:

Yay!! You raaawk LC.

morning nesters

I cant wait to see my co-workers and a year ago i would never have said that statement. Now to work on a payrise!

Ava, so your work/office environment and vibe sounds much better now? Go git that well deserved payrise!

Hola nesters.

Loving the vibe here. Positive, real, full of hope and real optimism. Living sober is living in the real world. It means facing reality, real situations and issues, events, drama's, problems, solutions. For every problem i have a solution. yep, you heard that right. I am so heartened today as i read here. I'm buoyed by extra hope and good feelings for my life and days ahead. I love it Kensho how you are fast approaching 1 year! Positive lifechanging words and vibes abound right here right now in the nest and in my heart and soul. Day 84 for this G bloke on the trail to infinity with no limits.

Go git it pilgrims!

[Feebee]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi. It was nice to read your posts, Nesters.

I’m well, computerless, thankful for my phone, but it is a challenge for me to text. I’ll survive, I’m sure.

Holiday excitement is in full swing. I feel great and grateful to be sober and feel the clear head.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Turning cold here in my portion of the nest once again. Now my forsythia will be sorry it started blooming a few days ago - crazy!

mywayin, I think I have become Winston Churchill at this point, ha ha!
There's no denying his words, that's for sure

LC, I see that today was better for you & I'm glad.
I made a solemn vow to myself to never touch another drop of AL. I wanted to be proud of myself & it worked. Do something similar & be proud too :hug:

Looks like there's quite a few anniversaries coming up in our nest. That makes me proud & reinforces my decision to quit & stay quit. It was the right decision for me, one I have never regretted. We can all do this together

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

So many great posts these past few days!

Kensho - I've been off my habit of posting daily too, and like you I really want to get back. I've done better over the past 5-10 days but still am not hitting my target. It will come for me, and it will for you too. I think it's ok to post about whatever you want to and have time for, even if that's mostly about yourself! I've sometimes wished I liked weed as it would be an "easy" substitute for drinking - but two problems: I don't really like the feeling, and simply having this substitute would rob me from all the growth I've had to do by not just swapping one vice for another. You're doing fine just as you are, and I think the best "let loose" you can have is the joy of really living your life - which you are!!!

NS - loved the knitting story/example. Fantastic really. It seems the key is that you really stayed true to your original goal and desire, and you didn't let all of those temptations to take an easier path lure you off course.

LC - sending you hugs and support. I really hear the pain and fatigue in your words, and I wish I could lift some of that for you friend. I know you didn't ask for suggestions so I hesitate to jump in and offer any, but as one small piece could you consider a commitment to post here first if you're tempted to drink? I know there isn't always someone here, but the simple act of hopping into the nest and remembering you are NOT alone might just give you the boost you need to get past the temptation. Thinking of you and will check back tomorrow in the hopes that you're here again :heartbeat: :hug:

Hypernova - glad to hear you're getting some momentum. I agree, after a few days under your belt quits become much easier. The first day is always the worst day, which is the best motivation to never have to have another! Keep posting and letting us know how you're doing. You've got a whole team in your corner

I love seeing so much activity in the nest, and I'm glad I've been getting my butt back in here with all of you. I know holidays are tough times for many. If that includes you, please strap yourself in tight with extra velcro.

Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by today/tonight. Protect your quits!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

I feel so deeply grateful to be Un-hung on this Wednesday morning. Yesterday was such a heavy and depressing slog of a day, but I forced myself to feel every minute of it and didn't let myself get out of any of my normal daily duties.. did have to take a pain killer in the late morning to take a bit of the edge off for work, but I still felt the consequences of drinking. I'm not really sure what the next step is, aside from taking each day as it comes with my eye on "forever". I'm afraid to make too many promises to myself because I've let myself down so many times before. I feel like a con-woman and I want to get to a place where I can believe what I say. I can believe in my intentions in this moment. I want to be happy and free and I want to move forward in my life.. Drinking causes such misery and heartache, insecurity and complete loss of self worth. I don't want to forget this reality ever again.. I learned to block pain and discomfort at a very young age and never really learned how to sit with it and accept it and let it pass. I've had some positive experiences with it the past few years and have come a bit further along.. but I still have problems facing the truth. I can make the commitment to come here each and every morning and evening, and during the day if I'm struggling. And as I promised myself long ago, to come here and post, directly, if I'm feeling the urge to drink.
All of the posts here have made me feel hopeful again. See you this afternoon..xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

X-Post Wags.. thank you. I am definitely open to any and all suggestions! I have to pull out all of my old Tools and any additional advice gives me, at the very least, something to think about. I've known all of you here for a long time and you keep growing and moving forward, while I've stayed at a certain point. I won't get down on myself, because I have made some progress.. but getting to the next point, achieving sobriety, doing the hard work of dealing with my self, finding true acceptance.. at times I've thought and felt like I've accepted, have felt it deep in my heart. But then at some point I've drunk again. I think my core problem is dishonesty.. along with blocking pain, I began lying at a very young age to "deal" with life.. I was always two different people and I've carried that into adulthood. There's a part of me who feels deep shame and doesn't want to let on who I really am.. actually, that has improved with age and time. But it still isn't gone.. there's a residual bit that I'm not even aware of at times. It just automatically comes out. A lie. Probably with the intention of protecting myself.. but I don't really need to protect myself in such a way anymore. I'm a grown up and I can think first, not just react.. and find other ways to deal with my fear. So along with not drinking for any reason, coming here first, I have to pay close attention to what I'm thinking and saying, to myself and others.. The Truth. These things go hand in hand.