Newbies Nest

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters. LC you are already sounding stronger. So glad you are posting here. I’m too new to give any advice, So I will just say I’m glad you are here where you will gets lots of good advice and support. Hope you are doing well Hypernova and Feebee. Being part of this group is so helpful. I can’t list everyone and feel bad about that but I do read each and every post every day. Thanks everyone for all the good words and support without any judgment!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Rava! I love seeing your sunshine here in the Nest, and hearing what you have to say.
Hypernova, I hope you’ve gotten over your 4-Day hump. Day 4s are hard.
Glad it’s going well, Feebee! Bad timing to lose your computer right when you started posting.

Pavati, I too lurked for a long, long time; and thinking I wasn’t “that bad”. And sure I could figure out how to moderate if I just tried one more time! Over & over again. Finally I concede that alcohol always wins, and I won’t surrender to it, as NS says.

LC, you said you learned to block pain & discomfort at a young age. Many of us here were overwhelmed with too much pain & insecurity to handle at a young age, and so developed those coping mechanisms. So it is perfectly understandable why you/we are still struggling with these deeply entrenched patterns. Also, some of us were raised in a way where it was unacceptable to even have feelings, emotions, & opinions. “Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about!” is how I was raised!

I too am always casting about for a new way to de-stress and calm down. I never developed a pot habit, and it’s not even legal here yet, so won’t go that route. I tried a meditation technique a couple times last week from a book called, “The Open-Focus Brain: Harnessing the Power of Attention to Heal Mind & Body” that was pretty good. Nothing I want to do every day, but I think it could be very helpful to do a few times a week.

Wishing everyone a good AF day!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,Slo,my dad used to say "stop blubbering" every time I cried while growing up,heck even when I was crying over my cousin's husband getting killed in a car wreck he said that to me so I'm sure I have a messed up way of dealing with emotions! Hyper,day 5 today? That first week just blows,if ever there's a deterent to drink it should be remembering that yucky feeling,Rava,you're sounding good LC,honesty is important and I always feel people should just go ahead and post even WHILE struggling,I was on a bender once and posted in steppers whining about how I just had to go buy beers to stop my shakes and one of the members called me on my bullshit and told me to screw the beer and get it together! Take the bull by the horns! Her words woke me up right then,nobody's judging and if they are they probably shouldn't be on an alcoholic website cuz obviously they don't understand the struggle even if it's been awhile most people remember how hard it was while stuck in the pit,ok off to work,gonna try a new taco place for lunch,,,I'm excited! What a weirdo to be excited about tacos have a great free day all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Great to read the determination and advice.

This is a HARD time of year for many. I know that Lav doesn't give a s#!t about what others think, but I am not yet that evolved. One thing that was a barrier to my quitting was trying to figure out what to say to everyone. Quitting this time of year actually worked well for me. I just told everyone that I always feel kind of blue around the holidays, and that I was giving up alcohol for the season to see if I felt better. It turns out A LOT of people feel kind of blue around the holidays and so they related - of course many people said that's why they would never give up alcohol in December, but that's another story.

I tried some edible THC this fall. It was such a small amount I could barely feel it, but I was reminded that sometimes pot makes me paranoid, so I decided that was probably not the route for me. At the moment, food is my vice and that's not really working either. Meditation has eluded me. I love doing it, but somehow haven't made time in my day for it. I'll keep searching...

Stay strong, Nest, and don't drink!

Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

There is no doubt that the way we are raised has a huge impact on us. I cringe when I think of things I said to my kids, meaning well and doing what I thought was right at the time, but would do differently now if I could do it over.

Everyone's parents, teachers, spouses, and friends make mistakes, some worse than others, but we don't have to continue to believe the stories they told us, or ones that we made up ourselves as we struggled to make our way through life. I no longer tell myself that I'm too shy to speak up or that if I can't do something perfectly, I shouldn't even try to do it at all. I wasn't really shy and I (obviously) wasn't perfect but I told myself I had to be and my actions followed from that.

My parents made up the story that I was the most well-behaved and smartest girl on the planet. They didn't mean to make me think that I always had to be "good" and at the top of my class, but that was the outcome because I believed that I had to be that character in the story to receive the praise and love. And boy, does that ever put a damper on your life! Being the best feels average; there is nowhere to go but down.

We can tell a new story about ourselves any time we want - one that serves us! @lifechange, you told yourself or sadly, someone important lead you to believe, that you are a liar and a quitter. THAT IS TOTALLY MADE UP. In an effort to feel as good as you could, avoiding pain, you may have lied and you may have quit. Given the circumstances you were in, that was probably the only thing you knew to do. But you know differently now and are not bound to dealing with stresses in the same way you did as a child. Those days are long gone and can be left behind. Don't let the past, which we can do nothing about, spoil the present or limit your future. Make up a new story that feels good - and live it :hug:.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'll keep searching...

Knitting :smile:. Have you ever noticed how many former drinkers knit or do some other similar repetitive, mind-engaging/numbing activity?? There's a reason...

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Rava great to see you moving forward and posting. Hyper how are you going? Fee, i just cant post on my phone, technology is too hard for me sometimes.

LC, it took me a long time to realise that i suffered emotional trauma as a child, i thought my childhood was ok as i wasnt physically abused but i was, emotionally. My first year of getting sober i spent pretty much not thinking about those issues, the ones i had blocked with alcohol for years and years, they stayed in a box where they belonged until i felt ready in my 2nd year to pick them apart and start forgiving and growing. I still have one issue of my father whom i havent spoken to for 25 years but i realise now he is the parent and i am the child, it hurt me to think my own father didnt love me, god if he didnt then who possibly could. Now i just accept life is what it is, he could find me if he wants and he chooses not to, i am a good person and i love me, that is the all that matters. Bringing a child into this world does not make them a parent. I am grateful that i never wanted to bring my children up like my parents raised me and i havent, we are all very close.

Pauly, i havent had taco's for years, the little things in life are the most important!

G, i cant imagine being in my old job now, this one i am appreciated each and every day.

NS, i do enjoy knitting now. i could never knit when i drank. how can you hold a glass of wine and 2 needles?

Had a migraine last night and its still with me this morning. i am at work but struggling so it may be an early day for me. A scorcher here which is not enticing me to go outside though.

Take care xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, Nesters..

I am absolutely beat and getting ready for bed at 8:40.. we just cleaned our shoes to put outside for "Nikolaus" and now will play a quick round of cribbage. Today in my gratitude journal I tried to focus on difficult things/situations that I'm grateful for. To turn those/these things into something positive. I know from all of you with some long af time, the act(s)/work of finding your ways out have enriched your lives, allowed you to be grateful for people/things you may have taken for granted had you not come from such a dark place. Not that you would wish addiction on your worst enemy.. but as long as that is what has happened/what we're dealing with, I guess we can see it as a chance.? I really want to write a new story for myself.. I've been thinking about that for some time, NS..
Rava, I wanted to write you back yesterday already but haven't managed yet.. until then, thank you so much for your PM the other day. It meant a lot.
Hugs to everyone and see you tomorrow morning..

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters,

I'm living my new story (the one that's always been lurking in there!). My new story is the windswept but roughly handsome globetrotting guitarist with one foot firmly planted in being of service to family and community. The other foot steps out into the stars and galaxies where there are no limits, just infinite possibility.

Just taking 5 mindful breaths each morning can be the beginning of a meditation or self care adventure. We don't have to slug it out for 20 minutes or an hour to begin with. Take my award winning and internationally renowned patented 'Speed yoga' program for $47.99 on Amazon. All that's required is to turn up for yourself and do one, i say one set minimum of 'Sun salutations'. Daily practice (sadhana) is the purpose and the key. So the yogi's consistently tell me these last few thousand years.

Pauly. Danny Trejo the actor (Machete) opened a Taco store or 2 a couple of years ago. Not sure if he's got one in Vegas. I think in L.A.

Hiya My way in! How r ya? great work LC.

L8tr g8trs.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good afternoon, nesters!
As all of you know, I have ulcerative colitis/Crohn's disease and Friday is the day for my annual colonoscopy. I bought my clear liquids today and am gearing up for an awful day tomorrow. Bah! At lunch, I decided to get a scoop of ice cream with Reese's pieces on it. I know the guy that owns this little joint, so I told him I was blowing it out today since tomorrow I'm on clear liquids. He brought me a giant cup of the ice cream and Reese pieces! I am also lactose intolerant, so in spite of a beano and Lactaid, I've been miserable this afternoon! Oy. Too much of a good thing! I should know better, I think I see a trend! Tomorrow this time I will be in NO MOOD! Then Friday, I have to get up at 3:30am and take the rest of the prep, my appointment is at 9:30. I'll be glad when all of this is over. I wish I didn't have to get these things so often, but I also wish I weren't an alkie, so there you go. It is what it is!
Let's all enjoy our food today! Hugs to all! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

My day was pretty sane but somehow didn't get as much done as I had hoped - oh well.

Byrdie, blessings on you for your prep & your test. I know how rough that is :hug:
I can't eat ice cream either but I have been tempted a lot lately. The things that stops me is knowing how my gut reacts to the stuff, ugh.

LC, I read your post & thought about the original MWO Hypno CDs. I swear they were responsible for changing my thinking so I could succeed. I loaned them to someone years ago but never got them back or I would send them to you. I played them nightly for a good year or more - sleep learning rocks! Maybe look into finding something like that to help you out.

Watching my grandson again tonight & I should be ashamed to admit I have him glued to the Nick channel. His constant fidgeting & moving & swinging his arms almost drove us batty Monday evening. This is a definite improvement

Feel better soon Ava!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

a quick post on my way to work..
G-man, I love your new story! Sounds much more authentic than the one you left behind..
Byrdie, wishing you all the best, this liquid day. And tomorrow for your appt..:love:
Lav, I think I will look for something similar on-line.. I've never done any sort of hypnosis and it certainly couldn't hurt.. could you describe a bit what they were like/saying?
see you all this evening..xx

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters! Good luck today Birdie, I have the same issues as you and can truly understand what you are talking about!!! You sound good LC. Keep it up. Today is day 7 for me. The difference between my last quit and this one is that I am determined to get it right this time. Listening to podcasts twice a day, every day. I also signed up for a yoga class tonight. Working hard on changing old habits.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I think my core problem is dishonesty.. along with blocking pain, I began lying at a very young age to "deal" with life..

LC, while this may be an issue for you, your core problem with alcohol is that you have an addiction. It caused me to do things and act in ways I am terribly un-proud of. I remember telling a therapist in 2014 that I wanted to deal with all the stuff that was causing me to drink, but not actually stop drinking. HA! The manipulation of alcohol. This did not work for me because many of those "things" were the product of alcohol, not the cause. Alcohol made me a liar on many, many occasions. Of course, I had to deal with a lot once stopping, but one thing at a time, one day at a time, one event at a time - or just a hot bath instead - at my own pace, I've found other ways to cope with life's situations and my past. Something to consider. For me, I just focused on "not drinking, no matter what", and all the other things worked themselves out. It's too overwhelming to tackle it all at the same time as not drinking. One stitch at a time.

Slo, never underestimate the power of a few minutes of quiet reflection. Awesome!

Pauly, I didn’t know that about your husband. You are one strong cookie. I’m a big fan of tacos too, so don’t knock the simple pleasures in life!

NS, I think you were probably top of the class because you are incredibly smart and intuitive. I totally agree with crafting our new present and identity and future and running with it. It becomes easier and easier the further from alcohol I get. And YES!! I love knitting - though I haven’t done it yet this season! I found a good pattern and have the yarn - just need to start!

AVA, hope your migraine leaves soon. I can’t imagine scorching - it’s 20 degrees farenheit here today!

G - I absolutely love your “story”! You sound like a song writer. And more importantly, you sound happy. I was just going to ask you about your meditation and breathing stuff - glad to hear you are still doing it!

Byrdie. Ug. Enough said. Get through it quickly. Also, we know someone who recently saw a nutritionist for Crone’s and he says it’s made a world of difference for him. I assume you’ve talked to one?

I'm going to the office store to get my son's drawings bound. He has a stack about 3" thick of drawings of mythical creatures from the past 4 years or so. I am amazed by his talent - though I 'm not sure he know's it. SO I want to hand him books of his work to keep. I have this nagging feeling that he may want to look back on them someday. Otherwise, having a nice Hanukkah and winter here! Have a good day everyone.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Byrdie - sorry about the colonoscopy & prep - hope all goes well and soon it will be behind you. As I write that I realize it could be a pretty bad pun

LC - you can definitely rewrite your story no matter how long (or how deeply) you've been carrying the previous one. Love the suggestions around hypnosis or meditation (or meditative activities like knitting!). Maybe reframe this as an exciting adventure - you get to decide who and how you want to be! Hugs to you.

Ava - sorry to hear about the migraine. Hope you're feeling better or that you do very soon!


Hellos and waves to all - have excellent days & eves!