Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho - I love that perspective. So much WAS the product of drinking, not the cause.

NoSugar - put that one in the Tool Box, and it is a chapter in your book. You're amazing.

Byrdie - Good luck - that sounds awful. I know that disease is a lot to deal with - I'll be thinking of you.

Some busy days at work, so I'm off. HI to all you nesters. Keep it up!

Pav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Left work early and took some drugs and slept for 4 hours, i never do that. still feel ordinary but able to deal with work and the heat overnight which made sleeping near impossible.

Great work on 7 days Rava. NS glad to see you posting each day, lunatic lauren is a must!

Bryd hope all goes well today for you.

Nothing to report here, one more week then off on leave, i cant wait!

Take care xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters..

it's 8:45 and time for bed.. it's been a tired sort of day and I was quite short tempered with the kids. I know I will feel a lot better by the end of the weekend. TFIF tomorrow! Glad you got some sleep this afternoon, Ava!

Rava, congrats on 7 days!
Kensho, I agree, great perspective! It's true that most of my problems at this point are a direct consequence of drinking. I have things, as we all do, that I'd rather not think about/escape from.. but everything that feels difficult to deal with is so much more so when alcohol is involved. I was thinking a lot about that this past week.. I KNOW that I'll be in a much better place once I have some good, continuous time without drinking. I'm so looking forward to your 1 year anniversary on Monday!

ok. hi to everyone. I'm off to bed so I can get up early again tomorrow.. Have to say I'm glad it's cool at night here right now.. I suffer, too, from lack of sleep when it's too warm. I'm happy to be here. I feel safe and cozy in this Nest with all of you. I feel so much less lonely than I did just 2 days ago. I feel so much better now that I'm telling myself and all of you the truth.. ((big sigh of relief!)).xx

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello all,

Pauly, I like those things too, and it’s fun to try new places; but I’m not talking about those today because Byrdie is fasting!
Sorry, Byrdie. That is such a tough disease to have. The doctor wants me to have a colonoscopy but -no thanks! I’ll take my chances.
Wagmor! -“Sorry about the colonoscopy & prep -hope all goes well and soon it will be behind you!”
That’s a total Byrdie joke!

Pavati, that is a genius way to handle a new December quit. Just tell them the holidays make you feel blue, so you’re experimenting with going without alcohol to see if it makes it any better.

LC, my oldest daughters had a friend & classmate who lied a lot as a child & teen and also made up many tall tales. I could tell that it was in reaction to a critical mother who also demanded too much of her. As a young adult in her late 20s, from what I know that behavior seems largely extinguished.
Kensho made a good point, that the lying that we addicts do to protect & to conceal the extent of our problem is something we all tend to do, and not particularly related to lying to cope in childhood. So, alcoholism is likely the primary problem in this situation, not the other way around.

I have noticed that many former addicts knit & crochet! Many also seem to take up running or hiking.
My 4-H knitting teacher when I was a child said something to the effect that she absolutely needed her knitting to relax & cope. Her fingers just flew when she knit! Mine don’t, even though I’ve done a fair bit of it, so I don’t find it very relaxing, unfortunately.

Lav, my daughters watched a lot of the Nickelodeon channel. Better than having him fidgeting all night.

I’m having a tired sort of down day today too, LC. Hope I can figure out how to pull out of it someday.
Congratulations on your week, Rava!
Hope you get some rest and feel better soon, Ava.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters!

Running and hiking for me. Knitting never quite caught on here.

Congrat's on 7 days Rava! Hyuuuuuuge stuff mi amiga.

Byrdy, all the best with everything. I hope all goes smoothly and all's ok.

Summer heat kicking in down here. I like it!

Big waves to all. L8tr g8trs.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check in for me. I'm prepping for my colonoscopy tomorrow. OMG! BLECHHHHH! I'll be glad when tomorrow is done. Hugs to all! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, while this may be an issue for you, your core problem with alcohol is that you have an addiction. It caused me to do things and act in ways I am terribly un-proud of. I remember telling a therapist in 2014 that I wanted to deal with all the stuff that was causing me to drink, but not actually stop drinking. HA! The manipulation of alcohol. This did not work for me because many of those "things" were the product of alcohol, not the cause. Alcohol made me a liar on many, many occasions. Of course, I had to deal with a lot once stopping, but one thing at a time, one day at a time, one event at a time - or just a hot bath instead - at my own pace, I've found other ways to cope with life's situations and my past. Something to consider. For me, I just focused on "not drinking, no matter what", and all the other things worked themselves out. It's too overwhelming to tackle it all at the same time as not drinking. One stitch at a time.

I think you're right, Kensho. Your post reveals the simple (but not necessarily easy, as [MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION] says) steps to quitting:

1. Acknowledge the problem and vow to tell the truth from now on.

2. Focus on the problem and do what it takes to quit drinking, shelving other issues to deal with later (put them in [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] 's box that is now almost empty :smile.

3. Marvel that many other problems you thought you had disappeared from the box when you quit drinking! What a relief!

4. Allow more time to pass and heal you. Do things you want to do that support your quit; let other goals that don't appeal to you right now wait.

5. When you feel ready for it, examine any outstanding problems that still bother you. Deal with and learn from them as well as you can. And then let them go because you don't want them in the new story you're writing for yourself.

And while we all have this "bad stuff" behind us, it seems to me this is also a very interesting, funny, self-aware, kind, loving, smart, and gracious group of people. We have a lot to work with as we move into the next chapter of our lives.

xx, NS

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Freezing here if anyone is interested, ha ha!

Byrdie, good luck my friend :hug:

Rava, Congrats on those wonderful 7 AF days, yay!

LC, those original CDs were designed to help you learn to relax without AL & boy did that help me. One was called ‘Clearing’, I think I used that one the most. It helped me move away from the negative thinking & imagine things in a lighter, more loving way, if that makes sense. I am sure now that 10 years have gone by you should be able to find a great deal of offerings online

Ava, glad you are doing OK post migraine.

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all. Just popping in for a quick hello. All's well on my end as I enter my 6th year of freedom. Byrdie. I do understand the misery. Been through this "procedure more than I like. Maybe a laugh will help. Dr Lou is on call. Lou Rawls Colonoscopy - YouTube

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

on my second cup of coffee today, trying to wake my stuffy brain.

Kensho and Slo, thank you both for helping me to see the correlation between my drinking and lying as an adult. It is true that I lied mostly because of the alcohol.. not just to hide it, but because I would forget things and have to make up stories, I would have to lie about being "sick", I would have to lie about things I should have been doing, but wasn't.. and on and on. What a way not to live.

NS, thank you for putting all of those great ideas and tips into the easiest, most understandable and do-able list possible! I've copied it and will follow it.

Lav, I looked online yesterday afternoon and listened to one I thought was ok.. Actually, I liked her voice but only heard about the first 5 minutes of content before I fell asleep!:happy2: I'm going to keep searching, as I think it might really be something for me. Clearing sounds really nice!

How are all my quit mates doing? Rava, Feebee and Hyper?:love: One thing I'm going to do this time, which I haven't done since the first time I quit, is celebrate the small and then bigger milestones.. every one that seems important to me. 7 days, then 30, then 2 months, then 3 months, then 100 days, then 4 months and so on.. Don't want to get ahead of myself, but I can see how important it is to take some time and give thanks for this new freedom.. And for now, I'm very happy to put all of my problems and things I want to fix into a box for later. There isn't anything imminent for me to deal with, for which I know I'm very fortunate.. and I'm thinking of you [MENTION=11645]Hypernova[/MENTION] as I write this..:hug:

ok. Off to wake the girls and then work.. and then weekend! Wishing you all a happy Friday.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

TJAF that clip is hilarious! While ai didn’t feel like laughing, I did, thank you!
Rava, I’m so sorry I missed your 7 day achievement, I’m not sure there is anyone better qualified than I to issue you a full moon! (Much like I will be doing to my doc in a few hours). :butt: Here’s is your 2-Cheeked Salute to this major milestone! The worst of it is in your rear view!
Hang in everyone! Thank you for the warm wishes. Byrdie

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters and good luck today Birdie! You will be about 4 pounds lighter when you are done but will gain about 6 pounds back. LOL. Thats what happened to me. I woke up extra early this morning and ready to roll. Feeling great these days. I will never let myself be cocky or too confident but I am hopeful. My brain is currently in the right place. Thanks everyone for being here! Wishing everyone a great friday!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Congratulations, Rava! Way to go!
I am with you, LC. Celebrate! I am a counter by nature, and it is really helpful to me to see how far I've come. That's why I started posting on the Super Sober Sunday Shoutout thread every Sunday. It lets me keep track and keep in touch with the folks here. I started WAY back when I wasn't very far along - I can remember seeing the other large numbers and looking forward to seeing them for myself. Keep it up.

As you all probably know by now, this time of year causes me stress. Mostly I feel the pressure to participate in the MYRIAD social events that I am invited to, work is usually stressful and demanding, and I don't like all the darkness (Dec. 21 is my favorite day - the days start getting longer!) I KNOW I don't have to do everything I am invited to, but most of it seems pretty important. Here are things coming up: two 50th birthday parties; lunch and helping my FiL decorate his tree; a work holiday party at my boss's house; a hanukah party; a good friend's annual holiday party; a lunch to celebrate the birthday of a friend who died; lunch with my sick father; a hike to protest all the Christmas shopping; Christmas shopping; getting and decorating our own tree. AND three late work meetings in a row, etc. etc. etc. I am REALLY trying to adopt an attitude of gratitude around it all. How lucky am I that I have so many friends and family nearby? How lucky am I to love my work? I am also setting some boundaries. I'm not attending ALL of the events, and/or I am going to leave early. I really can't believe that I used to do all of that while drinking - I'm not sure how I managed...

Thanks for listening. I hope you all are managing your crazy time well - or maybe you've set up such good boundaries that you don't have crazy time? Let me know how that works...

Good to see you pop in, [MENTION=19794]TJAF[/MENTION] , as always.

Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey everyone, happy Un Hung Friday, I just lost my post, of course, it was very profound. Haha

Have a great Friday.
Keep up the good work Life.

Pav, I know you have a hard time at Christmas, just take it one day at a time like AL. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed too.
Rava, you are doing great!

Life, you are doing so well, thank goodness your a star.

Byrdie, good luck with Dr Bumfinger, as my husband says,.

GMan, you have music instead of knitting, music music music.

Have a good one.

Ava it’s -11C here today, brrrrr

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

This whole discussion of having problems and drinking has got me thinking. I believe it's a chicken-egg type of thing that quickly self-perpetuates. Many of us started drinking (or started disordered drinking) *because* we had things we wanted to deal with and/or escape from. Then, the drinking either caused new problems and/or made the original ones worse. This led to more disordered drinking, which then made other things worse again... You all know this routine.

It's a vicious vicious cycle. I think that al tries to convince us to work on almost any other aspect of ourselves besides drinking. Al tells us that some other culprit needs tending first, or that if we just get control of "X" we will somehow be able to drink more normally and not really need to stop after all.

But al is a liar, a con artist extraordinaire. If al were a person, it would be a physically and emotionally abusive step-parent or "friend" who brainwashes us into listening to and believing its every word about us, about others, about the world.

There are downsides to this cycle being a self-feeding one, but there is one giant upside - although our problems or things to work on might be many, if we remove al from the equation the cycle slows down or stops completely and we can actually stand a chance of tackling the other issues instead of simply holding on for dear life. What felt like a haunted roller coaster threatening to toss us into an abyss becomes more of a carousel, and gradually we see ways to disembark from the madness.

Does quitting drinking solve everything? For most people, no. But does it significantly simplify and/or clarify pretty much everything else? Yep.