Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Byrdie - hope today went well. Thinking of you.

Ava - thinking of you too and hoping you feel better pronto

Pav - your holiday schedule does sound a bit overwhelming. As Nar said, one day at a time! I'm gonna go check out the Sunday shout out thread you mentioned - thanks!

Rava - congrats to you - you're doing awesome.

Actually, you're ALL doing awesome. You're just where you're supposed to be. Have wonderful days and eves everyone, It's the freakin' weekend!!! :heartbeat:

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=23208]wagmor[/MENTION], your post about having problems and drinking is “one for the Toolbox”! Thank you for that.

I find that I need to be accountable by counting for the best chance of success at this, but also to realize how far along I’m getting as encouragement to keep going, and to celebrate all of our milestones; so, besides the weekly Shoutout thread, I also post daily on the “Newbie’s Nest Roll Call”.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=21027]wagmore[/MENTION], I agree that your description of that vicious cycle should be preserved in the Toolbox. You captured it!

This cracked me up, [MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION] :harhar::

a hike to protest all the Christmas shopping; Christmas shopping;

About 12 or so years ago I injured my back badly due to my insistence on exercising despite extreme pain because don't you know, if I could work out like a demon every day and look as fit as possible, surely there couldn't be anything wrong with me... Anyway, the problem was acute beginning on about Dec 20 and I wasn't able to do all of the things I normally did and somehow had convinced myself I was required to do. I was pretty much immobilized and just had to let most things go.

It turned out to be one of the most relaxing holidays for me ever in spite of the severe pain. I frankly didn't give a rat's a$$ whether people's expectations were met. It was interesting to watch others do what I had convinced myself only I could do 'correctly'. Things were different, but fine, and I'm pretty sure other people were more relaxed because I wasn't all stressed out trying to make everything "perfect".

I think of that experience when I realize that my Should-Do list is starting to overwhelm me. Which of those would I be willing to do in pain?

(I will say, however, that the next year when I hauled the decorations out of the attic, the manner in which they had been put away was downright WEIRD!!).

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

accountability check in.. I'm too tired to think, but loved the above posts!
I'll reply after a good night's sleep. It's only 7:42 pm.. pathetic!:happy2: But I'm up at 5.
see you in the morning..xx

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Good to see you checking in LC, i am an early riser too but then cant manage to sleep very well even though i am so tired. Yesterday i woke at 3.15 and thought why not go to work, so i did. i love this job as i can work the hours i want. i said to the drs yesterday that i will be starting at midnight soon and gone before they get in.

Sooooo hot here, i am definitely a winter person even though i do like not being lumbered in so many clothes when its cold. Nar i just cant imagine -11, i dont like -3.

Hows it going Hyper? Where are you Pauly? Still eating Tacos?

Lovely to see you Wags, migraine gone and it was a shocker but hayfever still visiting daily. i am sure the roof of my mouth is red raw from scratching it, not sure why i get that with hayfever.

Pav, all i can say is i am glad its you with all those activities. i have declined all xmas invitations, bah humbug. my work one is on a sunday, like really, i see you all Monday to Friday, i dont want to see you on Sunday. I have my 3 inch xmas tree up and by next weekend need to buy something for my girls to go under it as they both are going away for xmas. we are going to have xmas lunch and i was going to go out but i think i will do it at home, will save me money and id much prefer to spend quality time with them here. Now if i had grandchildren it would be a different matter but..............nope!

Hope you are ok Byrd.

Going to do some housecleaning today and enjoy some more heat, they say its going to rain so then i will enjoy the humidity :welldone:

take care xx

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

PAV, pick family and closest friends and skip the others. In 5 years, which will you regret not having attended? 2 weeks until more light... 3 and the madness subsides! Deep breath and do what fills your soul :heartbeat:

I’m making cookies with my kids tonight. In my pajamas. And then I might take a bath. We go cut a tree tomorrow but only after our weekly coffee shop visit. Hoping to get a hike out of it too.

There’s a teacher who posted something on Facebook recently thst I loved... she said that when the kids go back to school after winter break, she hears little about presents. Instead, they can’t wait to tell her about the memories they made with their family... getting the tree, movie-a-thons, sledding, staying up until midnight, etc. What nice perspective to remember what’s important now and every day— quality time with others AND ourselves.

Byrdie, sorry for your BUMmer office visit today, hope it’s done and you can rest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

i have declined all xmas invitations, bah humbug. my work one is on a sunday, like really, i see you all Monday to Friday, i dont want to see you on Sunday.

:hahaha:

Yep, i love my work mates too, but i don't need to see 'em that much!

Great post Wags. Also knowing what's going on within with our biology/chemistry is a big help to me. Knowing that my physical cravings are coming because i'm in withdrawal and my body has learned to use booze/sugar as it's primary fuel source. When i feed it more AL, it finds a temporary (unhealthy) balance to function 'normally'. But i am functioning on a poison, that is slowly eating away at every internal organs killing them, along with weakening my immune system which then means i am opening up the door for any disease and complication you can think of.

Let's list a couple - Diabetes, Peripheral neuropathy. People have limbs removed when blood stops flowing to our extremities. All sorts of cancers, heart disease, high blood pressure, heart attack, brain problems like memory, coordination. Even without booze, poor nutrition/fast foods daily = cancer, heart disease, diabetes. The science and studies are in. We can bring on all of this and more, well before our time. No thanks.

But we can get sober and exercise our choice.

Nar, music coming to you sometime.

How did u go Byrdy? Hope you're not too bummed out. Keep cool Ava.

Big waves to y'all!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

I don’t mind being the butt of jokes today! So glad to have that behind me! I had a polyp which he removed and will biopsy, so makes me doubly glad that I keep a close check on things. That sucker grew in a year’s time! I really appreciate all the well wishes!

Wags, I was also thinking of a conversation we were having earlier in the week regarding our quantity. NS said that quantity alone isn’t the measuring stick but the obsession about AL is. As I thought about that, I was just as addicted when I only drank 1/2 a bottle as I was when I graduated to a bottle and a half. It’s easy to think that just beacuase we don’t do X and Y, we aren’t on the spectrum, but when you actually look at the stages of AL, our picture was in the team photo a long time ago. Oy. It feels good to admit that to people who understand.

Its only Friday, Nesters, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Glad it's all behind you Byrdy. Sheesh, good thing you do a regular check up. Something i'm not accustomed to and need to git onto, and i will.

I do a lot of yacking 'round here such as...'i'm doing this', or 'i'm gonna do this' etc etc......Big ideas from the big man, but do i actually DO it? Er, yes i do these days. e.g. I've just booked in a horse trail ride in the country for tomorrow. Long overdue. I love horses and haven't ridden for years. It's a back to basics session which me and the horse are gonna love. Right Mr or Ms. Ed? Maybe i'll have to ride the Lama in the far paddock. You coming Ava?

No ticket to boozeville here. Who's got the time or interest for such a boring activity. I'll be blazing a trail through the grass on Hyacinth or Larry, too busy hanging on for anything else! Did someone mention mindfulness?!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see everyone checking in today
We’re all smart to check in daily, especially during this stressful time of the year.

Byrdie, glad everything went well for you today.
I hope you can relax & forget about it this weekend.

TJ, glad to see you & hear that you are well.

Pav, your party list is insane, no kidding. I would pick one or two & excuse myself from the rest, wow.
Your first priority is you, remember that :hug:

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all of us!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

I had a nice breakfast with the girls and a couple cups of coffee after a terrible night's sleep! The cats were up the whole night, running around like complete nuts.. ughh. But we don't have a lot on today so it's not so bad. There will be time for a nap!

Ava, 3:15!! So are you going to bed at 5pm or having a long nap during the day? Yes, I'm also more of a winter girl, I think. I don't like either extreme, but it's easier for me to think and function when it's a bit cooler. That hayfever sounds like a real drag.. hope you'll have some relief from it soon..

Byrdie, so glad everything went well..it is so important to keep on top of all of these preventative procedures. That's something I'll probably have to start with next year.. I was thinking about the team picture and realized that as long as I'm really participating as a part of the team, not sitting on the bench or a home "sick", I'm quite proud to be in the picture with all of you winners! I had to laugh at the way you worded it!

G-man, you're sounding on top of the world.. horseback riding is a great idea! I'm going to go for a ride in the desert when I'm home next month. So true, what you said with regards to biology and chemistry. If I'm drinking I'm certainly not taking care of myself.. It got to the point where my body couldn't handle the alcohol I was pouring into it at all.. my tolerance went down and I was feeling physically sick and having black outs more and more often. And then compounded with the guilt of what I was doing to myself. That is such a scary world to live in. Are you still eating your mostly plant based diet?

Wags, exactly as you said.. not being able to get off the roller coaster. I kept trying to convince myself (still after all these years) that if I just got this and this in order, I'd lose the stress and would "be able" to have a drink every now and then. I only told myself that after having had a drink after some abstinence, therefore feeling like shit about myself, desperate to find an easier way.. so afraid to have to start yet again, to have to admit to "failure"..

Now I'm doing what you all have so kindly reminded of me once again.. to concentrate only on one thing at a time, putting the other problems in a box for the time being.. the only thing that is really important right now is my sobriety. Everything else will fall into place.
My number one tool is checking in here every morning and every evening.. and any time I might be feeling in a weakened state or just need some support. Following the example of our well know and loved Lunatic Linda.. I'd be proud to be another LL..

Pav, that is a lot! to have to decline..:happy2: This year I'm only doing the things I really want to do.. and that means my calendar is mostly empty.. which is what makes me happy right now. I'm like you (as you know) with the countdown to the 21st.. just 12 more sleeps!

Kensho, at the moment, at home in my jammies is my favourite place to be.. watching movies, baking, reading. Winter is (at least for me) a time to come into myself, to hibernate a bit.. Loved the reminder from the teacher of what's really important to the kids... sounds like you're all off to a good start!

NS, I'm sure you have the best way of organizing Christmas decorations!! Not a bad way to think about things, to prioritize.. what is really important to me?.. What do I have to do? What can I forget about or let someone else take over? I'm often a bit of a stickler and have too much on my plate because I want it a certain way, or am faster on my own, or, or, or.. who gives a hoot if it's done differently or if it takes more time, really?

ok. off for the day. Big hugs to all of you! Hi's to Nar, Rava, Pauly, Lav, Feebee and Hyper.. everyone flying by or stopping in today..
see you this evening..xx

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters. 2nd friday night without booze. I kept thinking in my mind Byrdies comment that Friday night is not a ticket to BoozeVille, Such good advice!!! Pav, I understand your stress over the holidays. I get the same way. This year I have eliminated most gift giving except the grandkids. That has helped somewhat. All the hype over one day is just too much to take sometimes. LC you are sounding great!!! Byrdie glad your procedure is over. I’m sure thats a relief. G. Man. Love your posts. Hope everyone is doing well. I have a full day planned baking with the grandkids. No hangover this early saturday morning. As I’m typing this the Stars Bangled Banner is playing on the TV. Thats how early it is. LOL. Hope everyone has a great day. Hi to NS, Slo, Ava, Lav, FeeBee, Hyper, Wags, Kensho and whoever else I missed.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm a little upset right now - exactly the type of feeling that used to make me want to drink because it's an uncomfortable feeling. I am upset because it appears one of my clients has shared some of my proprietary work with a competitor of mine. I don't have actual proof, and I acknowledge that I might be wrong, but things seem a bit suspicious. Yesterday morning, or perhaps the day before, I received a message from my client, and the only content in the message was an attachment of MY work - basically a piece of MY curriculum that I had sent to her once we decided to work together. It's a diagnostic of sorts, and it's something I have carefully created over years of practice. Then, immediately after receiving the mystery message with my own file attached, I got a follow up from her that said, "Oops, ignore that message." No further explanation, no different file that she meant to send instead. I followed up with her but received an unsatisfactory answer.

I know we live in the day and age where intellectual property is stolen all the time, but if I'm right and she shared my work without my permission--with a competitor no less--I'm angry! Wow, I really don't like to feel angry. I didn't see a lot of good modeling of emotions growing up--my parents were both rather restrained and not terribly demonstrative of any emotions--and let's face it, women are not as allowed to show anger or similar (at least they weren't during most of my formative years). Although I've built my own skill sets as an adult this is one angle I'm still working on.

I will be following up with this student again, and I am considering adding a paragraph to my client agreements that explicitly addresses the notion of intellectual property and that work shared with them during the course of our time together is not to be shared with ANYONE else without my explicit permission.

So I'm also noticing this brings up another one of my hard spots--the topic of setting and protecting boundaries. This is something I've talked about on here a few times over the past year or so, and it's definitely an area I need to continue to work on as well. I sure do hate when people act in a way that forces me to either accept their behavior or to firmly enforce boundaries. Sigh.

I share this partly because I need to get it out of my head a little bit and I know this is a safe place. But I share this also to show how even 2.5 years into a very solid quit, triggers and temptations still arise, and many (most?) of us will find we still have work to do. Or at least that's what I'm finding. And this is definitely a situation I would have drank (drunk?) my way through in the past. Instead, I'm facing it with, "Well, I don't drink, so that isn't an option... how else can I manage this situation and these feelings?" Thankful I have that habit solidly in place.

I'm so glad I don't drink.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning, Nest:

when you actually look at the stages of AL, our picture was in the team photo a long time ago.

Hah, that cracked me up. That's sort of what I was going to say. People drink for MANY reasons, and there are many people who have "worse" backgrounds that me who did not become addicted. My therapist put it this way - for one reason or another, I am vulnerable to addiction. Genetics? Personality? Brain chemistry? I stopped looking for the reason a long time ago, as I didn't find that quest useful. I WAS expecting rainbows and unicorns when I quit drinking, and I was a little disconcerted when life continued to be lifey, even with no booze in it. BUT, how wonderful is it to be able to deal with all that crap without a hangover. I am present for it all in a way I wasn't before. I was on the team when I first took a sip of scotch from my dad's cocktail and LOVED it. Off to the races from there, really.

My father-in-law is now in the hospital - at least that gave me the excuse to miss the work holiday party. I agree, Ava, I see enough of them during the week! He's sliding into dementia like my father, and is VERY stubborn, so it is very stressful to spend any time with him. When I left the hospital last night, I really, really wanted a drink. I wanted the quick fix for the agitation and stress I was feeling. Instead, I took a lot of deep breaths and then had a bowl of ice cream! The breathing worked, the ice cream not so much, but it was tasty! The feeling passed, and I am lucky in that the memory of 5 years ago is so strong and unpleasant that I can pretty easily talk myself down.

Moderate drinking is one drink for a woman. I don't want to drink moderately, and I never did. I want to down that glass and pour another. Always. So even if I *could* drink moderately, there would be no point. As a former MWO member once said, if only one, why not none?

Thanks for letting me ramble. Kensho, that is a good reminder. I do like many aspects of this time of year - I'll focus on those.

I am off to do one of the things I was looking forward to - a 50th birthday hike with a bunch of friends.

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Me neither PAV... who wants ONE drink? Life is definitely “lifey”, love that.

Good job everyone on dealing with stress other ways ... LC, WAGS... and congratulations on two Fridays [MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION] ! That’s huge, and we all know how hard that is beginning... great job!

WAGS, that’s so frustrating about having your ideas shared. I DO have a clause in my contract that states exactly what you said and I review it before the project starts. It’s still not going to prevent anyone from stealing it and I know that I’M not going to take someone to court over it... but it makes it REALLY clear. I also tend to tell myself that if someone is going to try to use the designs I’ve given them without me, they still won’t have ME... and the part I offer during implementation, based on my 15+ years of experience. And if they need something i designed THAT badly then kudos to me, shame on them, and they may as well have it. I’m not sure how your work goes, but I offer much more that just a template.

LC, aren’t pajamas the BEST? I don’t know how you live with cats. I lost so much sleep with one in the house. My sleep is sacred! You will love, love, LOVE not riding that roller coaster LC. Its the best thing in the world!! Not having hangovers or the other things that go with drinking is great, but that damn up and down and Circle right back to the beginning was BRUTAL! Get off!! You will NEVER regret this decision. One thing at a time, hide in a closet if you have to... give yourself permission to NOT be at the top of your game and all of a sudden, you will find yourself at 30 days, and the 6 months and then 1 year. Also, Your PM folder has reached its limit and I can’t send you a note. I’ll look for those CD’s this weekend!!!

I used to think that there should be a way to keep alcohol in my life, and I had all the reasons why. Now, it’s gone from my life and my life feels full and free... I don’t know why I was hanging on so tightly! It was more of something to hide behind and now I realize I never really needed it, I just thought I did. All of you out there can get there too... you just have to trust that you’ll reach the point that life is complete without it!