Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Friday everyone! Almost Sat. on the opposite side of the world. I'm FINALLY feeling human again after the week long stomach virus. It was a terrible one! So glad to be back!

My newest challenge is to help my kids. I've been realizing that I spent a lot of their younger years focusing on my ambitions and then escaping from them through alcohol. I have not been a bad mom - but I see holes in my parenthood now that I drank through before. So I'm focusing on really helping them establish routines to get their work done and remember things, and help out more around the house. It's amazing how many little disfunction I let slide because I just couldn't "deal". Now I see a lot of opportunity to improve my parenting and help my kids - and I have the presence of mind to do it. They are great kids - but its time for them to learn more about work and reward and get more organized. Of course, this undertaking is happening at the same time as my desire to streamline my business - such is me. I will be careful not to take on too much. Little improvements at a time makes me happy. And that is what I will focus on.

Have to run - I saw that there was a Yoda quote that I will have to go back and find - I absolutely LOVE him and Luke. Can't wait for the newest movie next year!

I hope everyone has a great day!
[MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION] Happy 2-amazing-weeks yesterday!! Keep going!!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just read this from Today's gift.. Love it!

Do, or do not. There is no "try."
--Yoda, in The Empire Strikes Back

Trying is what we do when we aren't willing to make a commitment. We say, "I'll try," when our heart isn't ready to give a full effort. It's what we say when we can't admit that our resolve is wimpy. And it's the lie that will defeat us.

Some challenges we face can't be conquered simply by saying, "I will do it." But we can choose to do something that will help. We can't move the mountain but we can pick up some rocks. We can engage with the problem and get to know it better. Every action we take leads somewhere and sets us up for the next action. We even learn from our mistakes and that moves us closer to achieving our goal.

Today I will not just "try"; I will do something to move toward my goal.

I saw that there was a Yoda quote that I will have to go back and find - I absolutely LOVE him and Luke. Can't wait for the newest movie next year!

Here you go friend Kensho! From friends LC and Yoda. Glad you're feeling better. Sounds like a great plan and great times ahead there.

Friday ain't no ticket to no freakin boozeville see. We must take care of ourselves every day. Treat ourselves gently and with care and respect. I reckon there comes a time when some self awareness is something we cannot avoid. Almost as if it comes knocking - often! Self awareness. i.e. Where the hell am i going? Who am i and who do i want to be? How do i want to live? Some questions it doesn't hurt to ask ourselves in the early days, or anytime.

Have a rippa of a weekend.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Well it was so nice to sleep in til 7am and know i dont go back to work till 14th January. I look at my house and think it will take that long to clean, looks like something from my drinking days! We had so much rain yesterday which was nice but caused a lot of damage also, i did manage to get out and do my food shopping for the weekend so now i dont have to subject myself to the maddening crowds.

Rava, i dont know why i was always scared of Fridays when i drank all through the week also but maybe i drank more on friday knowing i didnt have to work saturday and then there was drinking saturday of course with the promise of not drinking sunday but just having a few on sunday which added up for a hangover on monday. God its exhausting typing this.

I had a big talk to my boys yesterday about their drinking and told them to get their shit together or move out. As i said to them i am an alcoholic and i can see what it is doing to them and how it changes them. of course they are on their best behaviour but im done with al in my house completely. im now a hater of alcohol big time. they cant moderate, they have no off button so i am their off button. i cant get them to stop but i can make their life a misery and keep trying.

House cleaning and cooking today, those two words dont seem appealing but its more doable sober.

Take care xx

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Friday ain't no ticket to no freakin boozeville see. We must take care of ourselves every day. Treat ourselves gently and with care and respect. I reckon there comes a time when some self awareness is something we cannot avoid. Almost as if it comes knocking - often! Self awareness. i.e. Where the hell am i going? Who am i and who do i want to be? How do i want to live? Some questions it doesn't hurt to ask ourselves in the early days, or anytime.

Thanks for this, G-man, as it’s just what I needed to hear today. I haven’t been feeling very well and with little energy, and been mad at myself for it; plus have been asking some of these questions. Slogging through life in the flat zone.

The Christmas Open House went fine! I enjoyed mingling & nibbling, and didn’t really care about the wine & beer they were all drinking. But, was only there for one and a half hours and, while I did enjoy it, was feeling pretty ready to be done by then. If only all social occasions were scheduled for just 3 hours like this one, then I could deal AF! But, that’s why we need an exit strategy, right Pav?

Good for you for setting boundaries with your sons, Ava! It’s kind of rude that they’re drinking in your home anyways after what you’ve been through with alcohol, and this way you can stand up for what’s in their best interests too, since they don’t seem to have off switches either. (Those Fowler genes!)

Helping the kids develop routines, stay organized, pick up after themselves, and help out around the house has been a weak and tough area for me too, Kensho. And it didn’t help that my husband wouldn’t back me up or help out in these areas either. But at least he’s not interfering with this youngest child, and allows me to have her clean her room, learn how to organize her things, and pick up after herself. These are life skills that will serve them well in the future.

Good luck Rava with weekend #3! You have a good thing going now, so can just keep it going!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Gearing up for a super rainy weekend here. Unfortunately we have to travel for a memorial service for an old friend tomorrow, oh well.

Slo, glad your party went well. I hate parties anymore, guess I'm just getting too old, ha ha!

Rava, enjoy your third AF weekend & tell us all about it on Monday

Hello to LC, Byrdie, Pav, kensho, Wags & G!

Ava, I'd be unhappy if I had adult kids living here & drinking too. Your house, you set the rules, right?
Making our homes comfortable & peaceful is all part of our long term self-care. Do what you have to do!!!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Check-in..
Just made pancakes for the girls and it seems the party is going to end soon.. they were great and I can't complain at all about my teenagers..compared to what a complete nightmare I was, they're a piece of cake. I keep waiting for them to turn. But maybe they won't.?
I guess I'll handle whatever comes.
Today is running errands day and maybe getting a Tree.. it's grey and rainy, not calling me out in any way.

Slo, good for you with the party! Glad you could enjoy it for the short amount of time you were there. An hour or two is manageable most of the time.
I am so socially awkward and though I wish I could love parties, I really don't. I always had to drink to feel comfortable around larger groups of people.. unless I'm "doing" something.. working, planning, hiking, etc... but just hanging around, talking, when others are drinking and I'm not is a nightmare for me. So I didn't go to the work xmas party last night and am happy for it. I'm sure I missed out on some fun and bonding, but it's not worth it for me.

Ava, that's a lot of time off, you lucky dog!! I hope you'll have a very restful bit of time.. any travels planned?

Hi to everyone! Rava, Lav, Byrdie, NS, Wags, Kensho, Pav, G-man, Nar, Pauly.. xx

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters. Had a Good Friday night and ended up under my heated mattress pad with my kindle last night until I fell asleep. I also got a little clip on book light for my actual books so now I can read without waking my husband. I like the fact that I am planning my evening to include reading until I get sleepy vs. drinking until I pass out. This is such a no brainer. Trying to moderate for 30 years has been life sucking and exhausting. I am armed and ready to attend my holiday party tonight sober and accountable. I am not going to let myself down. Ava, good for you for coming down on your sons, if they are adults, they need to be on their own anyway. Slo, glad you made out well with your party. LC, you are sounding great. Hi to everyone else and happy Saturday!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

SLO, sorry you're feeling flat. That is VERY common - I think I posted a link on the Pink Cloud, but if I didn't, Google it. Basically, once the newness of sobriety wears off, people realize that yes, this IS it. I had a lot of "why me" thoughts during that time - it wasn't fair that I had to be the one who had to quit drinking. It was a struggle for sure. What kept me going was my firm understanding and acceptance that drinking wasn't an option. I also really read from and listened to people who were farther along than me who said it gets better. THAT involved setting my ego aside and being humble about what the truth was. I know you won't drink - you don't drink. But do take care of yourself during this time - follow your needs, not what everyone else wants.

Rava - I do love reading at night and not having to re-read the next night!

LC - glad you took care of yourself.

I have a big 50th birthday party tonight. It will be a lot of standing around and talking to drunk or semi-drunk people which I do find BORING. But there will also be a dance floor, and I have fun with that. I definitely have an exit strategy.

Happy SOBER Saturday.
Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nice waking up Un Hung this morning! I am always grateful for that. I spent so many Saturday mornings sicker than a dog, ugh. I always swore I would not drink so much the next time which rarely happened.

Hey Pav, hav fun at the 50th party. Good that you have an exit plan. I try and let loose at parties, I used to be the life of the party but it’s tough when you don’t drink. It is nice to leave sober and wake up remembering everything you said though. I love that. No regrets!

We have been invited to a neighbourhood party next week. This is a huge party which is an annual event and everyone talks about it. I told the hostess that I don’t drink after she invited me, it was weird. She kinda looked at me funny. I don’t think she realizes how much fun I can be Sober! Lol, I will show her!
Ava- good job setting limits with your boys. I’m lucky, my boy is dating a girl that hardly drinks. That has made a huge difference in his drinking.
Byrdie, bummer on the job thing. Hope it gets better soon. I am unemployed again, Oh well, just in time for Christmas. I will enjoy my time off big time.

Stay sober everyone! Don’t drink today.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo and Kensho, your posts about teaching your children to be self sufficient made me think. My first husband was not taught these things. He would open a sleeve of crackers and leave them open on the counter all night. He would make a snack of peanut butter and jelly and leave all the stuff out on the counter. (Thus, we had a bad ant problem) I would clean ALL day on Saturday and he would come in and dump all his stuff in the floor. He put firewood on the carpet! Who did he think cleaned up all these things? They just seemed to take care of themselves, or so he thought. I told him I was sick of it time and time again, but he never did understand it. I think he was never taught. He was a smart guy, too. Being married to a slob is no fun, especially if you are a neat person. Cleaning up after oneself is the LEAST a person can do. No one enjoys picking up after someone else. I certainly don’t. He was absolutely clueless about how to wash a load of clothes! It ended up costing him the marriage. I hope he eventually learned how to clean house, maybe he found a live in maid!
A rainy Saturday here. I played with some gingerbread houses, so that was fun. A relaxing day, just what I needed.
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for the Yoda post G! You are sounding good.

SLO, glad your open house went well. I get bored at events sooner too... I’m not numbing out, so I start dreaming of my warm couch. Husband says I’m boring, but I think they’re all slave to drink. If he weren’t drinking he’d want to be home too!

We have had a nice day. Coffee and then shopping at thrift stores fur ugly sweater stuff. It has become a fun tradition to pick out old decor - the tackier the better - and sew it onto a sweater. Last year’s won a prize for my middle-schooler. Now my youngest will wear that one and we make another for this year. It’s a creative thing we can all do.

Must shower now! Have a good day!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Saturday evening Nesters,

Rainy here as well Byrdie.
My spouse has cleaning up issues as well, haha!
We went to the memorial service for our friend today. He died on Thanksgiving day, 1 week after turning 87, geez. He was a wonderful friend & neighbor.

Everyone sounds good - determined & staying on plan, nice
Enjoy those holiday parties but go with your future in mind, right?

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

afternoon nesters

IMG20181216141032.jpg

i am unsure if this fam xmas photo worked or not. My girls wont be here. it has been a lovely day with lots of food sending us into a coma. The weather has not been great but not cold so a bonus. I reminded them of xmas been when i was drinking and i was too busy drinking to really put an effort in, today was much better. now i am having some me time and probably a nap. Sadly i was missing on of my children as he lives a couple of hours away. the older they get the harder it is to get together. the children also decided this year that i am old and needed to sit down. Of course maddison had to be in the photo also.

A busy weekend but a great one, i did feel a tad left out not being able to drink when everyone was saying cheers but its momentary now, im not deprived, i am happy to have what i have gained the past 5 years.

I did get some lovely presents also, fantastic when the children work i must say.

Nap time for me. take care xx

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good night everyone.
Nice pic Ava, there is no way I could go outside without a coat, -6C here.

Byrdie, that was an interesting post about your hubby, it’s amazing that someone can be like that.

Lav, irs not raining here but may snow tonight.
Ken, your sweater tradition sounds fun, what a great idea.

Have a good night.

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters. Ava I loved your family picture. Its nice to actually have a face with the name. Your dog looks a lot like mine. Kensho your sweater search sounds fun. Byrdie, my husband is a slob but since he retired, I actually made him a list on a magnetic board and he follows the list getting simple chores done for me while I am at work. Its working out so far! LOL. Pav, hope you had fun at your 50th. Slo hope you are doing well. Hi to everyone I missed. I am happy to say that I attended a Christmas cocktail party last night and instead of drinking Diet Coke I brought a glass bottle of Perrier with lime. It looked enough like a wine bottle and I drank it out of a wine glass. I felt like I fit right in and no one questioned me about what I was drinking. I actually had a great time and remembered everything. Came home by 9 pm and read my kindle until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I am up with the chickens and feeling extra good this morning. Hope everyone has a great day! Its pouring down rain so my goal today is to make a big pot of soup.