Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Sounds like a great evening you had yesterday, Rava! I'm glad you were able to enjoy the party.. and reading till I can't keep my eyes open is one of my favourites.. what are you reading?
Ava, what a lovely picture! So nice to see you and the kids and Mads..

I've had some drinking thoughts lately, but they've been fleeting. Today I went to buy a Christmas tree and when I asked how much it was, the guy said, "hows 40,- and we'll throw in a mulled wine?".. I said that I didn't want a mulled wine so I got it for 37,-.. just another example of how "normal" it is for alcohol to be everywhere! I met a couple of friends who had been at the xmas party Friday night and it was basically just about drinking a lot and being "merry".. which more than a few people let get out of hand. One of the guys said he's getting too old for this.. he was just beginning to feel normal at 1pm on Sunday!

Kensho, I liked what you said about the fact that if your hubbie wasn't drinking he'd also want to be on the sofa with you.. Guaranteed! Great idea with the sweater making.. I'd love it if you could attach a picture of one for us!

My daughter and I went out shopping yesterday and it was a complete nightmare... this morning we talked about having experiences this year instead of so many presents.. because we really don't need anything and can't even think of anything material that we want.. a nice (and fortunate!) place to be in.. for instance, we could do a yoga class together, make a gourmet meal, go to the thrift store on a "shopping spree", visit some galleries, have a massage, go ice skating.. etc, etc.. I'll have to think of a creative way to wrap some of those things up so there's something under the tree to open..:happy2:

Nar, it's so cold here, too!! It happened fast and I almost froze my toes off today because I wasn't properly dressed.. now I'm on the sofa with a warm water bottle, where I'll stay for the remainder of the day! How are your pups holding up in the cold?
Pav, How was the bday party?

I'm with all of you on teaching the kids to take care and clean up after themselves!!

Hello and big hugs to all of you! Lav, Byrdie, NS, Wags, G-man, Pauly, Slo, anyone I might have missed..
wishing a relaxing and rejuvenating Sunday!xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,Ava,love the pic! You all look so happyLC,I like the idea of time together (I want presents too tho haha) I've thought of getting a membership for my daughter and me to the gym across the street but I doubt we'd use it,I've asked her to yoga,dance or swim with me but she always has an excuse,yep the holidays basically equal booze,I'll see a commercial or a show with people drinking and out come my rose colored glasses,I hate that! Everyone sounds really great hopes for everyone to have a happy day!

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yes, you warned me about the flat period in the first year, Pav, so at least I’m prepared.
Dancing sounds like a great way to cut loose and enjoy a party, Pav! And I’ll just bet you’re a fun one, Narilly!

LC, you’d think that a Christmas tree lot would be a place where they’d have hot chocolate, not mulled wine. At least that’s how it would’ve been in the past.

Rava, I love how strong you are feeling now! And glad that you sorted your sleep issues, as good sleep will reinforce your quit in the early days.
Ava, I loved the picture of your beautiful family.
Lav, for discontinuing your embroidery business this year, you still are staying very busy with embroidery sales this Christmas!

Kensho, decorating sweatshirts is a novel, creative way to enjoy the holidays with your family! Your kids must just love doing that with you. D3 has crafted her own ugly Christmas sweatshirt. D4 would love doing that too. Well, we’re going to decorate cookies today, anyways. My mom always did that with us kids. And gingerbread houses are fun too, Byrdie. My former SIL is from England, and her favorite childhood memory is decorating a gingerbread house with her aunt & cousin, so she continued that tradition with her kids and mine. The kids get so creative!

I get to enjoy a high school Christmas concert today that my daughter is in. Best wishes for a good day to all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho - that is a GREAT idea, and a wonderful tradition. I do love the ugly Christmas sweater parties, although now that everyone has them you can't find a "real" ugly sweater at the thrift shops. Making one is a cool alternative.

Aah, Pauly, the rose colored glasses. For some reason my last weekend of drinking over 5 years ago has stuck with me, and the rose colored glasses can't paint that pain in a pretty picture. I like to cultivate that attitude of gratitude and remember all I have gained from not drinking, but when the rose colored glasses come out, I am not adverse to remembering what I felt like, and digging out those old journals of fear, sadness, and disappointment with myself.

LC - It is funny - it gets to 50 around here and people talk about how COLD it is... I think it is mostly because we don't have good insulation or warm clothes because we aren't in the truly cold areas. A warm water bottle on the sofa sounds delicious!

The party was fun - dinner, then some dancing. When the real drunk conversations started, we left. We also had another party last night, so we stopped by and there were only about 8 people left - had some good conversations and then headed home. I went to bed a little late for my preference, but somehow slept past 6, so I'm ok.

I was the untrained slob. Not as bad as Byrdie's first husband, but my mom was a save the dishes until the morning type of person. I was used to storing dirty clothes on my floor (I didn't have a hamper as a kid). Thankfully my neat husband stayed through my training years, and now I am ok. Not perfect, but ok. I am the bathroom cleaner (with three boys in the house!!!), and I carry my weight elsewhere. Mostly my husband keeps it decluttered, and I do the "cleaning" like dusting and vacuuming. I was not a perfect trainer, however. I think it is mostly about patience and time. A work in progress for sure...

Happy SOBER Sunday. More festivities today as we go with my family to get a tree and have a traditional Mexican lunch. Pretty excited for the food...

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just read this article from the Fix and found it to be a good one.. doesn't matter whether or not one is religious or celebrates Advent or goes to AA.. I like the idea of using this time of the year to deepen my commitment to recovery!
Advent: Deepening Our Commitment to Recovery | The Fix

back in a bit..:happy2:

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav, 50 IS cold haha,its been around 55-60 here during the day and I'm whining daily unfortunately I let the fantasy of drinking get to me last week,Byrdie always says there's pushers and players,some play the tape forward and remember how shitty they'll feel but some can't get past the drunk fantasizing part,,I'm that one,better for me to push the thoughts away,I just felt sad,it was rainy,it was etc,etc one of these days I'll stop making excuses I hope.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just read this article from the Fix and found it to be a good one.. doesn't matter whether or not one is religious or celebrates Advent or goes to AA.. I like the idea of using this time of the year to deepen my commitment to recovery!
Advent: Deepening Our Commitment to Recovery | The Fix

back in a bit..:happy2:

Hola nesters!

Thanks for the link LC. I copied this from that article. -

'I still can feel that pull: Join us! You’re missing out! A bottle of red, a bottle of white is the easy way to holiday cheer.

I don’t. I don’t. I don’t.

I don’t consider that pull for more than a millisecond because I know that drinking does not, in the end, make me cheerful; it makes me suicidal. The best gift I can give to myself and the best gift I can receive is my sobriety which is its own advent calendar: I go to sleep in anticipation of that sweet gift the next morning — waking up sober and without shame and with surety that I am alive and well.'

I am taking a little time out this morning here before my day takes off to check in wit myself. Where's me head at? How am i feeling physically, emotionally, mentally? Had a great weekend as it happens. 2 gigs of fine music making with others and an appreciative audience taboot. I can't complain and don't.

Have a beaut week my friends.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Sunday everyone!

So grateful to wake up Un Hung and shameless...haha, I mean with no shame.

Good article Life, much appreciated. GMan, thanks for the quotes from the article. I went to a live music event yesterday and it was a blast. I drank a virgin eggnog which was yummy. SLO, I am glad you enjoyed the concert and did not have to worry about drinking before or after the event.
Pav, I cannot imagine you being a slob, you seem so efficient and unslob like

Hey Paula it is +2C and sunny here, I’m thinking it is a nice warm day. +50 sounds like heaven

No drinking here. I have been getting drinking thoughts once in awhile so I am going to keep coming back here and not be so strict on my sweet intake. Every morning I will spend a few minutes remembering what it was like to be hungover during Christmas.

Xo

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Had a nice, lazy day today. We watched Christmas Vacation, always so funny.
Back to the grind tomorrow. Blech. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Heavy rain here most of the day, yuck. Chilly at 38 degrees tonight.....typical pre-winter weather I guess.
My grandsons & their parents stopped by with some food for dinner, nice. I appreciate not having to cook once in a while
I am also feeling annoyed with all the alcohol related commercials but I don't feel deprived. I wouldn't give up my long quit for the sake of a drink(s).
I am pleased with the way I turned out, why mess things up now????

Ava, loved your pic!
It is hard to gather adult kids together for anything. My two kids have not been talking to each other for over two years now. This breaks my heart.
My birthday is coming up on Wednesday & I am going to ask the both of them to finally get this situation fixed. That's all I really want.

Glad everyone survived their parties & gatherings unscathed. That's just how we roll when we don't drink, right?

Byrdie, we caught some of that movie too when the kids were here, LOL

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Un-hung Monday morning, Nesters!

The sky here is the most depressing shade of grey.. and it's cold as heck.
I'm trying to keep optimistic.. just 5 more sleeps until we begin heading towards spring! I don't mind the cold, but lack of sun is tough.. and some people still heat with coal, which I'm sort of used to after 20 years of living here.. but it is still strange.
Today is day 14 and I'm feeling strong in my quit.. I had some cravings over the weekend.. mostly because I wanted to slip away for a bit. But actually, I know I don't want to slip away! I don't want to pass out at 7 on the sofa and wake up in the middle of the night with a headache.. and the GSR brothers on my back. I know that if I drink 1 beer (which always seems the most harmless and controllable to my mind) I'll drink at least 6 more.. it isn't for me anymore.
Thanks Pauly for the Rose coloured glasses reminder. Coming here each and every day is keeping my commitment in the forefront of my mind..
It's also helped me to have an almost empty calendar.. I feel like a bit of a bah humbug, but I'm in good company with our lovely Ava!:happy2:
G-man, that was also the part of the article that I took to heart. The reality of what a drink does for me.. It makes me loathe myself, fills me up with self-hate. And there's nothing better than going to bed sober, knowing I'll wake up proud of myself. I am proud of myself each and every day that I stay on my path..
Pav, that cracked me up.. I'm also a mom who's a leave the dishes till the morning-type! Not always, but often.. so I guess cleanliness is also quite relative. :happy2: It's taken me a long time to be ok with that.. reading a book in the evening when I'm exhausted instead of tidying up! It's great that you and your husband both have your strengths and that you compliment eachother!!
Lav, it made me sad to read that your kids have such a troubled relationship.. that must be so hard for you.:hug: I sure hope they'll find a way to work through their differences at some point..find forgiveness.

ok. off to work for a few hours. I was so pleasantly surprised to find out that I got a raise and 2 extra vacay days.. it's been a while, I guess and I never really thought to ask.. but I've noticed it has re-motivated me.
Love to you all and see you this afternoon..xx

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters! Cant believe its already Monday. LC I am looking forward to the longer days as well. (I have a fake sunlamp on my desk at work because I read that it helps with mood disorders.). Dont have much time to chat this morning. Wishing everyone a great day!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Vitamin D!! Up your dose! I take 2000 IU per day in the winter and it seems to help with the lack of light.

Remember LC, you don't even have to be optimistic. You don't have to be happy, glad, cheerful or anything about not drinking - you just have to not drink. I had to learn to be uncomfortable - and there's something peaceful and permanently rewarding to learning how to feel like crap and just move through it. It always ends, and brighter moments and days are ahead. Keep putting one foot in front of the other - even if there is not a smile on your face. All you have to do is NOT drink this day. That's it! Strength to you!

I'm glad it's Monday. This weekend was hard. Blow up with my husband. He gets stressed, and then gets OCD about the house and critical to the max - then he doesn't understand why we start to tune him out and stay away from him. He turns all his insecurity and stress to me and "I am no fun any more" and "We have nothing in common any more" and "Maybe we shouldn't be together." I have to talk him down, tell him to straighten up and start being nice, and that we DO have TONS in common and to learn to deal with his shit another way. It seems to be a blow up because otherwise he will manipulate every criticism I give to him and turn it around - it's never a productive conversation I'm sorry to say. He never learned how to have a conversation where one listens to the other, and vice versa. He learned to fight every possible criticism and blame others.

The good news is that after I let him have it, and with a few hours, he came to me and apologized for being "a problem sometimes". At least he comes around eventually. Whew!

We are in full holiday planning mode - with two family gatherings to host and last presents to get. I will admit that I love this part - it usually is more fun than stressful for me. And I'm really trying to remember that its less about the presents and more about the family time and activities that people remember. I have some fun games - and I'm feeling positive.

Here's our ugly sweater from last year, modeled by my son. Currently working on this year's:

Screenshot 2018-12-17 10.17.23.jpg

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - I think you hit one of the most important nails on the head: it isn't about being comfortable, it's about learning to be uncomfortable and not always try to escape that feeling. That's really a mindset shift, and it makes maintaining a quit so much easier. I know for me, I went from "I don't want to feel X, how can I soothe or escape...?" to "hmmm... this doesn't feel great but that's ok cuz it will pass and I can learn something while I'm here."

LC - I'm with you on the solstice and moving toward longer days again! The darkness and the short days get to me way more than the temps or weather of winter. Your xmas ideas of experiences instead of things sound fantastic. My partner and I do the same for almost all gifts - we'd much rather go do something together than have another thing in our lives. I can't wait to hear what you choose!

Ava - great family pic!


Sounds like everyone is doing fairly well. Personally, I'm fighting off a cold and hoping I'll win. I went to bed at 830 last night which is unheard of for me, but it seems to have helped - I feel better than yesterday instead of worse, so I'm hoping I'm gonna nip this in the bud. In fact, time to go make some tea with extra echinacea etc.

Have a good one everyone!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick flyby. LC, congrat's on 14 days booze free! Great job my friend. Keep it going.

Get well soon Wags! Gr8 pics Ava and Kensho.

All good here. raawkin at 96 days. L8tr g8trs.