Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

LC! Big hug to you. When you say "I know all I have to do is not drink, but I don't know how to do that," I REALLY hear you. Simple but not easy. I am wondering if you could sign up for some in-person counseling? I found that immediate, in-person accountability very helpful. Also, when you drink, is it when the girls are out? If that is the case, can you head to a friend's the next time they're out? Or to an AA meeting? If you read back the post you made right before you drank, you can hear some sadness and depression - maybe that is a clue as well. When Ava says stay selfish - I don't think it is selfish to put your sobriety first. I think putting your sobriety first means you can be there in mind and body for your girls. It can SEEM selfish, but it is for your friends and family who love you and want to have the happy, healthy LC they know and love. It takes a lot of courage to come right here and admit you drank. Remember this feeling you have. Write it down. Put it in your wallet so the next time you go to pay for wine you have to read through it first. YOU CAN DO THIS! Love and hugs...

Happy SOBER Tuesday!
Pav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you for talking the truth, NS. It’s true, LC: my drunk, alcoholic former BIL bumped his head and fell over into the bathtub, and bled out to death there in the tub at age 47. Wasn’t discovered until days later.

It’s true that it is a poison, and thank you for reminding me of this FACT as I’m feeling badly about myself for not being “normal”. Drinking culture is very important to my husband, and I’m facing harsh realities such as that I won’t be able to travel with him on his annual business conventions since it revolves so much around drinking, and I get in his way. The last time he ditched me twice to go drink with the other alcoholic on the trip, and everyone else joined in; thus ostracizing me from the group twice. But then that guy died the next year at age 46, so I guess I’m really the winner, even though I won’t be going on the fancy vacations anymore. But then again, neither will he.

We all understand, LC, and we all care. It’s a hard season for this too. You did great for two weeks! You don’t lose those. Now just carry on fighting for sobriety, for you and your daughters.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,LC,i wish I could give you a huge hug! This shit sucks,I feel like when I'm not drinking I'm constantly thinking about alcoho or the fact that im not drinkingl but when I drink I'm longing to get back to being sober if that makes sense,grrr,thar feeling of being a loser and I'll never be able to quit for good is heartbreaking,,be kind to yourself today and im proud of you for being honest,,sometimes im more embarrased to admit ive drank here than i am to my own familyAva,I love how you all call sweaters jumpers,here a jumper is a one piece outfit,usually shorts but sometimes they're a full pantset ,NS,great post,waves to all and wishes for a happy AF Tuesday

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

X-post Pav and Slo,,excellent posts from you both

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for your brutal honesty LC. I am sending a big ass virtual hug. The fact that you came back shows that you want to change your life. Just keep coming back. Everyone here is so supportive. You will find your way. Some of us, like myself, it just takes practice. Hi to all the. Nesters today.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

... feeling of being a loser and I'll never be able to quit for good is heartbreaking,

We all thought we would never be able to have a final quit, Pauly, until one time we finally did! You can do it, too. And please don't ever think you should lie here or be embarrassed. We know how it feels. Coming back immediately and telling your true story is the first step in gaining the life you want. [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] did just that and already she is heading in the right direction again. It would be so easy to slip away from the site or other sources of support and let a mistake become a disaster.

We're all glad you are here :hug:.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Jude, great to see you here in the nest. Your post of 'wish we had a memory stick we could play back of our drunk selves' made me think of how uncomfortable I was when I first watch those Rain In My Heart Documentaries here. You could see just how bad those people were and yet they just kept drinking and drinking. In those documentaries, I could see signs of myself! I saw how the one person gulped down a tumbler of wine, just like I used to do when I had to get it down in a hurry. I used to almost gag on it, but I kept it down. Seeing that really helped me, because THE ONLY difference in me and those people were where we were on the alcohol spectrum.

My best advice is if what you ARE doing isn't working, try something else. Shore up your PLAN, make it so the odds are in your favor! Set yourself up to win. If I were on a strict diet I wouldn't go to an all you can buffet! I'd go eat at a place where I stood a chance to stay on track. Protect yourself and your quit at all costs, like your life depends on it....because it does.

To thine own self be true. Stick with this, I promise you will make it IF you want to! If you want it bad enough, you will find a way to make it happen. Hugs to all, stay strong! Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - I bet your last few posts have been among the hardest you've ever written :'( You have my deepest sympathy and empathy. As Pav said, simple isn't necessarily easy. Let's face it - if quitting were easy, none of us would have found this site in the first place! I know for me the single thing that helped me the most was making al totally non-negotiable. It put up a road block where I could not even step foot into the "negotiation zone" where al and I both sought to undermine my resolve. I know you aren't necessarily here seeking advice or answers so I will stop. I am glad you came here, I am grateful for your honesty, and I am so sorry for how you must be feeling now (physically and emotionally).

:hug:

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

LC, sending you a big HUG :hug:
We're all intelligent people with a history of doing stupid, non-sensical things like drinking AL when we know we shouldn't. One thing in your post really stood out to me & that was your sense of continuing to disappoint yourself. That is exactly how I felt at the end of my drinking career. I was sick of myself, I understand that feeling. Look, I used the excuse of wanting to spend lots of quality time with my first grandson as motivation to quit. You have two girls of your own to use as your motivation. Show them exactly how strong you are. Show them that they are more important than a bottle of wine. Whatever it is that continues to drive you back to drinking can be defeated. For me it was chronic depression & anxiety. If it's something like that driving you please look into resolving those issues now so your next quit will be your final & forever quit. We love you & know you can do this

I took some time today to go visit the 86 year old widow of the friend who passed away on Thanksgiving. I put together a chicken pot pie here & baked it up at her house while we talked. She appreciated the visit & I was glad to get away from my own anxiety for the afternoon.


Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Excellent post above Lav, as are everyone's words!

How are you doing there LC? What's cookin'?

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Whatever it is that continues to drive you back to drinking can be defeated.
Lav

Yep! :thumbsup:

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just popping in to say good night.

I’m feeling badly about myself for not being “normal”.

I spent a good deal of time there, SLO. I still do from time to time. In spite of all I read to the contrary, I think sometimes that I am a weak person for "letting" this happen to me.

The very good news is that I very rarely feel like that any more. I understand I was vulnerable to alcohol, and there wasn't much I could have done. I feel NORMAL as a non-drinker now (although others may look at me like I have two heads - but what they think is their problem).

Stick close, nesters. We got this holiday in the bag!

Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters,

I've read through all of your posts several times. I am so glad I came here and told the truth yesterday instead of keeping it to myself, hiding and trying to go on as if nothing happened. I was really scared to admit it.. but actually way more scared of what might happen if I stayed away. I appreciate very much your love and support, advice and hard honesty. When I went to bed last night I noticed the painful bump I have on the back of my head. At the moment I feel scared straight.. but I know that's not enough. I also wish I had a memory stick, that I could pop in for the next year, to keep these events alive in my mind. I am delving into sobriety 100% again.. I made the mistake of wanting to rush through this and just be on the other side. I can see that now with hindsight. I didn't want to do all the work.. of being active and commited, each and every day. Also, of really taking care of myself, physically and mentally.. I've been staying away from parties and drinking events, but haven't been nurturing myself. All of you have talked about making alcohol non-negotiable and that is key.. I've thought that I've done that, but then at some point it's back on the table. This mindblock that happens, it's like a little switch that I can almost feel.. I think this has happened every time I've "decided" to drink. There are always some warning signs.. and I guess I can be happy that I at least recognized them this time.. but I didn't act on them. I should have run home.. or should always have an emergency stash of something else to drink or eat. A counselor once suggested having dried chillies or cloves to chew on in such instances, to change the focus of the mind, snap out of it, so to say. I never tried that. I would love any advice/tools that you all use/d.
ok. Off to work. I started the Naked mind 30 day course yesterday and the videos are really good. As you said, Rava.
Love to all of you..xx

[Rava]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters! LC I m so glad you started the experiment.. I am flooding myself with podcasts and this 30 challenge. Anything to keep me focused is worth it. We all have different ways to deal with it and this is working for me this time around. Hopefully this is my last time around! Sick of day 1’s . I have had too many to count and way to many drunk nights. I hate my life when I drink. Good luck to you. Hi Nesters!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Birthday Lav! LC,you sound much better I understand the "switch" that goes on in your mind,I've tried explaining it before but I don't think anyone else really gets what im trying to say haha,glad you're gonna tackle this with such determination wishes for a happy,booze free Wednesday for us all!