Newbies Nest

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,just a quick pop in to say hi,Byrdie,I feel bad about that letter hope you don't let it bug you too much,NS,after all the holiday sugar I can absolutely say it makes me feel like shit! Super brain foggy,tired,more anxiety and just a sloooow sick feeling,after NY I'll try to reign it in again,hope everyone has a positive,peaceful,no al day!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Great way to think about things, NS.. to put it into perspective! We really are so fortunate. Don't think I've ever heard the expression, "canary in a coalmine", and though I understand it from the context, I don't really get it.? Thank you as well for the book recommendation..
Byrdie, I was sorry to read about the card you got from your half sister.. It sounds like was mentioned above, that it had to do with her feelings about her father, coming out so harshly and without regard to how you might feel.. a lash out.:hug: I am glad to hear you're enjoying some days of relaxation..
Pauly, I also really over did it with the sweets.. and felt like crap for it a couple of days. I'm reining it in already and would like to take a nice long break from sugar/bread!
Welcome back, Belle!
Big shout outs to Lav, Pav, Kensho, Wags, Ava, G-man, Nar, saw Marylou!, Feebee (well done on 1 month!).

I'm still taking it easy with life in general. I have a very low threshold for stress at the moment.. and today I had to remind myself that I'm just concentrating on not drinking these first 30 days and shouldn't try to "fix" everything else right now. There isn't really that much to fix, when I stand back and look with a clear mind.. and I am quite sure that when alcohol is out of my life for a while, everything will fall into place. It's still a matter of breaking habits and I shouldn't forget that at just 10 days af. The memory of the awful last drinking experience I had is fading (how that can possibly happen??!), but there is still a small bump and a bruise on the back of my head that is very painful when I press it. So I've been doing that a few times a day. I haven't had cravings or urges and I don't want to drink at all. I hate alcohol.. but I noticed I don't feel as sickened by the memories as I did just a couple of days ago. So now is really the time to take this seriously, keep it in the forefront of my mind, not to FORGET!

Hugs to all of you!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

You've been busy this couple of days. Sorry I've been MIA - I did read but didn't have much to say.

NS - Hope your mom is ok. Like you, I HIGHLY recommend Being Mortal for anyone in the generation of taking care of their parents. It really opened my eyes to a new perspective. I hope your dad figures it out. This is a tough place to be.

Sorry you had a tough time, SLO, but so happy you made it through. I think things through - wow, a drink would ease the stress I feel. But I NEVER want just one drink. Never. Then I would add the stress of focusing on moderating to my day. Who wants that? Like NS says, we can be a part of the solution now, and not the problem.

I have been eating sugar every day, also. I realize it is like booze in a way, too. I eat it because I crave it, but I am not getting the same pleasure from it as I did when it was an occasional treat. I will rein it in soon (but first I have to get through the peppermint chocolate truffles I got...

Sorry to be disjointed today. I read everything, but am having trouble focusing right now.

Looking for New Years plans. I have never liked that holiday. We're planning a nice dinner with some good friends. They'll drink, and I'll be the DD, waking up happy and UN HUNG on January 1, 2019. Good riddance, 2018!

Pav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

It's good to be back with you all. [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION]...your post hit a chord with me. I drink to escape something. Whether it is the company I am around or some feelings I'm experiencing. I need to think about how to handle those events in a positive way. If it is the company...i.e. grumpy teens...I can go for a walk. if it is my feelings, perhaps meditation. It seems to be hard though to find time for myself. I'm always driving someone here or there, or dealing with whatever around the house. I need to learn how to carve positive time out for myself, even when I am not on the verge of going to the gin.

Hi to everyone...and congrats to all of you that made it through Christmas AF. As [MENTION=23208]wagmor[/MENTION] said, there is still time for me to ring in the new year with a week AF under my belt. I DO know how to do it. Thanks so much for the support. But I know it is up to me to come here on a daily basis.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends,

Hi Belle. I reckon it's totally up to us to take the leap into the strangely scary world of sober living and reality. But i think it's also important to have some back up on the adventure. Like you were alluding to.....how do i keep myself sane when everyone and everything is pulling me every which way?! I agree with your meditation idea. We can manage our thoughts and our responses. Takes daily practice as the guru's and buddhists have suggested for thousands of years. Take care of yourself. You can get to where u want to be.

Congrat's to Feebee on 30 days +! And LC on 10 days double digits! Rawkin. Rava must be clocking up some sort of milestone again by now.....

Byrdy, that letter must've been tough to read. Take care of yourself there my friend.

All good here. Take it easy out there.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Fee great work on 30 days, keep up the great work.

LC, double digits woo hoo to you. All you need to fix at the moment is yourself. The world will not end if you do nothing but concentrate on yourself, im still a fan of my "do 3 things per day rule". At the moment i feel guilty as i am on holidays and need to do some cleaning but done pretty much nothing but when i think about it i am spending time with mads and recharging my batteries for another busy year. nothing will change if i dont clean the pots and pans cupboard!

Rav congrats on your 7 day. My advice is learn to say NO to what everyone wants and think of yourself. Tell them you are busy and when they ask doing what, say "doing nothing". My boys are so lazy so if they want something from me, i ask something from them. Works both ways and gives me less to do. Dont feel guilty for saying no, teenagers have no qualms in using that word.

Well another hot day here, i am taking a wee sample to the vets today for mads. not an easy task to get said sample when she is 1/2 a foot off the ground but i did it! Off to water the vege garden before the sun shines too brightly. Its lovely watching things grow.

Take care xx

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone. Nice slow pace here. I have work I should do, but I haven't locked the office door yet - enjoying floating too much!

LC, (and anyone else newly quit) you are doing great. Unfortunately, quitting drinking is an exercise in patience. It can feel underwhelming to finally commit to this sober thing, and then not see immediate results. Life is not all of a sudden reversed or infinitely better; relationships are not immediately repaired. For me, removing the drinking set the stage for the other healing to begin. Many changes were subtle - like paying more attention to what I really wanted and needed in any given moment (and learning to ask for it), or noticing an unusual sound. Or a meditation I wouldn't have done, or that one extra workout I wouldn't have attempted. It could be learning how to be bored. Or how to be blah. Or that you actually love tea. Or that you never knew this "thing" made you giggle. Or you have the energy and presence of mind to clean out a closet or a drawer. It could be a conversation that you later realize changed your life. Life doesn't become constant magic and rainbows and angels singing. What I found is that all the small things, over AF time, began to add up to something much more profound than a perma-smile - what I found was a sincere appreciation for experiencing all of life's moments, pleasant or unpleasant. I found I became more in touch with myself on a daily level, and started directing my life according to my inner compass, not my need to find alcohol. Initially, not having hangovers or blackouts is a wonderful thing. But then you are left with yourself, to see and accept and nurture. And all of the subtle, small choices you will begin to make when alcohol is no longer driving are what add up to what long-timers say is undeniable, unparalleled peace. Which can certainly cause happiness.

Be easy on your expectations when you stop drinking, and be grateful for the small wins. It won't be long until they start adding up. But until then, trust in the process as uncomfortable as it may be. I think a lot of people, myself included, believed that the discomfort of not drinking would be different. For me, it was just a sort of emptiness and a boredom and a lost feeling - not comfortable at all. I wanted to feel all-put-together but didn't know what that even looked like. I was putting forth extreme effort to NOT drink, but I couldn't see the life I thought I'd get. What I want to convey is that you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other through this time, and trust (so many here) that one day sooner or later, you will begin filling that emptiness and finding gems in each day that you wouldn't have ever noticed when you were addicted. Life is not perfect now, but the appreciation I have for feeling feelings (instead of running from them) is an infinitely better life - in every single way - than the prison I was living in. You can't possibly have a meaningful life when you are controlled by a substance - and any comfort you feel while ingesting it is no match for the bliss you can feel when you are free. Just. Keep. Going. :heartbeat:

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Kensho - you nailed it with 'unparalleled peace'. I'll also add the almost complete lack of anxiety.
Before I quit I had, what felt like deadly anxiety - I couldn't even breathe
I am SO grateful to be done with that mess so I will keep my quit forever & ever. Everyone here can achieve the same results, I know you can. Life will never be perfect & pink & pretty but it certainly can be manageable when we give ourselves the right tools.

I think I am going to donate the rest of the cookies to my chickens tomorrow (except for the chocolate cookies). They will appreciate the sweet snacks, I have had enough!!!!
The next sugar assault will be in late January when the girl scout cookie sale begins. I have to buy some from my granddaughter but I will give them to my grandsons, ha ha!!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night In the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check in for me. Our internet was out most all day. It was nice, I didn’t feel guilty about not working.
Worked a couple hours, anyway.
Tomorrow is already Friday. Wahhh, my week is mostly over. I have sure enjoyed the break.
Hope everyone had had a lovely day! All ok here. Byrdie

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone,
Belle, nice to see you here. Keep coming back and just don’t drink!
Byrdie, that letter sucks! Obviously your step sister does no know how awesome you are. What a wacko she is.

Life, you are sounding good. Keep after it, it takes persistence not perfection and you are persistent, right?

Lav, those chickens are lucky, yeah I have had enough sugar too, ugh.

Hey Pav, it’s nice to see your post. Hope you have. A great weekend.
Hello Gman, I see you are still rawkin.

Ava, Mads is one lucky dog. I hope she gets better. It’s interesting that your mom did not drink this Christmas, that is pretty nice.

Great post Ken. Yup, you can have the life you want or you can drink.i have to watch myself when I get bored, that seems to wake my AL brain up. It’s tood to be aware of this.

Rava, keep it up.

Don’t drink today.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nesters!

What a great and inspiring post, Kensho.. I would love to have that one in the Toolbox! That is exactly what I want and what I have been able to catch glimpses of these past days. I've had some moments, and even a bit longer, of genuine happines and of feeling "full".. I am so happy to have had a sober holiday time and to have been in the mindframe to take care of myself.. I think in turn, it has been a really relaxing and nice time for the girls. Uneventful in the most positive way.

Ava, I love the 3 things a day rule..you're so right that the world won't come crashing down because of a full sink of dishes!

It's 9:10 and the girls are still sleeping! Very late for my younger one.. the grey, drizzly days haven't been beckoning us to run outside!:happy2: Though I will head out for a bit today. I got an email from an old friend with whom I'd lost contact.. I've tried tracking her down several times over the past years with no luck. She sent an email to my employer and they passed it on to me.. When I got it yesterday I just started crying, I was so happy. I think it's been at least 17 years and probably a year or so since I'd last tried to find her. We have a plan to talk tonight.. I have been feeling a deep sense of gratitude for the friendships I have in my daily life and for those few long distance ones that have managed to stay alive/even grow, though I've been away so long. I want to spend more energy nurturing these friendships.. Having alcohol out of my life definitely allows me to focus more on other people, to be honest, to listen and remember.. to ask for help!
You sure are all helping me here! I'm so glad I didn't try to bury my last drunken disaster! I'm so glad I didn't try to ignore it and go on "as usual".. I couldn't possibly have a new "as usual" if I continued to lie and my old "as usual" always led to drinking again, for whatever reason. For each and every reason.

I hear a not-so-little-one-anymore getting up.. time for brekkie!
Love to all of you..xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,yes LC,that was a toolbox worthy post from Kensho Narilly,your Sig "I can have the life I want or I can drink" pretty much sums up the reality of drinking for me,,I'm just not myself when I've drank,I lose everything even though it's all still there I lose it cuz I don't care about anything while drinking,I can't have it both ways I hafta be in or out,I'd rather be in with a sober living lifestyle no matter how hard things get,no matter how hard my mind tries to convince me that drinking will be fine,everyone does it,all the lies we tell ourselves and yes being bored is a terrible trigger for me too! Lab,I didn't know chickens eat cookies haha that's awesome! Byrdie,you and hubs look wonderful in your Christmas pics,looked like a nice get together Ava,I don't envy you having to get a sample from your pup but we gotta do what we gotta do! Rained a bit yesterday,well drizzled wonder what today holds? Kinda hate cloudy days cuz I zaps my energy/joy boo,waves to all and wishes for a nice al free day for us all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho, I agree. Put that post in the toolbox. It is a GREAT summary of how my life changed. It wasn't a sonic boom, but a slow and steady march toward a better life in ways I never even considered.

Belle - great to see you back. Ringing in the New Year sober will be a great start for 2019. Many people have alcohol-free Januarys, so you'll fit right in. For me, going a month without alcohol was proof to myself that I wasn't an alcoholic - I could stop at any time. The problem was, I kept my focus on the date, and when the month was over, I just went back to my old ways... Accepting that I couldn't drink and have the life I want was KEY... (Hi, Nar)

Lav, I didn't know the Stella ate cookies. But of course they do...

I am at the portion of my week off when I'm not even sure what day it is... Friday! No ticket to Boozeville - we're going to have lunch with cousins and then get some noodles for dinner. My life is revolving around food at this point...

Stay strong, and don't drink, no matter what!

Pav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I’ve been traveling and now Up North without WiFi, so I’m at a cafe now for some WiFi.

All of your posts have been so fortifying & encouraging to my quit! Thank you.

Pav, I had gotten so far along that I couldn’t even do a 30-day cleanse quit; it was too difficult to accomplish.

LC, that is so wonderful for you that you have found your long lost friend! It sounds like just what you need right now. And thank you for your supportive post to me the other day, it was just what I needed.
“Canary in a coal mine” means NS’s body reacts more strongly & quickly to substances that perhaps aren’t good for anyone to be ingesting.

NS, yes, I don’t feel the shame around my vitamin A toxicity problem (which I failed to manage well during the holidays!) that I do around my alcoholism. I let myself get into feeling deprived of alcohol during the Christmas celebrations, but thinking about it as managing a condition that I have that I have to manage -just like the other condition I have that I have to learn how to manage -does help take the sting & the shame out of it.

Byrdie, marvelous how you can now handle & enjoy a party where everyone else is drinking and not be bothered by it. But it does beat having to go top ourselves off secretly. I hated being so chained to the stuff that I’d have to furtively find more in a panic and desperately glug it down in secret. Lav, yes, we can be grateful that we’re out of that mess.

Kensho, I agree that it feels nice to get back to being able to doing our regular daily exercise now that the Christmas rush is over. I really loved your post too, describing the realities of what we gain in sobriety. Especially about being able to follow our own inner compass now. And the need to feel our feelings. It dovetails nicely with a book I’m reading called, “Inside: A Guide to the Resources Within to Stay Connected to Your Truth, Even in Trying Times”. I somehow have to learn how to anchor myself now that I can’t numb out with alcohol. It also resonates with what Guitarista is saying about needing a consistent self-care practice.

Hello to Rava, Ava, Pauly, Pav, Narilly, Bellegirl, Feebee also, and all who stop by! Let’s all have a good AF day.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Right on about some sort of daily self care practice Sister Slo. The KEY they reckon (yogi's and buddhists after thousands of years trial and error, and many current billionaires, trillionaires, or the happy content Jack or Jill down the road) is the DAILY bit. Like an athlete or learning a musical instrument. You tend to get the best results when you do it daily. I do what i can handle, no pressure, no expectations, so stress ever.

I'm listening to thousands of years of knowledge and evidence based on trial and error. There are plenty of recent studies/science to support that a healthy daily self care routine will make a difference. Should become a new habit soon enough. Morning Speed yoga done, breathing done. Tick!

Fab post friend Kensho! Thank you.

Cool news re your old friend LC!

I'm working this weekend dammit! But that's ok. The rain is falling gently on my roof and around me this morning as some cooler weather breaks the hot run of 38C days we've just had.

Hope you're raaaaawkin Nar!

It's day ^%$#! Wowza! No ticket to boozeville here. L8tr g8trs!