Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

3B's it's GREAT to see you. I can't tell you how many years I tried to quit (well, maybe I can, it was about 30 years). It only takes one good day/night under your belt to find the way through. Then just rinse and repeat. I told myself if I could go the last hour without drinking, by gosh, I could do the next one. And so it went. I'm so happy to see you and we will be right here for you if you need our help!
Hope everyone has an easy evening, what a day! Glad there's only one more workday this week! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

OK, so today is Thursday, right? Ha ha. we're still confused around here & I keep correcting my husband (after checking my phone)

Narilly, glad you pulled thru your tough time. Honestly, we're just human & we're going to have days like that, it's the human condition.
I drank thru those years of feeling lonely & ignored, I understand. I really had to work to change my thinking. Instead of feeling lonely now I work on my gratitude & it really helps. I realized that he was never going to change so I had to do the changing so I could finally stop beating myself up with copious amounts of wine, ugh. Just grateful that I took that leap, you can do the same :hug:

3Bs, good to see you again & make yourself a regular here. Checking in daily was a huge help for most of us!

LC, you sound busy, I hope your time away is easy on you

Hello to everyone else & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Narilly, maybe part of it, or perhaps all of it, is that he lives alone for a full week every other week, and just gets used to doing his own thing.
I’m glad you talked to him about how his behavior affected you. It sounded so hurtful, and I felt so badly for you; but was likely just thoughtlessness on his part. And no, you weren’t a drama queen at all!
Like Lav, I live in a marriage that has been very hurtful and has had a lot of thoughtlessness. A major part of my recovering from alcohol addiction has been emerging from years of this and asserting myself as an equal person also, instead of just feeling angry, hurt, confused, and drinking the pain away.

Welcome back again, 3 bottles! Now that the holidays are over you can focus in on the work of getting sober. Good luck to you!

Nice hairdo, LC! Haha! Good to have a chance to relax with your girls after a hard workday. So sounds like you are coming to the U.S. alone then while the girls stay back for school?

Yay for a short workweek, Byrdie!

Best wishes to all as we do this new year AF!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

evening nesters

well a damn lovely 43 degrees today with not a puff of wind or a cloud in the sky. it was awful but thankfully a cool change has arrived. tomorrow a balmy 17 degrees, this is why i like melbourne. naked one day, rugged and layered the next.

has been an interesting time away, the woman we are staying with told me she was not much of a drinker but after a few days the telltale signs have been showing and she is an alcoholic. denies that she drinks too much, keeps going into the kitchen and comes back out for no reason, complains she does so much but does nothing and by 7pm is very rude and not a nice person. she is drinking at an ex who she thought she was going to get back with and now he has another woman so the shit show came to town last night. it was very sad to watch and think that that was me (though i was never abusive) and i also appreciate my sobriety so much more. never do i want to go back there. but other than that its been a lovely break and back to reality tomorrow.

so glad everyone is doing well and welcome back 3B, stick like glue on here and you cant go wrong.

glad you are all sorted Nar, we loamers stick together through thick and thin always.

sitting out on the verandah getting eaten alive by mossies so nice and short for me. will be back in civilisation tomorrow so will definitely read back.

take care xx (ps, i have so missed my daily check in's and i could never envisage not doing this regularly in the future, i miss you all too much).

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,Ava,making us jealous with your sitting out on the veranda haha yep,sounds like your friend is in denial,,shoot weren't we all? It took me seven years of 24/7 365 days of being constantly buzzed or drunk to FINALLY admit I was doing wrong,not even a night in jail,kids pissed at me,barfing blood,fights with hubs did I think I was doing wrong to me I was just"having fun" what an asshole,,hope she wakes up one day and realizes its bad,3 B's welcome back,hope you're on the path to putting it all behind you,stick close Narilly,glad it all sorted itself out,waves to all back later!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Narilly! I'm so glad that you used MWO and posted/checked in with support BEFORE you drank. This sober community worked like it was supposed to! I'm sorry about your husband, it would be a shame to throw away 5 years for someone else. I spent about 15 years trying to change my husband (I married him with the idea that he would change, even though I KNEW in my head that would never happen). He does not like to talk about his emotions, and ponder things until 2am with me, and I thought all along that meant that we as a couple weren't "complete." What I have accepted is that he is who he is, and I married him for a lot of wonderful reasons - but he will never fill that niche for me. I had to accept that (sound familiar?). I get those late night talks and deep emotional explorations from other friends and relationships and that is OK. I don't know what is going on with you two, but I am glad you have perspective, and I'm glad you worked through it!

Welcome back, 3 Bottles. I am glad you're here. I remember getting the advice that sometimes you have to think 15 minutes at a time - you can stay sober for this 15 minutes; then the next and so on. I loved getting into the bathtub with some lavender bath salts. I also ate ice cream and went walking/hiking whenever I could. Have you developed a plan to support yourself? Check out the Toolbox - many great posts about how people ride the cravings to get to the other side.

Byrdie - you DO think fast - your humor proves it. I HAVE seen a southern woman mad, NS. It still sound nice, but then you realize you've been eviscerated by a pearl-handled dagger. Watch out.

Ava - I always get sad watching those people who haven't faced their drinking yet. Sorry she was so cranky.

Hi to everyone else! Day 2 back to work today, and it was a lot harder to wake up. I'll get back into the groove again for sure.

There will be NO tickets to Boozeville this lovely Friday night. I have other places to be.

xo
Pav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav, I had to laugh....so true about being eviserated by a Southern woman. It has happened to me! One of my good customers showed me her crusty side about a month ago...I'l never forget it!
Yes, it's only Friday, NOT a ticket to BoozeVille! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters!

Back to work these past two days and I'm tired again! I hear you, Pav, with that waking up early thing!
I love my job but I sure love not working, as well..
Both yesterday and today provided opportunity for me to deal with mild cravings.. not even cravings, really, but breaking habits. The after work after stress drink, the wanting to escape because I feel ugly and fat drink (which only helps to make me look uglier and fatter).. They didn't last because I was able to turn things around in my mind.. I know the truth, I know what a drink really does to me and I know I don't want to go there. I'm noticing two differences in this quit. First, I don't feel afraid of the cravings, I don't feel threatened.. I'm hoping that isn't me being over confident. I just feel like I can see the lies for what they are, like that part of my brain is really my little, stupid brain and it doesn't control me. And I'm taking better care of myself so that I don't get into a situation where it can.. and second, I really finally believe you all that this takes time. There isn't a quick fix and it takes real continuous effort/time to change. That's working for me now. To say to myself, wait and be patient and give yourself the chance to see how you feel a year from now. It's been so helpful to be active here and to do the Naked Mind 30 day "workshop".. she says "experiment", but I'm done with experimenting so I don't call it that.
Anyway, I feel the strength of support here. I haven't blocked you all out of mind when the cravings have come this time around.. I've brought you all forth and have thought. we are in this boat together.. and I want to hold up my part. I don't want to risk drowning again.. and for f**** sake, I don't want to begin again.!

Ok. I've got to make some food..
Big hugs to all of you, Pauly, G-man, Ava, Pav, Lav, Byrdie, Slo, Wags, NS, Nar, Kensho, Welcome Back 3B's!! xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

I know the truth, I know what a drink really does to me and I know I don't want to go there. I'm noticing two differences in this quit. First, I don't feel afraid of the cravings, I don't feel threatened.. I'm hoping that isn't me being over confident. I just feel like I can see the lies for what they are, like that part of my brain is really my little, stupid brain and it doesn't control me. And I'm taking better care of myself so that I don't get into a situation where it can.. and second, I really finally believe you all that this takes time. There isn't a quick fix and it takes real continuous effort/time to change. That's working for me now. To say to myself, wait and be patient and give yourself the chance to see how you feel a year from now. It's been so helpful to be active here and to do the Naked Mind 30 day "workshop".. she says "experiment", but I'm done with experimenting so I don't call it that.

A woman with a southern accent can ev....eviz.......eves......eviscerate me anytime!

Yo LC. Great post. It got me thinking about the benefits or positives of relapse (providing we come back sooner than later). For me, relapse or lapses have been an education and give me knowledge into how i operate. How my mind works, how cravings affect me and my thinking, and where cravings come from. What can i do differently next time? Can i become more self aware to see wobbly thinking coming and head it off at the pass? Yes i can. I think we get better at seeing inner trouble brewing. If my self care and self respect is gittin a daily workout, then my thinking is healthier and each day i become more and more anchored, little by little. But i need to maintain my anchor and balance. Some sort of daily self care action helps me do this and keep on track. Daily.

In other news, any tech heads out there? Big waves to evabody.

https://www.digitaltrends.com/news/tech-trends-ces-2019/?utm_medium=push&utm_source=1sig&utm_campaign=One%20Signal%20Icon

[Feebee]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening everyone. I'm celebrating making it home without my little buddy Al. It's been over a month. So happy.

I am amazed that in 40 years of drinking - no DUIs. How did that happen? I should have gotten dinged. Knowing I never will get dinged from here on out gives me great confidence.

Have a fun and safe weekend!
Feebs

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Feebee, it is a good feeling to know that we will never have to worry about the risk of a DUI again! Not to mention violating our values like that.

LC, I like that you call the Annie Grace 30-day Alcohol Experiment a Workshop instead --a much better name! When I tried to do it, I took the word ‘Experiment’ too literally. Guess how that experiment turned out?!
I’m kind of afraid of cravings, but a lot of them, like you say, are just simply breaking habits. And thinking of them like that defuses the fear of them for me.
It does take a long time, though, to keep breaking habits and heal from this. The main key for me to keep doing this is what G said: maintaining my anchor and my balance.

Have a safe night in the Nest, all!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Phew, I had my grandsons here after school, thru dinner & just sent them home around 9:30.
When they were little they were a lot of work but now that they are 7 & 10 they are just plain rowdy, ha ha!!! Keeps me humble I guess

Slo, 'balance' sounds like such a simple & basic thing but boy it is hard to get it back once you've lost track of it. I could say I don't know when I lost my balance but I actually do know. Looking back I can see it was a bunch of life changing events that hit me hard & left me feeling helpless & hopeless. Classic depression, huh??
Being the stubborn person I was I decided to just sit & wait it out in an alcohol blur. I was absolutely sure things would fix themselves but they didn't of course.
That's what makes us so strong now! We have taken up the reins of our lives & are moving in the right direction together

FeeBee, I love that we never have to worry about a DUI or a hangover or any of that ever again!

Hi there G, Ava, Byrdie, Pauly,LC & everyone!

Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Gotta love Un-hung Saturdays! Tons to do, but I'm working slowly at checking things off the list. And nothing I HAVE to do.. but it does make me feel better not to procrastinate too much. I love getting through difficult days, realizing that they don't last forever. Before I left work yesterday, I took a moment to write a quick list of how my life has improved since I stopped drinking.. better sleep, more humour, no headaches (not one!), awareness, patience, ability to listen, clear skin and eyes, No headaches!, no gsr brothers, learning new habits and coping methods, happier.. ahhhhh.. sigh of relief that I don't have to ever drink again.

Feebee, Congrats on your over a month! I'm glad you're spending more time in the Nest..
Slo, yes, that freaked me out a bit in the beginning.. I get it with people who are just beginning to question their relationship with alcohol. But it's potentially dangerous for those of us know we can't and don't want to "experiment" any more. I remember when I did it back in April, I used it as an excuse to try once more to moderate.. Now I'm using it in a completely different way and it's useful.. MWO is where I reach out for contact, connection with other people.. and there I use the personal journal. I am travelling to the U.S. alone this time.. haven't done so for about 6 years.. my mom was supposed to come out and visit us in September but had to cancel due to health issues.. so I decided to go there. I'm beginning to get excited about the trip! How's your energy level lately? I have been sleeping a lot! and still feeling quite exhausted. Winter is a tough time, too, though!
Ava, I'm glad that you had some relaxing days away. 43 is definitely too hot for me! eegads. Sad to hear the story of the lady you were staying with. My neighbor allows me to see exactly where I don't want to be.. shows me that I can let someone else make me miserable if I want/or let it. Gosh, I don't ever want that to be the case again. Enjoy your remaining days off!
Byrdie, I'm so tempted to call you up to hear your voice/accent!:happy2: I love a southern accent!
Lav, love the talk about balance.. work in progress here! But it's infinitely easier to find and feel when alcohol is out of the equation. If I think of how I was feeling a couple of weeks ago, it scares me. So out of control, so deeply sad and broken. At the moment the thought of drinking terrifies me.. much more so than a craving. That's the feeling (and logic!) that I want to hold on to.!

My dad gave me his old iphone a year ago.. it sat in a drawer for many months and then I let a friend borrow it after hers fell in the toilet. Today she brought it by and I'm going to try to see if I can/want to use it instead of the bank robber cell phone I've used since I've had a phone. I feel the pressure to have whatsapp and to be able to take and post photos for my work instagram.. but I love the simplicity of my other phone. Such problems I have!:happy2: Will let you know!

Wishing everyone a wonderful and relaxing weekend. At least manageable if times are feeling tough. Posting here a lot and staying connected is really helping me to stay in the right frame of mind, to not forget, to feel supported, to recognize gratitude, to feel normal!xxx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Feebee - it sure is great to know you'll never be at risk for a DUI again, right? I'm fairly certain the guy who plowed into me almost two years ago (2 years already!?!?!) was drunk as a skunk - it's one of the very few explanations for his behavior. His choices terribly impacted my life, both literally and figuratively. In this way, and in many others, drinking is a selfish behavior and I'm glad to be free of it. Glad you are too!

Nar - so glad you turned to MWO and that you also worked things out, even if temporarily, with your hubs.

3B - good to see you! Please keep coming back.


Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by the nest today. I've got an early class than am off for the rest of it - hoping to get a very long bike ride in. Will catch up with you all again later!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy UnHung Saturday, yippee!
I got up at 7:30 and got a few things done. Today we are having a block party which I organized, I am the social convenor of the block. Of course I will go and enjoy talking to everyone, it’s nice to actually remember conversations.
Thanks for all the support everyone, much appreciated. I have an interview on Monday and I think if I was working it would be easier.

Wags, that sucks about the accident. I am so glad you didn’t get hurt worse!

Go for the iPhone LC!

Talk later,
Xo