Newbies Nest

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav, I can hardly wait for your 10 year party!

Yeah SLO, hubby lost control at a block party I arranged. Un believable. The lady Ava stayed with sneaking drinks was pretty crazy. I am so glad it’s not us doing that.
Lav, I’ll be going to Costco on Tuesday, I enjoy going there. I am not really sure why. Yes, the group support and therapy really helps me too,

Have a good night everyone.
Don’t drink today.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Monday morning, Nesters!

Just a quick fly by on my way to work.. Today is going to be a productive day.. I have a feeling.:happy2:
Will check in again this afternoon..
Wishing you all a nice day.xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi again.
ughhh! I really "wanted" to drink today upon leaving work. It wasn't a close call, but it did unsettle me. I went to the restroom to think about why it was hitting me so hard. Then I thought about everything that I would f*** up if I decided to drink. My youngest daughter coming home from school, wanting to spend time with me and talk about her day, wanting to practice for the big project she has coming up on Saturday, her having to smell alcohol on my breath, me having a headache and wanting to sleep, the terrible taste of the first glass of wine I'd have to choke down before drinking the rest, and how I'd have to deal with the regrets I'd already be having, beginning the cycle again, the dread, the guilt, the uneasiness, the heavy burden of having to try and do the rest of my life.. It's an easy NO WAY! when I spell it out. Mostly I have to figure out how to deal with my low self esteem (which I am actually actively working on), how to accept and be ok with who I am.. There are many things I want to do, but I also want to be ok with how I am now.. not just with how I will be at some point in the future.. as that's usually a recipe for disaster for me. I haven't been good with resolutions or transformations, and tend to do better if I don't put too much pressure on myself. But that means acceptance. I'm not sure how much I'm moving forward with that. I still keep comparing myself to others.
I was happy that once I took drinking out of the equation, the craving disappeared. That's a positive!
ok. Wanted to get that out of my system. Thank you for being here..:heartbeat:

[abcowboy]

Howdy y'all! I see that [MENTION=16568]jane27[/MENTION] popped in last night for a bit, hopefully she pops back in today because she's celebrating 5 years AF today!

Jane!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats on 5 Stinkin' Years JANE!!!!!

:congrats: :yay: :welldone:

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations, [MENTION=16568]jane27[/MENTION]! I miss you :hug: but am so glad you're doing so well. xx
[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION], it is great that you made it past all of that. Your sober muscles are getting stronger and stronger. I listened to an interesting podcast yesterday. It is focused on food (sugar, carbage) addiction but really applies to the self-esteem/confidence issues that almost all addicts have to deal with.

I was with a 3 year old grandson this weekend and each morning, he wanted to have "coffee" for breakfast, just like Grandma. It was cute to see him drink milk out of a coffee cup and I felt so grateful that that was the only behavior like that for him to model! Imagining him drinking water from a wine glass was awful!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Slo - the driver who hit me disengaged his truck from the back inside of my car (he hit me so hard we were hooked together, so it took several back-and-forward jerks and revs to do this), hung a u-turn, and took off. I couldn't get out of the car until after he had unhooked cuz he was jerking my car forward and back (plus I was in major shock), and by the time I got out he was already turning around and speeding away. It was right around dawn and I couldn't even see his plates well enough to catch any details. The cops "tried" to follow the fluid trail he left, and we were shocked that his truck seemed to make it far enough to escape, but he was never located. But he was either drunk or asleep at the wheel or otherwise severely distracted as he plowed into me (stopped at the back of a line of cars at a red light) at full speed, around 35-40mph. I am very very lucky. My little dog was in the backseat and she was also very lucky. The cops told me if I'd had a passenger in the back seat they probably would've been crushed and killed. They said based on their knowledge of driving patterns and issues along that particular road at that time of day, they guessed it was a drunk or otherwise substance-impaired driver. I just frame it as he was drunk because he likely was, and this is powerful ammunition to fuel my own quit.

LC - so glad you were able to play it forward and talk yourself out of that temptation!

Nar - sounds like a hard situation for both you and your hubs. My heart goes out to both of you.

Pav - hope you feel better soon!


Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by the nest today or tonight. Hope you all have (or had) good ones!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:
[MENTION=16568]jane27[/MENTION] Happy 5 Years! I remember your story of getting out of the house to at least walk to the end of the block and back. It helped prompt me to put on my shoes and get out, even with the intention of just a walk down the block. I hope you're well, and congratulations on this big milestone!

LC - the good thing about thoughts is that they are just that - thoughts. You don't have to DO anything about them... Imagine if we did something about every thought we had...

FeeBee - One great and unexpected side effect of quitting drinking was a much better relationship with my husband. i didn't realize how much my drinking got in the way of that until I stopped. Glad you're finding it true as well.

Mr. G - I love that self awareness and perspective. Rawk On.

I woke up late so I'm running off to work. Have a good SOBER Monday all.

Pav

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,congratulations Jane! Wags,that is just awful,I can't believe people leave the scene of an accident like that! On NYE(well day since it was 3 am) the cops had a DUI pulled over and another drunk idiot slammed into the pulled over cops! Sheesh,Mr.G,glad you're recognizing when that pull hits,I'm trying to be fully aware too cuz honestly I've always just thought I got cravings and drank outta the blue,when I look back now I can see there were hints leading up to it,LC,good for you getting through that shitty pull to drink! Waves to all and wishes for a happy AF day!

[jane27]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters, Cowboy has it right :happy2: Today marks 5 years sober and it’s hard to believe but I wanted it badly enough to stay focused on the goal. If I hadn’t stumbled onto MWO back in 2012 I’m not sure it would have happened for me. But I did, and then came a warm message of encouragement from Byrdie, and Newbies Nest and mother Hen Lav... ❤️ My first attempt lasted only 50 days. After that, I tried a few more times and got 3 days here and there. The 50 days sober was effective enough to show me that quitting was a bigger project than I thought it would be, and after failing a few times I couldn’t lie to myself about it anymore. I knew that if I was going to quit it was going to require intense commitment and tunnel vision. Until I reached the point where I was ready to do that, I stopped entertaining the thought of quitting. For me, it served to remove the forgive and forget piece - where I drank a ton, felt sick and ashamed afterwards, then applied that remorse as penance towards the shame - erasing it all together (for the moment), and creating a fresh slate for doing it all over again. Without allowing for false starts & the forgive and forget game, I just drank because it was clear that’s what I wanted to do. Without a guilty conscience to worry about I drank a little more liberally- shifting focus onto Vodka and using wine as an accessory. Boy oh boy did I get bad hangovers. Bad bad bad. And I DID feel guilty and ashamed but since I wasn’t paying a debt for a broken promise, the guilt and shame stayed and grew.
I don’t remember it like it was yesterday but I know that on January 7th 2014 I woke up feeling shitttt eeeee. I ate something, went back to bed and slept until my husband came home from work. When he did get home we ate something for dinner (I didn’t cook so I don’t know what) we went to bed and when I woke up the next day I thought, that was day 1- even if you slept through it THAT was day 1.
And so began the journey, much time spent daily on MWO and before long I had a new family supporting me at all hours. 5 years.

Thank you so much Byrdie, Lav, Starfish, Ann J, NoSugar, LilB, Ava, Pav, Narilly, Ginger, Jvo, Guitarista, Eloise, Elvis, Cowboy, Matt, Mick, Rahul, Pinecone, Nursie, Kuya, Lifechange, Treetops, Nora, MaryLou, Scottish Lass, Wagmor, Stevo, Coriander, Kensho, Jackie M., JackieClaire and Lolab.

I’m afraid I’ve missed people... there have been so many that helped along the way.

Wishing everyone love and strength ❤️

[jane27]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wagmor, I feel your pain. I’m still battling mental & physical anguish from my accident. Hoping for neck surgery next month. Was hoping to avoid that. Just yesterday I read an interesting article about trauma and the way it impacts the brain. If I can find it, I’ll come back and post a link. XO

Jazmine Barnes Case Shows How Trauma Can Affect Memory - The New York Times

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats on 5 years of freedom, dear [MENTION=16568]jane27[/MENTION]! I also miss having you around here, but am so happy that you've found your way out! Inspiring post, up above.. all the best with regards to your upcoming surgery and recovery from your accident..:hug:

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi friends!

First thing’s first…. HAPPY 5 YEARS [MENTION=16568]jane27[/MENTION] ! Hats off to you!!

Narily, sorry you had to deal with a drunk husband - one of my least favorite things. There is always the silver lining that it’s not us though…

LAV, I keep asking you and Byrdie for your rain - every year and you still haven’t sent it out west. Seriously, we are dry as dry here - stop hoarding! Looking forward to your 10-yr. bash!

Hi Feebee, glad to see you a solid fixture in the next! Life is good without booze, no? My relationship with my husband gets better and better the more AF time I get - not being drunk does wonders for communication.

PAV I might trade for the youthful body again - just for a bit. I miss my like-new joints and the muscles I once had.

LC, I love flea markets. Please message me and we’ll trade facebook contact info. Does your mom, who you are visiting, support your quit? Great job getting through your cravings. They get less and less with time. Do you ever ask yourself what you are needing or wanting when you crave a drink? I ended up with some pretty big revelations when I really listened to myself - ones that caused me to change my life for the better. For example, I rarely work late at night any more. Tiredness and adrenal fatigue were huge triggers for me.

G, I think sometimes it’s about believing that better is out there, even during boring stretches. Since real life isn’t 24/7 stimulation - it helps to have something to look forward to (sober of course).

Slo, glad to hear you are healing! I still notice changes for the positive, a little more than a year in. As some have said, it took lots of years to get into this mess - the healing will also take some time.

Traumatic event yesterday - I witnessed neighbors in a domestic abuse event. I was in my garage, and saw things that I wish I could unsee, fists and other things. I called the police and requested a welfare check, but it is a difficult situation because my 9 yr. old daughter has been best friends with their daughter - they’ve known each other since birth. SO SAD. And I’m not sure if there is anything else I can do - or how to move forward being neighbors with kids who play. UGH.

On a lighter note, I’ve avoided dairy and gluten for two days now and my neck pain is lessening tremendously! I sometimes find it hard to believe food can have such an effect on us - even foods that others seem to be able to enjoy without consequence.

I hope everyone has a great start to the week. A new year, feeling fresh and excited!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi again.
ughhh! I really "wanted" to drink today upon leaving work. It wasn't a close call, but it did unsettle me. I went to the restroom to think about why it was hitting me so hard. Then I thought about everything that I would f*** up if I decided to drink. My youngest daughter coming home from school, wanting to spend time with me and talk about her day, wanting to practice for the big project she has coming up on Saturday, her having to smell alcohol on my breath, me having a headache and wanting to sleep, the terrible taste of the first glass of wine I'd have to choke down before drinking the rest, and how I'd have to deal with the regrets I'd already be having, beginning the cycle again, the dread, the guilt, the uneasiness, the heavy burden of having to try and do the rest of my life.. It's an easy NO WAY! when I spell it out. Mostly I have to figure out how to deal with my low self esteem (which I am actually actively working on), how to accept and be ok with who I am.. There are many things I want to do, but I also want to be ok with how I am now.. not just with how I will be at some point in the future.. as that's usually a recipe for disaster for me. I haven't been good with resolutions or transformations, and tend to do better if I don't put too much pressure on myself. But that means acceptance. I'm not sure how much I'm moving forward with that. I still keep comparing myself to others.
I was happy that once I took drinking out of the equation, the craving disappeared. That's a positive!
ok. Wanted to get that out of my system. Thank you for being here..:heartbeat:

There it is right there LC! Everything worth living for. Your description of the alternative is perfect. It's an easy NO WAY! They are just thoughts generated by physical cravings. We don't have to actually act on them. As Pav says, we don't have to do anything. Just leave those thoughts be and let them drift away of their own accord, under their own steam. And they will. Like clouds in the sky. Nothing is permanent.

Jane! Happy 5 years good buddy! You are a legend no matter what, 5 years AF or otherwise. :balloons::black::spin:

All's well here. Big waves to evabody!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Jane, Jane, Jane, a happy 5 years sobriety to you lovely and a lovely post. I had forgotten about my daily bad hangovers so thank you for that reminder. Best wishes for your surgery and recovery. dont be a stranger. xx

Nar, i dont think i could be with a drinker, i do hope hubs behaved afterwards and you had a lovely night. I am friends with my ex hubs and she told me he had been drinking everyday of his holiday. I thought to myself that nothing had changed in the 11 years we had not been together. I do wonder if i could have stopped drinking if i had still been with him. I hope your job interview went well. x

LC, i hate to say it but Rome wasnt built in a day. It does take time to love ourselves again after the abuse we subjected ourselves to by drinking. For the moment all you have to do is build those sober muscles and get through the shit times. Each time you get through those, it builds your confidence for the next time. My biggest regret is i was drinking when the kids were teenagers but they still love me now and are so proud of my sobriety which will always keep me going and i love my life now with its ups and downs.

Slo, When i was away i could see the drinking woman didnt like herself, i could see and feel her pain towards alcohol and i could see the merry go round that al was giving her. For me the saddest part of watching her was that she is a very artistic person and yet she has lost that ability now, al has taken it from her plus so much more. She does the basics of life and that is it. Thats no life for any of us.

HOpe you get some rain soon kensho, very dry in Australia too atm.

Today i take mads back to the vets, fingers crossed as she is doing so much better on her medication change and i will have her for a lot longer. Will meet up with my daughter and have a coffee which will be great. Tomorrow i am meeting a dear old friends daughter who is now 30 with a baby. Our children spent so much time growing up together and i have not seen her daughter in at least 20 years.

Well i had better get myself together and have a coffee. The sun is shining and its going to be a lovely day. take care xx