Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick sunday morning drive by on way to work!

LC, i bet your young ones are very proud of their cool, kick ass mumma!

I love Ireland. The drinking culture is big there to be sure, but there are many non drinkers too, so life isn't all booze in the Emerald isle. Quite a few legendary musicians there are now booze free. Christy Moore is one.

Have a bewdy evabody.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

I dated a guy from Ireland when I was in my 20’s, I totally loved him. His name was Rory and he drank like crazy. He even drank too much for me which is a lot! We went out for a year and then he went back to Ireland. I got in touch with him 8 years ago by sending a letter to his mom’s place in Ireland and now we talk two or three times a year. We are good friends now.
He stopped drinking a few years after we were together so has been sober for over 25 years. I never thought he would quit drinking, it is amazing. He is a fitness buff now and lives in the States. He goes to AA and does not drink. Pretty cool.

I would like to visit there sometime, you are right G, there is a lot more to do than just drink in Ireland.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

A lazy Sattidy here, suits me just fine. It’s a cold, gray day, glad to be inside snuggled up with my doggie (and not passed out on the couch).
I survived a vacation to Ireland and didn’t drink, had a great time! Back in the day, I’d have said the same thing to my spouse if he weren’t drinking, of course it would have taken away from my fun, I would have been exposed! Misery doesn’t just love company, it loves miserable company. Those weren’t the days.
Hope everyone has a peaceful evening! Byrdie

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Pav, my mother has always been like this, her mother was the same. i can see some changes in her and i can see the struggle within her so i am just being there. as much as she drives me insane i love her. she did offer to come and be with mads when i went back to work which was lovely but then she would drive me nuts ha ha. i need to speak to my bosses about working from home if she is unwell. I love my dog more than i love most humans.

Enjoying my last day of holidays, hopefully work will be ok, i have kept up to date with emails etc so its now a case of doing all that was not done when i was away.

I remember going to Thailand when i was not quite 100 days sober and spent a lot of time looking at the sky so i wasnt looking at pubs/bars. how i got through that trip sober is beyond me, and i was with mum. Obviously my will to not drink far outweighed my feeling of deprivation.

Off to have breakfast now, going to be a lovely day.

take care xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Survived watching my grandsons for about 8 hrs today, no fighting between them for a change

I also survived a trip to Ireland back in 03. It was a wonderful time & I did taste the beers & whiskeys on the factory tours but behaved myself otherwise. We also went on the Waterford tour, bought a few things for gifts which they shipped home for us. Our son went with us & the only miserable person on the trip was my husband (for absolutely no reason). It was his idea to go & he was a grump the entire time. His problem, not mine

Waiting for our snow event to begin & really hoping it's not too much.
Everyone sounds pretty good. I like that

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Sunday morning Nesters,

Yesterday was a close call in a way. It's the first time in the last month where I gave the cravings any sort of consideration and it scared me. I had such a terrible head ache in the morning and took 2 pills to make it better.. this was a very important day for my daughter and her whole class.. something they've each been working on and supporting eachother with since the summer break and yesterday was their day to present it to all of us (around 200 people!).. So for once, I really wanted to go. The school and all of the parents (plus the girls dad) have caused me a lot of stress.. mostly self imposed stress. It's a parent initiative and in the first years I was very active, worked a lot.. at some point, I guess when my drinking got so out of control, I backed off, was often "sick", couldn't handle all of the discussions/arguments/over planning. During the first break I talked with a couple of people.. but I felt a lot of anxiety. I found a place to be alone and told myself that it was ok. I didn't have to prove myself to anyone.. that's how I always feel there, like I have to prove myself.. though I know that isn't true. I was so nervous for my daughter, who had to stand and present herself for 10 minutes.. she's always been so quiet and shy and I was projecting, as well, my fear for public speaking. Thankfully she didn't pick up on any thing I was feeling and I wasn't "showing" it, I was supportive.. but I was so scared. I had to keep telling myself, just send positive energy, just send positive energy.. All the kids did so well and were so supportive of eachother, so proud, so relieved to be done with it!
Afterwards, we spent some time looking at the stands they'd set up, asking questions.. then I left and my daughter went to her best friend's..
I felt ALONE. Which is what I've wanted for so long. Just to have some time to myself.. which is what I'm getting. Last night I was so tired and my mind was a mess.. I felt sad about lost time but also happy that my daughters are growing up into such independent and strong women. Walking home, I really wanted to drink but when I asked my self "WHY?" I didn't have an answer. I just wanted that first feeling of letting go and of the relief. If I'm honest, I think the only thing that really stopped me was that at that point I didn't know whether or not my daughter would be coming home to me.. and I thought there's NO WAY I want her to come home from such an important day to a drunken mom. And I know that if I have "one drink", I'll keep drinking until I'm gone. I had to go to the shops to get something for my nephews and I decided (after taking a completely different route home and walking a lot) that I would get some ice cream or some nice food and an af drink to have at home.. After making that decision, I was relieved and felt better. I hadn't stopped at any of the other stores on the way home 'cause I hadn't trusted myself.. but then I was ok again. I don't know it that is normal? I feel like it was too close.. I used my tools, thought of the things I've learned along the way. I had a nap on the sofa before signing on here and then going to bed. I was also just so exhausted. I had a dream that I drank.. weird alcohol that I had to suck out of the tips of felt-tip pens, that turned my lips the colour of the pen.. then little thumb nail sized squeezy bottles of alcohol.. I drank a few then thought, oh god, no, I don't want to be doing this.. and stopped, but was so sad because I'd actually already decided not to drink. I woke up and was so thankful and relieved that I hadn't done that. I still have a headache this morning and feel a bit off.. could be the weather or maybe I'm coming down with something.?
Anyway, blahblahblah.. when I write it out it all seems so trite and like, yeah, big deal.. but it feels a bit like being run over by a truck.
It scares me that I don't seem to have control over my mind sometimes.. I expect that when I'm drinking.. but when I'm not, I don't.
I am very happy that I didn't drink! Because I don't! I wish there was some sort of insurance I could buy that would guarantee I'd never drink again.. I'm not an insurance buying kind of gal, but that's one I'd buy for sure. Hopefully, like you all say, at some point it won't scare me so much.. I'll trust myself more.
Byrdie, you mentioned that the other day..that it took a loooong time for it not to cross your mind every day at 5.. and you've all said that the pull gets easier the longer you don't drink, the more time that exists between the last drink and the present moment.

ok. all about me. again. It helps me to write it out though.. Thank you all for being here..xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC, is antabuse an idea? Take care of yourself and enjoy the weekend.

Big waves to all. I'm knackered after a weekend of work and straight to a gig after work tonight. Good to play, but a loooong day. Crammed in some dinner lol, now it's off to sleep for an early start tomorrow.

Love Rory's story Nar.

Take it easy out there.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for writing out your struggles, LC, which are our struggles too. It all sounded completely normal for early days. It is normal to have bad cravings when you’re under a lot of emotional stress like you were, combined with the physical stress of fatigue and pain from your headache. You came up with good solutions: getting some rest, which is what you really needed, and getting some food; finding a different treat. Ice cream is a satisfying substitute for alcohol when you have strong cravings. Like Byrdie says, you can kill a strong craving by eating! And you can always rely on these interventions for future cravings. You’re in very early days, and it will get better as you go along, meaning you’ll have fewer episodes of bad cravings. Also your body is healing, so we will have more fatigue at this point.
Your dream is sure interesting of our conflict: wanting alcohol but not wanting it, so sucking it out of tiny openings -and then your secret is exposed with stained lips!
Sincere congratulations on successfully navigating your way through. That’s how it’s done!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I agree with [MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION], LC,

It all sounded completely normal for early days. It is normal to have bad cravings when you’re under a lot of emotional stress like you were, combined with the physical stress of fatigue and pain from your headache.

You don't need to be surprised or to doubt yourself. Our habitual response to strong feelings and emotions was to stuff them up with alcohol. Why wouldn't it occur to you? It occurs to me often when I'm frustrated or exhausted. I like(d) the feeling of checking out. I just don't get to do it that way anymore. The fact that the idea pops briefly into my head doesn't bother me. All sorts of crazy ideas come up in times of stress but I certainly have no intention of doing them!

I hope you don't spend a lot of time and mental energy trying to figure out why you would consider having a drink and being scared by it, what it means about your chance of staying quit, why this is so difficult, what is wrong with you, and on and on and on. Like all of us here, you're addicted to alcohol. For now, all you need to do is remind yourself that you don't drink. And if you have to remind yourself every day, every hour, or every 10 minutes, that is ok. It is good to keep it simple.

During the first year or so AF, I spent a great deal of time learning about the science of addiction, physiological and biochemical aspects of the process, and ways to use all of that to improve recovery. It kept me focused on my goal, was very interesting, and did not feed in to self doubt. It helped me give up my delusion of control and see that my situation wasn't something entirely my "fault". In the last few years I've become interested in more of the psychological and environmental determinants of addiction. It has involved tough self-reflection and honesty about stories I've made up about my life. I don't think I could have done this in the early AF days without giving in to my easy escape from anything painful. Facing some things now doesn't make me want to drink, it just gives me some compassion for an earlier me - the one who at the beginning of all of this I couldn't understand or forgive.

Yesterday you did so many right things. You were there for your daughter. You acknowledged all the feelings you were having. You didn't stop and buy alcohol. And if it was because you didn't want to risk disappointing your daughter, that is fine for now. Overtime, you will be doing this for yourself, also. It took time for all of us to become addicted. And the opposite takes time also. I suspect it is a process we'll be involved with for the rest of our lives if we want to become our best, most contented, selves. To me, that is one of the gifts of this otherwise pretty awful experience - to be emotionally sober people, we have to do some self-reflection and exploration that many people never take the chance to do.

But the thing is, you don't need to do that right now. You just need to not drink. xx, NS

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

It scares me that I don't seem to have control over my mind sometimes.. I expect that when I'm drinking.. but when I'm not, I don't.
I am very happy that I didn't drink! Because I don't! I wish there was some sort of insurance I could buy that would guarantee I'd never drink again.. I'm not an insurance buying kind of gal, but that's one I'd buy for sure. Hopefully, like you all say, at some point it won't scare me so much.. I'll trust myself more.

NONE of us have control over all of our thoughts, LC! We have some crazy number like 60K thoughts a day - there is no way we are in charge of each of them. What we can control is the ones we pay attention to, develop, and act on.

It is interesting that we are able to accept our crazy dreams (and I LOVED yours - your subconscious was really working things out for you :smile but we try to take responsibility for any "daytime idea". But really, they are the same. At least when we're awake, we're better able to quit thinking about sucking on a marker :haha:.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

LC, when I got to the end of your post I thought "I hope NS comes along with one of her good posts," and there she is!

Yes, we all have thoughts, and no, we don't have to act on them. I am thinking of the old friend HALT - hungry, angry, alone, tired. It seems you were three for four on your way home. I would consider yesterday a victory instead of a retreat. You used all of your tools and you made it through. There is a post in the Toolbox about urge surfing - we all get urges, and early on those urges are strong and sometimes close together. Knowing that it will end, and knowing you don't drink, will help. Also, maybe visualize that last night in the bathtub? Close your eyes and conjure your daughters' faces? So proud of you for not giving in - you've strengthened that sober muscle. And so glad your daughter's day went well. (PS - I ate A LOT of ice cream that first year...)

Ava - of course I know about your mother - I've "known" her for five years! Just so weird that she would pick now, when she needs him most, to kick out your son. I hope you can work it out. Sending love to Mads - I know having her sick is hard for you...

Still trying to rein things in over here. I feel like we all sort of spun out over the holidays - food, house, mental health - and now we have to gather ourselves back. I watched that Marie Kondo Netflix yesterday - I go agree that a clean and orderly house can help bring calm to my mind. Maybe I'll go zen and have a super cleanup day... (or maybe I'll watch a movie - remains to be seen).

Happy SOBER Sunday,
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Yes, very good posts.:love: Thank you so much for the reassurance. I sometimes think that because I've been here at MWO for such a long time I should be further along. I do beat myself up for being where I am, for not "getting it".. so it was good to remember that I am still in very early days! I do think yesterday was a victory. I can see that now, especially upon remembering so many times when I did drink in similar situations. I'm relieved to hear that I can deal with all the bigger issues later.. I keep forgetting that. Thank you, thank you for your loving help.
I've just got the girls and the cats to dad's house, am taking down the Christmas tree and am finishing up cleaning and packing before taking off tomorrow morning. It'll be fun to be in a closer time zone to a lot of you.. ok. more later..xxxxx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello nesters,excellent posts NS,it's really hard to not live in our own heads sometimes,I think you posted a long time ago that thoughts are just thoughts and if anybody knew some of yours they'd lock you up or something like that,I get weird thoughts that freak me out,mostly worrying about someone in my family getting hurt then I dwell on it and turn it into physical anxiety,grrrr,that's the worst! LC,you did a fabulous job yesterday getting through the shitstorm cravings! I'm very proud of you I'm glad you're writing it all down here cuz it helps to know I'm not alone in the thoughts/feelings that pop up from time to time making me feel like an absolute lunatic,great posts from everybody,hope everyone has a super sober Sunday!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I hate to think I'm the only one who has had fleeting bad ideas like these :eek-new:, [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION]:
- ram into the driver that cut me off
- steal something
- kiss (or more) an inappropriate person
- kill mysef
- strip in public
- drink again
I am a good driver, would never steal, am loyal to my husband, have no suicidal tendencies, am way too modest to strip, and I don't drink. But all of these things and more that I can't remember right now occasionally occur to me. Just like I think most of the dreams I remember are really weird and have nothing to do with me, so are these random thoughts. They don't mean anything.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm relieved to hear that I can deal with all the bigger issues later.. I keep forgetting that.

Whenever I read @available 's posts about her relationships with her manfriend or mom or her lack of relationship with her dad, I'm struck by how compassionate, clear-eyed, mentally healthy, and accepting she is. She knows who she is and knows her worth and no longer lets anyone else define her. But she put all that sh*t in a box on a shelf for a good long time AF before she dealt with it. And here she is at 5 years, one of the MWOers I consider least likely to ever drink again.

I found that some of the junk hidden in my box disintegrated and by the time I looked at it, nothing much more was left to be done. There's nothing like facing that one is an addict to let go the dream of perfection.

You can do this, LC. xx