Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

G-man - you're hired! Honestly, that is exactly the approach I was hoping for from the osteopath, and I was stunned with what I got instead.

NS - thank you for your furious support! I would love some specific resources - I know I definitely have PTSD, probably a few times over. I've done some work and have made lots of progress but the deepest roots are tucked in right by my heart.

Nar and Pauly - thank you as well. This morning was the strongest al temptation I've had in a really long time, and I just knew I needed to hop right into the nest and grab the butt velcro. It worked!

Lav - I tried acupuncture way back in the first couple of years after the first accident and it didn't seem to help, but I was also on powerful pain meds at that time, and I was struggling with the undiagnosed brain injury (lots of memory problems) so I don't take it as indicative. I've heard lots of good things so maybe it's time to try again. Good PT is the most helpful thing I ever did, and I think it might be time to get a referral for that as well.

Byrdie - Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. I feel pretty well-balanced too, and compassionate and empathetic are two of the best compliments I can imagine. I'm honored to be one of your best friends. You, and the others here in the nest, mean the world to me and you all certainly know me better than a lot of people! I love that we can show up here as our raw honest selves and be welcomed with open wings.

Group hug everyone, and thank you again.

I'm feeling somewhat better now - I've had a little time to process the whole experience and essentially hand the dude back his words. I think, perhaps, he was a bit stumped by my case and I think some practitioners don't like to feel like they don't know everything. I certainly wasn't expecting miracles, but sheesh - seriously if he had responded remotely like G-man's comment I would've been 1000% on board and satisfied. Instead, he lost me as a patient and any possible referrals. I will take a few days to regain my composure and then will start looking for someone else.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, glad you're feeling a little better.

I can't recall, but do you do any yoga? I'm def no expert on yoga, but i've heard 2 yoga teachers say recently that certain yoga moves/positions can release 'stuck' or stored emotions. That sounds pretty out there to me, but then 2 women told me last week that they experienced some tears and had an emotional response to some sort of yoga hip stretch move.

I've also read American ex addict, now 12 step yoga program creator Nikki Meyers say - 'the issues are in the tissues'. That's her catchphrase after experiencing release of 'stuck/stored' stress and traumatic emotions as a result of certain yoga moves. Interesting stuff. I suppose the Yogi's have known this for thousands of years. No matter which way i look at it, yoga just seems to keep giving. Take care mi amiga.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good early morning, Nesters,

Wags, I'm really sorry about the experience you had yesterday with your osteopath. I woke up in the middle of the night and it came to mind and my first thought was how unprofessional and bordering on, if not outright, abusive he was to you. It probably was the case as you mentioned above, that he was overwhelmed and didn't want to lose face.. but I would think that people in that line of work would be trained in working with PTSD, as surely many patients are coming after having accidents? Even if not, most people have some empathy and understanding and wouldn't speak to another human the way he spoke to you.. I'm so glad and relieved that you came here to seek support. To me you have always been such a warm and compassionate and thoughtful person who has given me support and strength and hope. :hug: I'm glad you're feeling a bit better now.. I'm sure you'll find someone who can really help you.

G-man, I'd hire you, too! Looks really interesting, what Nikki Meyers is doing. I'm definitely a believer in "the issues are in the tissues".. doesn't mean I can stick to a program. :happy2: but every time I do yoga, have a deep massage (if the practicioner is good!), I feel such relief and release. Getting back to regular yoga is on my list.. You are sounding so good, G!

Pauly, my sister and my step father also can't fly because of anxiety.. I totally get it. As I get older, I become more afraid.. especially coming over on long flights, leaving the kids behind. But I can't not visit my family here.. so this is where I pull out my amazing talent for blocking out things I don't want to think about.! I'm sure at some point, I'll decide not to fly any more. You sound like you're feeling really good, too!

Lav, I love sister friends! I'd love to meet up with all of you sisters (+G) someday...

So today marks a very well earned 30 days for me!!! They were different than any I've done before. I feel really happy and confident, without any questions about where I WANT to be.. and with a vision of what I have(want) to do to get there. I'm in a really supportive place right now, with a mom who understands and with whom I can talk.. as well as my sister, if I want to. My dad has given up on me as his drinking buddy and I don't feel any pressure there whatsoever.. in fact, sadly, he's become a poster boy for who I don't want to be. I love him to death and love spending time with him, but as far as alcohol, I don't see that he's going to change and he's suffering more and more as he ages, even if he doesn't make the correlation. Not my problem to save him.. but I feel pretty darn good being an example instead of an "enabler".

I have so much love for all of you who have given me so much support this past month! I've had a totally different experience than I've had in the past, when I've decided to drink and push it under the rug and disappear or lie, hoping it would all just go away. I've been able to make some positive, empowering, new neural pathways, have learned new tools, have watched and listened to you and have accepted the truth. I know I'm in early days and I don't want to get ahead of myself. But I sure am happy right now! I'm going to celebrate with a nice hike in a freshly rained on desert! My favourite place to be.. xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

LifeChange! Congratulations on these 30 different AF days! Let me grab your prize! :guy: Your hat, my dear! We are mighty proud of you! What is your personal best? We'll help you beat that and go way beyond! I'm so happy for your success!

Wags, like LC, I'm still ticked off for you. Being minimalized, marginalized and dismissed, is enough to piss off the Pope. Keep rolling!

Headed to our Caribbean vacation tomorrow...oh wait, it's Pittsburgh. Between the TSA folks and the snow storm, it should be quite an adventure! I'm not wearing my good shoes on the trip, I'm tempted to not wear my good underwear, either, just in a show of defiance! HA! (beats drinking AT them!!) I've been on a diet for the past 2 weeks....all I've lost is two weeks. :eek-new:
Stay strong, everyone and congrats to LC on those 30 days! They are the most important! Byrdie

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I find yoga to be amazing for healing & maintenance too, [MENTION=23208]wagmor[/MENTION]. It seems to help release both old stored emotions and stored physical toxins. Plus it helps maintain flexibility as we age. I just really need my yoga. And since you had spinal damage, gentle yoga could be very helpful for you too.

I was thinking that massage therapy and chiropractic care could be helpful as well.

There certainly are bad doctors out there. One such lazy, uncaring doctor and with poor diagnostic skills contributed to my FIL’s death a year ago this week.
They can have bad “bedside” manners too, like yours did. When I was first seeking treatment for my deteriorating injured knee, one male doctor told me that I looked too old to be the mother of my baby! And this has what to do with my knee?!

I’m glad that you came to the point of “dumping it back on him”, and dumping him as your doctor. And realizing with compassion that, like he says, he’s not good with words, and he’s trying to save face because he doesn’t know what to do. In other words, it’s not you, it’s him!

I am so sorry that you suffered such a severe car accident. And that you’re facing two challenges at once right now, with both your partner being gone and the re-activation of this trauma. Hugs to you, and stick close!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Friends! I've been absent. No good reason - just focusing on trying to do too much I suppose.

I do want say to LC: BIG CONGRATS on 30 days without alcohol, well-earned! It will keep getting better. Keep the faith!

Wagmore, it sounds like your osteopath was just incompetent - but tried to pass that burden on to you. I would guess that he just didn't know how to solve your issues. You may have some unusual challenges, but EVERYTHING has a means to progress, with the right person tackling it. DO find someone who welcomes your issues and thrives on helping people in your situation. I'm so sorry you felt the way you did. I agree with NS - you are NOT BROKEN!

I cooked with wine last night and the smell, although nostalgic, brought me to an immediate and distinct memory of feeling chained, out-of-control, and poisoned. The smell was slightly enticing from a false sense of the hydration and satiation that I once thought I got (i.e., I was hungry and thirsty and wanted the sugar), but the side effects of drinking it were so strong in my mind that I wanted NOTHING to do with it. That was a good feeling.

I also had X-rays on my neck and back yesterday because of some lingering pain, and I learned I have some issues. Probably minor on the scale of things - but I have some work to do because I'm only 43 and these issues can be progressive.

Miss you guys. Sending good thoughts to everyone.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats on 30 days LC!! yep there will be a time when I hafta fly cuz my daughter keeps wanting me to go to Portland for a visit,I'm just scared I'll get on the plane,freak out and air marshalls will hafta restrain me haha! Byrdie,safe travels,Wags,good you worked it out,screw that guy! I am another who thinks yoga could help you,can't hurt I don't think,wishes for a fabulous AF day for us all!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations on a secure-feeling 30 days, LC! At some point knowing you won't drink becomes an intrinsic part of you so the idea isn't part of your response to anything. Last night, [MENTION=9757]NoraC[/MENTION] posted a link to a really great blog, Unpickled. I haven't read her posts in a long time and started looking back through a few. This quote from Jean expresses what I'm trying to say about being an uncompromising non-drinker:

I think it is worth examining our beliefs around this. Do you have unconscious rules that nullify your own standards? What about your sobriety? Do you have things in mind that could “justify” a relapse? Cancer, infidelity, your sisters wedding? ....We don’t drink no matter what.

In another post I came across this which of course I LOVED because it agrees with what I write all the time :

Don’t believe everything you think. Some of the best wisdom comes from recovery meetings and sharing circles. At a SheRecovers retreat on Salt Spring Island, a woman said, “I don’t have to buy into every single thing my brain comes up with. Just because I thought it doesn’t make it true.”

Wags, ... you are NOT BROKEN!

None of us are, even when it feels that way. When I found MWO almost 6 years ago, I thought I was more than broken - I felt destroyed and couldn't imagine that I could ever get back to being the person I used to be, much less one who feels even better than ever in so many ways.

I have house plants and every once in awhile, one gets straggly, yellow-leaved, or otherwise out of control and without a thought, I cut it all back to within about an inch of the dirt, knowing that the plant has deep within it what it needs to develop and grow. The regrowth is almost always healthy and full, in much better condition than the sickly mess it had become before I removed the part that wasn't serving it anymore.

It seems so odd that we easily assume that a plant has what it needs, even when it appears to be broken. There's no reason to think that evolution would have favored plants over animals and that once injured in body, mind, or spirit we can never recover. What we need is within us but unlike a plant, our thinking can get in our way. We dwell on the past or worry about the future, making real with our thinking things that are not happening but because of our thoughts, feel in the moment like they are, causing us to actually experience fear or pain.

I suspect plants are pretty good at staying in the now and feeling only the warmth of the sun or the cool of the evening with no worry. Maybe we should try to be more like them sometimes. [MENTION=21027]wagmore[/MENTION], I'll send you some links. xx

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

LC, Congrats to you on your 30 AF days :welldone"
Enjoy your visit with your family.

Byrdie, wishing you safe travels. The weather is going to completely suck up here ~ just sayin'

Wags, I've been thinking about you & your experience with that nasty doc. Reminds me of being sent to a blood specialist by my GP more than 30 years ago He was concerned about some of my bloodwork results because of family history issues. The specialist did a ton more blood studies, couldn't find anything wrong. Then he leaned over his desk & asked me 'what's your psych history?' I leaned in and said 'I don't have one - YET!' Then I stood up & walked the hell out of there. Honestly, just because they call themselves doctors doesn't necessarily mean they're smart people. We deserve much better treatment, don't you think? Don't know about you but I've never been one to take abuse lightly
Glad you are working your way through this debacle.

kensho, good to see you & hope everything is OK. Maybe a PT evaluation may be of help for you as well.
I often recommend PT not just because of my medical background or the fact that my daughter works in PT - PT is actually recommended by doctors & insurance companies as an effective, cost saving treatment, much safer than surgery or drugs. Hope you feel better soon.

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!
We're prepping for several approaching snowstorms here ~ swell.

Lav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Way to go LC!! 30 days is awesome! You are doing so good, keep it up.

Lav, I can see you walking out of that doctor’s office. What a jerk.

Yes, safe travels Byrdie.

Goodnight everyone xo

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola y'all.

LC! 30 days booze free! Wowza! Wowza! Wowza! mi amiga! Well done. Keep it going you Raaawk star. Safe travels. :balloons::congrats::llama::upsidedown:

Have a nice break Byrdie!

Busy this week at work. A little tired, but happy.

Big waves to evabody.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nesters!

Thank you so much for the congrats yesterday.. it felt like a day to celebrate. My morning hike proved to be an emotional time as the fragrance/feel of the air/quiet after rain in the desert overwhelmed me, took me back to my childhood. This is a really special visit (the first I've had in 7 or so years on my own) because I'm able to be fully present and pay attention to my own rhythm.. I know how fortunate I am to be able to do this!

NS, I loved the plant analogy! So very true, that we have everything we need inside of us. And thank you for the reminder about our thoughts. I don't quite know why this hasn't clicked with me yet.. It is 100% true, but it escapes me.. I'm not sure how to keep it PRESENT in my life..?`Sometimes it's there and easy and at other times I find myself deep in worry.. though I have to say, my mind is in a much better space than it was 30 days ago! That seems like an eternity ago.

Byrdie, that was such a funny post yesterday! You were on a roll! I think my personal best was around 120 days.. and next pb was around 60 days. That was last year around this time.
Kensho and I were on just about the same day. I had told my dad and his wife that I wasn't drinking and didn't the first couple of weeks.. then at some point, I was staying at my dad's, and used being stressed out as an excuse to drink a beer.. I ended up drinking 3 (hiding it because I planned on going back to AF the next day) then broke into the liquor cabinet. After drinking a lot, I poured a glass that I hid in the bedroom, in a rolltop desk and forgot about it. The next day my stepmom walked in the kitchen with the glass (horrifying!) and said to my dad, "Steve, what is this? I found it in the desk?".. my dad said he didn't know and then they blamed it on my dad's friend who had been visiting a couple of weeks previously.. could have been, I guess.. That evening I said I wanted a glass of white wine and my stepmom asked if I was sure? I said yes, and it took me until 31 days ago to stop again. I spent a whole year in agony with alcohol. But as we all know, there's absolutely no use in being sad or regretful about lost time!! And I am now so grateful to be where I am and in the state of mind I'm in. Last year I was sad.. even before I drank. I wasn't dealing with my issues, was in a state of denial.. I needed help and wasn't asking for it..

Kensho, yes, 43 is so young! and I would definitely encourage you to deal with those issues now.. I never listened/payed attention to people complaining about menopausal issues, advice I was given because I couldn't imagine my body would ever change.. if I had to do it over again, I would get myself in the best physical shape possible, spend more time with strength training, figuring out the best nutrition plan for my body type. It's been my experience that everything becomes compounded and more difficult after menopause. You've put yourself into such a fortunate AF place to be able to deal with your issues and take care of yourself!:happy2:

ok. off for another hike.. I promised myself to go every day, as this is what I miss the most when I'm away.. today my mom will join me a bit, which is so nice.
Love and hugs to all of you!xx

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I hope you got better sleep last night, [MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION]. Otherwise I’m sure it’s hard to do your job the next day. Worries about your dad’s decline in health must be interfering.

[MENTION=1354]narilly[/MENTION], I’m also be interested in if you & Rory have ever spoken about the fact that you quit alcohol too!?
Hope it’s going well with your hubby at home this week.

I’m relieved to hear that you feel that you’re in a safe, supportive environment for staying sober, [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]. Desert walks should help a lot, and the ability to set your own rhythm.

I’m experimenting with going dairy-free & gluten-free as well, [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION]. (Only a few days GF.) It seems to be helping my joint pains also! How is it going for you?

[MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION], very happy for you that you have a new P.A. at work who isn’t being a hag! It makes going to work much easier.

Byrdie, enjoy your tropical vacation -NOT! You will get to see snow!

I’m enjoying quiet January days. Hello to Lav, Pauly, NS, G, Wagmor, & everyone stopping by today.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

PREACH, NoSugar! I love those long and thoughtful posts of yours. Put that in your book pile - we must be up to 6 chapters by now.

Wags - I can't say much more than has already been said. I think you are a kind, compassionate, thoughtful and cool person - get rid of that bum and find someone willing to work with YOU.

Lav - that story made me laugh, even though it probably wasn't funny at the time. You are amazingly strong. I tend to defer to doctors too much, although negotiating with my dad's illness has made me question a lot more.

G - I have cried in yoga many times. I'm a fan and a practitioner. That mind/body connection is so strong, and I have found so helpful to acknowledge that in order to understand myself better. I would definitely go to Dr. G!

LC - You sound great. You quit sometime around when Ava and I did, and then you visited your parents in the States and we didn't hear from you for a LONG time. I am so glad you are back, feeling solid and healthy. Have a great visit. And what you say about menopause is THE TRUTH. I am still not quite there, but what people have said is the truth, and I was happy to ignore it. Kensho, hope you get it all "straightened" out.

Pauly - I once grabbed the hand of the stranger sitting next to me to tell him I was scared while flying. I have gotten actually better in my older age (mostly). I did used to enjoy a shot or two before I got on the plane to calm my nerves - now I rely on my own meditation. Much better control.

Byrdie - happy travels. Hope that snow doesn't get you. Shoes are key. The students I work with use "af" to mean "as f%$k" as in, "that's funny af." If you read your post that way, it makes sense (they WERE different af).

Hi everyone else. Must run to work.

Pav.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh, I hope I don't sound "preachy", [MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION] :concern:! It's just hard when you've come to understand something that has been completely liberating (like giving up alcohol!) not to want it for everyone you care about. I wish no one drank alcohol. It's poison. And I wish we could remember that through our amazing ability to think, we are innocently creating most of our own problems. That sounds bad but it's not -- because it means we have the power and have had it all along, like your avatar reminds us, to create lives of peace and joy instead.

And thank you for the reminder about our thoughts. I don't quite know why this hasn't clicked with me yet.. It is 100% true, but it escapes me.. I'm not sure how to keep it PRESENT in my life..?`Sometimes it's there and easy and at other times I find myself deep in worry.. though I have to say, my mind is in a much better space than it was 30 days ago! That seems like an eternity ago.

Sometimes I see it, LC, and other times I get so caught up in my thinking about something that is going on, I am SURE that the nasty world is making me feel the way I do. Or that the glorious world is responsible for how great I feel. But the thing is, it is only how I think about whatever it is that matters. It is because we are so good at simultaneously experiencing, interpreting, and feeling that it seems like it must be real and coming at us from the outside.

Here is a really trivial example but relevant on a quit-drinking forum. A glass of red wine is neutral. It is a glass with a liquid in it.

I used to look at that, want it, and have all sorts of physical responses to that idea of 'a glass of wine'. Once I had that thought, I stuck with it. I wanted the wine. I craved the wine. I could imagine how it would feel in my mouth and wanted the effects that I knew would come when I'd consumed enough for it to hit my brain. Once triggered, it didn't seem like I could ever let that thought go. I focused on it and the feelings intensified to the point that I broke my promise to myself not to drink that day and again succumbed to the craving. And I did that almost every day for years.

When I see that glass of red wine now, I'll have a flash of memory of what it used to mean to me but is quickly replaced by thoughts of how amazing it was that I could consume that volume of fluid in a few hours, how it now smells bad to me, and what a mess that stuff made of my life. Feelings of desire have been replaced by feelings of revulsion (and gratitude to be free) - simply because because I think about that glass with red liquid differently now.

When my grandson who is 4 sees a glass of wine or a can of beer, he essentially has no thoughts about them and so no feelings of desire or revulsion. He sees them as the neutral things they really are. Once having gone through addiction, I'm not sure I'll ever make it back to that point of total neutrality but that's ok. What I think now reminds me of where I never want to be again.