Newbies Nest

[Change]

Re: Newbies Nest

I feel alone and like the only weird one who can’t drink while with others who all are

Oh no, no, no Slo! You've got it all wrong.. You should be enjoying "show". You'll notice the night deteriorate as time goes by It gets a bit old though and a well planned exit strategy for these occassions is a must.

as i seemed to read the same page when i was drunk

Oh, lolll. You gave me a good laugh :congratulatory:

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Way to go, Fin. I'm very glad to see you back and strong in your quit, equipped with tools. There are some examples of long-term sobriety all over this site. We're here for you if you need. I don't know the AA steps, but step one for me was admitting I had a problem and ACCEPTING the fact that I couldn't drink alcohol and have the life I want. That was big.

Change - you may be bored at first (I read so many sober blogs and books, it was ridiculous), but I concur with Ava - you fill up that time quickly once your brain heals a bit. Now I really don't know how I had the time to drink, and the ability to function at all. My work and relationships have totally changed for the better since I quit - and have filled up my life. You got this!

Slo, I still think fondly of alcohol even five years later, and then the reality comes to me, and I hate it again. Like those little stuffed animals that look so cute and then their eyes turn angry and fangs grow out. I LOVED alcohol and that release that one cocktail brought me, but I was forever chasing that feeling, never to find it again in the night. I think you have a healthy "stand back and assess" attitude right now, and when you get done with that assessment you'll change. At least that was my experience.

LC - how's it going with your dad?
Nar - hope you're staying warm up there. Actually, all you middle-US people, I hope you're staying indoors and warm.
NS - thanks for the videos.

Happy Tuesday,
Pav

[Moffit]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi,
Just poking my nose in to say Hello and wish everyone a happy sober Tuesday!

:newhere:

Mofffit

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Welcome Moffitt, we love newbies!

Another warm one here. It still weirds me out that we are sweltering while some of you guys are freezing your butts off.

Going to the quit smoking clinic that the hospital where i work runs. Freebies are always good i say. Day 12 and plodding along but the Phil concert will be a challenge. It will be nice though not to have to rush outside to get a fag in and always a positive not to be looked at like i am a leper. Some days are better than others but it was the same with drinking.

Slo, i still feel weird not drinking and i still occasionally get pressured to drink but at the end of the day i know i cant have one. Im the rose between 100 thorns when i dont drink, well i think that!

Pav, i had a chuckle with the lovely cute stuffed toys turning vicious. Love it.

well back to the grind. take care xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

SLO, your post made me think about something.
Right now, I am sensitive when I hear a child call for his ‘Daddy’. I am sensitive because I learned in June that the man who raised me isn’t my bio dad. Right now, that is a very sore subject. When my weight is up, I’m sensitive to what others ‘CAN’ eat around me. I’m stunned when these skinny folks can order dessert with impunity. When I was in Pittsburgh, last week, I was sensitive because I was the oldest salesperson at my table. When I was quitting drinking, I was really sensitive to people around me that drank. Instead of being resentful of these people who seems to have what I don’t at that moment in time, I’m trying to be grateful that I have so many things that others will never have. I am very blessed. There will always be people who have more blessings than I do, and many more who have considerably less. I’m trying to stay present and be grateful. I’m certainly not happy that alcoholism found its way to my life, but I am so grateful that I have been able to do something about it. It has made me a stronger, more confident person.
Thank you for making me think of these things. Have a great evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Chilly & snowing around here, just as predicted. The real cold temps arrive overnight. It will only be 4F tomorrow evening, yikes!!!

Hello & welcome Moffit, glad you decided to visit the nest. I'd say we're a nice bunch around here, settle in for as long as you like

NS, I looked at the video, thanks. Believe it or not this neck pain started in the spring of 1974 - came out of nowhere. An osteopathic physician saw me at work & he snuck up behind me & 'cracked' my neck.....with no warning!!!! Then he gave me an Rx for Parafon Forte which put me to sleep so I couldn't take it, ha ha!! Anyway, my neck just acts up every now & then, so annoying. That extremely expensive pillow I just bought & used last night for the first time is nice - it's a 3 in 1 so you can adjust it to meet your needs.

Slo, how were the hamburgers?

Change, have you written out your plan? Don't wait for wishes or luck to get you thru a hard time. Have your tools handy, cover all your triggers (HALT). Plan to succeed!

Pav, acceptance was truly difficult, I completely agree.

Ava, I'll b happy to share some of this cold air with you.

I made a giant pot of dairy free cream of mushroom soup today ~ yum
Hello to everyone & wishing a safe & comfy night in the nest for all.

Lav

[Change]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Pav, Moffit, Available, Byrdlady, Lavande and anybody else I may not have included!

Day 3 of no acl and Day 1 of no sugar. I've got to say, the giving up of sugar is way harder than alc for me. Had two major cravings today, but replaced it with some cardio at the gym. Yay "team me"

@ Pav: Happy Wednesday

@ Moffit: Welcome :thumbsup:

@ Available: It's great that your work runs a free de-lepering program for smokers! How was the Phil Collins concert? I reckon "easy lover" would be a great song live..

@ Byrdlady: That sounds like s shock to find out about your dad and it will probably take some time to process. Kudos for being grateful. Gratitude towards health is a good thing.

@ Lavande: Sorry to hear about your neck pain. It sounds like it's been an ongoing thing.. I'm sure you've gone down the path of physiotherapy? I'm sure surgery is the last option for people in these cases.

Thank you for the mention of a "plan". It is definately something i need to do. Will look into the tools thread when I get a chance.

Take care everyone.

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

I really need to check in here. I've been 'dabbling'...not big drunk episodes but toying with the idea that I can handle 'a little'. yeah, I can blame stressful situations if I wanted to (like catching my daughter and boyfriend in the middle of 'doing it'), but that just doesn't fly and I know it. drinking to those things only makes things worse. Today is Jan 30, and as I will call this day 1, when I get to day 30 it will be the last day in February and the beginning of spring as I see it. I need to stay accountable. I have been lurking, but not enough. I need to build that AF free muscle again.

Hi to everyone. I'm off to read, catch up and gain some perspective.

[Slo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back, change & Moffit! Good to have you posting here!

Ava, that sounds like a great idea to get some extra support from the free smoking cessation clinic at work.

Lav, the hamburgers were a little cold by the time they got here, but better than having to cook!
But not as cold as the weather, which is presently a dangerous -24 degrees F out there, with a “feels like -51F”!

I get what you’re saying, Byrdie. There’s a lot of other things that can make us different, and a lot of other types of losses & maladies to have. I often say to myself, when I think of 3 women I know in their 50s & 60s who have dementia, that I’ll take alcoholism over Alzheimer’s any day! Thanks for the reminder.

I actually do very well now in regular life and in minimal drinking situations like restaurants. I don’t get cravings during normal life, and am completely grateful that AL is no longer in my life. That’s why I’m surprised that these party situations still up-end me. But I’m making progress.

Thanks for the funny & useful visuals, Pav & Ava! -the lure of an alcoholic drink being like a cuddly stuffed animal that grows fangs & horns, and instead of being the odd one out who can’t drink, being a rose among 100 thorns! ha ha

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,hi Bellegirl,great to see you we know drinking doesnt help yet still think its going to,its such a liar to us,hope your day 1 is easy,ive had ok day 1's and some not so ok,i cringe thinking about it Change,how are things going? I wonder how Phil does "Easy lover" without the other guy who sang it with him? Great song Ava,the pigeon is still hanging out in a box,he's eating and drinking water but no other improvement Slo,be safe in that weather! Theyre saying people shouldnt even go out in it,no way could i live back east,up north or down south hsha,Byrdie,loved that post,waves to everyone and have a happy AF day!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-hung Wednesday Morning, Nesters!

:welcome: to [MENTION=3075]Change[/MENTION] and [MENTION=24314]Moffit[/MENTION]! It's great to have you here in the Nest.. just in case you haven't already found it, here's a link to the Toolbox. There is so much good reading there, advice, support, ideas..https://www.mywayout.org/community/j...-tool-box.html.. Like the others have said, Acceptance has been the most important thing for me, changing my mindset, taking alcohol completely off the table as an option, finding gratitude for all of the things I GET from sobriety.. peace of mind, time, clear skin and eyes, NO more headaches or hangovers, clarity, good sleep, the ability to listen and make good decisions, etc. This is a very short list. The second most important thing for me has been to follow through on the promise to myself to check in here each and every day and to post like a maniac, especially if I feel unsure or uneasy or want to drink or if there's even a shimmer that I might want to, basically every day, twice a day!.. I come here FIRST and write it out, I read back on the years of experience and I choose to believe what they say.. Even if I don't feel it at the moment, I BELIEVE that life is better in the long run.. so much better than I can imagine until I give myself the chance to experience it myself. One day at a time, I'm proving it to myself, which feels really good.

Fin, it's really good to see you here in the nest! 65 day is great.. I think one step a month at AA sounds like a solid plan- good for you for finding the extra support you need and want!

Kensho, I'm glad to hear that your neck pain is subsiding. It sounds like you have some experience dealing with it when it occurs.. here's to strengthening our bodies and taking care of ourselves. It's been a long time coming for me and it's difficult to take it slowly! But after years of mis-use I know that slow and steady is the answer. I haven't yet listened to the cd's (I knew I wouldn't have the opportunity here) but I am so looking forward to beginning next week when I'm home. Thank you again for sending them..

Ava, I know you'll have a wonderful time at the concert! I hope the not smoking won't be as difficult as you're anticipating.. do you have any sort of "substitute" to use in such situations? minty gum is all I can imagine, but I have no idea. I've heard more Phil Collins the past 2 weeks, driving around in the car, listening to the 80's on 8 radio station. One of my favourite things to do here, as I don't have a car or a radio at home.. the simple pleasures!:happy2:

Wags, belated congrats on 2.5 years! What an accomplishment.. I hope you had a nice 3 days off and that you were able to completely side step that cold!

Byrdie, so happy to hear you starting to feel better.. I know it isn't the best way to take time off, but sometimes it's what our bodies have to do to keep us at home and in bed! I know that's happened to me many times. Great post with regards to staying present and being grateful for our blessings... even the very basic things, food and shelter, that every person should have.. I'm so grateful for, as there's a down and out, hopeless feeling homeless person with just a shopping cart or backpack and a sign on almost every corner here. At the moment I feel so fortunate that my problem is one I have complete control over.. simple, but not easy (as we all know!), but simple. Choose anything other than alcohol and my life improves! So I'm counting my blessings for my family, my girls, my job, my friends, you all!, my warm home, enough food, my health, my cats, my healing brain, the list goes on and on..

Well now I've run out of time.. I wanted to respond to all of the great posts and I have all of you in my mind! We're heading on a road trip up north for the day... I've decided to just accept how my dad is and enjoy the time we have together. I know that I can't change him.. I can change the time that we have our weekly phone call so that it's his morning and he's drinking a coffee instead of alcohol. He's told me so many stories this time and I will make notes. I've decided to come once a year now to visit on my own.. I've been able to be completely present with my parents.. there's so much I didn't know about their lives and still don't and I'm at a point where I want to make the connections. We never know how much time we have to share. I appreciate so much all that you've shared here with regards to aging parents and alzheimers, NS, Lav, Pav, Slo.. thank you.

Big shout out and love to all of you.. [MENTION=24301]Feebee[/MENTION], I've been thinking about you..xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi All:

A quick check in for me.

Byrdie - LOVE that post. So true that in comparing ourselves with others we're missing the greatness that is us!

Work is a bit stressful right now. I've been having to give feedback to someone about something she just doesn't see, and it is upsetting for her - and she still doesn't see it. I am learning a lot about managing people with this one!

Slo - I can't believe those temperatures. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be out in that cold. Take care!

Gotta run. Happy SOBER Hump Day.
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi [MENTION=3075]Change[/MENTION] ! Great work! I admire your no-sugar-ing… I had to replace alcohol with sugar at first to stop drinking. Turns out, I have a sugar addiction that was definitely fueled by wine.

NS - thanks for the neck stretch video. I am in the office today and will have a chance to take a look.

LAV, how can a pillow be “adjustable”? I am dying to know.

Belle, stick around here! I was never able to dabble for long, until my old habits kicked in. Once wired, those connections never fully go away I think. My daughter is 9 - and I can only imagine seeing what you saw - UF! Hang in there! Have you talked with her about safety and such?

PAV, I agree that acceptance is HUGE. It is where everything turned around for the better. Understanding that drinking would NEVER give me the life I want - instead of hoping that it could be different if I tweaked this or that - allowed me to shut the door. Hard, but necessary!

I’m working from home today. Taxes and such. Thanks for reminding me to be grateful for what blessings I have Byrdie!

Have a great day everyone!

[Moffit]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome.

A bit about myself:
2006 was the lowest point in my life and gratefully I found this forum. It saved my life.
I was here by a different name and I left in 2014 for various reasons, but one of the major ones was most of my friends/support group here were leaving as well.

I carried on, trying to manage my drinking without success, pretty much concluding that this was how it was going to be. Ongoing, forever.

Until December 2018, I was prescribed medication for nerve pain that has quelled my craving for booze. I looked up this site for information and was pleased to see people still posting here.

I found some of my old posts and decided to ditch that Name because of the pain and sadness I associate with with that time. I have healed, I have grown, I am no longer that person.

So here I am, new and hopeful with the support of this family that I can finally let go of this vice that disables me from living a full life.

Happy Wednesday :happy2:
Moffit

[Change]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters! Well, it's morning here

Had a very broken sleep last night, which I am putting down to the sugar condition. Woke up from the weird sleep feeling pretty "low", but I know it is part of the sugar withdrawal process. Am still eating some fruit (perhaps equivilant to one piece per day) and allow myself to have 1/4-1/2 tsp in a decaf or chai tea. I think eventually I will go 100% sugar free for a while, but am building up to it. Maybe some time next week. Have been reading about how the brain needs to reset. Interesting reads on it here: Quitting sugar

@ Bellegirl: We all know that dabbles don't work! Congratulations on Day 1 and for reaching out and thinking about this actively. It sounds like you've had some triggers lately, but something I am realising is that we need to replace our old coping mechanisms with new coping mechanisms. Would it help you to make a list of "triggers" and then next to each one, in another column list the "strategies" that you might take? Eg, if a trigger is anxiety, you could put "five minutes of self-talk" as your strategy, where you will talk to yourself, address the anxiety and rationalise your way through it?

I believe that all those years of alc abuse (there, I said it!) puts us in a cocoon where we think we are protecting ourselves from the realities of life, but we are really cutting ourselves off from challenges and more importantly, from developing the coping and resilience mechanisms that we need to get through these things.

@ Pavati: Management! Management of people is the hardest thing sometimes! Especially if it's something you've had to initiate and she hasn't necessarily asked for it. Some of the most experienced managers I have encountered use an indirect method whereby they weave "instructions" into seemingly informal conversations outside of supervision time. I find that giving examples of what may happen if the procedure etc is not followed could also be effective, eg, so that they see the consequences without it being "threatening" as such. Sometimes, even asking questions and letting them come to their own conclusions can be effective, although it depends on the situation and seriousness of the supervision. I guess you've got to show on paper that you are doing your "job" so that it doesn't come back on you either.

I have a colleague that is very good at "managing" people. She is not above or below me in rank, but looks upon every colleague as a person that needs to be "managed" rather than befriended. I see this logic, but because I am quite astute, I know what she is doing and it sometimes annoys me, although I let it "go" and realise this is a skill I would like to develop.

Well, I hope everyone is cruising along okay today and I will be back later.